Hi everyone, I hope you are all well. The last chapter of this was enormous, I think my longest chapter in any story to date and yet it was the least populated chapter of this story since its start.

I really hope that's not a sign because I was really hoping that you liked the last chapter, I was kind of proud of it at the time and now I'm second guessing myself.

For those of you that did voice your love for it, thank you for making it known, each and every kind word did make me smile unbelievably large. :D - Like this only bigger.

I hope to continue with earlier tradition in making this chapter worthwhile, it will move up in time a little but it will also include some new developments, things that have been touched on but not explained.

Love you all, and the disclaimer is useless because even if I wanted to own Glee or any of their works or characters...the line up for such rights is too long and I'm lazy :p.

Cheers everyone.

Bittersweet Symphony

Chapter 15 – Time for you to let me in

(BPOV)

Things were going well; mostly. I was in love, my music had gotten some interesting attention from the higher faculty members, and my hearing had decided to not act up as long as I used my aid where necessary.

On top of that I hadn't heard another peep from my parents, Coop was keeping to his word since Christmas that he would be more around, he even hosted New Years for Kurt's and my friends this year, and it had basically been a calm month or so since the holidays.

Now winter's bite had turned into an epic slap in the face since it was the first few days of February, but basically everything had been the same for a while. Calm but too close to resembling the calm before the storm, which had me worried.

The worry stemmed from Kurt, there was something off with him. Don't get me wrong he loved me and I loved him but there seemed to be a practised ease in which he floated through things recently as if he were skirting over a bigger problem; almost like a secret. It was unnerving me because I couldn't quite place what it was exactly, but it was definitely there. It had actually all started at New Years and since then it had escalated, I pretty knew what the problem was, I just didn't know why it was happening or where it stemmed from.

Flashback

"Blainers! This was a fantabulous idea! Like surreal and epic all topped off with awesome...like totally awesome ya know?"

New Years plus Nick Duval and mass amounts of tequila always equalled soliloquies involving the word awesome, and tonight's soiree was no exception. He was draped over my shoulder talking randomly about the most useless shit, but I loved it secretly when he dropped the business man routine and acted like the silly teen I knew behind closed doors so many years ago.

We eventually plopped down on Cooper's couch as I listened to him ramble, loving it all but drunk enough to not really pay attention and just enjoy the buzz. It was one night wear I could fade in and out and not concentrate on listening with my one good ear. I wasn't allowed too much to drink because of the steroids but the few I had made a welcome buzz which I was cautious to overstep, and not take for granted.

Did I mention that I loved Cooper's place? His loft apartment was definitely swank, there was no other way of putting it. It was decked out with the most modern and posh furniture that I would have figured Kurt would have been dry humping the chaise in envy.

Nick, Jeff, Rachel, Finn, Barb and her husband Carl whom was brilliant and delightful to be around, Kurt's student Kenny, and a few other random friends from work had joined us and Cooper's friends in celebrating the send of of another year. Unfortunately despite me texting her a happy new year just before the countdown, Emma couldn't make it, having promised her family that she would spend New Years in Long Island with them.

Kurt and Jeff were inventing drinks in the kitchen with Kenny, Barb and Carl were in conversation with a few others including Rach and Finn, so basically the mingling aspect of the party was a complete success. Kurt had actually planned the whole thing with Cooper during Christmas dinner at Kurt's. I was very happy that my only sibling was bonding so well with the love of my life, and it seemed that everyone that Kurt met loved him.

He was a far cry from that sassy diva that Barb had warned me about those few months ago, and if the proof was in the pudding, I actually saw Kurt and Barb share a few laughs together tonight. The tension was still there but it was for sure lessened.

It was nearing 3 am at this point and people were starting to make their way home. Jeff and Kurt were still in the kitchen concocting with Cooper now on the most effective poison for removing your dates pants.

Wow the subtly in this conversation had been thrown out the window if Cooper was in there discussing pantie droppers with the man that would only want to "drop my panties".

Okay so I don't wear woman's underwear but you get the picture, it's figurative not relative.

As Jeff glanced our way he decided that now was the immediate moment to come over and begin to drag his boyfriend home. Nick had the most random spur of the moment A.D.D, when he decided to do something, that was it.

Since Cooper was vacating Kurt to his own devices I took that as my opportunity to look at the man a few feet from me. Clad in sinfully tight black jeans, a white short sleeve shirt that he always rode the sleeves up a little on, that exposed more of his delicious arms, and a black leather vest.

The clothing hugged his body and it was all topped off with what could only be described as sex hair.

We had been having sex now for a about a week now. Since the proclamation of love in the forms of gifts and family we finally gave ourselves to each other. Neither of us were virgins by any means but waiting for a while to cross that barrier had been essential in our relationship. Everything else had happened so fast and out of its usual order so we both decided to take that step very cautiously.

But the problem was, once we opened that can of worms, we couldn't stop ourselves. Kurt was undeniably the most beautiful person and body I had ever met and it was very hard, no pun intended, keeping my hands off of him.

This was the position I was in right a this moment as I walked up behind him in the kitchen and wrapped my arms around his stomach. The heat and desire I had for this man was already becoming apparent in my pants and Nick and Jeff hadn't even left, oh and did I mention we hadn't left either, and we were supposed to? I just needed him in anyway, right at this moment, and I couldn't wait to get home and show him how much.

" Hmm hi baby." I kissed the back of his neck, knowing that his was a very sensitive spot for him, and he always smelled so delectable that I breathed him in.

"Hi handsome. Someone's excited already? Can't wait till we're at least in the cab honey?"

His voice was like suede, low and passionate and it was making my stomach do funny little flips which were only intensified by the haze of the alcohol.

"I can wait baby, but god do I need to be inside you soon. I can't wait to feel you like that."

That was the first moment that I noticed something was wrong. Kurt tensed, maybe only for a second and I didn't even notice it at the time because, well I was basically thinking with my dick and subtleties like that went unnoticed at first when thinking with that particular organ.

After that brief tense moment he unwrapped me from his arms and went to grab our coats, the same mischievous glint in his eyes back, and I lost focus again. When we finally made it back to my place, Kurt had me pinned to the mattress, a slew of rough pants and soft caresses mixed with moans of a lust that I had never thought I could ever experience.

Now that I thought about it, only later did I notice that something was really wrong, especially when it happened again.

The Met – Date night

I hadn't been to the opera since I had gone with Tyler and I was nervous about it triggering a sad memory, and thus it ruining my date night out with Kurt. We had seen each other at least every other day in between class and work, and now that he was in the final semester at Columbia he had to be at the campus a lot more these days, so our time was crunched. Plus we both had our students, which were more important these days since most of them were graduating this year, and I had also started hanging out with Emma once a week and giving her piano lessons.

When we did meet up it was mostly coffee, a dinner date here and there, sometimes he would let me buy him something as we walked around town, it was simple and mature. Well mostly mature, there was that one day when we were heading back to his apartment when we had the snowball fight in Central Park but it was happy and felt right. But something was still off, even as he straightened his white scarf over the lapels of his tux tonight, I could tell there was something a teeny bit off, and even though I basically knew what it was, he still hadn't opened up as to why.

After a lovely evening out, which made me forgot all about asking Kurt why he was avoiding opening up to me about something that was bothering him, we had settled on heading back to his house for the night.

The tuxes had been shed and left way too haphazard for the clothing obsessed Kurt Hummel but he seemed too captured by the way that I was talking his length in my mouth to give it a second thought. I was drowning in the weight and taste of him and almost on instinct I reached a finger up lightly to brush over his perineum with the most feather light touch, earning me a groan from deep within his chest. Feeling as if he was finally letting me explore his body fully I pressed the pad of my thumb over his hole delicately which made Kurt forcefully pop his cock from my mouth with a yank on my hair, dazing me for a second.

"Kurt what?"

He pulled me towards him, myself crawling to meet his lips again in a desperate kiss that he used to distract me so he could flip over so he was on top. My argument about that fact was rendered invalid when he sank his teeth along the tendon of my neck that had me seeing stars and forgetting logic. One of these days I would have resolve around this man and figure out what was going on and why I couldn't touch him in every way possible.

So this is where I was now.

Tomorrow was my birthday, I was finally turning the ripe old age of 25 and Kurt and I were having a homemade dinner at his house. I loved his apartment, it was open and always smelled like vanilla and sandlewood even though I swear he never had any incense or candles burning. I always just figured that was how Kurt smelled, and I love the comforting feel of it. As we finished out dinner, Kurt making a Payaya that was way too sinful to be healthy, when the thought bubble popped in my head.

"Kurt?"

He sipped his wine and placed it on the table with a cautious little glance in my direction. Somehow I swore he learned my body language far better than I had learned his because he already looked on the defensive and I hadn't even opened my mouth really.

"Can I ask you something baby?"

Adding the pet name seemed to relax his shoulders for a little bit, and he nodded still seeming a little unsure.

"Um...well wow this seems like an odd question but, well it's not like I'm unhappy just...confused."

"Did I do something wrong? Was the Payaya not spicy enough...I knew I should have used more scotch bonne."

Leaning over I kissed his while still sitting with my legs crossed on his couch, veritably shutting him up, so I could get him back on track.

"No, honey the food was perfect, you're perfect it's just that...well, fuck I'm just going to come out and ask because we've always been honest with each other right?"

He quirked his eyebrow at my playfully, acting more like the Kurt I know then the one who looked like a corner animal a moment before.

"Because it comes from a place of caring?"

I snickered at our little inside joke. He had told me, because it had come from a place of caring, that if I didn't give it a rest with the pop songs in the shower or at random he would have to commit me for excessive musical sap, and ban me from anything musically fluffy.

"Yes babe, because of that. I'm just concerned, why can I not top from time to time? I mean it's not like I don't love it the way we're doing it but...you almost seemed...I dunno repulsed and eager to turn the tables at the drop of a hat."

Kurt looked at me bug eyed, as if I said something so completely left field and yet perfectly targeted at the same time, so I continued before I lost the nerve.

" I mean I'm not complaining or anything, I love to feel you inside me baby, it drives me insane, but is there a reason why you tense if I try topping, it's just...well it's happened a few times. I love you and I love everything we do...it's just well I want you, is that so bad?"

There is was out, I had finally asked him for an explanation...wait was he crying...oh fuck what did I do?

"Blaine...I...I think you should...l-leave."

Kurt got up and now I could tell that he was visibly shaking, his arms clutched around himself as he went over to the window.

"What? Kurt I'm sorry, what's going on? I just, fuck I'm sorry I said anything.."

"No...no you're right, you had a right to ask and I'm sorry that I haven't said anything, I just can't, you have to leave, I'm sorry I just..."

I reached out and grabbed his arm before he tried to walk away.

"No! Don't! You've had this shield up since I met you, and I finally thought it was down but I can see there still something that you aren't telling me Kurt, and I'm not leaving until you let me help you. I love you, doesn't that mean anything?"

"Of course it does! Blaine how could you.."

Kurt finally made eye contact with me after what seemed like a small millennia, and his eyes were filled to the brim with unshed tears. It broke my heart, but my resolve wouldn't falter. This was beyond who topped and who bottomed, that only seemed like a trigger to me now, there was something way worse brewing.

I let him go and just resumed my seat on the couch and looked over at him expectantly. I was an emotional mess for sure but as he stayed strong for me in those days of Anderson family drama, I would lend my good ear and all my soul to Kurt. I would be strong for him because it was definitely time for him to let me in on Kurt Hummel's story.

Kurt sat down gingerly, ringing his hands in a manner that told me this was way harder for him than I thought it was going to be initially.

"I-I'm afraid, you w-won't want me when I-I tell you..."

I answered quickly but it was far from a lie, " Nothing on heaven or earth could make me not love you like I do, what happened baby. I'm here."

Kurt took an uneasy breath and sighed, rubbing his wrists harshly.

"I...I've been...r-raped...m-more than once..."

My throat went dry, how could anyone do this to my beautiful Kurt? I tried to keep the ever-growing anger from bubbling over in my voice, I didn't want to scare him off since this was so hard for him to talk about.

"How m-many times Kurt?"

"T-twice, t-the second t-time...by 3 diff-different g-guys..."

Kurt broke, and I didn't know what to do.

Cliffy? Um sorry guys but remember that Kurt's been hiding some pretty intense shit from Blaine in favour of helping him through his troubles. ( And remember that I have hinted at him...a few times) Kurt was cold, calculating and clinical for a reason, maybe I'll tell more about it in the next chapter? LOL Okay I will but you'll have to wait. Next chapter will be sometimes this weekend :) I think...

I know this one was shorter but it was a build up to Kurt's unfriendly past...Bittersweet guys remember that? Bittersweet.

Love you, leave me a review and let me know if you liked this enough to not hang me from my toenails in frustration.

XOXO

Ta!