I dont own Naruto. I do barrel rolls.

Chapter XIX: Good Idea, Bad Idea, Naruto

Josh twitched as Naruto reached for his chest. When he folded his arms, the armored figure had his sword at the ready, an incantation ready on his lips.

"Relax. As long as they don't piss me off any further, it won't come out."

"That's not very reassuring…"

"Would you rather I let it out?"

"I'd rather take off your head first. There's no way in hell that I'm going to fight that thing again. I wouldn't be surprised if it beat me in single combat right now."

Naruto chuckled grimly. "Surely I'm no match for a member of The Ten?"

"You keep on telling yourself that. I'll relax when you lower your arms away from that position."

"You wish. I said if they would stop pissing me off. They might still do so. Besides, keeping you on your toes is nice. Consider it payback for not letting me out."

"Bitch."

"Can we please get back-"

"You've long since lost control of this meeting. We'll show you how we do these things. Naruto?"

The blond didn't immediately reply to this, and Josh sighed. "I offer to do this, and you're still going emo on me. Alright, you old hags. Let me lay down some ground rules. Never mention Naruto and marriage in the same sentence, never mention any potential kids, never bash ramen or orange, never steal his ramen, always eat the offered ramen if you can't defeat him in single combat, do not join his fangirl corps unless you want to suffer his wrath eventually, dancing around like an idiot is always a good thing, and never threaten a friend of his unless you want to see the business end of Orange Lightning up close and personal. That about covers it for this Naruto."

"This-"

"Don't ask, you'll live a lot longer."

"S, I mean H2."

The collective thought was a big fat what? But Josh knew. "Oh, you sick bastard. Do you really want to torture them with that one?"

"Yeah. Payback's a bitch. I could be eating ramen right now."

"Right." The silver man sheathed his sword and pulled out a keychain-sized hammer, grasping it tightly. "Half, full, or double!"

"WHAT DO WE WANT!?"

Naruto and Josh each stood next to each other and shouted at the same time, "HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER TIME!"

With the flick of his wrist and a couple of muttered words, the miniature hammer grew rapidly, until it was half as big as the wielder. Before anyone could so much as sweatdrop, the brunette began rapidly swinging the hammer at Naruto, who was repeatedly hit and thrown in the air. (A/N, Think of the hammer in SSBB)

"HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMMMMERRRR TIIIIME!"

Naruto landed lightly on his feet and looked around. "Nice…"

"I thought the civilians were getting a little noisy. "Let's get this over with. I am seriously hungry."

Shikaku rubbed his ears dazedly. "Well, Naruto, you may want to close your ears. We're going to discuss one of the 'forbidden' topics now."

Josh nodded, walked over to the door, beckoned for Naruto to follow, and opened it. "Right. Wait outside, will ya?"

"NO! I WANT TO LISTEN!"

"I am not going to let you blow another gasket and risk it coming out." The silver man said lightly, picking the blond up by the scruff of his neck. "So go make yourself useful and go get me a beer or something!"

Konoha was blessed with a scene that it hadn't ever seen before. Right as he finished speaking, Josh drop-kicked the blond quite a distance. "GOOD LUCK WITH THE FANGIRLS!" he called to the rapidly fading dot.

With that, he slammed and resealed the door. "Right. Let's get down to business."

The elder Nara rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Man… why am I not retired yet… and no, we're not in the business of killing huns."

"That's because you've been thoroughly whipped by your wife. Get a spine."

At this, Inoichi, Choza, and every other male shinobi cracked up. It was well known through the community that Shikaku was whipped by his wife, and he often admitted it himself, but this was the first time someone else had mentioned it in public.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time…"

This only caused the rest of the crowd to laugh even harder.

"Man, you're lucky this place is sealed up. Otherwise, your dear wife might have your balls for dinner."

Shikaku just kept on going. Apparently two decades of marriage were just fighting to break out from their bonds, "I mean, twenty years ago, the thought was, 'Wow, this girl's going to have sex with me. What have I got to lose?'"

Josh folded his arms and pointed straight up. "It looks like your balls."

Yoshino was above the hole in the ceiling created by Naruto's ricocheting Rasenshuriken, yelling inaudibly inside. "Did I mention that she could hear every word that you were saying?"

"You are such a sadistic bastard."

The armored guardian grinned widely. "I try my best. Now, let's get some work done before the castration. Who are the candidates? And why isn't the old lady down here? I thought they were friends."

Danzo took a step forward. "Tsunade-hime is unfortunately, besieged with paperwork at the moment. She could not attend this meeting."

Josh took the offered folder, rapidly rifling through the contents. "Let's see. The Godaime Mizukage… Hmm… A political marriage… Nope. This won't do."

The bandaged man raised his visible eyebrow. "And why not? I assure you, she is of noble stock-"

"Look, do you want me to deliver this to Naruto, or would you rather do this yourself? Because if I don't find anything better, you guys can tell him yourself. And trust me; I'll be laughing at your funeral. Naruto would never stand for a political marriage. Just trust me on that point."

Danzo looked around at the carnage. "And how would we do that? You've incapacitated all civilians with even a little bit of power."

"I did that because I really hate stuffy meetings and they were getting on my nerves. Let's just leave it there and move on. Hmm… hey! It's the pink-haired banshee! No, she won't do either."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" Sakura was being forcibly restrained by half a dozen jonin, all of which were straining to keep their footing.

Josh shrugged and deadpanned. "It's Kyuubi's nickname for you. If you have a problem with it, I suggest you take it up with the furball, not me."

Nobody felt like prodding at the mind of the greatest natural disaster that Konoha had ever gone through, so they moved on.

"Let's see… Yamanaka, nope. Shizune? You're a pedophile. Matarashi? What the fuck? Inuzuka? Nah… Ichiraku… meh. Temari? You'll get one angry Nara on your ass for that one. Hyuga…"

The entire room was stock-still, except for the occasional breath. Even Yoshino had stopped pounding on the barrier. This was the last name. The last chance in years for the rebirth of the Namikaze… excuse me, Uzumaki.

"Hmm… maybe. And that's a really big maybe. Interesting."

Time seemed to stand still as his hand passed between the two sheets, seemingly undecided. "Well…"

All the conscious occupants and even some of the unconscious ones seemed to lean forward slightly.

"This can wait. I'm hungry, and Naruto needs saving from those fangirls. I'll be taking these-" he said, holding up the sheaf of paper. "And I'll present to Naruto what I think is wise."

"But there are two Hyuga of the-"

Josh shook his head. "Technically, no. Ms. Double SSS has been sealed, as Naruto has kindly told me. However, I'm too hungry right now to worry about it. Eh, what's your name again?"

"Shikaku."

"Well, then, Shikaku, I'm a fair man at times. I'll give you a ten second head start before I let your wife do whatever she wants to you."

"Wait, only ten seconds?"

"Three Mississippi. Four Mississippi. Five Mississippi."

Shikaku jumped out of his seat, rushed over to the door, threw it open, and ran for his life. Unfortunately for him, he ran straight into a herd of fangirls currently chasing one of twenty Narutos flying around the village.

Needless to say, a visit to the Hospital was in order for more then one injury.

Josh chuckled as he walked out the door. "Ah…" he said, taking a deep whiff of the air. "Nothing quite smells like the scent of destruction in the morning…"

Everyone just stared at him.

Naruto ducked into another corner of an alley, watching closely as a fangirl patrol went by.

They were getting smarter in terms of tactics. Instead of chasing him around like a herd of cattle, they were splitting up into smaller groups and combing through the village. Of course, in this case, 'Smaller' was used in the loosest sense of the word.

Each 'patrol' was composed of roughly thirty fangirls, and there were easily a hundred patrols, with their numbers swelling by the hour. While he didn't know the exact population of Konoha, it was evident that sooner or later, they would catch him, especially with the state that he was in right now.

"Do you have my beer?"

The blond blanched, twisted, and threw a handful of shuriken, which pinged harmlessly off the breastplate of Josh's armor. "The hell was that for?"

Naruto pulled his friend down behind the trash can. "Keep it down, damn it! In case you didn't notice, I'm kinda trapped here right now. You'll have to go get your own beer and cows. There's no way I can go into a store and buy something right now. Those fangirls are vicious!"

"But I don't have any-"

The jonin shoved a double handful of ryo into his friend's hand. "There, now go away. You're too visible in that armor."

Josh shrugged, got up, and walked out of the alley. As he passed a patrol of fangirls, he discretely nodded toward the space from which he had just come out of.

With hardly a second thought, the group turned and ran into the space, causing Naruto to yell at the top of his lungs, "JOSH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

The armored man looked back at the retreating dot in the sky. "I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY!"

Two hours, a lot of haggling, a rifle round, and a quick trip to the Ninja Mart later, Josh was approaching Naruto's house with a dead cow slung over one shoulder and a dozen twelve-packs in the other. "What is going on here?"

In the two hours that he had been gone, Naruto, with the help of his Kage Bunshin, had turned his father's home into an absolute fortress. As far as the eye could tell, every part of the wall was now weaponized or trapped in some way. Cannons, nets, the beginnings of an inner moat had taken form, and they weren't just standing there.

Before he could inspect any further, one of Naruto's clones yelled something, an explosion sounded, and a twenty-pound cannonball was on a collision course with his head.

Following years of training and instinct, Josh dropped the cow and beers, slid out his sword, and cut the metal right down the middle. "What was that for!?"

Instead of replying, the clone poked his head back toward the house. "Bad news, men! They have reinforcements! Begin bombardment!"

A roaring cheer went up, and before Josh could do more then shift his grip on his sword, the sky darkened with scores of cannonballs, all falling toward him faster then should have been possible.

Had anyone been watching at the moment, they would have only seen a blur of black, orange, silver, blue, green, and brown.

Here's what would have been seen had anyone had a fully matured Sharingan around.

The brunette swept his sword in a wide arc, creating a small energy barrier that would hold- for a few seconds, at any rate. Emerging briefly from behind the shield, he cut at incoming shells, trying to reduce the collateral damage.

"You know, if you're trying to kill me, at least use explosive shells-"

With huge clouds of smoke, the armored guardian turned around to see nearly a hundred Narutos behind him alone, Rasengans of all sort in hand.

"Katon-"

"Futon-"

"Doton-"

"Suiton-"

"Raiton-"

"RASENGAN!"

Josh threw his sword into the air, dodged around the first wave of Rasengans, tapping the clones just enough so that they would detonate, but quickly enough so that he could react in time to the next attack.

"Futon: Rasenshuriken!"

"Raiton: Yajirushipiasu!"

"Katon: Kussakusai!"

"Doton: Hasaitekko!"

"Suiton: Dekishidoku!"

The swordsman tried to dodge, but found himself unable to move his feet. "The hell…"

"Sorry man, we've been ordered not to let you go."

The other clone winked at him. "Nothing personal."

"It never is with you, is it?"

Josh didn't get to say anything else as the five Narutos charged in, toting Enhanced Elemental Rasengans, which they then proceeded to slam one at a time into the guardian.

Needless to say, the resulting explosions were quite violent.

"Are you done yet?"

After ten more minutes, several million ryo in property damage, the destruction of multiple homes, businesses, and the village's water main and sewer, the guns of Naruto's home were finally silenced.

"DAMN IT! UZU! HOW MANY MEN DO WE HAVE LEFT!?"

"…Two."

"YEAH! A TWO MAN ASSAU-. Wait, did you say two?"

"I don't think I stuttered. Two men. That would be me and you."

"Naruto! Without a guardian attack or the Phoenix Firestorm, there's no way for you to damage my shield! Give it up already! I want to eat sometime today!" Josh called, his external speakers boosted to maximum power.

"LIKE HELL I WILL! YOU'RE NOT COMING BACK INTO MY HOUSE!"

The brunette blanched. "BUT I'M HUNGRY! AND YOUR FANGIRLS ARE STILL OUT THERE SOMEWHERE!"

"I DON'T CARE! AS LONG AS THEY STAY OUT THERE AND I STAY IN HERE, I'LL KEEP IT THAT WAY! IF YOU COME IN, I'LL USE YOUR WEAKNESS!"

"I CALL BULLSHIT! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY WEAKNESS, AND EVEN IF YOU DID, SOMETHING LIKE THAT WOULDN'T HAVE COME BACK TO YOU YET!"

There was silence for a moment, then Naruto's voice, not quite as loud as before, "Doesn't matter, I'll use the Guardian's weakness! You know I'm good at that!"

"Right." He growled. "Enough is enough."

He put away his sword and twirled out his rifle, hitting the clip release halfway through a spin, causing the magazine to fly halfway across the village, destroying a fire hydrant in the process.

Josh stopped the rifle with a few choice hits, slammed a clear extended clip home, cocked the bolt, loaded a round into the chamber, spun off the rifle barrel, and slotted on a SMG one before calling out. "This is your last chance! Let me in, or I'll open fire! I might not be able to break through that blood seal of yours, but I can still do a lot of property damage!"

"DO YOUR WORST! I'M WAITING!"

Just as the silver gauntlet tightened, he felt a tap in the middle of his back.

Before she could even react, Hinata's head was in Josh's crosshairs for the second time that day. "Goddamnit, girl! I thought you would have learned not to do that! You know how jumpy I can get, and with a gun in my hand, you could be dead right now!"

"Ano… I can unlock the gates for you…"

"That," he muttered. "would defeat the purpose of what I'm trying doing right now."

"What?"

"I'm trying to prove a point here. And speaking of points… you might want to stand behind me. Like. Right now."

"Ano…"

"Do you really want to get hit by ricocheting bullets? These rounds aren't treated. There's a good chance that they're going to bounce off the barrier. I can take a clip of these. Your clan home might survive a few hits. You wouldn't survive the recoil."

"Thanks."

Josh grunted. "Don't thank me. If you died, Naruto would be on my case for decades. You might want to plug your ears and close your eyes."

Before she could do much more then blink, the silver man had spun back around, dropped his visor, clicked off the safety, and let loose a hail of bullets, the greater majority of which were deflected well over the village walls, but a large handful managed to breach the seal, damage it, and break down the wall.

Of course, what didn't go into the wall and out of the village landed in the nearest intact buildings, which of course would be the Hyuga Estate.

Josh and Naruto were staring at each other from opposite sides of an invisible barrier, the physical one long since destroyed by Antimatter.

"Are you going to let me in?"

"No."

Naruto was dripping blood down his face and one arm, the said arm hanging slack in its socket.

His other arm, however, was quite steady, and gripping his sword.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright then. Don't say I didn't warn you." He sheathed his sword and screwed off the barrel of the gun.

"… Boss. You might want to give up. Like right about now."

"What? Why should I do that? He can't hurt me in here."

Uzu pointed. "I don't know about you, but that doesn't look like a bullet to me."

Naruto did look. What he saw was not encouraging, to say the least.

Josh had gotten down on one knee and was busy mounting a rocket to the end of his rifle. The warhead looked simply too big to be allowed on the end of such a small rifle. "The hell is that?"

"If memory serves me correctly, which it's probably will in this case, that's a Dark Bunker Buster. Not exactly something I would want to face at our current power levels. Or ever, for that matter. I still remember what he did with that one that missed-"

"Dark Guardian Art: Bunker-"

"If you're going to do something, do it now."

"He won't fire… right?"

"BUSTER!"

"Well, fucknuts."

"Did I scare you?"

Naruto groaned as he shifted his recently repaired shoulder. "If you hadn't caught that missile at the last second, I would have summoned Kyuubi somehow to eat the damned thing. Of course I was scared, you dipshit! I still vaguely remember something about a misguided Dark Bunker Buster tearing the shit out of the moon!"

"Actually, I cracked it into five pieces. But who's counting?"

The blond threw a kunai at his friend, which bounced harmlessly off his armor. "I'M COUNTING, OF COURSE, YOU JACKASS! I LIVE HERE, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE!"

"You lived on the Strife for a while. That didn't stop you from drilling holes in solid titanium armor plating to store your ramen."

"THAT'S DIFFERENT! THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE HERE!"

"And I had fifteen AI and a sentient ship. Do you know how much the Strife bitched at me to stop you from drilling any more holes?"

"No… why should I?"

"Why? WHY!?" by now, Josh had ripped of his helmet and was shouting as well. "WELL, WHY DON'T YOU THINK FOR A BIT? THE STRIFE IS A LIVING SHIP! SHE HAS ACCESS TO ALL OF THE SUBSYSTEMS, INCLUDING THE GODDAMNED INTERCOM! THE INTERCOM CAN LINK UP WITH MY INTERNAL SPEAKERS! SHE WAS BITCHING AND MOANING AT ME NONSTOP TO STOP YOU FROM DRILLING MORE HOLES!"

"But I fixed them back up…"

"YES, BUT WITH GODDAMNED TOOTHPASTE! AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING! WHY THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO FIX A TITANIUM WALL WITH TOOTHPASTE!? THAT ONLY WORKS ON DRYWALL, IDIOT! AND ANOTHER THING! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT MUCH TOOTHPASTE!?"

"I tried… it's the thought that counts, right?"

Josh slotted his helmet back on and breathed heavily. "Yeah, but it's like ripping someone's dick off and offering to put the foreskin back where it used to be. It's not the same, Naruto."

"Ano… how big was the hole?"

"That sounds like a dirty question a guy would ask about the local prostitutes, but I'll ignore that bit. Naruto, here, with his little Rasengans carved a hole ten feet high by ten feet wide and SIX AND A HALF FUCKING FEET DEEP IN ENERGY-RESISTANT TITANIUM! How the hell can you eat that much ramen, AND FOR THAT MATTER, HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO IT?"

"Hey, don't ask me. I lost my memory, remember?"

"Typical. Avoiding the question. I always wondered why Internal Affairs hated you so much. Now that I've been yelling at you for a bit, I know why."

"Hey Hey Hey!"

The brunette sighed. "Naruto. Elvis is currently running around central advertising the next tournament. If we get back soon, and restore all of your power, we might get a chance to participate."

Just then, another explosion rocked Naruto's battered house. "What is it this time?"

"Baa-chan… was it really necessary to bombard my house with a wad of two thousand paper bombs? And why is Shikamaru here?"

"If it got you out of your batcave, I'd use nine thousand and one paper bombs."

"Why nine thousand and one bombs, baa-chan?"

Josh snorted and crossed his arms. "BECAUSE IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!"

"Exactly. In any case, our scouts have reported that Hidan and Kakuzu of Akatsuki have once again reentered our jurisdiction. Your orders are to take a squad and capture them if possible, neutralize them otherwise."

"He won't need a squad with me here."

"Josh, that won't work. I got lucky with Kisame and Itachi. They didn't bring any subordinates along. Not to mention the fact that they're invincible and immortal to a certain degree. Well, Hidan is, at any rate."

"Huh… immortal and invincible, you say? This I gotta see."

"You're not going without me!"

Naruto looked over at Shikamaru. "I understand your frustration, Shikamaru. But those two have likely been enhanced with-"

"I don't care, as troublesome as it is. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and it's been four years in a frozen hell for me. If you don't let me go, I'll go rogue and follow you anyway."

"What the fuck is with all my top ninja threatening to go rouge on me all of a sudden? What did I do?"

"You were yourself. But I'll need more then just a squad. From what Kyuubi has shown me and from my fights with them-"

"Hang on, you've fought them!?" Tsunade interrupted.

"Well, yeah. They're currently assigned to track me down. Kisame, Itachi, Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, Madara, Pain, and Konan are all on my tail right now. Bee's safe for the moment, but he's being actively hunted by Zetsu. Lucky he went into hiding. Bee's tough as a bucket of hangnails and five times as painful, but he would have been overwhelmed. However, Kisame is dead, thanks to Josh and his C12, Itachi is missing, Deidara, Madara, A.K.A. Tobi, Pain, and Konan are busy with something else right now, so that just leaves Hidan and Kakuzu at the moment."

"That's not too bad."

The blond pulled out ramen, then checked the action and put it away. "In theory, it shouldn't be. However, as Josh found out, Kisame was augmented with the Sanbi, the three-tailed turtle, which upgraded his defense to the point where all a Rasengan could do was make him fly. With the possible exception of Itachi and Zetsu, all of Akatsuki has been enhanced with one of the Bijuu."

"This wasn't in your report, Gaki."

Naruto grinned widely. "Of course not! Do you want me to induce widespread panic by stating that Akatsuki is even more invincible to the average ninja then before?"

"On second thought, a wise move on your part."

"Naruto? A wise move? Remind me to boost my shields to max before I leave this place."

"Is it really that bad?"

Josh sucked in a breath. "You have no idea. Last time Naruto had a wise move or smart idea, the moment I stepped outside, I got flattened by an asteroid."

"Well," Naruto said as they left the Hokage's office, the sky strangely devoid of flying space debris, "She didn't have to bomb my house for that… Hiashi is not going to be pleased that most of his front wall was leveled…"

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?"

"Maybe… anyway, we need to head back to the house, make a few plans and… why are you looking at me all funny like that?"

"Checkmate, Naruto. You might want to look ahead."

"Wha… Well, fucknuts."

While they had been talking, the two had walked into the biggest crowd of fangirls that Konoha had ever managed, which had closed the gap and now surrounded them on all sides.

"Is that your new catchline?"

"This is not the time for words… this is a time…"

"Yeah, I know." The swordsman pulled out his rifle, ejected the clip, let the round loose from the chamber, and fitted a custom one in. "This is a time… FOR RUNNING AWAY!"

Before the fangirls could do much more then blink, Josh had emptied the clip and both of them had disappeared in a flash, the brunette much less elegantly then his partner, his slipstream sending dozens crashing into nearby buildings.

"Is everyone here?"

"Just about. Still waiting on two people."

"Jesus, Naruto. You would think that we were going to war with this many people. I mean, wars have been settled with less guardians then this."

Naruto shook his head. "They're not guardians. And they know our primary weakness. Hidan and Kakuzu are both bijuu-enhanced, and I don't want to come up short like I did last time and nearly get speared by both of them."

Just then, Kakashi and Yamato shunshined in with a poof of smoke, the former reading a well-thumbed copy of Icha Icha Paradise. "Yo, Naruto."

"Kakashi-sensei. Yamato-taicho."

"Uh. I was never your captain…"

"Kyuubi said you commanded Team 7 for a while. That's good enough. Anyway, on to our battle plan. Josh?"

"Right. Now, Naruto and I have come up with something that will hopefully lower our chances for casualties. We'll travel as one squad toward the last known location of our target. Hopefully, they haven't gone too far, though if they've been enhanced, I'm not sure. Anyway, when we get to a certain area, we'll continue on foot and split into two squads."

Shikamaru tried raised his hand casually, but it was stiff with anticipation with revenge. "And those are…"

"I'm getting to it; I'm getting to it… keep your hair on. Alright. Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Yamato, Pink-Haired Banshee, Lee, Neji. You're with me. Sai, Kakashi, Shizune, Gai, Hinata, Kiba, and Tenten are with Naruto. The idiot and I are to engage Kakuzu and Hidan directly, respectively. UNDER NO CIRUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO ENGAGE THOSE TWO IN SINGLE COMBAT. You would be absolutely destroyed, and I hate the paperwork after deaths. Your objective is to deal with their subordinates, which I might add, are all Jonin-ranked and above. Do not take them lightly, or you will die. Normally, I would take them all out, but since they have bijuu temporarily sealed, destroying their bodies violently without extracting the bijuu could cause them to escape, and I really don't feel like dealing with that right now. If it is possible, we will capture them, as per your Hokage's orders, but I see the chances of that to be about one in ten thousand at best."

"That… was a mouthful." Ino said, still slightly dizzy after trying to follow all of that.

"That's what she said!"

"Shut up, Naruto. I'm not finished yet. To get to the edge of fire country, we'll be taking a transport jet. Roughly twenty miles from the edge, we'll disembark and proceed on foot. Your short-range radios can interface with mine, but I'll be broadcasting live from my end. If the fight goes really badly, which I doubt, break off and return to Konoha. Drop everything and run. Live to fight another day. Naruto… blood, if you please."

The blond scowled and pulled out a dead chicken. "I'm sick of cutting myself when I don't need to. Use this blood."

Josh sighed and took off his helmet, rubbing his eyes, yelping when his energy shield nearly erased his corneas. "I need your blood, Naruto. Since there are so many of us, we'll have to take the pair, and you have to unlock yours. Now… if you please?"

"No."

Faster then anyone could tell, Josh drew his sword, cut a neat line across the blond's chest, caught a few drops of blood on his finger, and wiped them on one of the two metallic plates on the ground. A split second later, some more blood joined the first as Josh added his own.

He didn't sheath his sword, instead, while twirling the blood-stained blade, he chanted several unrecgonizable words and stabbed both plates in turn.

What happened next was not your average summoning.

Instead of a puff of smoke or beam of light, as one would expect with a traditional or guardian summoning, the area surrounding the two plates blurred slightly, but nothing else happened.

"Goddamnit, Jabba. You would think that one of your expiremental devices would work. Naruto, I need more blood."

Hinata leaned over the fallen blond. "Ano… Josh-sa-"

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT HONORIFICS!?"

"Ano… Hai. Ano… Naruto-kun's not moving."

"Hmm… this could be a problem. Now where's my biofoam…"

As Josh fumbled around on his belt for the can of life, the Ex-Hyuga Heiress flipped her crush over and began applying medical ninjutsu, hands glowing green in an attempt to stop the blond's bleeding.

"GODDAMNIT, JOSH! I'M NOT IMMORTAL RIGHT NOW, YOU JACKASS! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"Well, it looks like he did survive. Ah, shit. Now he's going to get pissed at me. Hey, Hinata. Get some of the blood, will ya? Here's a bucket."

"Josh… I'm warning you…"

"Fine… Fine… we'll take the one jet. Huh… I seem to be out of Biofoam…"

"JOSH!"

"Alright… alright. Man… can't even take a joke…"

"Alright, people. If you'll move to the rear of the plane, you'll find some backpacks. Put them on and stand next to the door."

"There aren't enough, Josh. What do I do?"

"You don't need one. Just do what you always do for a jump. Now go stand with the rest."

Naruto did obligingly, watching as everyone else strapped themselves to a backpack, thinking all the while, what the hell do I do for a jump again? "Listen up. When you get the signal, count to ten and pull the red handle. Can everyone find a red handle? Good. Now, on my signal… Three… Two… One…"

"Hey, Naruto! What's the signal?"

"I don't really remember, Shikamaruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

With a sudden rush of air, the plate of metal they were standing on retracted and the Konoha eleven and then some fell out of the back of a transport jet going at three hundred miles an hour and at thirty thousand feet. Not exactly stealthy, but humans tended to never look up.

"PULL THE HANDLE! IT'S BEEN TEN SECONDS! WAIT TOO LONG AND YOU'LL BE PASTE ON THE GROUND! PULL NOW, DAMNIT!"

The average civilian would have continued screaming, but the Shinobi knew better and pulled the handles, deploying their parachutes and slowing their freefall to a survivable speed… that is, if they reinforced their limbs with chakra.

"Hang on, where's Naruto!? He didn't have a parachute!"

"Aww, Ino… were you worried about me?"

Everyone whipped around to see Naruto floating down with them, arms folded across his chest. "How-"

"How am I doing this? Simple. Josh gave me a small tank of Guardian Energy before we took off. I'm channeling that through my feet to augment my own supplies of chakra and I'm using that to descend slowly."

"Well, why couldn't we do that?"

The blond raised an eyebrow. "I'm using the equivalent of roughly two dozen Rasengan per second to slow my descent to your level. If you want to try that output for the next fourteen minutes, be my guest."

Just then, a hail of kunai soared up, launched by something, streaking toward their parachutes. "SCATTER! YOUR PACKS DON'T HAVE A BACKUP! IF YOUR CANOPY IS PUNCTURED, YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"

As the parachuting ninja scattered, Naruto pulled out his sword and started deflecting the oncoming kunai, knocking them away with flicks of the wrist. Everyone else pulled out shuriken and their own kunai, knocking away what they could.

Lee had taken off his leg weights, snapping them into a rod and twirling that like a helicopter rotor, knocking away numerous kunai. However, due to the speed of rotation, he couldn't control where they were going, and a stray deflected kunai was knocked straight through Hinata's canopy, causing it to instantly deflate and for her to start tumbling toward her death against the unforgiving ground below.

"HINATA!"

With a snarl and a sudden change of direction, Naruto twisted and dove straight down, adding bursts of chakra to increase his speed, deflecting kunai all the while speeding toward the falling girl.

With an upwards swooping action, he caught Hinata bridal-style and ejected large bursts of chakra to restabilize his flight, cutting off the parachute with one deft cut.

"Naruto-kun, watch out!"

"Wha-"

Faster then she would have believe possible, a dozen kunai hit the blond, digging their way several inches into his flesh, causing him to grit his teeth in pain, but not stopping their descent.

"Josh, you there?"

"Reading you loud and clear. Your bio-monitors said that you were hit. Need help?"

"Not me. Though a little close support would be appreciated. They're firing ack-ack at the parachutes."

There was a brief silence, then the swordsman came back onto the radio. "Alright, I got it. Tell them to continue and not to shit their pants. I'm going in with the fighter."

"I'm going down though. Fifteen seconds."

"Are you out of energy already?"

"No, but the dozen knives digging into my back is very painful."

"Ah… understood."

As Naruto snapped off the radio, a blackish-bluish streak blazed past all of them, then pulled up just as quickly, disappearing from sight.

Two seconds later, the forest below them ignited in six fireballs as the bombs that Josh dropped went off, toasting the attackers and several acres of forest as well.

The blond clenched his jaw as he hit the ground, put Hinata down, and reached over his back to pull the Kunai out.

"Wait, Naruto-kun. You'll hurt yourself by doing that. Let me do it."

The jonin obliged, laying down and grimacing as the knives were removed one by one, the blue-haired girl healing them as soon as she removed them.

"Are you alright, Naruto?"

Kakashi had landed along with the others. They rushed over just as Hinata removed the last of the kunai and healed him up.

"I'm fine. Where's-"

Josh stood at the edge of the clearing he had made, loading his rifle and drawing his sword.

"Come. The hunt begins now…"

Author's Note.

Yo.

I'm back after a few months.

Sorry about the delay, but school is really clamping down.

However, on a better note, i have found my muse again. She was hiding among some music, but i dragged her out.

So expect a new chapter of Orange Lightning in two weeks.

I also have two more stories in the pipeline, which will give me a total of 4 pieces.

Now, as to this piece, i would we're about 1/3 the way though the first one, but there are two more, so fret not.

That's about it for now.

Until next time, my loyal minions!

Xingster

Ja ne.

P.S. Here's a small omake for the wait. This is what could have happened if Naruto had a bit more power and it's from the siege on Naruto's house.

Ja ne.

OMAKE

Hiashi was thinking deeply in his courtyard, contemplating about what to do with his blond neighbor, when all of a sudden, the pond that had been meticulously created for just this purpose exploded in his face.

Tsunade had just finished all the paperwork, swung by the destroyed council chambers for a quick laugh, and then was just about to enter one of the only casinos left in Konoha when something penetrated the glass front doors.

Two milliseconds and a muttered curse later, the establishment was a fireball, and the Godaime Hokage was dodging shards of glass, metal, and brick.

Twas the day after Christmas, when all throughout the village, nothing could stir. Not even a mouse.

Well, that was because there wasn't much left of the village but rubble.

Choji bemoaned his favorite barbeque restaurant, destroyed when one of the bullets lit the supply of charcoal they kept in the back.

Ino and Inoichi were watering their burnt flowers.

Shikamaru laid back and watch smoke join his cloud friends up high in the sky.

Kakashi stared at the bookshop, destroyed when Josh had thrown a spent clip through the window, causing the contents to spontaneously combust.

The said swordsman was still unloading clip after clip into the wall, hoping to get his point across. To this day, we still don't know if he succeeded or not.