I do not own Naruto. All your review are belong to me. Man, these just keep on getting worse and worse.
Chapter XVI: Two Metric Tons of Sand
Naruto grumbled as he swung his sword in the courtyard, cutting down a dozen shadow clones in the process. The puffs of smoke, however, were not enough to disguise the scowl that was firmly etched on his face.
Somehow, Temari had gotten the drop on him and whacked him hard enough to knock him out. That hadn't happened in years. The last time it had happened, he had nearly lost his head. Since then, he had trained his senses to tell him if someone was approaching. Was it possible that there was a blind spot?
The dozen remaining clones charged him, kunai and swords drawn. The real Naruto dropped his sword and formed two Rasengan, beating the clones down with only minor scratches to his forearms.
Sighing, the blonde walked back into the shade of the wall, slumping down against it. After a few seconds, another Naruto jumped over the wall surrounding the dojo and tossed a canteen of water to the original, who snatched it out of the air and drank greedily, thirsty after the long training session in the dry desert.
"Anything?"
The clone snorted and leaned back against a pillar that surrounded the compound.
"If there had been anything, you would have felt it by now. Me and a platoon of you set up a network of seals two miles out. If something powerful crosses that line, your crotch will start itching like crazy."
Naruto was too tired to respond physically, but still managed to shoot a glare at the clone, who shrugged. "Oh, and did I mention that you can't scratch it? We set up the seal so that only a girl can scratch it. Hope you can find one."
The blonde couldn't take it any longer and threw his emergency kunai that he kept up his sleeve at the clone, who plucked it out of the air and chucked it back at the original's feet. "And if I were you, I would take it easy on the training. You know this body isn't any good for fighting Kisame."
"I'll live. You won't if Samehada hits you."
The clone rolled his eyes. "You don't have to tell me, genius."
Naruto reached behind him and pulled out a solder pill, crunching up the bitter medicine slowly before standing up. "Well, I'll go see what kind of monstrosity Temari managed to cook up. Take that platoon of me and patrol the area as well. Just because there are seals placed doesn't mean that they're foolproof."
"What, you don't trust your own handiwork?"
"No, the last time I did that, we nearly got killed, remember?"
"Which time was that again?"
"If you don't remember, I won't. Now get going."
The clone raised one hand in submission and leapt back over the wall, grumbling about stupid blondes and perverted clones. Naruto stretched, picking up the sword and slotting back under his arm before opening the door and walking back inside Gaara's family home.
As he stepped inside, a horrible stench reached his nose, making him pinch his nose and maneuver as far away from the smell as possible, which resulted in him Haraishining back to his room, putting on a gas mask that he kept for just such an occasion, and drawing his sword before cautiously prowling toward the kitchen, tiptoeing and occasionally throwing a shuriken at anything that looked even vaguely alive.
When he finally arrived outside the kitchen, he formed a small Rasenshuriken in his left hand, and still holding the sword in his right, kicked the door down and rapidly scanned the room.
"What… the hell… is that?"
Both Temari and Hinata had been taken prisoner and thrown around in the air by… something. Naruto could only describe it as a brown blob. Apparently, it had not taken kindly to being stuffed in an oven and had the heat turned up on it, so it got out. As least, that's what he could decipher from their screams.
"Aww, you've gotta be shitting me!" he groaned as the blob attacked, the brown mass nearly missing his face.
The blond countered by throwing the Rasenshuriken at the blob, with very poor effect. It simply bounced off like a regular shuriken, detonating in the center of the room. "This isn't gonna work. Right, Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
Dozens of clones appeared, some got down on one knee, but the greater majority charged the blob, Rasengans of many colors and sizes in tow. Of course, none of them got through. But that wasn't the point.
Twelve Narutos stood and kneeled, all of them focusing. "Ninja Art, Bullet Rasengan!"
Hundreds of small Rasengan charged the blob, each and every one pinging off and fading away against the stone tiled floor, with the casters staring dumbfounded at the results. Nothing had ever taken the Bullet Rasengan like this before. Even Pain had tried to dodge the attack, but the blob was just sitting there… and now it was attacking.
"Goddamnit, Temari, where the hell have you been taking cooking lessons? This is worse then last time!"
Her reply was incoherent, but then again, it didn't need to be coherent for Naruto to get the point. "All right, if this thing really is food, then I'll take care if it!"
Half a dozen more clones popped up, each of whom hefted kunai and shuriken, multiplying them with shadow shuriken and kunai. The original, however, hefted his sword and charged, the blade glowing bright blue. "Ninja Art-" he yelled, wildly thinking of a technique that he could use, "Ramen Uppercut!"
The sword impacted with the blob, lifting it up off the ground. However, the blade failed to cut the mass. Naruto noticed that there was a black shoe under the stuff, and sighed. Wasn't this just typical?
Now ignoring the flailing mass, he placed his palm on the blob, focused, and channeled a huge amount of Katon Chakra.
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"Ok, I think you owe me an explanation." Naruto said, blowing on some instant ramen to cool it off. "Why the hell was the Cat Man in that huge piece of shit?"
After the short-haired blond had channeled fire chakra into the mass, it had rapidly solidified into something that resembled a vaguely humanoid loaf of bread. He poked it cautiously with is sword, cut Temari and Hinata free, then used a Rasengan to carve away the bread so that Kankuro could get out.
"My idiotic brother here sneaked back into the house after hearing that you were in town. But being the idiot that he is, he decided to pop open the oven and see what was cooking, and the bread that I put in there exploded all over him. We came in and saw the mass and tried to free him, but those chakra strings got us all caught up."
"And that's when I came in and saw you two getting attacked by a blob monster. God, Temari. Who the hell's been teaching you how to cook?"
"My brother."
Naruto jerked a thumb at Kankuro, "You mean the guy who keeps on stealing your makeup and wears cat pajamas?"
"It's War Paint, Dumbass! And these aren't pajamas!"
"No. Kankuro burns water, somehow. Gaara usually cooks now, and I've been taking lessons from him."
Naruto slurped down the broth and lit the cup with a brief burst of chakra. "Mr. Raccoon, eh? But, we're gonna hold here until Akatsuki and the beasts get here. I'm not taking on Kisame and Itachi by myself."
Temari seemed impressed. "So you've finally found a sense of caution?"
The other blonde unsealed another bowl of ramen, this time from Ichiraku's. "Kinda. I'm not in a rush this time. I'll let them come to me."
"But why Suna?"
Naruto finished the bowl and stuck it back in the scroll before replying dryly, "Well, it's a lot harder to summon and keep an ocean in the middle of the desert. Besides, I needed to get away from the Fangirls. Though I might have just siced the girls… nah, that's cruel and unusual."
He sighed and leaned back in his chair, falling over again when Gaara appeared in a poof of smoke and sand, right next to Temari. "There's no sign of Akatsuki. I've got all the guards looking for them."
Naruto was not convinced. "Pfft, yeah, just like last time?"
"Last time, there was a traitor in our midst. This time, I am sure."
"Sure, if you say so." Naruto muttered as he heated more water for another bowl of instant ramen. "Is there anything on a pair of rapidly approaching green spandex-clad bushy-browed ninja?"
At that moment, a ninja appeared in a swirl of sand and kneeled before Gaara. "My apologies, Kazekage-sama. But the lookouts report that a pair of green spandex-clad bushy-browed ninja are rapidly approaching the village."
"Well, speak of the devil. Do you know anyone that makes curry?"
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"The flames of youth burn strongly within this curry! What a delectable treat! Thank you, Gaara-san, Naruto-kun!"
Everyone watched with a sweatdrop as Lee gulped down bowl after bowl of the hottest curry that any of them had ever seen. Kankuro retched slightly just at the smell of the stuff.
"Lee… While I admire your youth in eating, I must ask you to restrain yourself this one time."
Gaara's eye twitched. "If you could move away from the food for a few minutes, we need to see where we stand in accordance to the two Akatsuki members approaching us."
Naruto cracked his knuckles and tapped the hilt of his sword. "Now you're talking. Ready to spar?"
Lee finished the curry and stood up, face slightly red. "Let our flames of youth burn ever brighter!"
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The blonde swore as he ducked two shuriken, a kunai, and two metric tons of sand. Both the Kazekage and the Bushy Brow Duo were attacking him with all of their strength, forcing Naruto to hop around like a rabbit, barely getting a chance to counterattack.
With two high-powered Taijutsu-toting Jonin and the Kazekage, an Ex-Jinchuriki who was also a Protoguardian, this fight was much harder then it was with the Konoha Eleven. It also didn't help that Gaara hadn't lost much control of his sand since the loss of Shukaku and that Lee and Gai had seven gates open.
Naruto rapidly sealed out two jutsu, quickly placing them in his palms.
"Katon, Futon, Spiraled Inferno no Jutsu!" With a rush, the fire and wind collided and turned into a horizontal whirlpool, slamming into the incoming sand, and scattering the two spandex-clad warriors.
Naruto scowled again and removed the chakra from his weights, cutting his weight ten-fold. "Right," he muttered so that nobody else could hear. "Let's see how the Green and Blue Beasts of Konoha matches up with Orange Lightning."
In a blur of motion, the blonde was engaged in hand-to-hand combat with Lee, throwing punches, ducking, and blocking all within fractions of a second. When he whipped out a kunai, Naruto did the same, both blades shattering upon first impact.
As he fell back, the blonde's sixth sense tingled and he jumped up, away from Gai and right into the path of the incoming sand.
It slammed into him, jarring him badly and Naruto felt his left elbow shatter. Goddamnit. Kyuubi?
Without further prompting, red chakra emerged from the skin and began to heal the wound, moving rather slowly. Healing a shattered elbow was no mean feat, and even Kyuubi had limits.
Naruto gritted his teeth in pain as he sealed and gripped his left wrist. "Katon, Phoenix Spark no Jutsu!"
The customary minefield of fiery orange sparks appeared, blocking off Gai and Lee, but Gaara's sand kept on going, plunging though the energy minefield, explosions flying everywhere.
He scowled and sealed again, cupping his left wrist as he had done just a few seconds before. "Katon, Phoenix Fire no Jutsu!"
With a blast that sounded like a train turning on its emergency brakes, the sand and swirling fire collided; globules of molten glass spiraled off and narrowly missed the spectators sitting at what they thought up until that moment was a safe distance away.
At this point, a set of metallic weights flew through the side of the wall, quickly followed by a red-faced Gai. The blonde was forced to abandon the technique, fighting off the Taijutsu master with one arm without trying to jostle the other one too badly.
With a series of rapid-fire kicks, Naruto managed to separate himself from one the Blue Beast only to run into the Green Beast, who launched another identical attack, keeping him off balance. "Fuck this." He swore, holding out his injured arm and forming a Rasengan and slamming it into the ground in one smooth motion, digging a massive crater in the sand, and jumped back, flipping through seals faster then the human eye could decipher.
As he finished sealing, he took a stance while he waited for everything attacking him to get within range, and the moment he did, slammed his palm into the ground, an energy sphere rapidly expanding from the point of contact, holding the Green and Blue Beasts, along with the two metric tons of sand suspended in midair.
With one last grimace, he released the jutsu and went down on one knee.
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"Man, I never knew how hard two metric tons of sand could hit… and fourteen gates." Naruto sighed, "I'm not as young as I used to be."
"How can that be, Naruto-kun? Your flames of youth burn even brighter then mine own! You are indeed still in the full folds of youth!"
"If you only knew the truth…" the blonde thought bitterly, spitting out another mouthful of grit that had gotten in during the battle. "It's a really long story and I don't want to tell it unless I really have to."
"Uzumaki. Perhaps it would be prudent if we rested before confronting Akatsuki. It may not be smart to challenge them in our current state."
Naruto nodded at the suggestion. "Yeah. You three take a break. I'll call you if I need backup." Hopefully I won't, but at the rate my luck's going, I just might.
Gaara gave a brief nod. "Very well. My ninja stand ready in case we need further reinforcements."
"No. Do not let them engage him under any circumstances. Kisame is really dangerous right now. Your men would be chopped into Fish Paste before they could say Tuna…"
"Then what is the point of us coming here? Surely you did not run us all the way out here just to test us against you?"
Naruto shook his head. "Of course not. I need you two to keep Itachi busy. Gai-sensei, you have quite a bit of Anti-Sharingan experience, and I'm sure Bushy Brow has kept up. Gaara, I need you and your men to engage any reinforcements. I know for a fact that the Akatsuki don't travel alone anymore."
"That's not possible." Gaara said flatly. "All of our reports indicate that Akatsuki still travel in two-man squads. There's no hint of additional personnel anywhere."
The blonde shook his head. "You're not thinking properly. Here-" at this, he slotted out a large scroll from a hidden inside pocket. Naruto then bit his thumb, drew blood, and wiped it across the outer edge of the canvas, causing it to burst open. He then stuck his hand in, stuck his tongue out, groping around until. "Ah… Here we go."
Everyone watched in amazement as he pulled out a squirming Hanabi from the inside of the scroll.
"HEY! LET GO OF ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I Am the… Hyuga… ... heir?"
Naruto brushed his hands off and closed the scroll. "Here we go. This is an example of what this scroll can do. Unfortunately, she won't be able to use chakra for several days. Try it, Hanabi. Try to Jyuken me."
The younger of the two sisters tried to focus her chakra, but nothing happened. She pretended to fall into a Jyuken stance, but then sprung forward and palmed Naruto's jewels.
Instantly, the blonde gasped like a fish and collapsed, not expecting the low blow, no pun intended. Lee looked confused, Gaara palmed his face, Gai shouted about how unyouthful she was, Kankuro sniggered and gave her the thumbs-up, and Temari just blushed.
However, the most surprising reaction came from Hinata. With a burst of savage rage, Inner Hinata broke loose from her constraints again.
"You little bitch! Those are mine!" the blue-haired girl yelled as she Jyukened her younger sibling where the sun didn't shine.
Naruto didn't see any of this. In fact, he didn't see anything besides the ground. Lee and Gai, exhausted as they were after using the gates for so long, restrained Hinata with only partial success. While they managed to hold her back, they failed to avoid injuries of their own. Kankuro was on the ground laughing, and Temari had excused herself, saying that she needed the restroom.
When he finally did get back up, he was not pleased. "Brats. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Two clones appeared, scowling at the small Hyuga. "Take her away, boys. You know what to do."
The two clones nodded and carried off a shouting Hanabi by the armpits, one asking the other if he managed to create a deck of cards.
"Now. Let's get some rest. I've got a feeling that Kisame and Itachi won't be so easy to subdue."
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Kisame Hoshigaki, the former Monster of the Mist, sneezed for the umpteenth time that day. He rubbed his stub of a nose, cursing about the sand.
"Allergies?" his partner, Itachi Uchiha asked.
"Nah. Must be someone talking about me again. I told you, I'm famous with the ladies."
"You keep on telling yourself that…"
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The Namikaze and Uzumaki heir sighed as he vaporized yet another empty bowl of instant ramen, rummaging around in a scroll, scowling at the lack of contents, threw the said scroll over his shoulder, and slotted out a fresh scroll. Two clones stood by with a transformed triplet, a premeasured amount of hot water ready for making the next bowl.
"Sure brings back memories…" he muttered to nobody in particular. His clones nodded silently, already sealing for more heated water.
At that moment, a clone Haraishined right behind the original, whacking him on the head and handing him a scroll. "Here are the reports you requested. All is quiet so far on the fronts. Now, when can I take a goddamned break?"
Naruto ignored his indignant copy and popped the lid on his ramen. "When Kisame gets here. In the meantime, get back on patrol. If Kisame or Itachi is spotted, I want the general order to be self-destruction. I'll get it instantly then. Reports are nice and all, but I want to be able to know exactly where they're coming from."
The chakra clone sniffed. It was really quite interesting to see Naruto sniff, even if it was just a copy. "I see you're getting it back."
"I managed to break the seal four days ago."
"Well, good for you. I can't imagine that it's the full thing though."
Naruto snorted into his ramen. "Not likely. I've gotta go find the rest of the pieces. The brass up top wanted to keep it sealed away forever."
"That's likely. We can barely keep it under control, even without the whole thing."
The original blonde slurped down another bite of ramen. "But that's not our main concern right now. Kisame and Itachi are. I might not be able to take them on without outside help."
"You have Gaara, the Bushy Brows, and Hinata."
"You know very well what I mean."
"What, you don't mean that trigger happy-"
"Quiet. Someone's coming. Get going."
The clone disappeared in a burst of light, leaving behind nothing more than a few grains of sand where he had been standing. The other two clones hefted kunai and stepped into the shadows, free hands on their sword hilts.
A few seconds later, a knock came on the door. "Come on in."
Hinata poked her head in, glancing at the sight of Naruto sitting there with a bowl of ramen steaming and a look of surprise etched on his face. "Oh. It's you, Hinata. Thought bushy brow might have come looking for more curry to shovel down his gullet. Do you need anything?"
She took the offered chair and sat down, poking her fingers together nervously. "Umm, Naruto-kun?"
Naruto had just taken yet another bite of ramen, choked slightly, but managed to get through, "Yeah? Go ahead."
"I, umm, I eh, well, I really like-"
"Hmm?"
"-Crab Cakes!"
"Oh, really? That's, ah, nice to know. But where are you gonna get crab cakes in the middle of the desert?"
Oh no. I totally messed things up. Now Naruto-kun will think I'm even more of a weirdo then before. What am I going to do?
Leave it to me.
Inner Hinata had obviously had enough of her outer persona's blundering, and had been getting stronger off of a very potent diet of patience and time.
"Oh, Naruto-kun!"
The tone of voice made Naruto freeze in his tracks and slowly look up. It wasn't something he liked, and for many years, it had been the bane of his existence. Every time he walked into a town, this would happen. However, he hadn't expected this to happen to Hinata. "Umm, Hinata, what's up?"
"What's up is you. Why don't you pay attention to me? Why did you bring me here? Am I just baggage to you?"
To say the blond was unnerved would be to completely misrepresent the situation. He had never gotten into this deep trouble before. Usually, he had long since high-tailed it out of there or had knocked the offenders out. However, he still had cards to play.
The two clones that had been hiding burst out with ropes tied to their kunai, obviously going for the capture of the blue-haired girl, but to no avail. With barely a flicker of her palms, two bursts of focused chakra shot out and punched through both clones, all without turning around and while still giving that unnerving smile.
"Only two clones? You underestimate me, Naruto-kun. For you, even a million clones would be infinitely too few. YOU ARE MINE!"
This was not good. He needed to think on his feet, and fast or Naruto Uzumaki would be quite literally caught with his pants down, most likely by Gaara or Lee. Not quite what he intended by bringing Hinata along on this little trip.
Dropping the bowl of ramen, his hands went up and desperately flashed through seals, trying to establish some sort of barrier between the two of them, but to no avail. With astonishing speed and strength, but yet with a tenderness that made him relax slightly, she stopped his hands.
"Now, Naruto-kun." Hinata pouted, "Do you really want to do that? Why don't we relax?"
Naruto struggled desperately, but the softness of her hands along with the firm grip made it insanely difficult. Of all the battles he had ever fought, this instantly ranked up in the top ten. He wanted nothing more then to give in, but there was that fragment of his mind that still belonged to him that forced back instinct.
"Oh come on, Naruto-kun. Don't try to resist me. You know you want it." The girl said as she let go of his wrists and swayed her hips, batting her eyelids, and still pouting.
With that, even that fragment went out the window. Nothing like this had ever happened before, despite that one time…
Alright, girl. Take it away. He's putty in your hands right now.
Bu-but. What have you done to him?
Trust me. He'll have eyes for nobody else but you from now on. Do it. I've seen your memories from when you were a child. I know what you want.
If you say so…
"Naruto-kun, please be gent-"
At that exact moment, a clone Haraishined into the room, looking rather harassed.
"Hey, boss. What did I… miss? Am I interrupting something here?"
In the few seconds before Inner Hinata had gone back inside, she had managed to get Naruto's vest, shirt, both shoes, and the button of his pants off, along with taking off her own jacket and both shoes.
"Whoa! Wait until the others hear about this! Naruto's finally getting laid!"
That statement jolted the original out of his stupor, and he rapidly flipped over the back of the chair, grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head. "Say anything, and I'll take you apart. Now, take me to that seal, or I'll take you apart anyway."
"Alright. Just focus on that huge group of clones three miles to the southeast of here. They've got a Haraishin kunai on them. Our long-range patrols have detected two inbound figures, traveling, strangely enough, at a very leisurely pace."
Naruto nodded, leaving behind a clone for Hinata as he slipped on the rest of his gear, and disappeared in a flash, only to reappear fractions of a second later out in the desert. "Hardly surprising. If I were them, I wouldn't be in any rush. Suna isn't really any threat to Kisame, who's got the fucking three-tails. Good job. Get the clones to bury themselves in the sand. You need to return to the village. Don't use the Haraishin. If you do, the burst of chakra may alert them to a messenger, since they've seen me use it before. Tell Gaara and the Bushy Brows to get out here. I'm gonna be up to my armpits in fish and weasel in a few minutes."
The clone nodded. "Got it. If you really need help, well, since you have the first piece, you should be able to use that technique."
"Get going. You have fifteen minutes, tops."
With that, the clone rushed away, a cloud of sand marking his trail as he made the trip back in the mundane way, albeit extremely quickly.
"Right. Who's in the mood for Tuna and Weasel Stew?"
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Naruto's Chakra clone sprinted back toward the village, intent on giving the message when, all of a sudden, the ground fell out from underneath him. "The hell?"
"Hello, little boy."
"Goddamn it."
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Naruto swore as he avoided yet another wave and a kunai thrown from Itachi. Apparently, they had taken to heart the fact that challenging Naruto one-on-one was akin to suicide, so, even without the usual pre-fight banter, they had assaulted him as one.
The clones he had hidden in the sand weren't even worth cannon fodder. As soon as the duo had appeared, Kisame had taken advantage of their weakness and overwhelmed and surprised them with a pulse of water so dense that it shredded the local rocks. Not expecting the attack, the vast majority of the clones had been wiped out in one fell swoop, leaving only a handful to launch long-range attacks, which had been even less effective.
"Raiton, Rasengan!"
"Futon, Kamikaze!"
The divine wind and lightning-based Rasengan clashed briefly before the user of the latter was thrown back, landing on his feet. Barely.
"Have you and fish breath here been practicing lately? You've gotten better!"
"Something that I cannot say for you, Naruto-kun."
"You might want to take those words back." As he spoke, he formed two Rasengan, one red, one white. "Watch. Ninja Art, Forced Fusion!" Naruto yelled as the two Rasengan collided and mixed.
Alas, luck was not on Naruto's side today. Yes, while the two did successfully merge, it was not a true fusion, and therefore was extremely unstable. The moment he swerved, avoiding another water shark from Kisame, the sphere detonated, tearing off three fingers in the explosion.
"Goddamnit. Kyuubi, some help here?"
"Kid, no time like the present. Go into Tailed Mode."
"Don't have to tell me, you furball. Take over, eight tails, if you please."
"Lunchtime."
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Gaara swore as another hail of his sand shuriken cut down yet another one of Kisame's Mizu Bunshin. That made fifteen, and there were still more coming in.
"Is there anything on the status of Uzumaki."
A Suna Nin appeared at his side, one arm bleeding from light cuts. "We have some scrambled reports from our scouts that Naruto Uzumaki is currently engaged in combat with two members of Akatsuki. One is Kisame Hoshigaki, but we can't confirm who the other one is-"
"It's Itachi Uchiha. Only Might Gai and Rock Lee are supposed to engage him. Can't we get through this line of clones?"
"Sir, we're trying, but there are hundreds of them. It looks like they're really pulling out all of the stops this time."
"Hmm. All right. Get all reserve Ninja out here. Tell them to engage only in large groups. Fighting them one-on-one is nothing short of suicide."
"Yes, Kazekage-sama!"
As the ninja disappeared to deliver the new orders, Gaara turned back to the oncoming horde. "Uzumaki, if we both survive this, your ass is grass." And then, "What's Grass?"
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"Futon: Rasenshuriken!"
"Suiton: Suiryūdan no Jutsu!"
"Katon: Gōkakyu no Jutsu!"
Fire matched wind and water forced the attack back upon the first caster, scalding hurricane-force winds blew back toward the blond, who managed to dodge by a hair, which then proceeded to drill a new path through the sand.
"Goddamnit. Kyuubi, what's taking you so long?"
"Kid, I'm having trouble with the seal. The energy is literally keeping me corked in here. Hold on a little longer."
"Well, hurry up. I'm running out of time."
"You don't have to tell me. It's getting hot in here."
"Right. Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
Kisame just smirked and flashed through seals even faster. "Suiton: Suiryūdan no Jutsu!"
The shockwave of water completely overwhelmed the defenseless clones, who attempted to fight back, but their primary weakness prevented them from doing that. "Give up, Naruto-kun. Come with us. You cannot hope to defeat both of us by yourself."
"He is not alone! Double Dynamic Entry!"
"Juken Arrow!"
"Suna Shigure!"
"Futon: Daikamaitachi no Jutsu!"
And as the duo glanced up to see the source of the attacks, two shadows appeared behind them.
"Kurohigi: Kiki Ippatsu!"
Kisame stuck his sword back, sweeping it in a wide, waving arc, cutting the strings of chakra, and both puppets fell to the ground. "Tch. That's all?"
"Small fry, Kisame. We're not here to make enemies. Get rid of them. Kill them only if you have to."
"Hmm… if you say so. Mizu Bunshin! Suirō no Jutsu!"
"NO!"
Before Naruto could do anything, the six clones rapidly made a line of clones to each of the six, trapping them within water prisons. That left the three originally fighting effectively alone again. "So, Naruto-kun. What's it's gonna be. Are you going to come with us, or will your friends drown?"
"Alright. I'll go with you."
"Uzumaki! No!"
"WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER! UZU!"
"… you called?"
Naruto, who had his fist in the air, sweatdropped and turned his head around. "The hell happened to you?"
"… Don't ask. You're better off not knowing."
"Well, since it is my form…"
"… I'll just say this. A sand pit and two female jonin."
"Just two?"
"I hate fighting. You know that."
"Well, I need a Fiery Rasenshuriken. You got the fire?"
"… alright. But you owe me."
"Enough. Kisame, finish them."
"Right. Suiton: Suikōtoppa!"
"I don't think so! UZU!"
"Katon: Gōkakyu no Jutsu!"
"Futon: Rasenshuriken!"
And then, together, "Katon: Fiery Rasenshuriken!"
The Rasenshuriken, after passing through the fireball, was set aflame, easily cutting through the shark and speeding toward the duo.
Itachi managed to jump out of the way, but Kisame merely raised his sword and it pinged off. "What?"
Right behind the attack was a Naruto with his sword drawn, carving a path downward. Without even thinking, Kisame managed to lift Samehada in time to parry the hit. "Not bad, kid. Seems you've gotten better with the sword. However-" with a grunt and a flick of his wrist, he sent Naruto flying. "-Not good enough."
The surprised blond twisted in midair, threw a handful of shuriken, and disappeared in a poof of smoke.
"What? A Kage Bunshin?"
"You got that right. RA-SEN-GAN!"
The blue ball of compressed energy hit Kisame right in the small of his back, throwing him off his feet. Itachi looked on as Kisame got up and dusted himself off. "Hah! Quite a bit of guts you've got there, replacing yourself with a Kage Bunshin. However, playtime is over."
"No… damn it! UZU!"
"You're too late!" At that moment, Kisame was surrounded by a flare of blue chakra. It was so bright that Naruto had to cover his eyes with one arm as he charged forward, forming yet another Rasenshuriken. Goddamnit. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up.
"Suiton: Raging Tsunami!"
"Katon: Fiery Rasenshuriken!"
"Doton: Doryūheki!"
"It's useless! Give up! With the three-tails, I am unstoppable!"
"So you think… Kyuubi, anything?"
"No. I'm stuck here. Something's wrong with the seal…"
"Goddamnit. Kyuubi's out, Uzu."
"… well how the hell are we supposed to beat them?"
"Well, there is that…"
"No. Not unless we have to. It's meant for emergencies."
"We are in an emergency, in case you haven't noticed."
"Enough talk. This finishes now!"
The mud wall that Uzu had managed to throw out began to crack as the force of the water ripped at it, draining it of its foundation. The sixty-foot tall wall cracked and crumbled, and the water came rushing in.
"Uzu! I need thirty seconds! Can you do that?"
"… you owe me."
"I ALREADY KNOW THAT!"
"Talking with yourself is the first sign of madness."
"And looking like a fishstick is the first sign of skin cancer!"
"Enough talk. You're coming with us!"
Before Kisame could do anything, two shuriken pinged off his skin. "What was that?"
"… as much as I hate it, I'm your opponent."
"You won't even leave a mark, you shadow clone."
"… what did you just call me, aquarium reject?"
"Oh boy. Now you're really in for it, Kisame."
"I AM NOT A SHADOW CLONE! DIE! KATON: FIERY RASENSHURIKEN! DOTON: RETSUDOTENSHO! SUITON: DAIBAKUFU NO JUTSU!"
The Rasenshuriken, while failing to penetrate Kisame's skin, was enough to knock him back. This allowed for the earth to open up its maw and swallow him, which in turn led to the whirlpool filling the chamber before sealing itself up.
"Not bad, you shadow clone. However-" as Kisame rose up from behind a suprised Uzu, "Not good enough." Samehada flew forward, cutting off the clone's head in a burst of blood.
"You're next."
The original Naruto had just finished doing the long string of seals needed when Kisame put on a burst of speed and appeared behind the blond, Samehada already extended. Before Naruto could do anything, he found himself rising, the sword through his gut.
"Heh. Not much of a challenge, now that you can't hide behind your clones, now are you?"
"You sonofabitch. I'm not going anywhere."
"Oh really?"
"Yes really."
"Well then. Let's see you back that up." And with that, he pulled Samehada out.
Naruto howled in pain and started to fall, but managed to get his hand up to the armband that Hinata had given him all those years ago.
"I'm… not… finished… yet…"
As he spoke, a flow of Light blue chakra flowed from the cloth. The exact same shade as Gaara's Protoguardian energy.
Naruto's hand shakily passed by his middle, caught some blood, and began to seal with rapidly numbing hands. Right before he hit the ground, he extended his palm. "Initial… Guardian… Art… Kuchiyose… no… Jutsu…"
At first, nothing happened except for the blond's blood leaking out and staining the sand a crimson red. Nothing happened. Where was the summon?
Then, all of a sudden, a beam of light shot down from the sky, centered on naruto's wound. In the span of a few seconds, the light grew and shifted off to the side.
"What's this? A summoning with no smoke?"
As he was speaking, something shot down from the sky and touched down lightly next to the fallen blond.
"Alright, who the fuck called me here?"
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The figure was humanoid. It was easy to tell from once glance that this was no ninja. No shinobi in his right mind would wear something that shiny. Naruto's old jumpsuit was simply an eyesore, but this thing shined. Quite literally shined.
"I said, who the fuck called me here?"
"Hey, asshole, you're in the way."
"I'm in the way? You're out of your element. What's an aquaman-wannabe doing out here in a desert?"
"Why you little-"
Before Kisame could move, the figure stood before him, a black-edged combat knife at the swordsman's throat. "I already know your weakness. You have a defensive three-tailed bijuu inside you. Looks like a temporary sealing to boot. Impenetrable to most attacks, but your neck is weak. In fact," the figure backed off and unslung a rifle that the others hadn't noticed. "Let's test that armored shell of yours."
"It's your funeral!"
The figure smirked. "I don't think so." As he racked a single round into the chamber and raised it to his shoulder.
"Too late!"
"Oh really?"
Before anyone could react, four bursts of miniature explosions shattered the silence and the silver figure appeared behind Kisame. "Too slow. Nice try, though. Come back in a few hundred years, that is, if you're still around."
"Wha-"
"Dark Guardian Art: Demon Sealing Blade!"
"What's going on here?"
"Simple. I removed the seal under my authority as a guardian and extracted the bijuu for safekeeping, per my duties. And now that the bijuu is no longer in any danger, I'm authorized to neutralize you. Been nice knowing ya, fishy."
"NO!"
"Too late." The silver figure disappeared, reappeared next to Naruto, and snapped his fingers. "Gotta love C-12."
The resulting explosion and its accompanying shockwave dissipated the Mizu Bunshin, releasing the water prisons as well. All six prisoners fell forward, coughing up water.
"Now… which one of you called me here… Hang on… is this who I think it is?"
"Josh… you… son… of… a… bitch… help… me… out… here…"
"Well, speak of the devil. Naruto Uzumaki. Been a few thousand years, hasn't it?"
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Author's Note
I LIVE!
I IS BACK!
I IS LOVING FUNNY COSPLAY SKITS!
Ahem. I'm back, as you may have noticed.
It's been four months since Timeless has been updated. To the day, almost to the hour.
Now, for those of you who dont pay attention, my author's page has been updated. It now includes some ranting, my blog, and my two pieces, both in progess.
About the blog, there are two. One is just general news that i might update 1-3 times a week, depending on time. The other blog is teasers, which will almost always be published 72 hours before the next chapter is released. That way, people who want teasers can read them, and people who dont can just see when it's been updated.
And now, to a topic that really has me inflamed.
IF YOU FLAME ME, AT LEAST HAVE THE COURAGE TO LEAVE A REAL SCREENNAME. FLAMING THE PIECE IS ALL GOOD, AND I'LL TAKE CRITISM. HOWEVER, WHEN YOU ATTACK ME DIRECTLY, YOU NOT ONLY RISK MY ANGER AT YOU, BUT YOU ALSO RISK THE LOSS OF ANONYMOUS REVIEWS. I APPOLOGIZE TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE USING IT PROPERLY, BUT THESE FLAMES DIRECTLY ON ME CANNOT CONTINUE, IF THIS PIECE IS TO MOVE FORWARD AT A CONSISTANT PACE.
Now, on another side note about my profile, if you have yet to vote on the poll, please do.
I have 24 votes. Yes, 24 votes. and one of those is mine. This is a chance for readers to influence the direction of the plot. If turnout remains this low, then i will take away this and move the story as i like. But since i want people to have a say, this is a rare chance.
Also, not being picky, but for a piece that's over 100k words, it has less then 100 reviews. so that's less then one review for a thousand words. I know this piece cant compete against the top-notch pieces out there, but some review out there that there's someone out there acutally reading the piece helps me write faster. Just a piece of advice there.
Now, on the topic of updating.
As stated above, it has been four months to the day since this piece has been updated. I will now make my best effort to return to the one chapter per week updates. However, unlike before, i will swap between the pieces to avoid writer's block. While this does mean slower progess, it means steady progress.
Now, for my announcer part.
"Who is the mysterous figure that defeated Kisame with hardly a effort? Who is he to seal away a bijuu like that? What did he mean by several thousand years? Find out next time on Timeless, a Naruto Fanon!"
Heh. Great times. If you havnt read my other fanon yet, head on over. It really give you a backstory on the OC i've just added, Josh.
Oh, and to make the piece more appealing to new readers, i will be rewriting the prologue and chapters 1-4. if you really like it the way it is now, go and copy and read it before it changes.
And to those of you who have waited paitently for so long, and who have been with me since the very beginning, thank you so much.
I guess that's all. if i missed anything i'll just rant it on the other piece.
Later, and hopefully next week,
Xingster
P.S. Until next time, please, Please, Please, Please Please, PLEASE, review Review Review, Review, Review, REVIEW!