Don't be Scared Little Alchemist

My Gosh where does time go! I hate to admit to this but i feel like I practically abandoned this story and all of it's readers for a very long time =( I did have my reasons for this of course, but I still feel terrible about it. I'm so so sorry about the wait, but I also want to say thank you to everyone for still sticking with this story. Most days I would get e-mails coming through reminding me that someones favourited it or commented or is following it. That means so much.
Just one thing I would like to address- i recently got a review saying that Sydney is out of character and this isn't the first time this has happened. This is due to the fact that I began this story before the Bloodlines series came out so I knew very little about her then and had to sort of guess the reasons behind her actions. This story has nothing to do with Bloodlines or the events that occur within that book. Anyway- I'm rambling as always- on with the much awaited story!

Chapter 12:

Everyone in the room prepared to take their places, nervous looks on every face except Lissa's which was just as empty as it had been before. She knew the consequence of what she was doing, she knew it could backfire by adding in Spirit into a ritual made for just the 4 original elements. She knew it could affect her... and she also knew it could affect me... but she didn't care. That hurt so badly it was though a part of my heart had been cut out. Before, Lissa would have been willing to do anything for me, but now here she was putting me in the front line of danger for her own benefit. It was the first time in my life I could actually label Lissa as selfish. I guess it just showed how much Spirit was able to corrupt the minds of those who weilded it.

Everyone waited patiently for Sydney to tell them what to do and where to go. I watched as she leafed through the pages of the book that contained the ritual, I could see the worry creasing up her beautiful face. I hated myself for not physically restraining her from coming tonight. If anything happened to her, I honestly didn't know how I'd go on.

"Okay" the little Alchemist announced, "it says here that you must stand as if you are the corners of a square- fire and water at the top facing each other, and air and earth at the bottom doing the same". The Moroi who posessed those elements organised themselves and did as they were told, but to me, watching them just reinforced the fact that I was not meant to be a part of this ritual. I wasn't written into it. Something was bound to go wrong.

"Your Majesty, if you would please stand in the middle" Sydney said, trying to keep her composure in this tense atmosphere. It was so quiet that the light tapping of Lissa's feet on the ground as she walked cut through me with every step. "And then" continued Sydney, "you need to face the Moroi who posesses your element, who in this case is Adrian". Sydney turned to me and I shot her my best, pleading 'don't make me do this' look, but to no avail. She merely sighed and pointed me towards where to stand- between Mia and Christian. The pair looked at me apolageticly as if they felt somewhat responsible, though I couldn't imagine why as it had been made quite clear that Lissa had gone through with this decision by herself. I guess they were just nice people.

"Okay" continued Sydney, assesing the layout. She explained how I was vital to the success of the ritua, but I was too caught up in my thoughts about the many ways this could potentialy go wrong. Of course, I wasn't usually a worrier, in fact before Rose I had never truely worried a day in my life. I was party boy Adrian Ivashkov, the art college drop out, the alcoholic, the ladies man. But over the last year that man had dissapeared and in his place stood a man who cared very much about everyone in his life. From his dodgy parents, to his noble yet hilarious guardians, his Alchemist girlfriend he wasn't technically supposed to be with, his crazy best friend standing in the square with cold eyes, and hell- even the woman who cheated on him and the man she cheated with.

They all meant the world to me and screwing this up as I had screwed up so many things in my life would mean I'd let them all down.

"The ritual isn't too complicated" I heard my girlfriend say as I swallowed my fear and tuned back in to reality. She set a bucket of water down in front of Mia and some rocks down in front of Paul, the earth user. "It's fairly simple" she insisted, "You just have to use your element to create an arch with the person opposite you- just meet them halfway. For example, Lily and Paul would create an arch that is half air and half earth. Usually, the Moroi surrendering their powers would walk under one arch at a time before stopping in front of the Moroi with the same element as them, but unfortunately, there is no room for Spirit in the ritual. Therefore, Adrian and the Queen must walk through the first arch together, the Queen must do the second by herself and then meet in the middle and then see what happens. At that point, the arches will seem as though they are going out of control, but in reality each element will be finding the best way to get to the Queen. If this happens, we have succeded. Everyone understand?"

There were faint nods from all involved and Lissa came and stood beside me. "Thank you Adrian" she said, "I couldn't do this without you." In no mood to accept her kind words after all she had done, I merely looked down and shook my head. Lissa didn't make another attempt at conversation and waited for the ritual to begin.

It began well, just inches in front of us, Mia and Christian had their arch up in seconds, both clearly concentrating with all their might. It wasn't long before Lily and Paul managed to do the same. Lissa and I walked under the first arch together as planned, feeling the magic seeping into us, the warmth of the fire giving me a fluttery feeling and the wetness of the water chillng me to the bone, somewhat simultaneously. I stood in the middle of the square and watched as Lissa walked under the second arch and made her way back to me.

We stood face to face, studying each other, waiting for something to happen. The atmosphere was tense and the whole room turned silent. Lissa's eyes narrowed as if warning me to never break eye contact, but even so I managed a quick glance over at Sydney who would lose her job and be in serious trouble with the Alchemists if this ever went public. I turned my attention to Eddie and Gareth, who were in charge of my saftey and would be fired if anything was to go wrong. I even glanced over at Rose and Dimitri, holding hands with solemn expressions worn on their faces. Whenever I'd seen them together before this, they had always been happy, clearly content with their lives and looking forward to their long and happy futures together. That was one of the things which pained me the most- they were protecting Lissa and Christian, the Queen and Lord. I knew, and they too knew that if this backfired, their punishment would be by far the worst. I honestly dreaded to think what it would mean for them, after all they had already been fugitives once in their lives. I wasn't about to destory what they had together.

As I turned back to Lissa and looked into her Spirit fueled eyes it was like I was staring into a destroyed soul. I did feel sorry for her, I really did... but I still couldn't help but wonder why exactly she couldn't find another way. I mean- I always had, always. The only reason she was finding it so difficult to cope now was because she had previously had the bond. Giving up powers she had yet to learn how to control wasn't worth all the job losses or potenial deaths that this ritual was able to cause.

And thats when it hit me- I had to stop this.

But- as my luck tends to go on most occasions, it didn't work out that well. The arches began to twist and turn, causing the odd scream or grunt of frustration to be uttered from the fire, air, earth and water users. It was happening and I didn't know how to stop it. I could see the magic in the air, weaving around the room, past all the bystanders and seeping into Lissa. She grinned as though feeling a weight being lifted off of her, but as I watched the magic pulsing into her, I noticed with a start that it was also pulsing into... me? Shit. Well that couldn't be right.

Suddenly, it was as though I was enveloped in a world of my own. Time itself seemed to stop and all I could feel was the magic inside me. I felt like I had all the power in the world and yet... I couldn't feel the hum of spirit. I guessed that this was what it felt like to be a normal Moroi who worked as one with their power. I envied them I really did. By choice I could very easily have stayed in that haze forever and ever... but I had to take the time to glance around me. Lissa was experiencing the same thing as me... but why did everyone around us look so worried? My eyes darted to the others in the circle and thats when I realised... they were all suffering. Mia had all but passed out and the other three were on their knees putting all their energy in. I locked glances with Christian. I saw his pain, it was as though he was pleading with me to make it stop. I couldn't deny him that, he was an old friend of mine, he would have done the same for me.

Although I was still mesmirised by the magic, I found one last ditch effort to end this- I pushed Lissa down. - pushing the Queen was a bad move and I really don't reccomend it, but I had to trust my instincts that she would forgive me, at least for the sake of Christian.

As soon as Lissa was down, everything stopped eerily quickly. I was the only one in the square still standing and everyone else in the room had their eyes fixed on me, completely awestruck. I felt as though I'd commited a crime, the people around me clearly didn't know what to make out of all of this... but then again neither did I really. Would the power surrender had worked without causing any long term damage to the others in the sqaure? At that moment, in the deadly silent room I began to speak my mind. I was actually going to be a man for once, I was going to stand up for myself.

"I couldn't take the risk" I began, watching some of the onlooking faces soften while others jaws dropped at the thought that I could actually do something non-selfish for once in my life. I honestly couldn't say I blamed them.
"I've spent the last eight years struggling with Spirit" I admitted, "and it's tough as hell I'm not going to lie. It's sent me up the wall on countless occasions, it's made me become an alcoholic and smoker. It's given me an excuse to give up on everything I've ever worked for... but it's also helped me in my life. When Rose was on the run, spirit gave me and my friends a way to contact her, to make sure she was okay. It gives me the courage to speak my mind... mostly because I can't help it when I'm on a particularly bad downwards spiral, but you get my point. It makes me feel confident, powerful even. It even helped me meet the love of my life." At this I got a few 'awws' from the crowd, and Sydney took this opportunity to walk over to me and take my hand in hers, undoubtably remembering when I had flirted with her in her dreams.

"I love you" I whispered in her ear before kissing her on the forehead.

"I love you too" she whispered back, her beautiful golden eyes alight with pride, pride for me. In that split second, I was overwhelmed. Never before had I felt that feeling, the warmth and happiness of knowing that I had done something that others could be proud of me for, but I finally had it, and from the person that mattered the most. Looking around, I could see that the others in the room were listening intently, even Lissa was looking at me egarly awaiting my next words. I hoped this meant she wasn't too angry at me, but I didn't have time to dwell on that. I continued on.

"But anyway- I'm rambling a little" I said, "I'm sure you're not interested in my life story, though it is a bit of a rollercoaster. My point is- her Majesty, Queen Vasilisa, my close friend, my sister... she didn't need this stupid ritual. She's a strong woman, the youngest Queen in years and she's been through more in her life than it's right to repeat. And she has a lot of people who love her very much, people who could have been seriously harmed tonight, such as Christian here." I gestured towards Christian who looked particularly uncomfortable suddenly being in the spotlight, but I was sure he didn't mind.
"He suffered for her tonight" I continued, "and although I'm sure he would have fought to the death for her, I wasn't going to take that risk. I wasn't about to tear the two of them apart, nor was I going to risk the lives of anyone else here today- and quite frankly I wasn't risking my life either."

It was at this moment that I could see a wave of guilt cross Lissa's features. I could tell she wasn't angry at me, but instead felt corrected, wrong. I could tell she was sorry, so I directed my heartfelt speach to her.

"Liss" I said softly, looking her in the eyes and offering her my hand to help her up. She accepted and soon we were face to face as we had been in the ritual. "I'm sorry I stopped all this. But do you see why I did?" She nodded at this and allowed me to continue. "You don't need this Lissa. You'll be okay. I'll help you."

"It's okay Adrian" she replied, "I feel better already." At this she wrapped me up into a hug and whispered "I'm sorry" in my ear at which I hugged her tighter to prove I accepted her apology and earned many 'awws' from the onlookers. However, through this miniature love fest, I couldn't help but linger on one thing... I felt better too. The hum of spirit was much less noticable, non-threatening. It wasn't gone, I could feel it still, but for the first time since I specialised in it, it felt like I was the one in control rather than the other way around. Finally, I felt like the weilder of a magical power, not a man possesed by a demon. It felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, finally allowing me to breathe for the first time in years. It couldn't be...

I abruptly let Lissa go and turned to Sydney, who was still standing right beside me. "Sydney" I began, "you don't think that the ritual kinda... worked do you? I mean.. not all the way but.. we both feel a little better now."

At this, Sydney merely shrugged, the first time since I'd known her that she wasn't positive about the answer to a question.

"Possibly" she replied, "who knows what could have happened, we didn't do the ritual according to the book so anything could have taken place. I wouldn't be too surprised if it had half worked and since you walked through an arch I can see why it may have worked on you too."

I turned back to Lissa and saw an excitement in her eyes that matched my own. At that moment, a mutual understanding passed between us, something her life had been devoid of for a long time- hope. Hope for things to get better, easier, happier. Hope for a brigher future. Hope for a new beginning which was quite frankly just what she needed right now. I too hoped- I hoped that I would be calmer, more able to stay sober. I hoped I would finally be able to treat Sydney like a princess like she deserved without having breakdowns and crazy bursts of random yelling and breaking into riddles and rhymes at inconvenient times.

I turned to Sydney, her eyes still glowing with pride and embraced her. She hugged me back and in her arms, without the threat of spirit overtaking, I felt really, truley at home.

Tada! almost at the end now- one or two chapters left to go now depending on how it all pans out ;) remember to review and leave feedback because it always helps =D I love you all =3