The next morning I woke up to hear Peeta downstairs and the little girl laughing. I headed downstairs and before I could ask why he was still there, Peeta greeted me and reminded me that it's not a great idea to leave a 6-year-old alone in a house even if I was upstairs. He gave my arm a rub and asked if I had gotten enough sleep before nodding and heading out the door. I'm left standing in the kitchen with a smiling little girl and a tower of pancakes in the middle of the table.
As we eat in silence Sadie begins to sing a song and I try not to develop a headache. Before she can finish the fifth verse of her song though Haymitch stumbles in, a little bit less drunk than usual. "Do you like geese, Sandy?" "It's Sadie," I correct, not looking up from my plate. "What about it, Sadie. Do you like geese?" She looks a little lost and then smiles. Haymitch reaches for her hand and for the first time ever I see him genuinely nice to someone who he had mentored in a death match. They head outside and I'm left seated at the table.
When I finished cleaning up and changing into regular clothes I headed out to Haymitch's to make sure everything was okay. Seeing that Sadie was in no eminent danger I told Haymitch to stay sober enough so that I could go get more of Sadie's clothes from Sae's house. To my surprise he nods in acknowledgment and I head out towards the road.
As I wander down the road I notice some people looking in my direction as they continue to talk, covering their mouths so I can't read their lips. But I know what they're talking about. It's the same as it usually is. But I don't mind. Sooner or later they'll realize that Peeta and I won't end up together. The thought makes me sad so I walk quickly until I'm sprinting towards Sae's house. When I get inside I slam the door and drop onto her couch, sobbing out loud. They're right. I am only using Peeta. What have I even given him in return for what he's done? People are talking about us and what they think we do behind closed doors when in fact nothing is going on.
I stand up after what feels like an hour and begin packing up the little girl's clothes, continuing to cry. I look through Sae's kitchen to see if there's anything that could go bad and pack what would otherwise spoil. I sit back on the couch to let my eyes dry up and lose their redness and get ready to go. While walking across town I bump into Zenobia from the store who stops me. "Uh-oh. What's wrong, Katniss?" she asks before I even open my mouth. My eyes gave me away. "Nothing." "Don't tell me it's nothing. I know something's up." Realizing she was the only female close to my age I could talk with I walk with her to the store and unload my concerns. I felt pretty petty unloading my worries on someone I had only met once before, but I couldn't share this with Haymitch, he'd just laugh at me and tell me to either buck up and go after him or quite my whining.
Zenobia listened to me as she tidied up the store and even shook her head no when someone came in. After I let everything out I felt like I had felt following my previous hangovers. A little confused by what happened, glad I got whatever was in my system out, and exhausted. She came over to me and put her arm around me. "Katniss, do you love him?" I thought I did, but then when I was confronted with the question up front, I couldn't say. So I didn't. She continued, "If you don't love him, then you need to make it clear to him so he can move on. You're both young enough that you can move on. But if you do, then you need to be willing to let it show. Don't be afraid of it." I nodded and stood up from the stool I had been sitting on. She gave me a quick, tight hug and said good luck. With that I picked up the bag from Sae's house and wandered home.
By the time I got to Haymitch's house it was early afternoon. I guess I didn't realize how long I had been gone, but Haymitch was asleep in a chair on his lawn while Sadie had put flowers in his hair and was playing with the geese. I smiled lightly at the girl who, upon seeing me, jumped up and followed me into my home. Leaving Haymitch outside to sleep whatever he drank off.
"Did you have a good time with Haymitch?" I asked, trying to make small talk as I put away the food in the kitchen. She smiled and nodded. I didn't bother with much more small talk since I wasn't in the mood for it. What was I supposed to do with a 6-year-old who barely spoke to me? I called Peeta out of desperation.
"Peeta, what am I supposed to do with her?" "With who?" "With Sadie." He laughed for a few good seconds and then asked what I had been doing with her so far. "Well, she spent time with Haymitch and the geese this morning. I went to get her stuff. What does she like to do? You're her boyfriend afterall, right?" He laughed again and began listing off things to do with her. "How do you know all of this stuff? Weren't you the youngest of three boys?" "Yeah, but Delly had younger siblings that we played with." It was then that I remembered Delly. She hadn't come back to District 12 with us. She moved to District 11 after it was discovered that none of her family survived the rebellion. Someone else who was on her own.
I thanked him and hung up the phone and turned around to see Sadie flipping through a book. As I walked closer I could see it was the book Peeta, Haymitch and I had made. As I sat down she pointed to some of the pictures, asking me who the different people were. As I began telling her about the familiar faces she eventually leaned against my arm. I put it around her and shortly after she was asleep. Not wanting to interrupt her, I pulled her in a little closer and continued to flip through our book. I hadn't looked at it since we finished it a month or two ago, but the stories were fresh in my memory. As I flipped through the book I began to tear up, thinking of all of these people who lost so much because of the evil hearts of those in power.
I thought of them and wondered what they would be thinking if they saw me in this situation. Would they be proud of what I had done with myself? Embarrassed that I turned into a girl who couldn't even make up her mind about the boy she had loved? I thought of Prim as I looked down at the little creature leaning against me. What would she say? She was always a bit more mature than me when it came to these situations. I sat there hoping she could impart some of her wisdom from the great beyond, but as I sat, Haymitch barged into the room.
"Sadie's gone missing! I can't find her anywhere!" I shooshed him as loudly as I could before he realized she was asleep next to me. By that point though she began to stir. Upon awaking she got a very concerned look on her face and gave confused looks to Haymitch and I. "It's okay Sadie, you just fell asleep. Nothing to be worried about," I started before she got a scared look on her face and began crying. As she cried Haymitch and I alternated in trying to calm her down but it didn't work. "Sing something," he said in a request of desperation.
I began to sing and rub her back as I had with Prim when she would wake up scared. Eventually she calmed down and I coaxed her into helping me in the kitchen while we waited for Peeta to come home. As the time stretched on I realized that my pride would have to be risked as both Sadie and Haymitch sat there staring at me hungrily.
"You know what my food does to you Haymitch. I'm not cooking for the girl or Peeta. I doubt their bodies could take it!" "Oh for crying out loud Katniss, it's late and we're starving!" Haymitch growled. With much fear and trepidation I went to the study to see if my mom had left any of her cookbooks. As fate would have it she didn't. I was on my own. I went through all of the cabinets and the refrigerator looking for what I had on hand. Rabbit meat, some onions, potatoes and a few cans of vegetables. "I've got beer" Haymitch says, as if this would help the situation. "You'll need that later. Not now though." I said as I hoped for a miracle and that the food would make itself. I began by pretending nothing was wrong and washing everything. I tried to make light conversation but realized this did not help my cause so I strapped down and began chopping everything into small pieces, hoping that Peeta would walk through the door. But he didn't.
I continued by putting oil in the pan and cooking the rabbit. "Take it out before it gets too dry," Haymitch said, trying to remember any cooking things he had heard. I turned around to him and he shrugged, "sounded right to me." The little girl laughed. I put the onions and potatoes in the pan and cooked them until they seemed soft. "Does this look about right, Chef Abernathy?" Sadie laughed again and Haymitch shrugged, "hell if I know." He quickly covered his mouth and Sadie laughed again while I gave Haymitch a death glare for saying that in front of her. Within 5 minutes the peas were heated up and we had a perfectly terrible looking meal placed in front of us. I've never been a praying person, but this might be a good time to start.
As we began to eat, Haymitch tried to reassure me that things tasted great although Sadie's expression denied this flatly. She sat there pushing the food around her plate and throwing random pieces of potato and rabbit onto the floor. I don't blame her. After living off of her grandmother's cooking and then eating Peeta's meals this past day, mine would be appropriate for only a dog.
We sat there trying to force the bland food down our throats when Peeta walked in. Looking at our pathetic state he laughed, "Who decided to cook?" I slowly raised my hand out of embarrassment and Peeta gave a small chuckle before heading to what remained in the pan and taking a bite. "This isn't too bad, Katniss." "Liar. Sadie won't even eat it," I said, pointing to the unfortunate little girl. He laughed even more and came to the table to kiss Sadie and I on the head before taking all of our plates. "How about we skip dinner and go to dessert?" Sadie stood up on her chair and cheered at this proposition. I think Haymitch would have too if he was capable of it. Instead he just downed a glass of whiskey and excused himself to go home.
Peeta opened a box he had brought in and inside was a little cake. "I made a large one with the students today," he said, "this is the top of it." It was a small round cake with elaborate piping in greens and yellows and oranges on it. Sadie clapped when she saw it and gave Peeta a high five. "Your students helped you make this?" I asked in astonishment. "Well, no. They made the actual cake. I finished it off. You can't eat cake without frosting, Katniss!" And so we took out three clean forks and dug in.
When we finished the cake Peeta began asking Sadie about her day as they walked to the couch and grabbed a book from the shelf. As they sat down I got up to get started on the dishes and Peeta called for me, "Don't worry about the dishes. Come sit." So I sat down next to them on the couch. Peeta pulled us both in close under his arms as he read a book about a girl and her pet dog. At the end he asked Sadie to tell him a story to which she willingly obliged. It didn't make much sense, but Peeta went along with it throwing in questions where appropriate. Eventually she grew tired enough and Peeta picked up the half-asleep girl and brought her to bed. I got up to follow him and couldn't help keep my insides from stirring as I watched him in amazement as he tenderly talked her into going to sleep. How could he be so good to this little girl after this long day?
We walked back out to the kitchen and he pulled me to the couch, obviously tired. As we sat down he pulled me in close and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Thank you for everything today," he began. "I know this was uncomfortable for you. I'm sorry I agreed to watching her without running it past you but it was a spur of the moment and I thought that after all Sae's done for me it was the least I could do. I'm just sorry you got roped into it." Before I could clarify that I didn't mind he asked me how everything had gone and then informed me of his day.
"I've hired some people to help at the bakery. Some students that were a bit more advanced. Did you know the Aimes boy enjoys baking? He's actually pretty good at it. Luckily since tomorrow will be slower I told him he could open with me and I'd get him trained so he could start opening the store and I could sleep in a little more." He said with a smile. I knew he was relishing the idea of sleeping in more so I began to throw out the idea of going to bed now. But before I could the phone rang.
"Sae, how are you?" The crying on the other side did not bode well. "Sae? Are you okay?" Peeta looked at me with an inquisitive look and came to stand next to me so he could hear the phone call as well. "Jem's gone," she said, her body wracked with sobs. Jem had died and they were sending them home for him to be given a traditional District 12 burial. Sae would be home in two days.
As we hung up the phone giving Sae our condolences Peeta squeezed me tightly as we stood there in the kitchen. We decided to skip the dishes and head upstairs. As we changed and got ready for bed we didn't talk as usual but did so silently. I wasn't really sure of what to say anyway, I just kept thinking about poor Sae. Even though she was older and had gotten spend so long with her husband, and even though death is inevitable for everyone, the pain in her voice got to me. She loved him even though these last few months she had to take care of him and now he was gone and wouldn't be coming back.
As we climbed into bed I scooted closer to Peeta who pulled me in tightly again and nuzzled his face in the crook of my shoulder and neck.