Things went well with Vick from then on. While he never became a particularly talkative person he was more willing to talk with Peeta in the mornings and me while we were hunting or at the market. Before I knew it, the weather was warming up again. A year had passed since Sae had lived with Haymitch and I think he was cleaning up his act a little. While I don't think would ever become completely sober, he was drunk less often than usual and I think he's given up his tendency of sleeping with a knife in his hand. For the most part things were going well for Peeta and I with regards to both the bakery and my little venture with Vick. Our relationship wasn't too bad either. I still loved him and while he never really advanced our physical relationship, much to my chagrin, I loved our little relationship.
I would almost say life was perfect but it wasn't. Peeta still had attacks and while they were tamer for the most part, there were a few that caught me off guard, but nothing too serious happened. Peeta would turn inward for the next day or so, but I never felt like my life was in danger. Marks were never left so it's not like I had to explain anything to anyone anyway. My nightmares tamed down which was a relief. I still had them and when I did they were vivid and strong. But each time I woke screaming for Prim, Rue or anyone else I lost Peeta would kiss me softly and lull me back to sleep.
My birthday was coming up within the next month and I began to feel a bit of anxiety about turning 20. Whenever I spoke of it with Hazelle or Sae they would laugh and brush off my anxiety. I knew 20 was not old and I didn't feel like it was old, but for some reason it just felt weird turning 20. It meant I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. But in all honesty, I felt like I was already 40 given what I had gone through. I didn't want to plan ahead because I had spent so much of my life doing that; between taking care of my mother and Prim following my father's death, and trying to survive the Games as well as the rebellion, I didn't want to plan in advance. All I wanted was to live each day and go day to day that way.
I'm not sure why men don't feel the same anxiety about turning older. When Peeta turned 20 a few months ago he was happy as usual. When I looked in the mirror this morning I wondered if I was seeing a grey hair or if the lighting was just off. When I asked Peeta to double check he simply laughed and kissed my head. I put my hair up in its typical braid and headed out to the market with Vick.
The day before in the woods had been especially good. Vick's aim had improved greatly and he hit a deer and a dozen pheasants. I hit a few dozen squirrels and rabbits, so between both of us we were going to make a pretty good profit that day. As we set up our display of meats Vick was particularly quiet. "What's up, Vick?" I asked, trying to coax him into making a comment. "Oh, not much," he mumbled softly. I shrugged it off and greeted our first customer of the day.
The day was pretty busy because, as we learned, there were a few important people from the Capitol coming for the opening of a new school, library, and technical training center plus they were also going to do some research on natural resources in the area to see what we could start producing besides medicines. Because of this several of the inns were stocking up on goods from the area to give the visitors a taste of District 12. This was something I liked about the new government. While there were definitely some of the "traditional" Capitol types, for the most part everyone in power came from the different districts and encouraged district pride. I smiled at these enthusiastic inn owners as they told me their plans for traditional 12 dishes and even asked a few for their favorite recipes. As Vick and I began cleaning up for the day I was trying to remember one of the particularly good recipe ideas an inn keeper had shared when a familiar voice called me from behind. "Hey there, Catnip."
I froze in front of the sink I was washing my hands off in, pretending I had not heard him. Realizing I couldn't stay frozen forever I slowly turned around to face him. "Hi Gale," I said cautiously. Vick was standing next to him, avoiding eye contact with me. "I didn't know you would be in town," I continued, shooting daggers at Vick with my eyes. Gale chuckled and held up his hands, "surprise!" Surprise indeed. He walked towards me with his arms open and pulled me into a tight hug. I stayed stiff but slowly put my arms around him. The awkwardness quickly melted and I hugged him back tighter. As well pulled away a warm feeling began to fill me as my coldness towards Gale melted away.
"So what are you doing in town?" I asked. "Well, they have me here doing some research. They're trying to see if there's a way to use coal for some… things." I began to wonder what things he was referring to but brushed it off. It was weird seeing him, but good at the same time. He looked pretty much the same as when I had seen him again. He was a little bigger since he was able to eat regularly and you could tell he was more muscular. But other than that he was still Gale.
As I walked with them to their mother's house we caught up with what he had been up to; mainly research. In his own words he was Beetee's "eyes and ears". Beetee didn't want to be treated often by the Capitol and his health was deteriorating as he spent long hours developing weapons and other safety "resources" for peacekeepers. As a result he didn't travel much and instead sent Gale to do the legwork. I began to excuse myself when we got to the front door but Hazelle dragged me inside. "For old time's sake," she said. I figured why not and went in. Besides, Peeta was teaching an art class that night, so he wouldn't be home until later.
Hazelle had made a feast in obvious celebration for Gale's return home. As we all ate I couldn't help but notice Gale staring at me. It felt a little uncomfortable, but I didn't think much of it. Ever since the Gale issue had come up before Peeta kept emphasizing the fact that I would act much the same way that Gale acted so I just tacked it up to that; I would stare too if I hadn't seen my friend in two years and they suddenly looked older. It felt good to be around a large family like this and for a while I remembered the few times before the Games when Prim and I had eaten dinner with the Hawthornes. We definitely never had as much to eat as this, but we still enjoyed the time we spent together. Before long the sun had set and I excused myself to head home. "Let me walk you home," Gale said.
As we began the walk home we made a few jokes back and forth. Mostly at each other's' expense, but also some of our old standards. It might have been because there was alcohol to drink at the Hawthorne's, but it felt good to be around my old friend. We got a few odd looks from people in town, but I didn't pay them any mind. It was good to have my friend back. As we stumbled up to my front door, laughing from a new joke Gale had heard concerning something called a water buffalo, Peeta opened the door.
We all stood at attention due to the surprise of seeing each other. Peeta stuck his hand out to Gale and gave a cordial hello while Gale tried not to laugh and extended his hand as well. I moved over to Peeta's side following which Peeta put his arm around me and pulled me in for a kiss on the cheek. "I was worried about you when you weren't home. The art class got cancelled because the kids are studying for tests tomorrow," he said in a concerned tone. I felt a little like I was being patronized again by Peeta and pulled away from him. "Well, no worries. I was with the Hawthornes for dinner. Gale walked me home, so don't worry, I was safe and protected," I answered sarcastically. I waved by to Gale who was trying not to smile at my remark and walked inside leaving Peeta to say farewell to our guest.
As he closed the door I couldn't contain my anger with him. "God, Peeta, you treat me like I'm a child! I didn't know you would be home already; you didn't tell me your class was cancelled. Am I supposed to just wait here for you every day?" I was really growing tired of the routine we'd fallen into. It was a bit too boring for me. Maybe not for Peeta, but going to eat with the Hawthornes every once in a while wasn't bad, was it?
"I'm not asking you to wait around for me, Katniss," Peeta said, walking up and rubbing my arms gently. "I just wish you'd called to let me know. I'm not your gatekeeper. I'd just like to know if your plans change so that I don't worry that something has happened. Sorry for worrying." I pulled away and stomped upstairs. Peeta was the one who told me to be nice to Gale again. What was his issue? That night I locked the door. And for the first time in more than a year I didn't share my bed with Peeta.
I dreamt of Prim that night. She was crying in her room. When I went down to find her the room was locked and smoke was seeping out form the cracks in the door. When I finally broke down the door she was huddled in a corner, on fire. "Why, Katniss?" She kept repeating as she looked at me. Although I fought to get to her I couldn't reach her. As I screamed for help to get to her, I awoke to the sound of someone pounding on the door behind me. I soon realized it was someone actually pounding on my bedroom door.
"Katniss? It's me, Peeta! Are you okay? Let me in, sweetheart." I opened the door and fell into Peeta's arms, sobbing over Prim. "I couldn't get to her Peeta." "It's okay, Katniss," he said as he carried me back to bed and wrapped his arms around me. "It's okay. It was only a dream."
When I woke the next morning the sun was high in the sky and Peeta was asleep next to me. I could tell he hadn't slept much the night before because the circles under his eyes were dark. As I stirred in the bed he began to wake up and smile at me. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, his voice cracking a little. "Yeah, I'm okay." He smiled again and ran his fingers through my disheveled hair. "Do you want breakfast?" he asked. I shook my head no and said I needed to get out to the woods. "Are you going out with Vick? I thought you guys didn't go out on weekends." He said in a sleepy state of confusion. "No, I just need to think, Peeta," I responded as I kissed him softly and climbed out of bed. "I won't be long. You need to get some sleep though," I said as I closed our bedroom door.
As I wandered to the woods I thought of everything that had happened yesterday between Gale and me and Peeta and me. With the alcohol out of my system I realized what an idiot I had been towards Peeta. He wasn't being possessive, I was just being a jerk. I stopped and sat down as I continued to think about Peeta and Gale. One filled me with a quiet peace. The other made me excited and confused. I knew I loved Peeta. There was no doubt about it. Not only had he gone through so much with me, but he had fought hard to battle his flashbacks so that he could be with me without fear of hurting me. His patience and steadfast devotion to me baffled me when I considered how obstinate I had been. I didn't even care to fulfill his dream of having children and yet with that understanding he still lay beside me each night and calmed me down when I had vicious nightmares. What had Gale done other than retreat to 2?
As I sat there thinking of these two men, the feelings I had when I thought of Gale quickly began to make my stomach turn whereas the calm feeling I had about Peeta quickly warmed me from the inside out and I lay down thinking of my beautiful blonde baker. When I opened my eyes again it was after someone had kicked me with their shoe. "Hey! Catnip! Did you fall asleep daydreaming?" he laughed at the idea and sat down next to me on the cliff we used to share. I sat up surprised and asked him what time it was. "Eh, about 1. How long have you been out here?" Luckily I had only been asleep for 20 minutes but I stood up to walk away. Being here with Gale now suddenly made me feel ill.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you going?" he asked as he pulled my arm, trying to stop me. "I just wanted to talk. That's all," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. I sat back down on the rock and pulled my knees into my chest, silently waiting for him to begin the conversation.
"So, how are things with you and the baker?" he asked with a slight laugh in his tone. "Fine," I answered quickly, suddenly remembering my frustration with him over what he had told his family. "Actually, we're doing pretty well Gale. I'm sure that's a surprise to you. And no, he hasn't laid a finger on me, for your information," I snapped defensively. His smile faded as he shot back, "I never said he had. But who knows if he would do it again Katniss." "Gale, I think I can take care of myself. I don't need you, or your brother, or even Haymitch for that matter, to watch out for me. I didn't just fine on my own for how long?" "Yeah, after I helped you learn a few things," he shot back under his breath. "Katniss, you're being so selfish. I'm just trying to look out for you! Can you blame me? After I saw what he did to you before do you think I would risk letting it happen again?" His voice softened at the last sentence and he touched my arm softly. I froze in place not knowing what to do next.
"Katniss, you can be upset with me if you want. But you know how I feel. I'll always feel that way about you. Nothing's going to change that. Not you hating me for Prim's death or Peeta sleeping with you, or anything else. Nothing," he said firmly, staring into my eyes. I chuckled a little to myself at the end of his monologue. Peeta and I didn't "sleep" together. I mean, sure we shared a bed. But he hadn't even gotten to second base. Gale looked at me with a confused look as I began to laugh to myself so I simply vocalized my thoughts.
"Gale, it's true, I still struggle with my feelings towards you because of what happened with Prim. And I can even understand where you're coming from, trying to defend me from Peeta's attacks. Shoot, I would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes. But Gale, Peeta and I don't "sleep" together. He hasn't even pressed me to get to second base." And I laughed again. At this Gale's face lightened a bit and he laughed a little too. "You mean, you haven't… You know…" "No Gale, there hasn't been sex. Unfortunately." I cut him off before he continued. We laughed a little more and gradually quieted down. When the shadows from the trees began to grow a little larger I knew I needed to head back home. I wanted to see Peeta.
As we stood up Gale pulled me in for a hug and I didn't fight it. I felt we had finally settled some unfinished business. As we stood there hugging, Gale leaned down and whispered into my ear, "You know, I would be more than happy to explore those additional bases with you." As I pulled away in disgust he winked and I hit him in the arm as hard as I could. "God Gale, you're so immature. Grow up!"