Okay since I bored you with a long explanation in the last A/N I will keep this short and sweet. Thank you, I love you all and you really do make me feel special when you review as kindly as you have.
Please keep leaving me notes and reviews and I am always up for suggestions of any kind.
Enjoy and here's the continuation from where I left off. I don't know when I will update this again guys...I work a lot in the next 4 days and I have also promised a new NL shortly so...here we go!
Disclaimer: Is there really a need to say I own nothing? Well I don't...booo!
Bittersweet Symphony
Laying it on the line
(KPOV)
Shit.
Maybe they didn't see me. I mean I know that I stand out in a crowd sometimes, but this wasn't that loud of a suit, and I for once didn't accessorize something fierce. Maybe I can just stay absolutely still here and they won't see me? God.. why did I care? Why did this man, whom I only met for a second, who also confused the shit out of me, drive this insane already? I mean I was literally having an argument with my inner monologue, what kind of a grown man does that? I'm almost 25 not 15 right?
I downed my martini even as my brain kept waging war with itself. The man in question sat with his back to me in a booth on the other side of the bar, and I was thankful that his eyes weren't trained on me. Unfortunately that meant that I was face to face with Ms. Logan if she looked this way, which for the moment was not the case thankfully.
The woman had irritated me beyond belief, having the nerve to tell me that I was wrong about Damian. I'm sure the woman knew her students and I also know that Sean had seen some promising talent in him, warranting the earlier scout, but that woman treated me like an inferior which I didn't take lightly.
"Want another one Hun?" A sweet little blonde server asked politely, pulling me from my musings and staring contests with the back of the mystery man's seat.
"Sure, why not."
I wasn't a big drinker but something was keeping me at the bar that night and that something had just sat down and began to talk rather emphatically with Ms. Logan.
XXXX
(BPOV)
"Come on Blainey when was the last time...honestly?"
Oh god she was such a hag sometimes I swear.
"Uugh...fine almost a year I think."
"Holy fuck Blaine!"
"Shhhhhh, just because I can't hear you doesn't mean you have to shout my personal stuff so that everyone can!"
She signed a sorry but gave me sympathetic eyes, and gestured with her hands that this was a conversation best had with our hands then.
"Why has it been so long honey? You're obviously a catch, for any man, or woman for that matter. Why haven't you put yourself out there and don't you dare use you're disability as an excuse because it's never held you back before!"
"I honestly don't know Barb. I tried dating and I had a couple of one night stands but I honestly don't trust anyone enough to let them in ya know? I mean yeah when I meet a guy, and he seems in to me, things seem to change when he realizes he has to think and work at the relationship with me. My disability isn't so much of a problem but a bullshit detector...if they can't take working a little in a relationship...out the door with them before I get attached. I know it sounds harsh but that's the way my personal life has been going...as in it hasn't."
Signing just made this conversation a little more private and easier to convey in a public place. Barb had seen my struggles, coming to terms with my new condition, and she also knew about Tyler and him being the love of my life that gave up on us because he didn't want to try any harder. I never blamed him for leaving but that didn't mean it hurt my pride or heart any less. We just continued talking and the more we talked, the more Barb seemed to understand my plight with relationships, or in this case the serious lack there of.
"Why don't you put your sweet ass back on the market then?"
"It's not that easy Barb...I can't just walk into a bar and say 'hey I'm Blaine, I'm deaf, who's up for a difficult relationship?'. I may not be the ugliest gay man in New York Hun but I'm not the easiest person to get to know, I'm approachable but I put up my walls. I just can't trust anyone with my heart anymore."
"Sweetie you know I love you, and today was the first time I have ever seen you flustered about a guy SINCE Ty. What changed...and be honest, or I will wait until you've had more beer and then the honest just pours right out of you."
She laughed and I relished in these small sounds that I could still hear. It kept me connected to the world I used to know. It kept the memories of a world of full sound alive in my memory.
"Honestly...I don't know what came over me. I mean he wasn't acting like the superior ass that you think he is. He was kind and a little selfless actually. I felt comfortable and it scared me even more. Even though I couldn't make out what he was saying, I could tell he was being sincere. His eyes Barb...they literally had me stop dead in my tracks. I couldn't fucking speak! How often am I lost for words...I couldn't even sign...my hands and legs were like jello."
"Awww, you're so innocent sometimes Blaine. So why exactly did you run for the hills instead of actually introducing yourself? From what I know of Kurt, he seems pretty cold and doesn't just randomly approach people like that. Maybe he wanted to actually meet you?"
"Yeah right...all the gorgeous and famous ones just want to fall into this lap right here and 'get to know me'. I think that stout has gone to your head Barb."
She looked away from me for a second and I couldn't quite understand the small smile that played on her face, but I was caught in my own thoughts of azure eyes to really question her on it.
"I wouldn't be so sure honey."
"Oh I'm sure Barb...I just don't know what to do anymore, and people like Kurt just don't like guys like me, I'm too much of a hassle for them. Look I got to hit the men's can we have a more normal conversation that doesn't include me embarrassing myself when I get back?"
Barb waved me off with a smile and a 'sure sure' as I excused myself.
XXXX
(KPOV)
Oh my god what is she doing...why is she coming over here...fuck I thought she didn't see me...Fuck!
The lady in question was none other than Ms. Logan. She had stood up quickly, after her companion had left, and I hadn't even noticed that she saw me, never mind that she was now approaching me.
Damn it, I had no where to run to...play it cool Hummel.
"Excuse me...Mr. Hummel. I'm sorry to interrupt but is there something we can do for you?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Well you seem entranced with my conversation with my friend and I was wondering if there was something I could do for you?"
I sighed and dropped my head in guilt and confusion. There was no way to get out the corner that I had back myself into on this one. I had been caught staring, thankfully not by the man himself but by his friend.
"I'm sorry Ms. Logan."
"Barbara."
"Barbara...I just can't seem to stop staring at your friend. I think I scared him a little this evening whilst trying to introduce myself and I didn't mean to hurt his feelings or anything...I guess I just wanted, to apologize or something if I freaked him out."
I looked up at the larger woman and noted that she really did have a pleasant smile when she was wearing it. She was a far cry from the woman that I had a very heated argument with just recently and her eyes softened as I finished speaking.
"Well that would be a very nice gesture...would you like to join us then, you can apologize in person and not just through me, which would only be polite?"
"Oh ummm I don't want to intrude, you guys seem to be having a private conversation."
Barbara was lifting her eyebrow at me and I quickly caught the connotation.
"Oh no no no it wasn't like I was listening or anything I...shit I guess I should just smile, stick my foot in my mouth and accept your lovely invitation huh?"
"That would be wise before you dig a bigger hole."
"Hey listen, I know I can be a little rough but...
"Let's leave that for another day shall we?...I believe you were wanting to apologize to my friend?"
I sighed and stood up grabbing my coat and my drink before effectively shutting my mouth and nodding.
I don't know why I accepted this offer. I didn't do this kind of thing generally and talking to the mystery man whom had plagued my thoughts since earlier tonight was at the bottom of my list, considering the ass I had made out of myself earlier in front of him.
We settled into the booth quickly but before I could get truly settled she spoke up.
"I don't know how much you know about Blaine but just do me favour...speak slowly and let him talk to you first okay...apologize of course but keep eye contact with him...it's important alright?"
"Okay but to be honest I didn't even get his name earlier...you only just told me his name is Blaine so I think we have some formalities to cover first... don't you think?"
"Well yes...but just remember what I said okay... here he comes."
Blaine's face changed from amusement to almost complete horror when he saw me sitting with Barbara.
He exchanged panicked looks with her but still said nothing. I smiled warmly and extended my hand, getting up to meet him halfway.
He just stood there and looked at me and then at Barb before doing something that I didn't expect, but it explained a whole lot of things that I had questions to.
He said, " Excuse us for a second.", and pulled her by the arm gently to the side.
There was something wrong with his diction, it was faint but there was something muted and off about his voice, and then I saw it and I wanted to kick myself.
(BPOV)
"Excuse us for a second." I pulled Barb aside, who looked at me amused, before my hands took over where my mouth couldn't keep up. I didn't speak but signed so fast from the anger that was building in my chest.
"What the fuck Barb? Where did he come from? Did you invite him here to torture me? I go the men's room and I come back to find the man that has flustered me to no end tonight sitting with my best friend? What. The. Fuck. Did you plan this?"
"Hey! Watch your mouth with me honey...don't give me that lip okay? I saw him sitting in the corner of the bar a few minutes before you left alright and he had seen us and was staring so I confronted him. He's here to apologize to you Blaine so lighten the fuck up! You wanted to meet him earlier, now's your chance to say something, so don't yell at me, I did you a favour!"
"Oh yeah because putting me in this awkward position is such a favour Barb."
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, which I nly did when I was nervous or irritated, only to remember in that instant that Kurt may not have understood the conversation but he was definitely in view of the discussion.
I looked over at him and I saw the one thing in his eyes that I never wanted to see in anyone's : pity. It was written clear as day on his face as he watched Barb and me interact through sign.
I turned to Barb who was looking at me with not pity thankfully, but a knowing look that we had exchanged on numerous occasions. It was a look of understanding and she knew that Kurt knew now...and she was now worried about my reaction.
I never liked meeting new people because honestly how do you not meet a new person when you're deaf and that not be the first thing they notice. I never get the usual 'nice to meet you' or 'so how long have you been a teacher' or 'where are you from' as the usual ice breakers. I got ' oh hi Blaine, you're deaf', or the ever popular, 'oooooh you're deaf, I'm sorry'. Like it was something they had to apologize for or something.
I turned back to Barb, now with small tears forming in my eyes.
"I can't do this Barb, I just can't."
I made my way past them both and grabbed my coat. Barb knew better by this time the to try and stop me when I wanted to leave a room. She knew that I was in no mood for talking and I was so embarrassed and angry at her that I just wanted to leave.
What I didn't expect was for two very strong but soft grips to hold onto my wrists when I turned around. Kurt was mimicking my earlier gesture and holding me in place so that he could stand right in front of me.
My breath caught in my throat even as a small tear fell out of my eye. Kurt just stood there smiling lightly, never training his eyes away from mine. It was such an intimate gesture in my world that I was a little dumbstruck for words, and I was too nervous to try and talk without my hands.
It was then that the sweetest sentence I had ever heard or seen came out of Kurt's mouth.
"I'm Kurt Hummel. It's nice to meet you Blaine."
He moved both of his hands and extended his right for a hand shake. I took it shakily and the warmth between out hands was almost visible to the naked eye. It was a firm handshake, filled with understanding but Kurt kept himself at a distance, like he was afraid of offending me somehow.
"I'll just take my leave." When Kurt broke our stare I then registered that Barb must have said something.
"Where are you going?"
"Home love. I'm gonna let you two talk." She leaned over and pecked me on the cheek before extending her hand to Kurt and turning slightly so I couldn't see her lips move.
"It was...surreal meeting you Kurt. Be patient, and don't fuck this up or I will end you."
Kurt expression for a brief second looked panicked but a knowing grin replaced it immediately, making me second guess if I really saw it.
"The surreality was all mine I'm sure. And noted. Thank you"
Barb just gave a curt nod to him and turned to me again. She signed that she loved me and would call me later and just like that she was gone.
I turned again and saw an expectant look on Kurt's face. It was so innocent that I swore it came from a teenage boy and not the grown man that I saw before me. I opened my mouth and realized that this was now or never. He knew, he hadn't run away or given me the bullshit pity crap I was expecting, so I guess this was my shot at not being a chicken shit.
"Let's try this again shall we? I'm Blaine Anderson. And it's nice to meet you too Kurt." It flowed a lot easier out of my mouth than I would have first expected.
We re-shook hands again before Kurt lifted his eyebrows and gestured for us to retake our seats in the booth. I nodded and took my seat, taking off my coat again as a sign of good faith that I wasn't going to leave any time soon.
The gesture seemed to relax Kurt and this man really was a mysterious mix. One minute he was standing tall and acting all superior to everything around him. His posture was straight and his voice clear from what I could tell. He even over enunciated everything, over drawing out his diction. I'm guessing this was the bitch Kurt that Barb had warned me about. The cold calculating man whom I shouldn't mix with. Then there were moments like the one we had when he stopped me from leaving, where he visibly relaxed his shoulders and unset his jaw, leaving that beautiful smile to make an appearance. He seemed to drop the act, or put on a very convincing one as someone with a heart. The only thing I couldn't figure out was...which persona was the act?
Kurt gestured to the waitress as he looked directly at me, " Can I get you another drink?"
I honestly never let anyone do this but Kurt seemed to genuinely want to buy me one, and I was running on empty as it were, and liquid courage would make this evening a whole lot easier in my world.
"Sure. Just tell her Blaine's usual." He did and then turned back to face me with an amused look.
"So come here often do you? Oh my god I just realized what a corny pick up line that was!" Kurt dropped his head and I laughed a lot more freely then I thought I would have this early in the conversation.
"Oh geez...that was terrible, but I think the ice is basically shattered now."
Kurt took a sip of his martini still shaking his head.
"So Kurt...why did you want to come and join Barb and I?"
I knew this was a loaded question but the mix of the lingering anger that I still had for Barb's abrupt surprise introduction, and the beer had me feeling a little no nonsense at the moment.
"Honestly...I wanted..."
"Kurt...up here okay. I'm sorry but you talk really fast and I can't read your lips if you look down when we're talking."
"I'm sorry Blaine and that's why I accepted her offer. I-I wanted to say I was sorry. For freaking you out or whatever earlier. You just seemed like a person I wanted to meet and then you didn't answer me and now I know why,and then I scared you, and made you drop your sheet music, and then you still didn't answer me when I asked you if you were a teacher..."
"Kurt..." I reached out for the second time today and grabbed his hand. It felt way too natural to do that and it scared again.
"You really do ramble a lot don't you?"
"Only when I'm uncomfortable."
I winced at the statement and removed my hand.
"No, no, no, Blaine, you don't make me uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable because I'm usually so collected, and for some reason I can't control my inner idiot around you. So for that I am sorry."
I laughed and took another sip of the new drink that the waitress brought.
"It's fine honestly Kurt. It's kinda cute though." Oh god tell me I just didn't just call him cute?
Kurt raised an eyebrow but merely laughed at me. "Oh shut up."
We drank in a contented silence for a few minutes before I had to ask.
"So...what kind of death threats did my girl mutter at you before she left?" Kurt almost spat out his drink then, and had to cough out a laugh before he responded.
"You caught that huh? You are really good at reading facial expressions, I thought I covered that up pretty well."
"Oh you did. The actor in you came out in all it's glory. But I'm an actor and performer too Kurt, so I know these things. Plus I have to keep a very close eye on people's faces, you get used to these subtle changes."
Kurt seemed to mull this over for a bit before he spoke again.
"She threatened to end me if I fucked this up." Kurt had apparently waited for the right timing because I almost chocked on my drink this time.
"Ugh...okay yup that's Barb. She can be a little intense sometimes."
"Oh I think I met that personality earlier. Nothing I'm not used to in this business anyway."
"Yeah I'll bet." I just looked at his eyes and they softened.
"I know that I have this horrid reputation of being an annoying bitch and I know that I sometimes give off that vibe, but I have to be a hard ass sometimes, keeps people at a distance when I want them to be."
His voice must have trailed because he dropped his eyes, trying to stave off the visible vulnerability that he was showing me. So I took the bait.
"I know about keeping people at a distance Kurt. I can't deal with people a lot of the time because I can't stand the sadness they give me. I avoid meeting people and putting myself out there because no one sees me, the only see my disability, and it's been infuriating for the last 3 years."
"I'm assuming that's when you lost your hearing?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. No one had ever just come out and said it like that before, and it was refreshing to have someone not beat around the bush about it.
"Don't look so surprised Blaine. You have beautiful diction for someone who's deaf, it couldn't have been that long since you lost your hearing."
"I can actually hear a little out of my right ear Kurt." I gestured to the small aid in my right ear that most people often missed.
"Oh, okay that explains why you can tune a piano then, not just by feel then?"
"You were watching me then huh?" The conversation had turned playful and I hadn't had this level of comfort with a stranger in a long time.
"Oh well... you are hard to miss despite your height."
"Hey!...I'm only a few inches shorter than you...don't make fun of the hobbit."
"So you're a nerd too then?"
"Look who's talking, takes one to know one when you can pick out the Lord Of the Rings reference 15 years after the movie got released?" We both laughed and it was instantly turning into a very friendly evening despite earlier circumstances.
"So 3 years?"
I sighed and downed the rest of my drink.
"I used to be able to hear yes, I was a performer Kurt, like you but then again nothing like you, I don't think I'm as good as you by any means."
Kurt snickered and looked me in the eyes.
"I seriously doubt you're familiar with any of my work Blaine so don't worry about the flattery, besides, how can you.." He trailed off and looked embarrassed at his own words before they came out of his mouth. So I rested his fears, because it took a lot of courage to even begin to ask that kind of a question from someone like me.
"Three years ago I woke up one morning with what I though was a head cold. I had a monstrous headache and my ears were clogged. I could barely hear anything but I thought it was just a cold. After a few days it didn't get any better so I vowed to go the doctor the next morning. When I woke up it had gotten worse and I had a serious case of vertigo. My boyfriend at the time rushed me to the doctors and then they sent me to an Otolaryngologist to have me tested and they said that I had something called SSHL, or Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss. It's unpredictable and mostly incurable. I went from a recent honour graduate at M.S.M, to a basically deaf performer by trade. I won't go into more detail then that but the doctors have said, and god knows I've seen a billion of them, that the treatment I'm on may help, but there is no known cause or cure, so it is what it is. I was forced to learn a new way of living, but I couldn't give up music. I gave up enough when I couldn't perform anymore so I turned to teaching, ironically at the very school that I graduated from. I learned Kurt. I learned that music was so much more than sounds put together. Music was and is my salvation, and people never get to know that about me...because I keep them at a distance. So trust me Kurt...I know about closing yourself off."
I hadn't really looked at Kurt's expression since I started that little rant. I think I was too afraid to actually take in what his expression would have been.
My decision was made for me as a soft but firm hand rested on mine. I was a little confused and honestly terrified by the gesture, but I locked yes with him nonetheless.
Those breathtaking pools swam with emotions that I couldn't quite understand. There was some pity in there I'm sure, but a smile as dancing across his face all the way to his breath-taking eyes.
"Thank you Blaine. Thank you for telling me that. I know that it wasn't easy, so I'm honoured that you let me in even that little bit." He squeezed my hand reassuringly.
"Thank you for having the courage to still be here."
"Hmmm I think that courage is mutual."
We both just sat there for a few minutes, before the conversation turned lighter, as we talked about our families and our students. It was nothing too in depth, both of us skirting around the the tense and emotional confession I had made earlier, but not in an awkward sense. It was as if it being said was enough, and I could just enjoy his company and from the looks of it him, enjoy mine.
I only had to get Kurt to slow down or repeat a few things he said once or twice, and each time an embarrassed smile crossed his face and he would flush a light pink. It was adorable, he was adorable, and I had to remind myself to not vocalize that too soon and scare him off.
Once we finished another round of drinks, we got up to say our good byes and head to our respective homes. As we stood beside each other on the snow cover streets, Kurt said he was just going to have a quiet night in with Pav, and grade some of the mid-terms he had been assigned.
"Oh is Pav your boyfriend?"
"You could say that." Kurt didn't miss my slightly crest-fallen expression.
"Pav as in Pavarotti Blaine...is my bird. Oh you should have seen your face, it was priceless!"
"Oh shut up...if I can hear you, you're gloating way too loud."
The laughter was music to my ears. I hadn't really heard his laugh or a lot of his voice inside the bar, but out here on the quiet midnight streets, I could almost make out his every word, and that alone was the most bittersweet symphony I had ever experienced in the last 3 years.
"This was nice Blaine, it really was a pleasure to meet you."
"Likewise Kurt, definitely likewise, but you really didn't have to pick up the tab ya know?"
Kurt smiled warmly and extended his hand for a handshake good-bye. I accepted it and it was much different than the ones we had shared earlier, this one was much more intimate, especially as I felt his other hand clasp over our joined ones.
"Next time you can pay okay?"
"There's going to be a next time?" I couldn't keep the hopeful tone out of my voice as I asked.
"Goodnight Blaine."
Before I could even register what was happening he leaned forward and kissed my cheek ever so slightly. His lips were chapped and warm and I closed my eyes at the feel of him so close, smelling so wonderful, and never letting go of our clasped hands.
He placed something paper-like and crumpled in my hand as he leaned close to my right ear. I could hear his breath a little as I felt it, but barely as he spoke directly against the aid.
"Courage."
He moved away quickly, making sure to linger with the object in my right hand before smiling, and turning away to run across the street in the direction from whence we came.
I could still feel his breath on me, and I heard, I completely heard his angelic voice and my heart swelled at the thought and knowledge.
Only once I watched him disappear down the street did I open my hand to see a napkin from the pub balled up my fist.
I smiled so big that I thought my face would crack as I read the note. ( He must have written this when he went to pay the bill)
I hope there's a next time, call me.
Kurt
(212)- 555- 5878
Yes I know the last 4 numbers spell Kurt; I suck at remembering my own number :)
For the first time in as long as I could remember, I had nervous and anticipatory butterflies in my stomach for a good reason, and it made me smile and whisper to myself.
"Huh...courage."
Ta Da! I know that I only updated yesterday but shit I couldn't stop writing and it just came to me. I really hope you like where this is going guys...I forgot how much I love writing Klaine.
PS- HAPPY DARREN CRISS DEBUT DAY! WE LOVE YOU DC!
PPS – Thank you for just being you and loving this story enough to keep reading it! XOXOX