Chapter XXIX: Middlings and Metal.

"Hey, judge! Isn't that cheating? He's using his guardian thingy!"

Bill poked his head back into the stadium, took one look, and shook his head. "No. What he's doing is within the rules. He's just using tanked energy. You can do the same." And with that, he slammed the door shut and continued observing the match from there.

Up in the stands, Gaara turned to Josh. "Tanked energy?" he asked in an undertone.

The swordsman belched and tossed an apple core. "Yep. Tanked energy. Basically, after a guardian powers down, there's a small amount of residual energy left that we can capture and store for future use." He shrugged and popped a can of beer. "It's usually not much, but it'll allow us to use some techniques without powering up. Besides…" He finished said can and crushed it. "Tanked energy is only about a tenth as potent as freshly channeled energy. It just doesn't sit very well. Good way to demonstrate and fight some locals, but useless against other guardians of the same caliber."

"So what you're saying is-" Shikamaru began.

"Right now, most techniques that you might see would be about a tenth of what the actual thing does at normal power. In any case, Lightning Blitz is not an attack on its own. Thus, it doesn't follow that rule to the letter…"

Down in the stadium, Kiba swore as the kunai in Naruto's hands started disintegrating, the particles grinding themselves down to an ultra-fine level before disappearing from view.

Knowing that he had to move fast, Kiba grabbed two solder pills, popped one, and gave one to Akamaru, who whined at the taste, but crunched it without further complaint. "Gatsuga!"

As the two rapidly closed the distance, the handles of the kunai disappeared, and with it, their wielder as well.

Lee frowned as he watched the spectacle. "This should not be possible. Naruto-kun is moving at speeds and angles-"

The Guardian chuckled. "Very good, Lee. So you noticed. Yes… normally, moving at those speeds is indeed impossible. You would burn up and die. However, that's where Lightning Blitz comes in."

Josh stood up and strolled over to the railing, glancing over at the stadium. "Lightning Blitz is a really complex technique, so I'll try to explain it in layman's terms. Naruto takes the two kunai and electrically splits them apart at the atomic level. He also generates an electromagnetic field around himself, dispersing the metallic atoms. After coating himself, he channels electricity through his third energy point to keep the stuff stuck to him. His left hand expels more energy to create a pseudo-shield on the metallic surface to keep off the extreme temperatures of moving at those angles, as well as reduce friction to near zero." He sighed and twirled out his knife, twirling it between his fingers nonchalantly. "That leaves his right hand open for attacks. God, when his kage bunshin started using it en masse, it would tear chunks out of my shield."

"… And Naruto explained all of this to you?"

The swordsman snorted. "Hell no. He doesn't even know how it works. He just does it. Had Naruto do it inside a test chamber once to see how it worked is all."

Kakashi poked his head in the door, Sharingan active. "Did I miss something?"

Josh sighed and turned an eye toward the stadium, shrugging again. "Then again, since he's using tanked energy, it's quite a bit slower then usual."

Neji finally spoke up. "What is this technique's top speed, then?"

The swordsman took out his hip flask and took a long draught. "Right now? I'd say that the technique is going at about… thirty percent. Doing some rough math… that's about a quarter of the Hiraishin. Full-speed, if he supercharged it with Sacred Guardian Energy… it would sustain about eighty percent…"

Kiba felt a drop of sweat roll down his face as the seconds ticked by. His nose told him that Naruto was still nearby, but his eyes simply couldn't keep up.

Akamaru wasn't doing that much better. Occasionally, he could pick up a very brief flash of the blond, but it wasn't enough for him to communicate to his partner or even attack on his own.

Then, faster then he could blink, his legs were swept from underneath him, crashing headfirst into the ground. As he saw Kiba turn to try to help him, a shadow appeared behind his partner. Before he could bark in warning, his master was also on the ground, out cold.

Bill, who had been watching through the window, rushed onto the field and grabbed Naruto's arm the moment he reappeared. "Winner by knockout, NARUTO UZUMAKI!"

Josh grinned. "Lightning Blitz in any form is unfair in a one-on-one fight, unless you know how to counter it."

Kakashi swallowed. "Umm, are there any weaknesses?"

The swordsman shrugged as the blond returned and tore into a bowl of ramen, ignoring everyone else in the room. "'Course. The whole thing is one giant weakness if you look at it the right way. If you're fast enough, disrupting the field is child's play. There's also the fact that it's quite draining, despite its low ranking, and that you don't disappear from this dimension. If you've got a big and strong enough Area of Effect attack, you should be able to catch him in it."

"Would Neji Hyuga and Kakashi Hatake please report to the field? It is time for your match!"

The swordsman shooed the two out of the door. "Go on. I'll give the winner some tips to counter Lightning Blitz."

"Kakashi-senpai… something doesn't feel right about this tournament."

The scarecrow eye-smiled. "Naruto's involved. Ever since he came back, things have been rather crazy. Just go along with it. I'm sure whatever is coming, he'll take care of things."

"Hai, Kakashi-senpai."

Neji and Kakashi stared each other down. Well, ok. To be fair, Neji stared Kakashi down. Kakashi just stared at his Icha Icha.

"Erm, aren't you going to fight me?"

"NEJI! SHOW HIM WHAT THE FLAMES OF YOUTH ARE ALL ABOUT!"

Naruto facepalmed. "Great. Two stoic guys. This isn't going anywhere fast. Who paired this one up?"

"No idea. Beer?"

The blond grumbled. "I'm paying for all of this, you know… I don't need YOU to offer me my own beer."

"Whatever. I've got whiskey too."

"… Give me a bottle."

"I wasn't offering it to you, Uzu."

Kakashi leaned back from another Jyuken strike. Neji had taken the offensive after he had giggled at a scene. It's not that the young jonin wasn't skilled, it was just that Jyuken, once you had fought against it enough times, became rather predictable. As long as you remained outside the range of their most dangerous attacks, avoiding it became rather like clockwork. Tedious, but always the same.

"Hakke Rokujuyon Sho!"

The scarecrow blinked and shunshined back, finally putting his book away. "Neji-san, if you insist…"

Josh cocked an eyebrow. "So this is what Raikiri looks like in person…"

"You've seen me use it… how many times now?"

"It's not the same. The creator of the technique just looks more natural with it. When I use Lightning Blitz, it just doesn't feel the same…"

The blond snorted. "That's because you can't use chakra. You little EE thing doesn't do it justice…"

The swordsman cocked an eyebrow. "Bakudo no Kyu. Geki."

Naruto was immediately surrounded in a red outline, completely unable to move. "Still think E Squared is a joke?"

Naruto rolled his eyes and broke free of the restraint. "Not as bad the time as when Momo put me in that one bakudo. Couldn't move unless I powered up."

"You do realize that I can do Bankin now, right?"

"You do realize that I can use Bullet Rasenshuriken now, right?"

"You do realize that my armor has a bullshit sensor, right?"

"You do realize that I am a bullshit sensor, right?"

"You do realize that my bullshit sensor just went off, right?"

Meanwhile, away from all of the bullshit.

Neji swore as he pulled himself out of the ground. Fighting kage bunshin were bad enough, but when they were used by one as deceptive as Kakashi, they were just outright trouble.

"Very good Kakashi-senpai. However, after fighting Naruto and his hordes of kage bunshin, I am more than well-adjusted to fighting large numbers of people."

Kakashi just shrugged. "You may have experienced fighting kage bunshin, but only in a large crowd. Once you take into account just how lethal they can be in small, focused groups." He eye-smiled. "You'll know just how dangerous they really are."

Naruto blinked and closed one eye. "Huh. EKB."

Josh belched, reaching for a ham. "Enhanced Kage Bunshin? I thought that was one of your specials…"

The blond shook his head, reopening his eye. "That Sharingan of his copies a lot of things. I might have used it by accident once."

"That doesn't explain-"

"It does. Anyway, looks like Kakashi-sensei's cleaning this one up. Who's next again?"

Ao blanched as Mei turned to look at him. "Erm… would it be too much to ask to forfeit? I don't want to fight my boss…"

Naruto shook his head. "The crowd paid for tickets to a fight. Not much of a fight if half of our competitors forfeit before they even step in the ring. Sorry, man. Try your best."

Josh chuckled. "Think of it like this. Worst she can do is to give you the kiss of death…"

The ex-anbu gulped. "That's what I'm afraid of…"

Neji struggled, but to no avail. Without the freedom to move his limbs, Kaiten was out of the question, and with his hands still buried, there was no way to strike at Kakashi, even if he knew which one was the real one. "I… surrender."

Kakashi smiled and the bunshin poofed, revealing the real one, which popped out of the ground. "I told you not to force me to fight with my kage bunshin. Oh, well. Nice try."

When one Kage Bunshin had come at Neji with a Raikiri in hand, the Hyuga started using Kaiten. However, rotating rapidly on a single point tended to weaken the ground, and along with all the chakra and spinning, his Byakugan had limited visibility. It had been child's play for Kakashi to come up and pull him under the ground.

"Hmm… Interesting. Looks like someone's got better mastery of Enhanced Kage Bunshin than you do…"

Naruto grumbled. "Just because they keep on possessing them doesn't make my skill bad or anything…"

Neji was dug out of the ground and helped to the medics. Bee was spitting rhymes into his notebook in a literal fashion, using fine-tuned jets of ink to inscribe the notes. Mei was still shooting Naruto looks that he was ignoring, staring instead toward the upper balconies of the stadium, as if lost in thought. Shikamaru was busy thinking in his modified lotus position, Gaara was pondering a choice of fruit, Josh still polishing his sword (His blade, you pervs), and Kakashi reading his Icha Icha.

Ao whimpered as Mei glared over, daring him to fight back.

"Are you sure this is wise, Nagato?"

"Wise or not, he is growing more powerful. After he exhausts himself, it will be the time to strike. Until then, we shall bide our time."

Ao screamed and ran away as the mist approached, throwing random jutsu behind him in a vain attempt to delay the inevitable.

Needless to say, it didn't work so well.

Five minutes later, he was on the ground, twitching weakly as the acid ate away at his flesh. Bill finally took pity on him and called the round in Mei's favor.

Josh chuckled and Naruto winced as Ao was carted off the field and to the medics, who were tutting and prepping a bag of saline and artificial skin, the latter of which was provided by the swordsman for cases just like this.

"When I said the kiss of death, I didn't have this in mind."

Naruto winced into his beer. "Why me?"

Josh patted him on the back, causing the blond to cough up a mouthful of alcohol. "It's always the crazy ones that are after you. I kinda feel sorry for you, buddy."

The said blond wiped his face with his sleeve. "Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Nope."

Shino stood and stared impassively as Bee spun onto the field, spitting a combination of ink and poorly written rhymes.

"Umm… sir? We have contracts for our music."

"Bitch please! My rhymes are so fresh everyone will take heed!"

It was only years of being on the same team as Kiba that prevented Shino from facefaulting on the spot.

After Bill convinced the man not to continue rapping, the match began.

Shino, knowing that he had to move fast, sent three-quarters of his hive in a pincer movement, the remainder going straight down the middle. He had no idea how much chakra this guy had, but he wasn't going to take any chances.

Bee simply lit himself up like an Electric Bug Zapper, taking out huge swathes of Shino's hives when they came into contact with his skin.

Shino himself earned an Electric Taser Punch to the face when he attempted to engage Bee in a taijutsu battle. Nothing fatal, but it would keep him down for an hour or two.

"Well, looks like I'm up."

"Try not to kill him, will you? I have no intention of being repeatedly beat over the head with a gigantic steel fan."

"Well, if it's a fangirl…"

"That… was a terrible pun."

"Yeah…" Josh sighed as he lazily spun his pistol on his index finger. "That was."

Outside, on the village walls, several dozen kage bunshin patrolled the walls, occasionally dispelling to give updates. Everything was quiet. Too quiet.

Something was up, but Naruto just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Shikamaru sighed and sat up from his position. "Is it time already…?"

"Yep. Comon. Try not to shit your pants like your future in-law did."

"But he's not-"

"Right. And the sky is green."

"Fifth Fight, Major Badass and Shikamaru Nara. Fight!"

Shikamaru immediately sent his shadows out on a capture vector, not wasting any time. If it was one thing that he had learned while watching the two guardians fight, it was that once they got the upper hand, they tended to hang onto it fairly well.

Smirking, Josh tossed two flashbangs, easily blotting out the shadows. "Your dad tried that on me as well. Good in theory, but you have to be fast enough not to get blasted by a disruption technique."

In a very Un-Shikamaruesque move, he charged in head-on, raising a pair of trench knives, as if to challenge the Guardian up close and personal.

Naruto winced. "Oooh… not smart. What the hell are you thinking, Shikamaru?"

Kakashi, who was watching with a well-practiced Sharingan Eye, asked, "What's wrong? All he's been using so far are those weird weapons of his."

The blond laughed hollowly and stood up, swirling a can of half-drunk beer in the process. "Josh is a master of the blade. Not just his sword, any and all swords. He could take Samehada and use it without skipping a beat." He took a swig before continuing. "I don't quite remember all of his techniques, but I'll tell you this." Naruto tossed the can back before throwing it in the trash. "In Close-Quarters Combat, unless I got serious or powered up severely, I've never even come close to beating him."

He belched, reaching for another can. "And it's not for a lack of trying."

"So, uhh, Lightning Blitz?"

Naruto smiled. "Ten thousand kage bunshin, all using it at once, I got in… maybe… two dozen hits?"

Josh grinned and ducked under the blow, leaving two small cuts on Shikamaru's back. "Not the best idea, getting close."

The genius grunted. "Still got you."

The swordsman glanced down. "Indeed, you got me. However, can you hold me?"

Shikamaru braced and threw a double handful of kunai as Josh flared his shields, trying to break the shadows, and in turn, break the jutsu.

As everyone rubbed the spots from their eyes, they saw that Shikamaru still had the guardian tied down with his shadow, thanks to the line of kunai which had provided the darkness needed. "I thought you might try that again, so-"

Mid-speech, his own arm came up and hit himself in the face.

"What?" Josh shrugged, his action mirrored by Shikamaru. "You think I wouldn't figure it out after being hit a couple of times? The control works both ways, you know."

Naruto grunted. "Fight's over."

Shikamaru grunted as his back impacted into the side of the stadium. Josh hadn't done any serious damage as of yet, but after he had refused to give in, the guardian, who had reversed the bond, had taken to slamming him repeatedly into the stadium wall.

He also couldn't break the bond.

When Josh had turned the bond against him, he had found that breaking the said bond was impossible. It was as if another user had put it on him and had him bound down.

"Give up yet? I really don't want to kill you, but I will if I have to."

Shikamaru focused what little focus he had left. If he wanted to win this fight, he had to turn the tables. Now.

Focusing as if to break a genjutsu, he briefly cut his flow of chakra during an even briefer reprieve between slammings. Of course, the forces of being dropped unexpectedly fifteen feet was still pretty nasty.

"Nice move. Too bad it wasn't enough."

Shikamaru smirked. "Who said I was done?"

He folded his hands into a strange seal. "I knew that if I had to defeat you, I had to put together something that could stop even a bijuu, for a while, at any rate. That's why I've come up with… Kage no Hakai."

As one, every single shadow in the stadium assaulted Josh as one, wrapping his body in a cocoon of shadows. With a single motion, Shikamaru clenched his fist, compressing all of the shadows into a roughly man-like shape, squeezing down on the Guardian-

Boom.

With a single sweeping motion, Josh's arm broke through the cocoon. The rest of his limbs soon followed, each tearing a hole in the shadows, quickly rendering the technique harmless. He stepped down onto the ground, brushing some residual shadows off of his shoulder. "Very good, Deer-man. Very good indeed. However, you forgot to take two things into account. One, Bijuu don't have fleet-quality energy shields."

He drew his combat knife. "And two… Bijuu don't have energy-hardened combat knives."

Shikamaru smirked right back at him. "Checkmate."

He forced his hand into one last seal, causing the floor at Josh's feet to light up in a seal formation. "I thought that you might be able to get out, so I prepared that in advance."

"How the hell did you get the time-"

"Shadows make great cover, don't they?"

"No, I mean how the hell did you- NARUTO! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

The said blond chuckled. "Enjoy the Boommaster."

With one last flick of the wrist, Shikamaru detonated the volatile formation, smothering the entire field in a dense cloud of smoke.

"Interesting… Naruto gave you a Guardian Seal Formation, did he? Well, under the terms of this tournament, allow me to return the favor!"

"I thought for sure that would be enough to knock him out… Sorry Shika. Your ass is grass."

"What do you mean?" Kakashi asked, Sharingan still on the field. "Shikamaru seems to have the upper hand."

Naruto shot his former sensei a cocky grin. "Never assume that you have the upper hand against a guardian. You won't ever have it."

"Sacred Guardian Art: Seal of the Ninth Ring."

With that, Josh punched the ground, sending out a rippling shockwave that enveloped the entire field. "Naruto never did tell you, did he? He used to be a Class S1 Guardian, which means that he had one skill in the Top Ten of all guardians in that skill level. I was also a Class S1 back then. But I'll let you in on a little secret."

Shikamaru struggled, but he couldn't move so much as an eyelid, or really even his eyes. "What?"

Josh undid the strap from his combat knife, opting not to rip it out like he usually did. "If it weren't for my abysmal energy levels, I would have been a Class S4 Guardian at the same time." He held the knife at Shikamaru's throat. "Yield?"

The genius tried to struggle. He really did. But even breathing and talking were extremely straining. "I… Yield…"

Josh didn't even bother taking his helmet off before snatching up a bottle of vodka and pouring it into a vent in the top of his helmet. "Why did you give him a Guardian Seal? You know that I would have responded in kind."

"Just wanted to see how far you've come. Ninth Ring of Hell, huh? So you can punch that now?"

He finally took off his helmet, grabbing a turkey leg. "That, and a shitload more. Like I said before, I've been busy. Even with my… disability, I've still become a PBS2 Guardian. I just have to push the paperwork through to become an S2 Guardian."

"Should I even bother asking…"

"AE8. But who's counting?"

Gaara stood impassively on the field. Directly across from him, A stretched out his muscles as he prepared to fight.

"Now, you two. Remember, try not to kill your opponent. Josh and Naruto both hate paperwork."

"RAIKAGE-SAMA! BAD NEWS!"

"WHAT? COME! BEE! LET US RIDE BACK TO KUMO! AWAY!"

With that, the brother pair charged out of the stadium, along with the entire Kumo Entourage.

Gaara sweatdropped and facefaulted, along with the entire crowd.

"Well... that was rather anticlimactic."

Author's Note

And... CUT!

Once again, i apologize for the EXTREMELY LONG time (6 months was it?) between postings.

What with the end of high school, AP Tests, my EMT Training, and College Work, as well as getting a new machine and getting back into the swing of gaming...

Yeah, it's been an interesting couple of months.

But with my Tuesdays and Thursdays now almost completely free, i should be able to write faster.

Oh, and throw in some (alot) of writer's block... yeah...

Well, that's all for now.

The next chapter has already been titled, and all i have left to do is finish writing it.

Chapter XXX: Hardcore.

Yeah, i know.

Until next time (Hopefully not another six months)

Lightning Ink.

P.S. Like the new penname?