Don't be Scared Little Alchemist

Once again- apologies for the spelling!

Chapter 8

Needless to say, the whole event with Lissa had put me on edge a bit. I mean, it isn't every day the harsh truth that you're going to lose your mind and probably try to kill yourself at some point in the near future hits you in the face with all the force of a ton of bricks. I knew I was fighting a battle with spirit, I just didn't realise how easily it could win until now. Seeing Lissa in such a state had shattered my heart- the heart I'd only recently finished glueing back together.

Eddie came striding into the living room where I was sprawled out on the sofa, the telephone in his hand and a liquor bottle mine.

"She's back on the anti-depressants" he reported, holding the phone up to indicate that he'd just been speaking on it, probably to Rose. "She doesn't like the idea, but Rose and Christian managed to persuade her eventually."

"Man... she must really hate not being in touch with her magic" I replied, trying to fathom what it would feel like to have the magic there but be unable to touch it. As much as I hated spirit, I couldn't imagine living without it, part of me craved it just as I'm sure other Moroi craved use of their safer elemental powers.

"She does" Eddie confirmed, "but she's dealing with it. She has to really, no good having another Queen die on us." It took Eddie a while to realise the impact of his words. The Queen before Lissa had been my great aunt. I didn't love her exactly, but she'd treated me well, she'd wanted the best for me. "Sorry" he quickly apologised. I waved a hand, dismissing the conversation.

"I'd much rather you apologised for treating me like a four year old" I said lazily, feeling pretty drunk. Not surprising since this was quite possibly my fifth drink that evening. I felt even more need to keep spirit away after what I'd seen today. The hurt came through in my words and Eddie was quick to notice.

"Look" he said, taking a seat on what little of the sofa I wasn't lead out on. "I get that you don't like us treating you like a kid, but... what choice do we have? I don't even want to think about something bad happening to you, I can't imagine it... but it happens. Even to the best of us. I've seen a lot in my short 20 years, Adrian, things that still haunt me now..." I could tell what he was talking about immediately- Spokane. His best friend Mason had been killed by Strigoi. Rose probably still beat herself up about it, constantly worrying that it'd been her fault like she always used to, but part of me blamed myself. If I could've been stronger, held on to her dream for just a second longer, just long enough for her to finish her sentence and tell me where they were, I could've saved them. Sure, she'd woken up, but while the dream was fading out, just a little more power on my part could've gotten her last few words out. "Mason died at the clutches of Strigoi and he was a Dhampir- he'd been training for it all his life" continued Eddie. It was clear how much this subject pained him to talk about. "What do you think you- a Moroi- could do against them?" I knew it was a rhetorical question.

Since it was now acceptable for Moroi to use their powers for defense, someone who weilded magic that could be used in such a way could do so. Fire users like Christian were particularly good at it since fire was deadly to Strigoi... well and pretty much every other living creature on the planet. I personally wouldn't wanna get on the wrong side of Christian! But me? A spirit user? What could I do? Spirit could do a whole bunch of cool stuff- just nothing very useful in a life or death situation, unless of course you had the time and energy to heal someone or bring them back to life which I for one didn't- actually, I wasn't physically capable of it. Of course, there was always the option of staking them and turning them back into what they were before, but I didn't even know how to charm a stake, let alone use one! A last resort of course would be either running away (difficult when your apponent's 10 times faster than you) or physically fighting back. Sure, I could probably put up a fair fight against a weaker human or a Moroi, but I couldn't even put a scratch on a Dhampir let alone a Strigoi. I'd be useless. End of.

"Nothing" I sighed, defeated and tired. "I couldn't do anything. I'd die."

"And I can't let that happen" concluded Eddie. "You're not just my charge, you're my best friend. Do you have any idea what it's like to lose your best friend? I can't go through that again." His words made sense, but there was still one thing that didn't quite fit.

"So" I began, "if you want me to be safe, then why do you still hate me being with Sydney?" I shut all traces of anger out of my voice as much as I could, desperate to lighten the mood and hopefully warm Eddie up to the crazy (or actually not so crazy considering I never really understood why it was so wrong to date a human) idea of me dating an Alchemist. "I mean, if I'm not allowed to be with her then I have no choice but to sneak out. I'm not gonna stop seeing her, might as well get it approved before something bad happens."

He seemed to consider it for a while, thinking it through- whatever there really was to think about. We'd covered all this before. What the hell could he still object to?

"Ok" he finally said, "fine. Date her. Whatever. Just don't go off without me and Gareth ever again. We were so freaking worried!" I had to admit- I completely understood why Eddie would be overprotective towards me, but he didn't have to have such a parental attitude. I thought I'd had the last of that when I finally escaped the clutches of my actual parents!

"And" he continued, "I'll lay off the naggy parent stuff if you promise not to do anything as stupid as what you did today." The boy could read my mind. I simply smiled in appreciation, too tired to carry on this conversation now. It took every ounce of strength in my body to stop my eyelids closing, and even then they still fluttered shut every few seconds. I was practically in dreamland already

"I need to sleep" I stated, already drifting off, "I've been up since like... midday. And I-" Between my extreme tiredness and the amount I'd drank I honestly couldn't stay awake a second longer. I fell asleep right there, right then. Mid-sentence. How embaressing. After the amount of intoxication I'd undergone in the last few hours, I was sure I'd just fall into a nice, peaceful sleep- spirit free. However, drinking hadn't stopped my forced spirit dreams before and apparently it wasn't going to hold them back this time either. Before I could even register what was happening I was back at the park I'd spent the day with Sydney in and (surprise, surprise) she was there, just sitting casually in the grass, staring intently up at the full moon. Good greif, she was beautiful- it was a wonder I hadn't ever told her so.

"Little Alchemist" I greeted with a brief nod, striding over to her.

"I thought we were past that nickname" she said vacantly, her eyes never leaving the silver orb in the sky.

"I'm never past my nicknames" I stated, a part of me recalling how I called Rose 'Little Dhampir' right up until we broke up. 'Now's not the time to be thinking about Rose' I reminded myself, 'you're here with Sydney'. Yes- telling myself off. One of the many, many reasons I thought I was getting crazier by the day. I sat down beside her though slightly further back, just far enough to wrap my arms around her and pull her closer so she was leaning on my chest. I casually dropped a kiss on the top of her head and got brutally attacked by the butterflys in my stomach when she sighed contently. Hehe... butterflys in my stomach. I used to take that phrase so literally when I was younger that I wondered how they got in there... why am I thinking about this now? Okay, change of subject.

"I wish I knew why this kept happening" I mused aloud. "I've always been in control of when I visit someones dreams... but with you it doesn't work that way. I just fall asleep and the next thing I know- here I am."

"Well don't ask me" she chuckled, "incase you didn't realise yet, I'm not exactly an expert on this sort of thing."

"I thought you Alchemists knew everything."

"Oh, no" she replied, "everything we know, we learn from books. We have records of everything in your world- magic, lifestyle, even basic details of every royal Moroi and their guardians. We have to. It's part of the job. The only thing we don't have much information on is-"

"Spirit" I finished. "Which isn't very handy considering it's been quite the issue these past few days." Somehow, learning that the Alchemists got all their information from books was a bit of an anti-climax. Deep down I'd been secretly hoping they were psycic or something...

"How come?" she asked, concern clearly showing all over her face. I sighed as I remembered what I'd seen that day.

"It's Lissa" I said, "she's not well- at all. Her magic just consumed her, she couldn't take it and now she's on anti-depressants to try and keep it away. It's kinda like what I do with the drinking and smoking thing but it means she can't use her magic at all. The frustration can build up if you do that, you can end up worse in the end..." Sydney didn't answer, she probably didn't know how to. She just stared at me meaningfully with those big, brown eyes, wishing so desperately that she could do something to help. I soon spoke up again. "I just wish there was a way to get rid of spirit forever, get so far away your powers that you don't feel the need to use them anymore, free yourself from the madness" I added.

"You don't mean turning Strigoi?" she asked, visibly tensing up at the idea. She may've disliked Moroi and Dhampirs in general, but she was flat out terrified of Strigoi. Who wouldn't be?

"No" I assured her, "but if there was a way to just erase your power it'd be great..." Something seemed to click in her mind, something big. "What is it?"

"I think you might be onto something" she said, "I vaguely remember reading something once..." Even though she trailed off, my mind was reeling. Could the girl who seemed to know just about everything know a way to dissown your powers?... it wouldn't be the craziest thing I'd ever heard! If the Alchemist's knew about it, then why didn't the Moroi? Why didn't the Moroi Queen?

"Okay" she began jumping to her feet, clearly excited by her revealtion, "I'll come over tomorrow evening with a bunch of books and we can figure something out, okay?" I still wasn't exactly sure what she'd meant by all of this, but I trusted her enough to know she wouldn't let me down.

"Of course" I replied as she offered me a hand and helped me up. We were so close, face to face. We just stared at each other for a while, both of our hearts and minds racing at this new discovery.

"Okay, well you can let me out of this dream now" she stated, "I've got to be somewhere. It's day for me remember?"

I chuckled, "sure". I leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before allowing myself to fade back into my own mind and my own dreams- which not too surprisingly, still had Sydney in them.

*Knock Knock*

"Adrain! Get up for crying out loud it's 7pm!" It was Gareth, banging on my door like a crazy person.

I peeped my head out of the covers, just far enough to see the time on the clock on my bedside table. He was right, it wasn't just some trick to get me up so my guardians could drag me off to some boring conference like they had a few weeks ago. I still hadn't fully forgiven them for that, especially since they swore we were going to a nightclub... nastly asshol-

"ADRIAN!" Gosh, what had him so worked up this morning? Or evening... whatever!

"Dude!" I yelled back, "5 more minutes please! Whatever you want me up for can wait!"

"Okay, I'll just tell your girlfriend to leave then..." Crap. I'd completely forgotten that Sydney was coming over- odd since I'd been so excited about the prospect of finding out whatever she thought she knew about giving up your powers... not to mention she'd been on my mind all night. I jumped out of bed and rushed over to the mirror, frantically trying to smooth down any bits of my hair that stuck out insanely- pretty much all of it since I'd only just woken up. I looked a total mess, but then again Sydney had seen me rocking my early morning 'dragged through a hedge backwards and savaged by angry cats' inspired look yesterday. Nothing left to lose really.

"Uh... just send her up" I called, opening my wardrobe and examining the contents. I could at least not be in my pajamas when she arrived!

"To your bedroom?" questioned Gareth, a suggestive hint to his voice. He clearly hadn't expected an answer as he walked away straight after he's spoken. Probably just doing it to wind my up as usual. I pulled on a pair of boxers and dark blue jeans before peeling off my pajama top, completley ignoring his comment. That's Gareth for you- always trying to make everything sound sexual. Wow... he really was exactly how I used to be!

Before I even had a chance to pick out a t-shirt, I heard Gareth's heavy footsteps returning followed by far lighter, almost inaudible ones which I presumed belonged to Sydney. Without any kind of warning, my bedroom door flung open revealing a grinning Gareth and a sligtly uneasy Sydney holding a mountain of books. However, her expression changed when she caught sight of me standing there- my hair insanely messy and my body shirtless. She looked admiring, almost... lustful? Due to Sydney's mostly professional attitude to life, it was hard to imagine she could even get feelings like that and so far I'd only managed to be on the (very enjoyable) recieving end of a teeny tiny fraction of passion from her. Right now- even though she probably wouldn't admit it even if I threatened to rip every single one of those books to shreds- she wanted me... or maybe that was just my natural big ego talking.

"Uhh... come in" I said to her awkwardly, shooting death looks at my irritating guardian who simply winked knowingly. I could kill him sometimes, I really could. Sydney entered the room and dumped all her books down on my bed as Gareth closed the door, muttering something like "you kids have fun" so quietly that Sydney's human ears probably hadn't picked it up. I quickly threw on a loose red t-shirt, going for the casual look for a second day in a row. What was happening to my dress sense!

"Okay" my girlfriend began, suddenly 'all-business'. She appeared to be trying to arrange the books in some sort of sensible order but seemed to be struggling with it. Personally, I wasn't much of a reader, but considering the content that those books could contain and how it could potentially help Lissa, I was willing to make an exception. "I'm not sure which one of these it was in but I've been so busy today that I haven't really had time to check" she continued.

I took a seat beside her and picked up a book, flipping through the pages. It was a book on magic, that much was obvious. Infact, I guessed all of these were on the same subject, thus the point of bringing them. The Alchemists really did know everything, page after page was filled up with more knowlage than a school textbook which made me wonder why Alchemists weren't somehow involved in the Moroi education programme. I suddenly realised that the reason for the amount of information was that offensive spells were also included- some of them were pretty awful. No wonder Sydney had some sort of vampire phobia! Earth magic- 30 pages, air magic- 27 pages, fire magic- 33 pages, water magic- 28 pages... spirit- 4 pages. I think me and Lissa had figured out more than it said in here.

"Found anything?" I asked the girl beside me, taking a second to notice for the first time since she'd arrived how well her t-shirt complimented her hair and skin tone. How was I noticing these things all of a sudden... something told me I never had with Rose, but then again I may have just blanked things like that from my memory in a feeble attempt to forget her. It seemed likely.

"Not ye- WAIT!" she cried, "this is it!" She pointed excitedly at the page, gesturing for me to come over and see. Sure enough, a title reading 'Power Surrender' was sprawled across the page. I could barely believe my eyes. Saving my shocked brain from the burden of actually reading the words, Sydney began to read it out aloud.

"Power Surrender" she began, "the method in which a Moroi may give up his or her powers. This change is irreversible and so had been discouraged in Moroi society for many years. In fact, it has been so neglected that it was outlawed in the 1700's and has been long since forgotten about. Those who know about it keep it quiet for fear that too many others will attempt to reliquish their magical abilities and therefore destroy the ways of their race. The practice of Power Surrender is not simple. It must be completed with great caution, the slightest slip up will result in terrible consequences. However, once the process is completed, the Moroi who has willingly given up their abilities will be able to live a magic free life, fitting in amongst humans far better than ever before and feeling far safer about their own power."

To me, this idea was crazy... but what I'd do to give up spirit forever. It was tempting, but there was so much that I would miss... mostly my little private Spirit dreams with the very girl reading these insane words. She went on to read about how it was done- a ritual including a series of previously unknown spells from a user of each of the four main elements. However, nothing about spirit was mentioned- it didn't even say it would be successful in 'curing' it.

"I suppose" I began, "that if a spirit user was included in the ritual then it would balance out and be able to remove spirit..."

"Maybe" replied Sydney, still looking unsure. "But it still seems risky to me..."

"Hey, no ones saying it's even going to be used" I reassured her, "and I'm sure as hell not even thinking about doing it myself! I'll talk to Lissa about it, let her make the decision. It's her power, not mine."

"True" she shrugged in response, still looking unsure. I shuffled closer to her on the bed, taking her hand and tilting her chin up to look at me. I felt the connection the second we locked eyes, so strong it was as though a physical force was pulling us together. As though it was meant to be. As though everything was perfectly... balanced. Rose's words were making more and more sense each day.

"It'll be okay, I promise" I managed to whisper, our heads already moving towards one another, my breath hitting her face as I spoke, making her shudder. It started off as a sweet, average kiss, but heated up faster than ever before. Tongues danced, hands roamed with minds of their own and before I even knew what I was doing, I pushed her down onto her back- her head landing hard on my pillows- with a strenth and desperation that I even shocked myself with. Apparently, I shocked her too and I took her moment of surprise to successfully dominate this little make out session, clambering on top of her and kissing her everywhere I could reach. For the first time since we'd been together, I actually managed to make her moan- so quietly I thought for a second that I'd imagined it- perhaps confirming my earlier theory about her wanting me. Right now... I really hoped I was right.

I brought my lips back up to hers as her hands found her way up to the hem of my shirt. Without a complaint it the world, I allowed her remove it quickly and easily, chuckling as she admired me once again.

"I knew you were checking me out earlier Little Alchemist" I teased, "I'm just far too much of a gentleman to say anything." She didn't deny anything, she just pulled me back towards her and resumed kissing me where she left off. She moved away from my mouth for a moment, working her way along my jawline. "Not that I blame you" I continued, "I am the sexiest thing in the whole darn...mmmm." I lost all power to speak, even to crack my childish, self-absorbed jokes that I loved so much. All I could feel were Sydney's lips trailing down my jaw, my neck, my torso...

"Why... the sudden... confidence?" I managed to get out. She shifted back up so that her face was level with mine.

"I feel safe around you" she stated, "you've convinced me- not all vampires are evil. You're definitely not." I smiled, just staring down at her, the same thought cropping up in my mind as it did every time I stopped to look at her like this. I kissed her again, far more gentley then before.

"You're so beautiful" I mumbled, "you have no idea. You drive me crazy, Sydney..." I really meant it. Right now- for once in my life- memories of Rose weren't haunting me or holding me back. I still wasn't sure about my feelings for her, but she was the past. This was my present... hopefully my future too.

Sydney smiled up at me warmley, clearly appreciating my words more than she would allow me to know. Before even half a minute had passed, the kissing resumed, getting hotter and heavier than ever. Something told me this was it, this was going to go far, this was going to-

"Whoaaa" came a voice from the doorway, "sorry..." I looked up, mortified. It was Eddie. Great... well at least it wasn't Gareth. If it had been I really would have hell to pay, hell in the form of never ending teasing. I quickly jumped up, grabbing my shirt as I did. Sydney looked like she would just about die of embaressment there and then, covering her face with her hands.

"What's up?" I asked Eddie, still internally cringing. Despite just walking in on what could possibly have turned into a sex scene, Eddie looked like he'd just come back from a funeral. That couldn't be good. Sydney sat up and straightened herself out, ready to listen too, doing her best to hide her ever increasing blush. Eddie looked solemn, delivering his next words in the most depressing voice I'd ever heard him use.

"You'll never guess what I just heard..."

hahahaaaa! Sorry that was evil of me... ah well!

xx