Chapter XXV: Whoever has the bigger bomb wins
Naruto continued his path upward, cutting rounds in half that came too close to his person, still trying to formulate how to execute the last part of his plan.
"Too slow."
Madara had caught up, hand clawing down, intent on dragging the blond into the abyss of his pocket dimension, when he was interrupted by a huge antiaircraft shell passing right through him. It didn't hurt him, of course. But that didn't stop it from startling him like a bat from hell and wave off his attack.
"Ready to fight? Futon: Rasenshuriken!"
Josh ducked under another C3, firing off a burst behind him to ignite the bomb. By the time this fight was over, there wasn't going to be much of the forest left. He had given up simply taking out the bombs that were being thrown at him and hoping his opponent ran out of ammo. To the contrary, Deidara, with his bijuu enhancement, didn't seem to be slowing down at all.
He sweatdropped as he took out another C2 that had lasted until now. "Seriously? How many bombs does this guy have?"
"Unknown. Radar signature indicates several hundred bowling-ball sized targets inbound. They're too small for the AA to effectively engage at this range."
"Try anyway. I'm bringing it up another notch. By the power granted to me, I call upon thee, DARK GUARDIAN!"
As he finished talking, the glowing aura around him changed to one of ink. "Here we go! Dark Guardian Art: Solo Spiraling Strike!" He solidified the aura around him, kicked one leg out, and began, as the name implied, swirling at a prestigious rate, leaving explosions in his wake, heading toward the person who had left him knee-deep in bombs.
"OI! OSAMA BIN BLONDIE! EAT THIS! SACRED GUARDIAN ART: PHASED LIGHTNING!"
Naruto dodged another AA round, and then descended toward the ground. He had nearly been blind-sided by a shell twice now, and it wasn't worth the risk of being splintered to gain a slight tactical advantage.
"Initial Guardian Art: Flaming-"
He scowled as Madara reappeared right in front of him, interrupting the technique. Hiraishining only did so much good, as he was limited to the kunai spaced around the area. Each time he moved to an area, Madara would pick up the kunai and take it with him. That was limiting where he could move. Ki had the arm strength of a dead puppy, so he couldn't exactly rely upon him to throw out more markers. Make do with what you have, and make the rest work… somehow.
"Initial Guardian Art-"
Madara reappeared right in front of him, hand outstretched again.
"RASENGAN!"
Madara was sent flying, allowing the blond to scatter a few more kunai and chase after the Uchiha.
"Rasengan!"
Naruto barely managed to twist out of the way of his own attack, used by Madara.
"You think I can't copy Rasengan? I have a Sharingan! You are as an open book before me! Sub-"
He warped out of existence just as Naruto felt something touch the small of his back. "Kage Bunshin?"
"I'll see you later, Kyuubi."
"Not with me here! Hakke Rokujuyon Sho!"
The Uchiha, not wanting to be pulverized and left vulnerable without the ability to use chakra, and along with it, the ability to teleport, leaned back just enough to avoid the brunt of the attack.
Naruto, taking his momentary reprieve, rolled away, twisted, and threw a handful of shuriken. He knew that it wouldn't really do any good, but it just gave him the satisfaction of seeing Madara burn some more chakra.
"Having a little trouble?" a mischievous whispered into his right ear, sending chills down his spine. Whether they were good chills or bad chills, he couldn't really tell at the moment. It was rather difficult to differentiate the two when you were standing before and fighting one of the strongest ninja of all time and with an unknown person whispering into your ear.
Naruto turned his head to see just who had saved his hide, only to be nipped in the nose by none other than, you guessed it, Hinata.
"GAH! HINATA! WHAT THE FUCK!" He had jumped well into the air, almost slamming into a hysterical Ki, who rolled out of the way just in time to avoid being flattened by his falling boss.
"Aww, Naruto-kun… didn't you like it?" She said cutely, nibbling on one finger in a very moe-like fashion, the same time giving him the puppy-dog look.
The said blond almost dropped his sword out of sheer terror, but self-preservation overrode fear and he managed to hold on and redouble his grip upon its hilt. "OF COURSE NOT!"
Ki, who had managed to sit up at this point, whispered loudly, "Of course not, Hinata. Didn't you know he's still in the-"
"Ki, if you finish that, I will personally end you." He growled, calming down somewhat. "Hinata, get out of here. You're no match for… wait a second… you stopped one of Nacht's-"
He didn't have a chance to go any further, as Madara phased in and struck again. Naruto swore and struck upward with his blade, just missing his target. "Missed again. Man, it's like trying to hit Ki… Wait a second…"
Naruto formed a Kage Bunshin, who sidled away from Hinata until the original shot it glare that nearly put a hole in the said clone, then nodded once. With that nod, the original charged in, sword raised for another strike, the clone raising his clawed fingers, pointing the appendages at roughly where the point of impact was supposed to be.
"Initial Guardian Art-" the original intoned, tracing two fingers along the length of the blade, with the kage bunshin doing the same thing, sans the sword and the tracing.
"-Searing Sabre!"
"-Bullet Rasengan!"
Madara sidestepped the flaming sword, almost touching the original to blast him into a different dimension, and into the path of the Bullet Rasengan, which he easily deflected with one hand.
Key word: Deflected.
The original grinned, jumping back and forming another six dozen kage bunshin. He had made the breakthrough.
Josh shot off bursts one and two of his Phased Lightning without much to show for it. The C4 bombs, big as they were, had proven to be fairly agile and had intercepted both strikes like it was nothing. That just left the third and weakest of the bunch, the one shot from his third eye point, and he was saving that up. Not having anywhere near Naruto's reserves, the technique was rather draining, despite the fact that it paled in comparison in both energy usage and damage dealt to the target in comparison to what he had modeled it after.
"But I have things that Naruto doesn't…" he muttered to himself as he drew a rather large handgun, checked to make sure it was loaded, and then shifted it to this right hand, dumping huge quantities of energy into the round. "OI! OBB! (Osama Bin Blondie) CHEW ON THIS! DARK GUARDIAN ART: SONIC CANNON!"
"Does he have to 'Chew' on this? Don't you think you're being a little cliché?"
"Zip it, Bonnie. This is a fight, not a goddamned poem."
The recoil knocked him from his trajectory, narrowly blowing him by two C2s and a half dozen C3s, which detonated in his wake.
Deidara, on the other hand, had other problems on his hands. The round that Josh had gotten off was now lined up for a collision course with his head. Usually, that wouldn't be a problem, but it seemed to waver slightly and follow him, no matter if he shifted left or right.
"That's impressive, hm. But how about this!" The terrorist raised his hand, and one of the C4s rose up and punched the round, causing both the bomb and the round to shatter.
"Josh. GSAT-LADAR has picked up a cloud of debris heading your way. Watch out for possible collisions."
"What? I don't see anything… Wait a sec… Bon-bon, drop the energy filter." After said filter was activated, the swordsman couldn't reach for a recharge crystal fast enough. "Well, fuck. That's what he's after. Dark Guardian Art: Guardian Shield."
'Hinata' ducked under another blow, cursing her host for being so limited in what she could do. She had gotten the idea. Distract Madara long enough for Naruto to do a two-tiered Guardian Attack. It seemed simple enough in theory.
In theory, Naruto wouldn't be sealed down and forced to fight at less then a tenth of his regular base power. In theory, she was fast enough to dodge most of his hits without too much overexertion. In theory, Josh wouldn't be fifteen miles away, drawing away Deidara from doing major damage to Konoha and would be helping them.
Damn you, theory!
Alas, she had to make do with what she had, which, admittedly, wasn't much. Doing Jyuken head-on against a Sharingan was always going to have mixed results, even more so with Madara, as she couldn't exploit the Sharingan's weakness. Despite it being able to follow pretty much anything non-guardian, the wielder's body might or might not be able to respond to the stimuli sent.
Madara, sadly, did not have the said problem.
He could easily keep pace with Hinata as she sent blast after blast of chakra at him, only for him to phase out of existence, repel it, or dodge it outright. The only thing keeping him from blasting her out of existence was Naruto and his Kage Bunshin sending a constant barrage of Guardian-Enhanced attack at the Uchiha, forcing him to constantly dodge or deflect.
Even so, the two of them combined were barely keeping Madara off, pulling more close calls than either really cared or wanted to count. Still, it was wearing down the Akatsuki member down somewhat, as it he was now breathing heavily, but was still better off than Naruto, who was now overdosing on solder pills just to stay on his feet.
They needed help. And fast.
Josh leaned by another batch of leftover C4, spinning just enough to avoid the brunt of the blast. He had forced Deidara to detonate two more of his giants, taking nice dents out of his shield, but unlike Hidan, who had a blessed weapon, explosives were much more up the alley of work for his armor's shielding.
However, everything has a breaking point, and taking millions of miniature explosions was pushing it pretty badly. The Guardian Shield that he had cast had long since broken down, and he was now taking dozens of explosions a minute as he weaved back and forth through the airborne minefield, trying to think of a possible way to take out the blond without cracking the planet in twain.
If that wasn't a restraint, then it really wouldn't be a problem of how so much as how big. Speaking of how big…
"OI! OBB! CATCH!"
The swordsman primed two grenades and threw them at Deidara, who leaned out of the way just enough to avoid the blast, soaring right toward at him, still on his C2. "BEHOLD MY ULTIMATE ART! NOW THE WORLD WILL KNOW OF ME! BEHOLD! THE C5 GALAXY-"
"PHASED LIGHTNING, PHASE THREE!"
Josh's third blast knocked Deidara off of his dragon, though judging from his recovery methods, hadn't done much physical damage to the Akatsuki member beyond what was needed to piss him off.
"OBB! YOU SAY EXPLOSIONS ARE AN ART! THEN TASTE MY ART!"
Josh landed and in the same motion, pulled a warhead out of his pocket and mounted it to the front of his rifle. "ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE THE PORTABLE MARK XI BUNKER BUSTER! NOW WITH SIXTY PERCENT MORE NEJI!"
"Your art whirls!"
The swordsman smirked as he continued to dump more energy into his charge. "It whirls, it twirls, and it explodes… but most importantly of all." He said with an ever-larger grin hidden by his helmet, "It's a one of my superweapons! EAT THIS! DARK GUARDIAN ART: DARK BUNKER BUSTER!"
Deidara jumped back and threw the disk, which expanded and started rotating faster as he left his palm. "C5 GALAXY!"
The two collided with supersonic shockwaves and winds, both explosives duking it out for supremacy.
"MY ART IS SUPERIOR! THE GALAXY SUCKS IN AND ABSORBS ALL THE OXYGEN IN THE AREA, SNUFFING OUT YOUR ART!"
Josh chucked darkly, sending goosebumps up Deidara's spine. "Oh, and what made you think that the Bunker Buster Class needed oxygen to detonate? Your C5 Galaxy is impressive, I admit. I suppose it would be murder on conventional explosives, but a Bunker Buster is anything but a conventional explosive." At this, he slipped down into a kneeling position and generated a shield. "It's the nineteenth largest explosion ever recorded and the sixth largest by a guardian! Despite the fact that it's cut down, I can still crack this planet in two with it easily! BEHOLD! ENHANCED DARK BUSTER, SHOW HIM WHAT REAL ART IS!"
"You do realize that it's an inanimate object that I'm controlling, right?"
"Yeah, but he doesn't know that. Set off the primary charge."
"Aye. Detonating primary Antimatter Core."
The explosion could be heard and felt all across the planet as it detonated, cutting a clear swath through the Galaxy and enveloping the blond in pure, crackling energy. On his knees, Josh punched the ground again to raise a shield to absorb a good chunk of the shockwave so that the planet wouldn't shake itself to pieces. The Bunker Buster, despite its name, was never designed to bust bunkers. It had two settings, wide-bore and needle. The needle would puncture all but the toughest of shields, and the wide would vaporize almost everything in a fifty mile radius. However, on either setting, the shockwave generated could easily shatter a planet if not buffered, which is why he preferred firing these things at something that was at fifty thousand feet up or had a fair bit of insulation behind it. Like giant internal gyroscopes or fifteen miles of elastic rubber.
Of course, all of this was if he charged the damn things. Unmodified Bunker Busters still packed quite a wallop, though nowhere near their charged siblings.
Even with the insulation, it still shattered windows and caused some buildings to collapse as far away as Kumo and triggered a tsunami that was thankfully negated by the abilities of the Mizu ANBU who were on constant patrol for just such things.
Despite its impressive statistics and even more impressive light show, Josh dispelled the shield after a few seconds, took a deep breath, drew his sword, and charged at the spot where Deidara had been before the blast had enveloped him. Bijuu and their containers were highly resistant to pure energy blasts, as he had found out the hard way when he had been sparring with Naruto and he had taken two uncharged Bunker Busters head-on with the help of a Guardian Shield and a stray walnut that he had picked up along the way.
However, resistant as they were to energy blasts, they, along with pretty much everything in that plane of existence, were vulnerable to a nice blade of charged metallic alloy.
A.K.A. Josh's sword in your face.
Deidara, who had just started to recover from the shock of something overpowering his C5, spotted a silver figure darting around the remnant of the explosions, sword drawn and tracing his fingers down the length.
In desperation, he sent his C2 on a collision course with Josh, who phased out of existence, appeared behind it, still barreling straight at him. "Shi-"
"Dark Guardian Art: Hurricane Blade!"
And this time, against an unarmored target, it sliced through Deidara like soft cheese.
"And that's game. Now, where's Naruto…"
"Scans indicate that he is still engaged in-"
"It was a rhetorical question, Bonnie."
When the Bunker Buster's shockwave had swept over Naruto, he hit the deck, anchoring himself down with chakra. Hinata, noticing what he did, had done the same. Madara had taken the safe way out and hidden in his alternate dimension for a few seconds while he rode out the storm. It also caused all of his remaining kage bunshin to dispel.
This left him in a precarious situation. If he took the time to generate more, Madara would have the jump on him. If he didn't, it was likely that he would be blasted into the alternate dimension. Choices, Choices.
"Having troubles?"
Naruto spun around, grinning at a shadowy Josh, who had his sword out and was glancing around for any sign of a dimensional tear that would indicate Madara's reappearance in this realm.
"Four o clock, three feet up! Dark Guardian Art: Phased Lightning!"
"Initial Guardian Art: Rasengan!"
Madara reappeared and deflected both attacks, nearly getting Naruto until Hinata came down and whacked two of his tenketsu, again forcing him to move off his attack path straight into Josh, who cut downward. He too dodged that and flipped backwards, away from the duo, who were charging up new attacks of their own.
"I see my partner proved useless as always…" Madara said coolly as he stared down the two guardians, getting ready to launch their attacks. "I see… fighting two True Guardians would prove to be a disadvantage for me. I shall retreat for today. But your days are limited, Kyuubi! Do not forget that!"
The surviving blond spat into the ground before throwing another Rasenshuriken. "I'll be waiting."
Madara reached out, caught the energy disc, and crushed it without even blinking before fading out of existence.
Josh continued to charge his weapon, glaring off at a distance before firing off one last pulse, the crescent-shaped energy cutting a swath through the darkening sky. "That should give him something to remember us by. Now… time to power down…" He relaxed and the dark aura too faded away. "Phew. Osama bin Blondie took a bit more energy than I expected… Let's head back."
Naruto grunted. "What is it with you and fighting these people? They shouldn't be a problem for you."
The swordsman groaned and raised a hand. "Not right now, idiot. I've got a killer headache coming on. Let me sit down and eat something first."
The blond nodded, formed a kage bunshin with some strain, handed it some coins, and nodded.
"Come on… gotta get Uzu a new body. Uhh, Hinata?"
"Yes, Naruto-kun?"
"Don't get too close."
Hinata pouted as Josh let off a barking laugh.
Shikamaru and Shikaku stared on as Naruto and Josh demolished plate after plate of food. The two, after being summoned by a nervous chunnin, had shown up in bad moods and demanded to be fed before they would talk.
And boy did they eat.
It had already been half an hour since they sat down and started chowing down. It had already cost the council a week's worth of taxes and they showed absolutely no sign of slowing down.
"Jesus…" Josh burped, biting into another potato. "It's draining to stay powered up for that long."
Naruto didn't talk, still focused on his bowl of ramen, his thirty-sixth. For once, the blond was quiet as he could be, just eating.
And one might suppose, if they were adept at reading body language, fuming quite a bit.
The rest of the council, sans the usual crowd, sat there and stared at the two as they continued to demolish platter after platter of food.
Josh, finally taking pity on the astonished crowd, set Bonnie to normal operations and powered up his external speakers. "I'm sorry, but Josh is currently eating. My name is Bonnie, a Sixth Generation Smart AI. I will be able to answer some of your questions."
Shikaku pointed at the steadily rising piles of plates. "Is this normal?"
"Yes. Quite. Despite contending for the most powerful beings in this dimension, they have quite a few needs. The average mid-leveled Guardian eats roughly sixty pounds of food in a day where they don't do anything strenuous. Josh, being a Class S Guardian, requires triple that, though he often gets by on less."
Tsunade stared as said swordsman emptied a barrel of sake, belched, and dove at a rack of lamb. "That can't be healthy."
"Indeed. However, eating energy-dense foods such as Dount Burgers cuts down on the weight of food needed to be consumed-"
The hokage shook her head. "No, I mean. That-" she pointed at Josh as he ate an entire ham in one bite. "Cant be healthy."
"That's normal. In fact, not consuming enough food is less healthy for Guardians. However, in an attempt to save funds, Josh eats about seventy-five percent of what is recommended to him, which makes him technically a malnourished Guardian."
"Hey, hey! You have no IDEA how much they try to charge me for food. I usually just bail out on the bill if they charge too much."
"And this is why they charge you so much."
Josh shrugged, downed a bowl of soup, two loaves of bread, a pound of butter, six avocados, a fruitcake that someone had donated, and two chickens before responding. "You think we're bad, you should meet the Sayians. We at least have table manners."
With that, he reattacked the table, continuing to eat until, after they had gone one more roundabout, finally put his fork down and sighed. "Ah… that was a good meal…" Josh popped his hip flask, drained it, pulled out another one, and drained it as well. "Right… I know you just didn't call us here for us to bankrupt you. Bigwigs always have another reason. Now, how can I help you?"
Koharu coughed. "After realizing that we could not force you to show us what you can do, we have come here to request that you show us what you are capable of."
Josh sighed, and ignoring everyone else's glares, reached into yet another pocket, pulled out a cigar, placed it between his lips, lit it with a brief spark, and took his time drawing in some smoke before replying. "Well…" He said slowly, after a while. "I can't say no, not after you've fed us. But I still can't show you the full scope of my powers."
"And why not?" Homura demanded.
Josh sighed, cut off the unburnt part of his cigar, and slipped it back into his pocket. "Simple." He sighed, relaxing slightly, despite the fact that he was surrounded by people who just loved to dish our red tape. "If I were to demonstrate the full scope of my powers, your planet would shatter under the pressure before I got halfway there. It's as much for your safety as for my headache medicine."
"Are you really-"
The swordsman sighed again, this time unsheathing his sword and throwing it at Tsunade, who nearly dropped it in surprise. "Here, Supertits, try using that sword."
Tsunade hefted the sword, and using all her strength, barely managed to cut a table in half. "What is this thing made of? It feels like it's about to break my arms…"
Josh signaled that he wanted his sword back and got it so. He twirled it around with ease before slipping it back onto his back. "Not sure of the exact chemical composition myself. I don't make these things. One of my acquaintances does, however. He refuses to tell me what they're made of. Says I'll drive him outta business. Besides." He shrugged. "I break these things so often that I've got them backordered from here to the next galaxy." He patted his belt. "This puppy, however, I break less often. You wanna demonstration?"
The councilors nodded, and at that, Josh picked up Naruto and hurled him through the window at the Chunnin Exam Stadium. "GET READY, YOU IDIOT!"
They just stared as Josh kicked off right after him, boosters igniting a few seconds in to give him an additional lift.
Ki strolled by, flipped off the entire council, then jumped out of the window, cursing at the fangirls that were waiting, which immediately jumped him.
"Is this everyone? Right. Nobody activate any Kekkei Genkai, especially you Hyuga, or something bad could happen. Kakashi, you're welcome to try to copy. That is, if you can and the ambient energy doesn't blind your first."
Naruto shrugged, prepping boulders for demonstration purposes, flipping through seals to pull them out of the ground, as well as kage bunshin, who were appearing to help with the task.
"Right. Everyone-" Josh gestured widely, "Stand behind the yellow line. I take no responsibility for any injuries if you stand inside the yellow line, which you may and probably will get."
He cracked his knuckles and nodded at Naruto, who also jumped back behind the yellow line. "I'll start off with my base arsenal. I'll show you the declassified stuff, as well as nothing too dangerous." Josh pulled out a grenade. "This is the standard issue IG7. Fifteen meter blast radius, comes in fragmentation, anti-armor, napalm, HE and anti-personnel variants. Not the most powerful explosion in my arsenal, but it can be used in a pinch." He pulled the pin, threw it at a boulder, which then shattered upon detonation.
"Now, let's move on. This is the IR9-III. Standard issue, but modified for-"
After spending two hours and a good chunk of daylight going through his conventional arsenal, he signaled for his jet to go away and pulled out his sword. "Right. That's the conventional arsenal. Time for some unconventional crap. Naruto. I'll need a target. Kage bunshin won't do."
Author's Note in Chapter XXVI, Double Release!