ugh. That's all I can say right now. Sorry if this is particularly depressing, but I am, unfortunately, having a relapse. I was reading over my old stuff and I have come to the honest conclusion that my writing sucks. And I feel just ugly, worthless, trashy, stupid, and dull right now. Kinda like Featherpaw. So, this chapter is short, and sorry. I was going to write more, but 1) I just dont have the heart right now guys and 2) my writing sucks. Like, seriously. I am a horrible writer and a pathetic excuse for an author. I need some time off. There's just no meaning to these words anymore. I'm sorry. I am so so so so so so sorry you guys. As I write this, I am holding back tears. And, again, I have failed you another time. I can't do review answers right now. Another reason I don't deserve to live. So, bye, until whenever I can summon the spirit to type empty, meaningless words again. Again, I am so sorry you guys. I know I'm really letting you down right now.

Chapter 13

Featherpaw

Featherpaw sucked in a deep breath, fighting to calm her panicked thoughts. Shadowfur stood and stepped out of the pool of blood delicately, still silent.

Featherpaw quickly began to formulate battle strategies, escape plans, everything her father had taught her since the time she was born.

"I wanted to tell you a little story. You see, I caught Spot here slinking off with Leaf. When I realized they were coming here to meet you, well," he purred smoothly. "I decided they would be your reward for good work, dearest Feather."

Featherpaw's legs were trembling, and she had to concentrate on not falling. She couldn't tear her eyes away from her mother and friend. He must have been trying to bring her to me, she though sorrowfully. Snapping her head up, she glared at Shadowfur.

"You killed her. Your own mate," she choked. At that, Shadowfur's eyes blazed with blue fire.

"You have grown weak, Feather. When did you start to value love? We both know it doesn't exist," he growled dangerously.

Here, Featherpaw knew she was being given a choice. Remain with her father, or go to the clans.

Memories and emotions whirled around her mind, unable to fade. Thornpaw, Bat, Spot, Leaf, Thornpaw, Leafstar, Ravenwing. Faces and places flashed before her, all in a haze. She couldn't decide, nothing made sense. All were lies and betrayals, illusions and mirages. Unclear and perhaps, never there.

"I see," her father rumbled. Featherpaw looked at him in horror. She was going to die.

"You have three moons to decide. Three moons before I return. Consider yourself lucky. Your father didn't have that much time," he meowed, smooth and impassive once again.

Featherpaw gaped at him as he turned his back on her and picked his way around the pool of blood.

"What do you mean, my father?" she hissed, darting in front of him. Lionclaw's face and name echoed in her mind suddenly.

"You really thought I fathered you, a spineless she-cat? Have I taught you nothing?" Shadowfur scoffed.

Featherpaw began to growl.

"Who was he?"

"You should be able to guess. He came from the clans," the tom meowed dismissively, beginning to away again.

Featherpaw couldn't move, could hardly breath. Lionclaw…

His slender build and long tail. His blue, blue eyes that were filled with such a heartbreaking sadness. Of course, why had it taken her so long to figure it out? Lionclaw was her father.

Featherpaw shook her head, turning back to the blood-stained bodies before her. Leaf.

Featherpaw allowed herself to lean down and give the one light of her life a brief lick on the cheek. Her mother, the one cat who had always been there, who had made poultices for Featherpaw's every scratch. Who had endured Shadowfur's abuse willingly, if it meant her daughter was spared. The single best she-cat to have ever entered her life.

"Oh mother, if only you could see the clans. They're not so bad after all," Featherpaw whispered before dragging her from the tunnel gently. Going back, she gazed down sorrowfully at Spot. Her brave, kind friend, loyal and true.

"Good bye, Spot. I'm so sorry," she murmured, dragging him as well. She went back to collect their tails and began the long, hard work of burying the dead. The night wore on with the moon smiling down on the grim scene.

When she had finally finished, paws muddy and claws tender, Featherpaw placed them in their graves carefully.

"I love you," she mewed simply before kicking dirt into the graves.

Grabbing a huge bundle of moss, Featherpaw went back to the tunnel and soaked up all the blood she could. Outside, she buried that also.

Finally finished, she drew back to examine her work.

The ground didn't look disturbed where the graves rested, and there was only the faint tinge of blood in the air; it would soon disappear after enough monsters had passed and brought their stench.

Then, her fur began to prickle. Whipping around, she caught sight of pale green eyes watching her from the undergrowth. Her heart froze. Rosepaw…

Darkflight slid from the bushes where he had been hiding, eyes wide with disbelief and horror.

"What have you done, Featherpaw?" he gasped, ears flat and fur bristling. Featherpaw had a flash back to Maplepaw standing in the exact same way, and she remembered what she had done. And she knew at once she would have to do the same thing she had done to Maplepaw so long ago.

"I'm sorry, Darkflight," she choked out. Lunging forward, she sank her claws deep into his throat.

As he lie there, blood pouring from his throat and light fading from his eyes, he took a deep breath, ready to speak his last words.

"Take care of them for me," he gurgled before going eerily still.

Featherpaw just stood there, breathing heavily as though she had run a great distance.

She had just killed Darkflight, her mentor's mate and Thornpaw's father. Darkflight, who had treated her kindly enough and had once praised her catch of prey warmly and genuinely. Darkflight, silent and handsome, smooth and kind, compassionate and touchingly devoted to Ravenwing. Featherpaw knew he didn't deserve to die. It had been an unfortunate turn of events, a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Featherpaw, for the first time in her life, began to cry. Silently and slowly at first, the tears built until they poured from her like a flood. Within those tears were memories of the cats gone, and her own wretchedness. Only now was she beginning to fully understand what a cowardly, sniveling creature she really was. While Rosepaw bore her scars on her flanks and face, Featherpaw bore her scars on her heart and soul.

Without bothering to hide the scents or evidence, Featherpaw grabbed Darkflight and began to stumble through the forest blindly, letting her paws lead her. After what seemed like eternity, she had staggered through the gorse tunnel. Tears still fell from her eyes freely and she felt weak, hollow, inside.

Leafstar came running up, eyes wide.

"Featherpaw!" she gasped, looking, for once, completely dumbfounded. Featherpaw merely brushed past her to set the tom's body down. Her mentor suddenly came running up.

"Featherpaw, I…" she trailed off as she caught sight of her mate's body. Featherpaw couldn't stand the sudden sorrow and poignant grief reflected in her vivid eyes.

"Darkflight!" Ravenwing wailed. The black she-cat collapsed at his side and Thornpaw's scent suddenly wafted over her. She glanced at him with dull, empty eyes.

"Father," he choked out, staring in horror. Rosepaw bent her head to sniff her dead father delicately, tears welling her eyes.

"Darkflight?" she whimpered, nudging him. Featherpaw shook her head.

"He's gone," she muttered, voice flat. She felt nothing. She was nothing.

Rosepaw's legs trembled and she collapsed to her father's side.

Featherpaw merely looked on blankly, mind blank with guilt and self-hatred. Slowly, she turned and padded away. No cat tried to stop her.

Curling up in a tight ball in her nest, Featherpaw shut her eyes, not realizing she was still crying.

I don't deserve to live…