Don't be Scared Little Alchemist

Okay people, depending on when you began reading this, you're gonna have read different dates for Rose and Dimitri's wedding... cause I went back and changed it multiple times. It's a pretty long story that I can't really be bothered to tell, but just to clear things up- the wedding is on June 1st and is 3 and a bit months from the the day Rose and Lissa first visited (and I swear on my cat's life that I won't change it again... and I REALLY love my cat!). Anyhow... chapter 9!

Chapter 9

Without a single word of protest, Sydney and I followed Eddie downstairs. He'd beckoned for us to follow him without any further infromation, something he only tended to do when something was particularly serious. As much as I wished I could apply myself to the situation, I was still reeling from what'd just happened with Sydney, imagining what it would've been like if it'd gotten any further. It was amazing, just having her so close to me for so long, neither of us holding anything back... if that girl could drive me that crazy by just a little kissing and touching, I couldn't even begin to imagine what sex with her would be like...

"Dimitri?"

It was the voice of the very girl I'd just been thinking about that snapped me back into reality. Without really paying attention, I'd followed Eddie into the living room where I was now face to face with the man who'd taken my first true love away from me. He stood just as tall and confident as I remembered him, though there was an obvious twinge of hurt in his aura. The guy towered above me- and that was really saying something since I was tall- and he wore his hair loose in the messy style that Rose loved so much. Just seeing him pained me... I didn't know what to make of this, I really didn't.

Part of me- probably a spirit fueled part- wanted to walk right up to him and punch him straight in the face... hopefully breaking his nose in the process. He wouldn't be so pretty then now would he? Of course, the reasonable part of me- the part that seemed to be getting smaller and smaller, less and less powerful with each passing day- told me it wasn't worth it. Even if it was worth it, what could I have done against such a fantasitc guardian? I hated him, but I had to admit- the guy was totally badass in battle mode.

Honestly, I had nothing to say to him, but by the look on his face he had something to say to me, though I doubted it was about our love lives.

"Sydney, Adrian" he greeted in response, that accent that girls found so drop dead sexy for whatever reason even stronger than I'd remembered. He gestured for Sydney and I to sit down on the couch opposite him- as if I had to be invited to sit in my own home- and we did as he asked, sitting close together with our hands intertwined. I could really get used to this...

"I'm afraid I have some bad news" continued Dimitri. No shit! Why else would he have the nerve to come to my house? "It's Lissa."

My heart dropped, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My hateful glare directed towards the man before me changed rapidly into an expression of shock and worry and I couldn't help but clutch onto Sydney's hand just that little bit tighter. She'd been getting better, she was back on her medication... I'd been so sure she'd be okay! My mind spun out of control, unintentionally imagining all the worst case scenarios of what could've happened to the girl I considered my sister. She could've cut herself badly again... maybe it was even worse this time. Maybe she'd harmed someone else... no she'd never do that... but then again there was that time with that Jesse Zeklos kid back at the Academy. Maybe... I didn't want to think about it. Surely she couldn't be dead. That sort of thing just didn't happen to such wonderful people. It just can't.

"She attempted suicide."

If my heart had dropped before, it'd now sunk so low that it'd fallen out of my chest entirely and was now laying on the ground, dying slowly and painfully in a pool of it's own blood. He'd said 'attempted' right? There was still hope.

"She's okay" confirmed Eddie, who I assumed had been filled in on all the details earlier. Relief filled my body, a weight lifting off of my shoulders and allowing my heart to jump right back into it's proper place. "She's in the hospital at court with Rose and Christian. The doctors say she'll be okay, but she's gonna have some pretty awful scars." Scars? I thought I'd pretty much figured out what'd happened, but I didn't just want to jump to conclusions. Grudgingly, I spoke directly to Dimitri, carefully hiding any hatred for him that might be showing in my eyes.

"How come?" I asked him, sounding like a clueless child. "What happened?" He sighed deeply, clearly not wanting to relive it- after all, he cared about Lissa as much as I did. I just seemed to forget that sometimes considering that in my mind the guy was pretty much evil incarnate.

"It was a mixture of things, she must've been pretty desperate" he began, not quite meeting my eyes. I could only assume it was because he knew I hadn't forgiven him. I never would. "She tried to cut herself again to start with, but then resorted to overdosing on her medication. The combination could easily have killed her, she's lucky I found her when I did..." He trailed off once again. It suddenly hit me how well he was handeling all of this- he'd been the one who'd found her practically dead. If I'd been in his position I would've freaked, but Dimitri being Dimitri, it was inevitable that he'd handled it with perfect composure and efficiency. Some people were just too perfect weren't they?

For a while we sat in comfortable silence, all of us just taking in what we'd just heard. I took this time to sneak in a quick glance at Sydney and noticed that she actually looked genuinely upset. Sydney Sage- concerned about an evil, unnatural bloodsucking creature of death that wasn't her boyfriend? Remarkable. A true sign of progress towards breaking out of her 'anti-vampire' shell.

"Anyway" Dimitri finally spoke up, "Rose just wanted to let you know so that you can go visit Lissa at some point. I'm sure she'd really appreciate it." Hearing Rose's name escape his lips- the lips said girl had kissed far to many times for my liking- actually didn't make me feel as sick as I thought it would. In a way, the casual fashion in which he spoke her name just sounded right and natural, like despite all my hatred towards him they might actually belong together. I guess I was finally on my way to accepting it. "I better get back" he continued as he headed towards the door. Suddenly, he jumped a little as though remembering something ,and sure enough, he spun around and reached into his pocket, producing a wedding invitation identical to the ones Eddie and I had recieved a few days back. "This is for you, Sydney" he explained, "we hope to see you there." With a few more goodbyes, he left the house. Good. It was way too weird having the person I'd spent the last year resenting with all my heart on my property.

Eddie and Gareth got up and left the living room- muttering something about going to call the hospital to check visiting hours- and left me alone with Sydney. She didn't appear to notice their absence, far too engrossed in reading her wedding invitation.

"Surely it can't be that interesting" I teased, leaning towards her to get a better look. To say the least- there was far more written on her invite than their had been on mine! Underneath all the standard wedding details was a little note, in Rose's handwriting rather than computer printed like the rest of it.

Sydney,

I send you my deepest apologies for how I've acted towards you recently. Leaving you there in that hotel like that was unforgivable and I still feel terrible about it to this day. It was selfish- especially after everything you've done for me. You helped me find the Belikov's in Russia, you indirectly introduced me to my father and you risked your job and your life to help me and Dimitri when we were on the run. I can't thank you enough for any of that stuff but mostly- thank you for being my friend. You've always been there when I needed you and I never did the same in return. I know how much trouble I caused you and how you may not like 'my kind', but it's been killing me not having you around this past year. I want you to be a bridesmade at my wedding, you're one of the only people I know that deserves it... I really hope you can forgive me. I hope you can make it.

Best wishes,
Rose

A small smile crept onto Sydney's face as she read it, clearly happy to finally get an apology from her. Whether she'd ever admit it in a million years or not, she considered Rose one of best friends- perhaps her only best friend. However, despite how much I loved to see Sydney happy, I couldn't help but feel a little resentment towards the note- where was my apology? Sure, Rose had hurt Sydney, but she'd near enough killed me and she'd just turned up on my doorstep as though she'd never done anything wrong. Proves how much I ever really meant to her... It made me wonder how much she lied to me, how much she actually felt for me. Had she ever really loved me? Probably not. In fact, I was probably just some pathetic distraction she just used to get her mind off of her Strigoi ex.

I could feel the darkness building up inside me, threatening to burst out at any second in an untamed fit of rage. I was suddenly reminded that I was completely sober... never a good thing in these situations. "I'll... uhh.. be right back" I said frantically, feeling myself losing it already. I left Sydney standing there, staring after me, as I quite literally ran to the kitchen and started raiding the cupboards for alcohol. Clearly it really wasn't my day today as there didn't appear to be any in the entire house. It looked like I was just gonna have to accept my 'crazy' until I could get some. Fuck my life.

"Where's the freaking booze!" I half shouted at my guardians who were calmly sitting at the table flicking through sports magazines throughout my entire ordeal. Gareth went to answer but right at that moment, Sydney appeared in the doorway. Oh no. No, no, no! She wasn't going to see me like this- not now not ever. She wasn't going to watch me break down at the lack of drink like a raging alcoholic and she wasn't going to be around when my crazy rambling started. She'd be scared off for life.

"Sydney, please" I began, "just go. You don't wanna see this trust me." Despite my words she stood her ground- quite literally- she never moved a single muscle. Gareth took this as his opportunity to say what he'd been about to before.

"You drank it all, remember?" he asked accusingly, "maybe if you drank less we wouldn't have this problem." Now really wasn't a good time to get smug with me... the darkness increased again, my rage building further.

"Well sorry!" I retorted sarcastically, "I'll just march on over to the 'powers store' and exchange the ones I got sold against my will on the day I was born for some shiny new ones that don't make me crazy and suicidal. It really is just that simple! You're right Gareth- this is all my choice. I'm just a pathetic, selfish little alcoholic that just drinks for the hell of it. I enjoy having to be drunk to be sane- I mean, it's just the greatest feeling in the world when I'm sober like right now and I can barely string a sentence together because I've been completely shut out of my own head! In fact... this isn't even Adrian talking to you right now, this is spirit! 'Hi guys! Nice to see you I haven't seen you in ages! Adrians been doing such a good job of keeping me away with all that drinking you hate so much, but don't worry 'cause I'm back now! Never let the silly boy drink or smoke ever again! Lock him up away from all of his vices and let me finish him off!'"

I was completely aware how crazy I sounded, but I just couldn't stop. It was terrifying when I got like this- more so to me than to anyone else. Eddie and Gareth kept their perfect guardian composure as always, not wanting to say anything else that might trigger and even worse reaction. Sydney- to my surprise- was walking closer towards me rather than retreating.

"Don't" I said, my voice coming out so low that it could've easily been mistaken for a growl. This really felt like one of those annoying, cliché moments in modern vampire fiction where the guy decides he's 'too dangerous for the girl to be around'. On the bright side- when those moments happen, it's almost certain that they'll work it out and end up together in the end. "I don't wanna hurt you but I get the feeling the spirit probably does..." Well that was step one of getting back to normal, I guess. At least I wasn't talking like I was possessed anymore, I was acting like I had two personalities. Not much better actually.

"No" she responded, her voice shakey but still determined, "you won't give in to it." Oh, why didn't she get it? I suppose she was only human after all, she had no idea what it was like to have spirit, it was more like a mental disorder than a power.

"Hang on a second" said Eddie, standing up and approaching me. "I'll run down to the shop and get some drink." He gave me a second glace, assessing how unstable I was. "I better get some cigarettes too for good measure."

"Hurry" Gareth replied as Eddie left. Gareth gestured for Sydney to take a seat at the table and then flung his arm around me. "You okay?" he asked, noticing that I'd calmed down considerably. Don't get me wrong- the darkness was still there- I just didn't have so much reason to be angry anymore. I shrugged my shoulders as my only response and allowed him to lead me out of the kitchen, away from the place where I'd just had one of the worst breakdowns of my life, but more importantly away from Sydney. I couldn't be near her when I was like this, it was too risky. Who knew what I was capable of? I didn't even know, I usually managed to intoxicate myself before I got this bad.

I sat in front of the TV, blankly watching the changing images but not taking in any of it. Gareth went back out to the kitchen to talk to Sydney (or so he said. He was probably scared of me, I would be if I was him!) and left me alone with my thoughts. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait too long before Eddie returned with my saving grace in his hands.

"THANKYOU!" I practically screamed, jumping up and snatching up what he held, opening a bottle of alcohol as fast as I could manage. I gulped the liquid down faster and more greedily than ever before, feeling spirits effects ease up a little. Eddie left the rest of the stuff with me and left me to my over-indulging... Gosh I was such a wreck...

It was about half an hour later when I deemed myself sane (as sane as you can be when your drunk) enough to go and talk to Sydney. She needed an explaination, one that came from me, not the one my guardians had undoubtably told her. They would've written it off as nothing, 'just a side effect, perfectly normal, nothing to worry about', but by telling her that they would've been doubting her intelligence. It wasn't so long ago that I'd told her just how spirit felt and she'd just witnessed it for herself...

I wandered outside onto the back deck where she was sitting in a wooden chair, staring up at the stars. She seemed to have a facination with the night sky, I made a mental note to ask her about it later. She spun around when she heard the door open and showed what looked like a sympathetic smile when she saw me.

"How're you doing?" she asked, making a small gesture to the chair beside her, indicating for me to sit down. I sat beside her in silence, not feeling the need to answer. She already knew what I was going to say. She always did. "What was that all about back there?" she continued, "I mean, I get that it was all because of spirit, but what triggered it exactly? You were fine and then you were..." She trailed off, clearly not wanting to finish her sentence with something along the lines of the word 'crazy'. "Not" she finished.

I sighed deeply before explaining. "It doesn't take a lot really. I was sober- that's when it's worst. I got angry 'cause Rose apologised to you and not me and then spirit just blew everything way out of proportion and I turned into some alcoholic psycopath." I noticed her expression change a little, a bit of hurt showing. I realised suddenly that after what'd happened up in my room earlier, she'd probably figured that Rose was finally out of the equation. Thing is, from what she'd told me in the past she actually seemed to be okay with the fact that I wasn't completely over Rose yet and she really shouldn't have to be. Honestly, it was selfish of me to let her feel that way, but despite the fact we'd only been hanging out for a little while, I couldn't imagine my life without her anymore.

"Hey" I said softly, looking her directly in the eyes and pushing as much seriousness into my voice as I could in my half drunken state. "I was just mad that she didn't give an apology because she really owes me one... nothing more than that." I took a deep breath before carrying on. "Since Rose I've been a mess" I admitted, "I haven't wanted to let people in because I've been so scared that they'll do what she did to me. I tried a few casual dates, but they didn't feel right. Nothing did without her... my gosh...if you'd known me before I met her you would never have believed I was capable of so much emotion!" She giggled a little and allowed me to continue. "I thought I'd be alone forever" I said, the sadness in my eyes probably more obvious than a bright neon sign on a dull brick wall. "Then I met you." Yes, my earlier thoughts were officially confirmed. I was a living, breathing vampire cliché.

The girl before me appeared to freeze with a mixture of shock and affection... as weird as that might sound I promise you it was romantic at the time! She didn't seem like she was going to come out with any massive speech any time soon so I decided I'd just pick up where I left off, letting my heart out of the cage I'd locked it up in since It'd been broken, little piece by little piece.

"You were different" I said, not failing to notice that my voice was cracking up a little, not as if I was going to cry but as though it was somehow hard for me to talk about. I guess it was. It was the first time in a long time that I'd shown this level of emotion. "You didn't care about how royal I was, what family I was from... you just saw me. No one ever sees that, no one bothers to these days. You get me like no one else does. I hate to quote Rose but you 'balance me'... she said I'd find someone who did that one day..." Sydney didn't say anything, but her aura glowed almost blindingly bright. I knew what that meant now... it meant love. It should've been obvious when I first saw it on Rose and Dimitri, but it'd only just fully clicked in my mind. I was slow like that sometimes!

Despite everything I'd just told her, I wasn't sure if I was ready for any 'I love you's'... it just wouldn't feel right at that moment, not when Rose still plagued a part of my mind. It wouldn't have been fair to Sydney to say she was the only one I wanted when I still wasn't sure of it myself, when her feelings would be sincere and mine wouldn't. I really hated myself for that...

"But you've seen the real me" I continued, "you've seen what I'm like when I'm not medicated. I'm insane... I hate it."

"You're not insane" she replied, "you can't help it, I get that. I'll admit I was pretty scared back there but for once it wasn't because I was afriad of you... I was scared for you. I was worried."

"Wow" I chuckled, "never thought I'd see the day. You seemed pretty concerned about Lissa back there too... am I going crazy- crazier I mean- or are you warming up to us vampires?"

"Like you said" she replied, "I don't have to be afriad of you or your friends. I trust you now, and so I guess I have to trust them too." Weird how that line I said seemed to stick with her...

"I do not believe it!" I joked. "Sydney Sage trusts vampires? No way." What she said next made the butterflys in my stomach go completely hyper. It was a perfect recreation of what I'd said to her back in the park.

"Need convincing?" she asked seductively, standing up and moving so she was in front of me.

"Nope" I shrugged, "but I'll kiss you anyway." With that, I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into my lap, pressing my lips to her neck before going in for a proper kiss. Something about the feeling of her lips on mine set my entire body on fire. It made me lose control, possibly even more than spirit did... actually no. Spirit topped everything in the field of 'ways to make Adrian lose his mind', but kissing Sydney was a close second. I pulled her closer and closer to me, her body warm against the chilly night air. She locked her arms around me, trapping me where I was, making me feel like there was nothing left in the entire world except for me and her in this moment. In the little world we'd created, there wasn't any such thing as spirit, my best friend hadn't almost died and my guardians weren't in the house behind us, looking out the window incase Strigoi decided to come and steal us off of the deck. I wished so badly that they weren't looking... oh, the things I would do right now if we were alone.

Sydney was intoxicating, perhaps more so than the alcohol I craved so badly. In fact, in a way she worked the same, she helped me keep spirit a little more in control than I could manage on my own... as much as I hated to admit it, no one had ever made me feel quite like this before. Not even Rose.

Okay, the story picks up more next chapter, promise ;)

xxx