Sorry it took so long to update, but I've been having some difficulties with my internet and there's a lot in school and stuff like that. But now there's finally a new chapter, and it's in Peeta's POV. I hope you will like it. There's a little bit of angst in there. I really love all the reviews I've been getting, so keep them coming, okay?

I let me hand stay on my knee after positioning my leg right, my other hand resting in my lap. I watched Cinna as he nibbled on the bread I had given him, unaware of how concentrated he looked while he chewed. He almost looked like that bread was his savior.

It didn't surprise me if he felt like that, somehow. When he came back he had been so fragile, and for a while I thought my bread and Katniss' meat wouldn't help. No matter how much we kept feeding him, nothing seemed to happen. But then, after a week or so, he started to look better. He hadn't gained much weight, but he had a glow around him. And now, three months after the wedding, he looked exactly like he used to.

Or you'd think so. I'd put my money on scars covering his entire body, hidden underneath his clothes. But there was no way to be sure. He hadn't said anything. Not to me. Not to Katniss. No matter how many times she asked, he just wouldn't talk.

Cinna had been offered to move into Katniss old Victory House when he announced that he'd move here permanently, but he didn't want it. Said it was too big. He lived there for now though, while I helped him build a new house. Well, me and a ton of district people. I didn't know how to build a house. I had only really designed the bakery and the apartment on top, but it was the townspeople that had helped me build it. Everyone had asked why I wanted so many rooms, or why I would live on top of the bakery. But it was just natural for me. I had always lived on top of a bakery. I had always lived in a house with a lot of rooms. I know it was only because I grew up with two brothers, and we had our own rooms, but it felt strange to have a small place. When Katniss moved in, we decorated one of the empty rooms to a guest room, and I used the other room to paint in.

Cinna caught me looking at him, and he let out a sigh as he put down the piece of bread he was holding in his hands. "What do you want to know?"

Would he really talk? I knew that he didn't want Katniss to know about the pain he had surely went through, and he knew that I would most likely tell her. If she asked, I wouldn't lie. I couldn't. Not to her.

"How are you alive?" I had about a billion questions, but this one was the first to leave my lips. He didn't answer for a moment though, but I knew that he would. He had some things to work out, from the look on his face.

Finally, he moved his eyes from the surface of the table to me. "I don't know. I remember that moment before the Quell, saying goodbye to Katniss, and then the peacekeepers coming. I woke up in a dark, tiny space somewhere. At first they'd take me up a few hours at a time, try to get information out of me, but then they just stopped. They never came back, and I don't know why. It was too dark to count days, but I think they gave me something to drink a few times a week. Sometimes they added something to eat. I don't know how I managed to survive for five years, but I wouldn't have lasted much longer. I was practically dead when they found me."

"How much do you know of what happened when you were...?"

"Basically nothing. They obviously succeeded in saving you from the arena, but they haven't told me anything. All they said to me was that Snow was dead, and then they gave me a number to call. I didn't even know if you were alive before Katniss picked up. And now here we are."

He didn't know anything. How could they not have told him? He deserved to know. We hadn't told him because we thought he knew, and neither Katniss or I liked talking about it much. Why hadn't he asked us though?
I figured I might as well tell him. I knew that Katniss wouldn't be home for at least an hour – it was Sunday, and she usually spent as much time in the woods as possible on Sundays.

"They never came back for you, because they had me."

"What?" he looked shocked, as he should be. He didn't know that they held me prisoner, just as I didn't know about Cinna until Katniss finally told me months after Snow's and Coin's deaths.

"They almost didn't succeed with taking us out from the arena. Katniss and I had no idea about their plans, and we talked about taking off on our own. We didn't trust anyone but the other. But before we could take off, things went wrong. Eventually, Katniss, Beetee and Finnick managed to get out of the arena alive. The Capitol took me and Johanna, and the few that was still alive. At first they just held me, forcing me to talk in these televised interviews, but when that didn't work, they started with the torture. They would break me down completely, and then put me back together. When I still wouldn't talk, they hijacked me. Taking memories, turning and twisting them into something bad. I thought Katniss was someone I hated, someone who wanted to kill me. Hell, I thought everyone wanted to kill me. Eventually, I started to realize what was real and not. I found a way back to who I used to be, mostly because of Katniss. But there's still moments when I don't know who or where I am. It's usually that confused moment after I've woken up from a dream. Katniss hasn't been around for it to happen because she always wakes up before I do, and I'm glad. I don't trust myself when I have those moments. Sometimes I think they made me into a monster, and there's no way back."

Truthfully, a part of me thought that Katniss would be able to bring me back up to what's real, like she did when she kissed me on that roof, but there's no way to be sure. And that terrified me. Not knowing.

"How much of this does she know?"

"Not much," I answered truthfully. It just felt better if she stayed in the dark. If she thought I was fixed completely. But a part of me would always be broken, and I would always fear the day I'd wake up with her next to me, and I'd want to kill her. I was so close in that hospital, and I can't forgive myself for that. I know she has, but I just can't. What if I had actually killed her? "It just seems better that she doesn't know everything. I'm gonna tell her one day though. When she's ready."

We continued to talk for a few hours, and I told him whatever he asked. He answered all of my questions. He had been a part of the rebellion for so long. His father was a part of it, and when he died, Cinna wanted to continue in his footsteps. He asked for our district because he saw what Katniss did for Prim, and he said he needed that courage himself. He thought that knowing someone like Katniss would give him that. And it did. He was a part of Haymitch and Plurtach's plans for a long time, but he also thought that it was better if we didn't know. Safer. He designed the Mockingjay outfit long before it was even announced that we would be brought back into the arena. He knew what the burning dress would do to him, but he said that he'd gladly give his life for us. For Katniss. For a free Panem.

I couldn't help but to admire him. His strenght and his will. His courage.

"When is Katniss coming home?" Cinna asked and I looked outside. It was dark. It was long after dinner time, and she should have been home a long time ago. A sudden worry suddenly rose inside me. I knew she could take care of herself, but anything could have happened.

"She'll probably be home soon," I lied smoothly. "But I gotta run an errand to Haymitch. You can stay if you want to, but I don't know how long it's gonna take. Might take some time to knock some life into him."

Cinna told me he should probably he heading home, and we walked together toward the Victor's Village. Watching him walk into Katniss old house, I glanced over at Haymitch's house. I knew there was a small chance that Katniss was there, but I might as well just ask. When he didn't answer the door after what felt like a thousand knocks, I walked through the unlocked door and fought the urge to throw up. Katniss was definitely not here, but Haymitch was knocked out on the sofa. I moved the half empty bottles to the kitchen, pouring them out, knowing that he would be pissed at me later. Then I opened pretty much every window in the house before I left again.

If she wasn't here, then she was still in the woods. But it was getting dark, and she wouldn't be able to see anything. It was also starting to rain, and I knew that the slight pain in my leg would soon be throbbing. That always happened when it was raining. Or snowing. Or basically any time my leg got cold or wet. But I ignored it and kept walking. Walking past the Meadow, into the woods, and past the place where Katniss and Gale used to meet up. All the while calling out for her. I knew she'd hear me anyway, because as she had pointed out countless of times before, I wasn't exactly quiet. But the worry kept building up in me as more and more time passed without me getting a response. At that point, every possible scenario went running through my head. She could have fallen out of a three, and gotten injured. She might have cut herself. Some wild dogs might have found her. I didn't know what was possible to find this deep into the woods.

I was in the middle of trying to decide whether to worry even more or give up and face the fact that maybe we had missed each other, when I heard something and looked up. I could only barely make out the dark silhouette in the dark night, but there she was. Our eyes locked while I let out a sigh and realized that she was alright. When I asked what she was doing up there, she didn't answer me and annoyance started to build up inside of me. I don't know if it was because she didn't answer my question, or because I had been worried for so long.

"Are you going to come down, or at least answer me?"

When she didn't move, I figured not, and my annoyance grew even more.

"Fine. After hours of looking, and worrying, I'm glad to see you're okay. I'll be heading home now, because I'm tired, and hungry, and my leg hurts. I guess I'll see you later. Or not. Whatever."

Turning around, I placed my hands in my pocket and started to walk. It was getting colder and colder, and frankly, right now, I didn't care about anything other than getting home. I needed food, and some sleep.

"Peeta?"

"What?" I turned around, even more annoyed now then before, and noticed that Katniss was on the ground just a few metres away from me. And then we just stood there, staring at each other in the moonlight. I was about to turn around and leave when she finally spoke again.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"You know what I'm talking about," she said, and I tried to think. And then it clicked. Of course I knew what she was talking about. She had been there, she had heard me. But how much? She was always so quiet, she could have heard everything. But something told me she didn't. Something told me she had left somewhere in the middle of it all. It would explain why she was sitting here in the woods, trying to avoid not only me but everything. That's what she always did when she needed to think.

"How much did you hear?" my voice was instantly softer, knowing the reason for why she was out here in the first place.

"I heard enough."

She already knew what I had always been so afraid to tell her, so I might as well tell her why I was afraid of her knowing.

"I didn't tell you because I'm scared. I didn't tell you because I don't want you to know how broken I am. I don't want you to know that I'm scared that I'm gonna wake up one day, and you'll be there, and I won't remember this, us. I'm scared I'm not going to remember that I love you. That you helped me through it all, that you never gave up on me. I'm scared that if you know, you'll leave. You'll be too freaked out to stay. Too freaked out to love me. I didn't tell you because I don't want you to know that they finally managed to turn me into some kind of monster."

For a long time, she just stood there staring at me and I didn't know what to expect. Would she run, would she speak, would she just stand there? I had no idea. I usually loved how hard she was to read sometimes, because it gave me a challenge, but not now. Now I wanted to read her every thought. Know everything that was going on inside her head at the moment.

Then she slowly took half a step toward me, before she opened her arms and I met her halfway. My arms wrapped around her torso, pulling her close, as her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling us even closer to each other. We stood so close we could have been one person, and I could feel her tears falling down her face, burrowed in the crook of my neck.

"You're not a monster," she mumbled after a moment, her voice muffled against my neck. Then she leaned out, and she grabbed my face in her hands, forcing me to meet her eyes. Not that I'd ever look away from those beautiful gray eyes anyway. "Listen to me, you're not a monster. You never were, and you never will be. Snow, he was the monster. You're perfect, and I'll always want you. Always need you. Always love you. I'll always stay with you, no matter what. And if you do wake up one day, not knowing what's real and not, I'll bring you back."

"Promise?" I asked, and she nodded before her lips softly pressed against mine.

"Always." Another kiss, and then she leaned out and wrapped her arm around my waist. "Now let's get you home and feed you."

I laughed as I placed my arm around her shoulder, but none of us spoke until we reached District 12. Until we reached home. Katniss reminded me that Haymitch was supposed to come over for dinner, but I reassured her that he wouldn't even notice how late dinner was.

"He'll probably try to steal your leg again," she said after I told her that I poured all of his alcohol out. I laughed and knew that she was probably right. The last time I did such a thing, Haymitch broke in and tried to sneak up the stairs to our home. What he didn't expect was that Katniss had heard something, and after a surprising knife to his throat, he squeezed out that he wanted to take my leg to get back at me. All before she even had the time to realize that it was him.

It would have been fairly easy for him to take it though. When I first got it, trying to get used to the feeling, I refused to take it off. It scared me to only have one leg, and even though the other one was artificial, at least it was a leg. Something to lean on. Eventually, when I got used to the feeling, I started to take it off when it was time for sleep. Usually it ended up on the floor beside the bed, but sometimes it would end up in the living room after a relaxing night with Katniss on the couch.

"I'll make sure to hide it well," I told her and heard her laugh. That laugh was good to hear. It meant that she wasn't thinking about what she had heard and what I had told her.

After dinner – consisting of leftovers from yesterday since both of us were too tired to cook – we ended up on the couch. I could feel Katniss body relaxing against mine, and I smiled into her hair.

"How often does it happen?" she whispered and my smile faded. She wasn't done talking about this. I couldn't blame her, I'd want to know too.

"I don't know, sometimes."

"When's the last time it happened?"

"About a week ago," I told her honestly and felt her stiffen beside me. She wanted to know, and I wouldn't lie. "Would it feel better if I told you every time it happened?"

I could feel her nod, and I let out a sigh. Hoping more than ever that it would never happen again.

"I'm sorry," she said then, her voice almost breaking and I furrowed my brows. What was she sorry about? She had nothing to be sorry for. "I'm the reason they took you. Why they did all of those things to you. I'm the reason you have those dreams. He saw me fall in love with you, and he used you to break me. I hated you for not remembering me. For not being you. I hated you for making me hate you more than Haymitch. And I'm so sorry for that."

I knew that there was nothing I could say to make her feel better; she would only argue with me. We had been down that road several times before, and I didn't want to argue right now. So instead, I just told her what I felt.

"I love you."

I pressed a kiss against her temple, and I could feel her relaxing again.

"If you, or Prim, had never been picked, do you think we'd be here right now?"

"Probably not," I confessed after thinking for a while. "I was always too scared to talk to you. I never had a good enough reason. So no, we probably wouldn't be here."

"Then where would we be?"

"You'd be with someone else, and I'd probably still be pining over you," I felt myself laughing despite the scene in my head. Despite the fact that I knew that it could have so easily been like that. And I knew who that other man would be. There was only really him for a long time. Until Prim's name was picked, and our lives crossed again. And I knew that it was wrong, but I was happy that it was Prim's name. That it was my name. And I felt guilty for being happy. But despite everyone that we had lost, this is the life that I had always wanted. Me and Katniss.

"Sometimes I wonder."

"About what?"

"Why I ever even considered Gale. No matter how much I clung to him, he could only really have my friendship. I could only give him a piece of me, just like I could only give bits and pieces to everyone else that I knew. I thought no one would ever have every bit of me for as long as I lived. And then you changed that. Thinking about it, you're the only one I've ever wanted."

I didn't like hearing about Gale, but the rest I did like. It warmed me, hearing how much she loved me. How I had every piece of her. How she had never loved or wanted anyone else but me in this way.

"Not even when Finnick offered himself to you?"

She laughed at my joke and then leaned out so that she could met my eyes.

"Not even then when I saw him in his underwear," she laughed again. "I only go for men who doesn't do anything other than bake and heave sacks of flour around."

"Hey, I do other stuff as well," I gave her a fake sour tone. "I paint."

"You're handsome, too."

"See? There's more to me than meets the eye."

She looked at me for a long time, and I couldn't fully read the expression in her eyes. They were warm and full of love, but there was something else in there as well.

"What?"

"You saved my life."

"You saved mine too, you know." I was about to press a kiss against her lips when her words sunk in. "When did you see Finnick in his underwear?"