Chapter XXX: HardCore

Naruto stood back up, stretching. "Looks like I'm up again. See you down on the field, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi shot a nervous glance at Josh, who had finally slowed his eating pace. "You said that you would give advice on how to beat Lightning Blitz."

"Oh yeah... I did, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did."

"Well..." Josh started. "The easiest way to defeat Lightning Blitz is just to counter his speed, but that's out of the question for any of you... An Area of Effect attack would work just fine... if you had one that could hurt him... I suppose the only option left would be to attack his right leg."

"Right leg?"

"Yeah. He always trails with the right leg. Hit that, and you can disrupt the field. Might want to use something nonconductive, though. Getting shocked by that is just downright nasty."

Kakashi raised his hitai-ate, exposing his lone sharingan. "Naruto, this won't be like the bell test."

"You're right, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto smiled. "The Time Constrictor Seal has had time to do its work. My power is rapidly fading."

He drew his sword, blade gleaming. "However... I've still got power to burn, so let's get it on!"

"FIGHT! RUN AWAY!"

Bill leapt backwards as the two charged at each other, kunai meeting sword. "Oh... so you keep your kunai hardened?"

"Innuendo already, Naruto?" Kakashi deadpanned.

"It's never too early for innuendo, Sensei."

"Touché."

Josh sighed and put down the half-eaten ham. "All's going well right now. Looks like those two memory injections put off the seal for a while longer."

"Ano..."

Josh sighed and took a swig from a whiskey bottle. "Girl, I should just paint a bulls-eye on your forehead. How many times have I told you how many times not to sneak up on me like that? One of these days, when I'm really on edge or paranoid, you're going to find your brains blown all over some tree."

Hinata winced at the image. Somehow, she knew that the man would stay true to his word. "Ano, could I stay here? My father is giving me..."

The guardian burped and gestured for her to take a seat. "Sure." He shrugged again and took another swig of alcohol. "I've run into my fair share of angry fathers in my day. Believe me. Bell's dad was not pleased when she got kidnapped under our watch."

Naruto dove under his sensei's slash, retaliating with a handful of shuriken, which caused the Kage Bunshin to implode. "Come on, sensei. Quit hiding."

Three more Kakashis slashed at Naruto, who in turn exploded. "The same could be said of you, Naruto." He said with an eye-smile.

Two Rasengan caused the trio to pop, revealing another Naruto. "Come at me, sensei!"

Sixteen bunshin popped up at the same time as Naruto converting the Rasengans to Suiton Rasengans and hitting the ground, liquefying it. "Well, the real one is in there somewhere. Anything under the ground would have been pulverized. Here we go."

Two bunshin were taken out when Naruto began hurling shuriken at near-supersonic velocities, not having enough room to dodge. Six others were blasted from existence with a sweep of his sword, sending a shockwave at the clones.

"Katon…"

Everyone winced and took cover, with the exception of Josh, who continued to stare on, drinking steadily.

"Phoenix Fire!"

The spiraling defensive vortex, in the confined space of the arena and floor shield, turned into a veritable hurricane of flames, covering the breadth and width of the floor, wiping out most of the bunshin, leaving just two figures.

"No more hiding, sensei."

Kakashi swore and charged up his Raikiri.

Josh leaned back, closing one eye. "Game. Set. Match."

Raikiri met Raikiri. Two figures in an outstretched position collided, scattering the flames briefly enough for everyone to see the two, both charging up another shot, another Raikiri for the silver-haired ninja, some sort of blob in Naruto's left hand.

"Huh… never seen that before."

"W-what do you mean?" Hinata said, shielding one eye. "You don't know-"

"I don't know everything." The guardian said dismissively. "As much as I hate to say it. If I knew everything, I could figure out where my dad was, or how to repel a large group of fangirls without three times the collateral damage. He's been gone for quite a few years, and things change over time. That looks like a modified Trident Net, but I can't say for sure. For all I know, it could be a new Rasengan Variant. God knows he's got enough of those."

"How many?"

"How many what?"

Garra stared at the vortex as the two techniques collided. "How many Rasengans does he have?"

Josh looked thoughtful, then shrugged. "Psh… if you really want me to count… Oi! Bon-bon! What's the last catalogued number on Rasengan Variants?"

"Do you want related families and incomplete variants included?"

"Add the first, drop the second."

"Pulling data."

A split-second later, a series of graphs, charts, and pictures shot up, spiraling around everyone. It took three deft gestures for Josh to put away most of the data, leaving up a list and a shifting picture of a Rasengan as it shifted from type to type. "Let's see here… Pulling in the series of discontinued and unusables… somewhere over sixteen thousand. On average, well over one a month. He always finds another way to shut down fangirls, which they overcome…"

Kakashi's eye widened as the blob met his Raikiri, neutralizing it as well as enveloping his arm. It didn't stop there, pushing upwards, taking his torso and soon, his entire body, immobilizing him.

"Sensei, in future, don't challenge me to a beam clash. I will win."

Josh chuckled and ate a bunch of grapes. "Unless I cheat. Good fight."

Naruto phased his way back to the competitor's box and sat down, sighing and rubbing one shoulder.

Josh noticed this and pointed with his chin. "Looks like the Scarecrow got you."

The blond rotated the joint once more before slouching and reaching for a bottle of sake. "Raikiri Beam Clashes are nasty. When the points of two knives meet, they're not going to break. They're gonna slip and slice into your hand."

"How badly did he get you?"

"Just a nick. Smoothed out the force to my arm to prevent him from breaking skin."

"Hmm… well, time for me to fight Sandman. Good luck with the hag."

Josh laughed as his chair melted, reappearing in the stadium and gave her a jaunty wave. "Nice try! I've been dodging those for years! You'll have to be a lot faster than that!"

Gaara didn't say anything, just floating out of the window on his sand. To be honest, what was there to say? Josh had just taunted a kage, gotten away scott free, and taunted her again.

"Is it time yet?"

"No. Get everyone ready, though. It draws near."

Josh stretched and drew his combat knife. "Hey, Sandman."

Garra nodded back.

"Ready for a fight?"

Gaara shook his head.

Josh grinned slowly, dropping his visor. "Smart man."

Naruto sighed and leaned back. Uzu had disappeared off somewhere, Ki was off doing his thing, and he was tired. More so then he should have been. The Seal of Unholy Draining was really taking it toll. "Come on… I just need a little longer…"

"Ano… Naruto-kun?"

"Hai?" He said tiredly, not looking and accidentally spilling some sake.

"I'm back!"

The blond paused, eyes opening in terror. "Oh, fuck me sideways-"

Hinata gave the blond a sultry sway of her hips before jumping up and straddling him. "Aww, aren't you happy to see me?"

"OF COURSE NOT! NOW-GET-OFF-OF-ME!"

Struggling mightily, since 'Hinata' had disabled both of his arms the moment she jumped on, he finally managed to throw her off, flare his energy to reopen the points, and drew a double handful of kunai. "How the hell did you-"

"Broke the seal."

"What!"

"Josh put a seal on me. Was supposed to keep me away. Didn't last."

Naruto slowly put away some of the kunai, keeping a fair number drawn. "So how did you break free?"

'Hinata tossed her head back, laughing gently. "He left one of the symbols in the anchor partially incomplete. It only took me three days to peel away the rest of it."

The blond blinked. Josh's mind sealing work was airtight. Not only could most non-guardians not even detect that they were there, but even most guardians weren't under the realization that they were under one if he put one up. And she tore hers up in three days?

"That's not possible." He said, shaking his head and drawing his sword. "Mind Seals are based off of talent alone. Josh's work is up there with some of the best Class S Guardians. There's no way you could have thrown yours off."

She tried replying, but a roar from the stadium interrupted them. "And what a hit! Garra has just taken the upper hand in this fight!"

Josh grunted and rose to his feet. Without using any of his powers and only melee combat, he was at a disadvantage to Garra's sand, which he made a shitton more of by breaking up the floor. It couldn't hurt him through his shield, of course, but he couldn't get within range without using high explosives, which he really didn't want to do.

"Fuck this. I don't have all day."

Throwing his knife at the incoming barrage of sand, he spun out his rifle with one hand, his pistol with the other. "RIGHT BACK ATCHYA!"

He opened fire, high explosive rounds beating back the sand. Little by little, he regained ground, and even his knife. "NOT SO BIG MAN NOW, HUH SANDMAN!"

Slotting his pistol, Josh flicked open two things. One was the grenade launcher, which he immediately shot at the wall, thinning it even more.

The other was a bayonet. Twenty-four inches of guardian-hardened steel. He hadn't really had a reason to use it- too soft against guardian shields, not enough range and mobility, and the fact that his gun couldn't fire safely with it extended.

However, against a wall of sand, the extra reach was perfect, along with the fact that the thing could eject and become a projectile itself. In other words, he thought, An anti-sandman weapon.

"BOOM MOTHERFUCKA!"

For the rest of the crowd, who really couldn't see much besides the piles of swirling sand, the fight was as good as over. Those who had been present at the Chunnin Exams seven years ago knew what Gaara's sand could do to a person.

That was, until half of the stadium floor exploded, sending sand through the barrier and into people's faces.

When most of the dust settled, what most people saw was Josh pinning down Gaara with a knife at his throat. "Yield?"

But before we move on with the tournament, shall we flash back to the fight?

Yes, we will.

It wasn't exactly fair, but when he had lunged forward with the bayonet, he had also activated his armor's ability enhancers. Not technically cheating. But not really fair either.

The armor's enhancers doubled his speed and reaction time, which allowed him to pull out a can of C-12 and throw it ahead of the bayonet. The moment the two intersected, he also fired off an ill-advised round, causing the detonation of the equivalent of half a ton of TNT.

He didn't have time to shape it, but the force of the explosion and its accompanying shockwave was enough to scatter most of the sand. Keyword there is most.

Gaara's ultimate defense was still active. Considering that it actively protected him and had a higher energy concentration, it wasn't surprising. Water could cause the sand to become sluggish, but summoning that would take time, and the sand wasn't going to stay scattered forever. Time for a little more direct action.

Raising the remains of his ruined rifle, he shoved three grenades inside the launcher, rigged the bayonet to eject, and detonated the bunch.

At first, to the naked eye, nothing really happened. But Josh's eye was far from naked, and he wasn't going to take anything at first. He pulled his arm back and then jabbed four fingers to where the bayonet had entered, figuring that it was the thinnest portion of the wall, clawed his hand, and pulled back.

Thanks to his superhuman power, speed, as well as the shield hardening into sandstone to repel the explosion of the three grenades, Gaara's Ultimate Defense crumbled like chalk. Piece by piece, Josh tore chunks out of the barrier until he had made a hole big enough for him to get through.

As soon as that happened, Josh launched himself at the Kazekage, tacking him and knocking him through the back of his own shield.

Gaara wasn't the fastest kage around. He really didn't need to be. With the entire desert as his weapon, as well as having a neigh-on impenetrable shield, he really had no reason for physical speed. However, that also meant that he had very little physical counterattack when his physical self was assaulted.

And thus, we arrive at the present.

"I said, do you yield?"

Gaara shook his head.

The guardian sighed and delivered a punch to his head. "You must have been daydreaming. Do you yield, or am I going to have to knock you the fuck out?"

Before the former jinchuriki could say anything, Josh delivered an uppercut to his jaw, knocking him ten feet into the air and most definitely out.

"And… match."

The medics had carted Gaara away, with Josh being declared the winner.

"WE HAVE OUR FIRST FINALIST!"

Josh just shook his head and returned to the competitors box as they struggled with the stadium floor. He hadn't taken into account the fact that the stadium itself might be used as a weapon. Well, alright. By Naruto, who had more tricks up his sleeves then sleeve, but not by Sandman.

"Ahh… nothing like a nice cold beer after a fight in the desert."

"… Dude. You're in the middle of a forest."

Josh waved him off. "Details, details…"

Naruto was really sweating now. There were a couple of reasons for this. One, he was facing the Mizukage, who seemed hell-bent on making him her husband. Two, the dread of having to fight Josh in the next round if he won was finally sinking in. And three, because the damn bitch wouldn't stop spitting out steam! Acidic steam at that!

He couldn't close in, otherwise she would spit lava and try to glomp him. He couldn't stay far away either, or the steam would eat at him. Not exactly stuck between a hammer and an anvil, but probably the next worst thing.

"Futon-"

Josh grunted, cracking open a keg of wine. Taking a small sample, he narrowed his eyes and threw the barrel out. "Bleah. Something got into that. Tastes like antifreeze."

"Ano… aren't you worried?"

The guardian popped a bottle of bourbon, promptly dumping half of it into his mouth. "Worried?" He cast a critical eye over the battle, shrugged, and returned to the alcohol. "Nah. The idiot's sealed and weak, but that's something that he should be able to take care of. All he has to do is clear the steam and lob in a couple of bombs. Obsidian is sharp, but its compressive strength is pathetic. Granite has a bad habit of being too coarse, which is easy for elemental attacks to chip apart."

Josh took a couple of puffs on a cigar that nobody had seen him pull out. "So in short, no, I'm not too worried."

"Raiton: Raikiri!"

Before the blond could land a hit, the last of the wind that he had managed to put out had faded, allowing for the corrosive mist to come surging back into the void. Not exactly something that he wanted to charge head-first into. Sure, he would come out serviceable, but with Josh waiting on the other end, not something he wanted to go into.

Wait a second… what if I…

"Kage bunshin no Jutsu!"

Three clone appeared, each ready for orders. "Spin up a couple of Rasenshuriken! Fire on my command!"

Josh leaned back in his chair, lighting his cigar. "He's got it. Point, set, match."

Naruto's Kage Bunshin released the Rasenshuriken, one at a time. From his scattered memories, which at this point were more wholesome than not, ripple firing the aforementioned Rasenshuriken caused dramatically increased the time in which the mist could be deflected. Also, by setting them not to detonate on impact, but rather to bounce and hover, they acted like fans to disperse the corrosive mist.

"Ha! Raiton: Raikiri!"

Naruto shoved his fist into the hole from which the steam had been coming from. He wasn't too concerned, as the lightning currently surrounding his fist would protect him for a few seconds, long enough to do the damage needed.

There was just one problem...

The moment his hand pieced what he thought was the Mizukage's left breast, the blond briefly felt something crack before the entire floor of the stadium started breaking apart, revealing a huge lava pit beneath.

"The hell did this lava pit come from?"

Up in the box, Josh did a spittake on the inside of his visor. Of all the tactics that he had expected the hag to try, hollowing out the floor underneath the stadium wasn't that high on the list. After all, he had partially supervised its creation, and knew what was in the foundation. He shook his head, having a vague idea of what had happened.

The floor had already been weakened by Garra's stunt with the sand. By spitting lava, it was easy enough to soften the rebar in the floor. After that, it was a simple matter for her to use her corrosive breath to hollow out a small magma chamber. Guardians were made of tough stuff, but even they didn't go traipsing into an active volcano if they could help it. Well, unless they had a extreme fire affinity and needed a makeshift weapon. Or they were trying to summon a lava golem, which wasn't recommended for many reasons, not the least of which was that it tended to set the controller's pants on fire.

"Well, she's proven to be quite resourceful. Naruto? Let's see if that crazy streak still runs in ya..."

Kakashi shook his head, his voice dry. "He's going to try something crazy, isn't he?"

"Yep." Josh sighed. "That's how he does things..."

Naruto yelped as his pants caught fire for what seemed like the umpteenth time in living memory, or rather, the chunks that he had. Probably because it had caught fire so many times. He mused to himself before shaking himself back to the present.

He couldn't use water, seeing as how any jet of water he spat out would return in the form of steam hot enough to melt his skin, and also seeing as how the regrowth of skin was extremely painful, decided to abandon that method after the first try, which had left his right leg looking rather like a turkey's would at thanksgiving.

Fighting fire with fire was also out, as he couldn't spit lava. His hottest flames couldn't hold a candle to the rising magma, pardon the pun. Futon just caused the molten rock to glow even brighter, and Raiton was completely useless in this situtation. Doton would have been ideal, had he ever truly mastered that element. He hadn't bothered, and now his pants were paying the price.

"Fuck..."

"Give up yet, Naruto-kun?"

"NEVER!"

Naruto went down on his unburnt knee, causing the fabric to instantly ignite. "You guys are making me bust out more and more tricks I had been trying to save for Josh." He flipped through a few seals at a blinding speed before clenching both of his fists and slamming them together. "Initial Guardian Art: Guardian Shield!"

Almost instantly, a translucent shield materialized in dome form, surrounding his body and cutting off the lava. His pants, however, continued to burn.

He grunted and the shield exploded outward, sending lava flying everywhere, including Mei's hiding spot, which she had made out of a steambank. Taking no chances, Naruto drew his sword, and using a burst of chakra to push himself upward, stabbed her through her right lung. "This fight.. is over..." He coughed.

Josh stood up and strode toward the door.

"What are you doing? Aren't you going to give Naruto a chance to catch his breath?"

The guardian shot a strange look at Kakashi. "I'm firing up the stasis field. The hag's gonna need healing- stronger stuff. Naruto keeps a mild poison in his sword."

After Mei had been transferred to the infirmary and stabilized with Bonnie's help, as well as the floor of the stadium replaced with several metric tons of quick-dry cement, Naruto stood on the stadium floor, staring down Josh.

"You know, this feels kinda nostalgic..."

The blond groaned, stretching out his burnt limbs. "Yeah, for you. I still can't remember everything."

Josh rolled his eyes. "You've got eighty percent of your memory back- you still can't remember any of our fights?"

"Nope."

His opponent snorted. "Well, you don't, but Jenkins over there sure does."

The two turned to look at Jenkins, who had donned blast armor and was peeking around the edge of the door, looking terrified despite all of the protection. "Yes!" he called over. "I do remember! And no, I'm not coming out of this bunker!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Josh caught Naruto putting something into his mouth and chewing. "Whatcha eating over there?"

Naruto held up three shriveled beans, grinning evilly before slipping them away into a pouch. "A double dose of Senzu Beans."

"Ready! FINAL ROUND! ORANGE LIGHTNING VERSUS THE SILVER SWORDSMAN! FIGHT!"

Before the last word had reached the entire audience, the bunker door had shut and Bill was rushing away as fast as he could. Everyone turned their attention two the two combatants.

Naruto finished chewing and swallowed his mouthful of Senzu Bean. "Ready to fight?"

Josh growled and drew his sword. "Sonofabitch..."

Author's Note:

Hey, guys. Sorry about these absurdly long update times.

Actually, had I moved along with my original schedule, today would have been the last chapter of Timeless, which meant the end of Part I.

However, college, along with the loss of my Mojo and Muse have slowed everything down to a literal crawl. Did i mention that i also found a job?

So yeah, as much as i enjoy writing, RL first.

No ETA on the next chapter, but it's title is simple. "Guardian".

Hopefully, it wont take as long for the next chapter to come out.

Until then,

Xingster

P.S. R&R. It helps me write- I work best with motivation.

P.P.S. I'm entering a contest on Roosterteeth's website. It's a video contest, and i'm submitting a video soon. It's a AMV, of course. The screenname is what i sign on, which is "Xingster".
Go and vote for me, will you?

Ja ne.