Don't be Scared Little Alchemist

Sorry for my awful spelling in this... well I don't actually know if it's awful because oddly enough, my spellchecker appears to have quite literally dissapeared from my word processor thingy- the single weirdest thing ever to happen to my compter aside from my 'shut down' tab myseriously vanishing...

Chapter 6

After waking up at a ridiculous hour from my peacful little spirit dream with Sydney, I was beyond restless for the rest of the night. Upon waking, I realised that I'd stupidly forgotten to ask Lissa if she knew anything about getting pulled into peoples dreams by accident. I doubted she'd know much about it since as far as I knew she still wasn't exactly a master when it came to dream walking, but it still might've been worth getting her input.

Out of all of yesterdays events, the last thing I'd been thinking about was my out of control powers. My mind was reeling with images of Rose and Dimitri, taunting me. They were getting married, she was getting married, I'd never have another chance with her... not that I ever really thought I would. From the day she looked me right in the eyes and told me she wasn't the one for me, I knew we'd never be together again. I could see how much she loved Belikov all along, it was in every expression on her face, in everything she said to me, in every kiss we ever shared. Memories of that day flooded back to me, her words pelting me, cutting into me like razorblades. What a load of absolute crap she told me. Only Rose could have the guts to use cheesy break-up lines on the guy who's heart she ripped out, stomped all over and then just left there without even cleaning up all the mess she made, all the metaphorical blood she spilled.

My train of thought was interupted by what sounded like a knock at the window. I tried my best to ignore it, it was probably just some bird that was stupid enough to fly into the side of the house. I pulled my covers up over my head, blocking out as much light as I could- even with dark curtains to block out most of the sun's rays', sleeping in the day was still far harder than I imagined it would be at night. That's when I heard it again.

Reluctantly, I jumped out of bed and staggered over to the window. For once, I hadn't gone to bed drunk... well not as much as usual anyway and I was surprised how clear my head felt for once. Clear aside from all the 'Rose-business' and the low, tired hum of spirit. At least it was giving me a break for once. I clumsily flung the curtains open, flinching a little as I felt the sun hot on my skin. It was the middle of the day, not an ideal time for Moroi to be up and around. From what I could see, nobody was at the window, everything was just as it always was. What a waste of a two metre walk. I was just about to turn around and go back to bed when I was suddenly ambushed by several small stones, hitting the window and bouncing off onto the driveway. I came closer to the window, peering downwards at the ground below to find out who the culprit was... Sydney.

Not only was it the last thing I would ever expect for Sydney to come and find me rather than vice-versa, but it was even stranger how cliche she was being about it. Having said that, her face hardly expressed dreamy, romantic admiration like any other person throwing rocks at someones window would- oh no. She looked just as irritated as she usually did. I was beginning to wonder if she was always genuinely pissed off or if that was just how she naturally looked...

Either way, I couldn't help but admire how the sunlight complimented her appearance, reflecting beautifully off of her golden blonde hair and complimenting her skin tone- pale but nowhere near pale enough to be Moroi. I swung my window open, leaning out slightly and grinning down at her. Her face didn't brighten, but I never expected it would.

"You took your time" she said. I ignored her criticism and began an entirely new conversation, I couldn't be doing with bantering with her when I was so tired.

"Well this is romantic" I observed, my smile never leaving my face. "I'm impressed little Alchemist." She scowled at the nickname I kept using against her will. "Do you think you could've picked a better time than midday, though?"

"You needed someone" she stated, her voice surprisingly gentle, her expression softening- maybe she did just look annoyed for no reason all the time. "I could tell from the dream, your hurting." She continued to gaze up at me, her chocolate eyes boreing into my soul as though she was reading my mind, all my deepest secrets.

"Not hurting exactly..." I countered, trying to keep up my brave front. I tended to do that, I rarely liked to seem like anything more than a carefree ladies man/ bad boy. "... much" I finished quietly. Sydney gave a little sympathetic sigh accompanied by a look of compasion I suspected she rarely showed to anyone. I suppose we were similar in that sense, we both liked to lock our emotions up, pretend to be something we weren't.

"Come out here" she offered, "we can go for a walk or something, try and take your mind off of things." Before now I'd clearly had no idea how much this girl must've genuinely cared about me. I mean sure, she'd known about my spirit dreams all along and agreed to a bet she knew she couldn't win just so she could go on a date with me, but this was different. It wasn't just some jokey 'I-kinda-like-you-and-wanna-get-to-know-you-a-little' gesture, this was an 'I-really-care-about-you-and-wanna-make-sure-you're-okay' type of thing, which I personally much preferred. There was, however, one tiny problem.

"Did you forget it's the middle of the night for me?" I laughed, "it's too hot out there, the sun's up too high." She rolled her eyes and mumbled something that sounded like 'stupid vampires'. I guess when she said she was sorry about being prejudice towards me she meant that she just wouldn't do it to my face anymore... and I guess that somehow excluded mumbling mean stuff under her breath when she thought I wasn't listening.

"Will it kill you?" she questioned, her trademark tone of irritation creeping back into her words.

"No..."

"Well then just this once I'm sure you can bear it... plese Adrian I drove all the way out here just to make sure you were okay." Was she guilt-tripping me? Seriosuly? Never-the-less I couldn't help but feel a little flattered that she'd do something like that for me, that is of course if she actually did it. For all I knew she could've just been driving through the neighbourhood and gotten a random, uncontrolable urge to throw gravel at my window multiple times... although that would've been pretty odd.

"Okay, okay" I sighed, giving in with far less of a battle than I would've usually done, "just gimme a second and I'll be down..." With that, I closed up the window and the curtains, changed into my favourite blue skinnies and plain grey chuck on t-shirt (the most casual outfit I own by a long shot), didn't even bother with my hair for the first time in my life and then quietly left the house. All in the space of less then 5 minutes- a new record in the challenging sport of 'how-long-Adrian-Ivashkov-takes-to-get-ready', bypassing my old personal best by about forty minutes... maybe even fifty.

Despite the winter weather and Sydney wearing the long black coat she'd been wearing the other night, I didn't feel the cold during the day, especially when the sun was out like this. It made eveything too hot, every step a struggle.

"That was quick" the Alchemist stated, falling into step with me as we walked down the road. I simply laughed and nodded in respone, yet again amazed how she always seemed to know what was on my mind. We walked on in a comfortable silence for a while, not needing any words to appreciate each others company. I liked that Sydney didn't talk too much, it helped me relax in a way that made all my problems near enough vanish- unlike with Rose who talked pretty much 24/7. However, it was only a little while before my companion spoke up again.

"You know, she messed me around too..."

"Huh?" I questioned.

"Rose" Sydney explained, "she abandoned me when I needed her, the gaurdians were questioning me like crazy and she just got what she needed and ran for it. I don't see why she couldn't have at least taken me with her... I was so scared, I didn't know what they were going to do with me. Would they've killed me for helping her and Dimitri? Rose supposedly killed the Queen after all..." I watched as she trailed off, no doubt thinking about what it'd been like back in those days. I often thought about it too, though for me the memories were mostly happy ones. Come to think of it, in the middle of all that drama I'd had a pretty good run, just hanging out safely at court while Rose, Dimitri and Sydney were on the run...

"Of course, I was released as soon as her name was cleared" she finished, "we haven't spoken since... and now she wants me to be a bridesmaid! Mixed messages or what?" I gave a sarcastic little chuckle.

"She wants me to go" I said, "that's bad enough after what she did... that woman's been nothing but trouble ever since I met her."

"And yet you still love her" stated Sydney. She could see it like she could see so much of me just by looking at my face. She could read me like a book, but this time I don't think she was expecting my reply.

"Loved" I corrected, "I've been doing a lot of thinking..." I struggled to find a way to form the last part of my sentence, but it still came out messy and unclear. "I guess I do love her... but at the same time I don't. I mean, I love her because she's her, but at the same time I hate the things she does and the way she makes me feel. And it hit me- shouldn't love be happy? If I really loved her, would I support all her choices? Accept her relationship and not be jealous?"

"No one should accept what she did to you" Sydney chimed in, staring up at me and listening intently. Without realising it, we'd stopped walking when we reached the park we'd met up in before our date. I gestured for her to follow me and we sat ourselves down on a grassy bank, still slightly wet from last nights frost.

"Still" I continued, "I almost did accept it- for a little while- last night. I was almost happy for them and then later on I hugged Rose and it didn't feel the same. I'm just so confused. Did I accept her marriage because I love her and I'm happy because she's happy or because I don't love her anymore? Do I only think I love her because I'm so used to it and I keep telling myself I do or do I really?... I don't know, and this darn spirit's making it worse!" It was true, I was beginning to ramble, my thoughts becoming even more messed up than they were when I was intoxicated.

"What's it like? Spirit?" Sydney questioned, her eyes full of curiosity and wonder.

"It's like..." I began, searching for the right words, "It's enough to make you want to die to be bluntly honest. It takes over your life, makes you crazy, not yourself. Sometimes I feel fine, I feel me... but other times it's like I'm so far away, so detatched from myself that I can't control my own words and actions. Sure, the powers are cool: dreamwalking- obviously- seeing aura's and reading emotions, great charisma skills, amazing complusion no matter how wrong it is, healing wounded and sick people, even bringing people back from the dead! But... it's just not worth it. All the powers in the world wouldn't be worth the side effects, nothing on Earth would be enough to make up for it." It took me a while to realise that somewhere during my semi-spirit-induced speech, Sydneys hand had intertwined with mine, sending a feeling of an unspoken understanding all through my body. I shifted closer to her, glad she didn't take to her old habits and flinch away.

"I don't feel like myself anymore" I stated, blankly gazing off into the distance. "I hate it. So, so much." I laid back into the grass while my companion stayed sitting, never once letting go of my hand.

"I wish there was something I could do to help" she told me, "but I'm just a human, magic's not exactly within my field of experience." I giggled a little at this, the sound coming out weird and strangled due to my laying down position.

"You do enough" I told her with a casual nod. "You listen, you try and understand. That's more than most people do."

"Besides Queen Vasilisa" she pointed out. She really did know everything about me.

"Sometimes I think she's even more out of control than I am" I said, still hating how off she'd seemed last night. I couldn't help but worry about her. As always, Sydney seemed to sense my worry and lay down beside me.

"She'll be fine" she stated, "and so will you. I promise. I know things." I could see in her eyes that she genuinely believed that.

"How do you know all this stuff anyway?" I questioned, lightening my tone and turning onto my side so I was facing her.

"For me to know and you to wonder..." she giggled, a jokey, false sense of mystery around her words. She turned on her side just as I had, propping her head up on her free hand as I did the same.

"I'll get it out of you some day" I stated. As I looked at the girl before me, I couldn't help but take notice of her aura. It was so bright that it appeared as though she herself was glowing, radiating happiness all around her. I knew that aura, I'd only ever seen it once- on Rose and Dimitri after they slept together at that hotel...

"Can I ask you something?" I said, getting more serious though still keeping my tone light.

"Sure" replied Sydney, not sure what to expect. I knew my guardians would hate me for this, but something in the back of my mind was telling me it was the right thing to do, even if she was a human and an Alchemist. Thats a double taboo, right there. I was going to make a point of showing the snooty royal society that race and class didn't matter, even Lissa being queen hadn't managed to change their minds.

"Well, you see" I began, "incase you haven't noticed over these past few weeks, I've got a bit of a thing for you... and by 'thing' I mean... well I don't really know, my head's a mess." She chuckled a little at this but allowed me to continue anyway. "I know I haven't really got my feelings about Rose straight yet, but to be completely open with you, you make me really happy. Like... I dunno I don't feel as crazy or depressed when you're around. I can be myself I guess... as soppy as all this sounds, I was wondering if maybe you'd consider... like officially getting together." Oh man, I was messing this up! Since when did I find it hard to ask a girl out?

"You mean like boyfriend/ girlfriend?" she asked, her face seemingly expressionless.

"You could call it that" I chuckled. I waited a moment for her to consider her reply, but I took the fact that she was still holding my hand as a good sign. "But Sydney" I added, not failing to notice how her face seemed to light up when I used her real name instead of one of my nicknames. "You have to realise that I'm not over Rose yet..."

"I understand" she stated, "I don't expect you to be, but if you need me around I'll help out in any way I can, even if you are vampire." I was impressed that she didn't say an 'evil creature' or something. "Will it help you if I accept?" she questioned, "will it help you get over her? Help you deal with spirit?".

I nodded. "Sydney, I do care about you, you know, I'm not just using you to get over Rose. Just because I'm not over her, it doesn't mean I don't feel something for you too. Rose is getting married. I need to move on." The Alchemist just stared at me, searching my eyes for any signs of lying. I shuffled closer to her, making the small gap between us even smaller.

"Need convincing?" I asked, my flirty voice subconciously cutting through the serious mood I'd set. Sydney hesitated, adjusting herself to the smaller space, before nodding. It was all I needed. I leaned in, closing the tiny gap remaining between our lips. She took less time to react this time, kissing me back just as egarly as I kissed her. I removed my hand from hers, sliding it gently up her arm and all the way to the back of her neck, feeling her shiver under my touch as I did. Lost in the moment, I gently rolled her over so that I was kneeling over her, straddling her legs with my own. I ran my hands through her hair, down her sides, pretty much everywhere to be honest- we were lucky barely anyone was around. All the while she gripped on to my shirt, not wanting me to let go. Unfortunaley, I had to.

I pulled back, brushing some stray hairs out of her face as I did. I watched as she smiled up at me kindly, her aura practically blinding me.

"Believe me now?" I questioned before dropping a quick kiss onto her forehead. Completely out of her usual character, Sydney shook her head and attempted a near-perfect re-creation of my trademark flirty smile/voice combination... copier...

"Not quite" she said, "maybe I need a bit more persuading..." She didn't even have to ask. Before she even knew what was going on, my lips crashed into hers more pasionately than ever before, my tongue gently running across them, egarly asking for enterance without being too demanding. After all, Sydney was still getting used to the idea of so much as accepting vampires, let alone making out with one. Clearly, she was getting used to me far quicker than I thought and before I knew it our tongues were locked in a fierce battle for dominance. Very lightly and very slowely she licked one of my fangs causing me to let out a small moan, unable to hold it back. I swear, if we weren't in the middle of a public park... well I'm not gonna go into it.

While I was kissing her, I couldn't help but remember a conversation I'd had with Rose long ago. She'd said that she didn't balance me, that when I found someone who did I would know what she meant. I wondered if this was it, if Rose was right. Sydney and I were so alike, yet so different. She was serious, shy and scared and I was loud, outgoing and confident, but underneath it all, we both hid one thing: sadness. It balanced... so I suppose she balanced me... in a way. I wasn't really sure what Rose was on about at the time, but it was starting to make sense. She and Dimitri were opposites. He was in control, serious and stoic and she was impulsive, crazy and vibrant... yet they were both determined and dedicated to their jobs. It matched. Perfectly.

"What do you two think you're doing! Kids today, honestly!" came the voice of an old man near by, distracting me from my thoughts and causing me to pull away from Sydney. We both looked over to him as stood there shaking his walking stick in the air in fury. It was a pretty hilarious sight to say the least. Soon enough he rolled his eyes and hobbled off down the road. I took one glance back at the girl below me and caught a sparkle in her eyes. The next thing I knew, we were in stitches laughing about the man, so much so that I rolled off of her onto my back and had to clutch my stomach to stop it aching. It was the first time I'd ever heard Sydney laugh, properly laugh I mean. I'm not going to say it was 'ever so beautiful' because no one really ever means that. Laugher's a strange sound at best, but it sure was contagious. However, hearing her laugh filled me with warmth, made me feel good. Seeing her so happy made me forget all my worries, even if only for a little while.

"So" I said catching my breath, "I really hope you believe me now because I don't wanna risk having that guy come over here again and beat us to death with his walking stick."

"Yes I believe you" she said, still giggling to herself. "Oh, and yes to being your girlfried too... you're an okay guy Ivashkov, especially-"

"Thank you" I stated, cutting her off, "you don't need to say any more... just thank you. Not many people would go out with a guy who was still stuck on some bride-to-be..." Trailing off, I kissed her once more, softly and quickly this time- partly to create a sweet moment and partly because I genuinely believed that that guy's walking stick might actually be lethal.

One thought still played at the back of my mind, even in this moment of happiness... what on Earth were Eddie and Gareth going to think...

xx