As I walked through the door I was greeted by the sight of a flour and paint covered Peeta. When I am stressed I go to the woods. When Peeta is stressed he paints or bakes. Apparently it had been a rough day for him. I couldn't help but smile at seeing him and feel a little guilty that for a moment I had considered anything with Gale. I snuck up and gave him a hug from behind, catching him off guard since he was listening to music loudly and singing along, horribly off-tune.
As a surprised look spread across his face I took his face in my hands and pulled him down for a kiss. "Why thank you, Miss Everdeen!" He said. He went to turn the music off and came back to me, putting his arms around my waist and pulling me in for another kiss. "Peeta, I'm sorry fo-" I started, but was cut off when Peeta put his finger on my lips, shushing me and kissing me again. "You know you don't need to explain," he said, pulling me in again for a tight hug. And I didn't. The amazing thing about Peeta is that there were times when I didn't need to explain. He knew I flew off the handle more than I should. And yet he also knew when to let it be and when to confront the issue. The longer I was with Peeta the more I felt incredibly lucky to have his love in the first place.
As we eventually separated and began discussing our day Peeta's voice perked up a little when he brought up a new subject. "I got a phone call today," he said, egging me onto ask who it was. "Oh yeah? From who?" "Your mom!" He said dramatically and jokingly. "Peeta, I told you, that's still a lame joke," I answered nonchalantly. "No, really," he said in a much more sedate voice, "your mother called."
I hadn't heard from my mother in almost a year. It's not that we didn't get along, but I never really had a mother-daughter bond with her. I didn't harbor any resentment towards her like I used to, I really just had pity on her. She had lost her husband, a daughter, and her home. So instead of facing more difficulty she lost herself in her work; in establishing hospitals around Panem and training doctors.
"Oh? What did she say?" I asked. "She's coming to town for your birthday." "Oh. Okay." I said pretending like it was nothing. Why was she coming? I told Peeta I didn't want this to be anything big. "I didn't invite her," he said. "I wouldn't discourage her from coming. I mean, you haven't seen her since…" "I know, Peeta. It just caught me off guard," I admitted. "If you want I can call her and make up an excuse for her not to come," Peeta volunteered. I shook my head no and said to leave it as be as I tried to help him with his latest recipe.
"So what are you making anyway, Peeta?" I asked as I looked around at a mixture of ingredients I wasn't familiar with. "I'm just experimenting. Some of the herbs we planted were ready to picked so I thought I'd experiment with my regular cheese bun recipe." "What? That's ludicrous!" I said, playfully throwing some flour at him. And thus began our half-hearted attempt at a flour fight. We were both were a bit drained from the lack of sleep and emotions from the past day and quickly tripped over each other and the flour, winding up in a heap on the kitchen floor. "Oh Katniss Everdeen. What ever am I going to do with you?" He asked exasperatingly as I took my final blow, smashing some butter in his hair. He pulled me up from our mess and banished me upstairs to shower while he cleaned up down here.
That night we brought over some of Peeta's creations to Haymitch's. We found him passed out on the couch and Sadie was playing with a doll by his feet. Sae was making dinner and began complaining to us about Haymitch's drinking. "I'm not a drunk, woman!" Haymitch yelled to Peeta and my surprise. Sae was unfazed. "Yes indeed you are!" She yelled across the kitchen. He let out a loud harrumph and settled back into his position on the couch. Peeta and I excused ourselves and went back home to laugh at the latest installment of the Sae/Haymitch saga.
We made up for our lack of kisses that night and spent our fair share of time tucked under the sheets of our bed. As we grew tired and I lay my head on Peeta's chest I lost my inhibition, asking Peeta a question that had been lingering on my mind. "Peeta, why haven't we had sex yet?" The question clearly caught him off guard as he began coughing violently, finally sitting up and taking a sip of the water on the table by the bed. I sat up next to him, leaning against the headboard and repeated my question. "Why? What makes you ask, Katniss?" "I asked you first Peeta." Exasperated he quickly shot out, "I don't know. Because we haven't. Why? Does it bother you?" A bit defensively I answered, "Well yeah, it does. And 'because' is not an answer. Come on Peeta, we're both adults. I've been on the pill since the Capitol made me start with the first Games, so it's not like I'd get pregnant. Don't you want to? Don't you ever get tired of just making out?" I ask, scooting next to him and trying to put on my seductive voice. "Don't you ever want to just… you know… do it?" I whisper in his voice. You could see his body tingle at the closeness of my body and sound of my voice.
He grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me back down on the bed, his body hovering over mine, as he stared into my eyes in a hungry manner while I smiled back at him. "Every day, Katniss," he began, lowering his body a little. "Every single day when I know you're lying next to me. When I feel your lips against mine. When I watch you braid your hair." He kisses my lips and pulls back up again. "Every day I would love to make love to you." He says as he rests half of his body on mine, propping himself up on an elbow and pushing some stray hairs out of my face. "But I won't." he said softly, and I let out a moan of desperation. "Why Peeta?" He kissed me again and propped himself up on his shoulder again. "Because you're worth more to me than that." "But Peeta, I love you and you love me! That's the ultimate expression of love!" He rolled onto his back and I propped myself up on my elbow facing him.
"Katniss, for me, it's more than just that. I don't know, I guess I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy. There are so few things that are special like that anymore. That's something I want to give to you and you only. It is something incredibly special and there is so much emotion attached to it for me, I want to give it to you when we're both ready to take that next step." And with that he wriggled from under my body and pulled me into his arms. "Katniss, you have no idea how badly I want you every moment I'm awake. You have no idea the effect you have on me. But you're worth more than just some sex-fueled thoughts I have throughout the day." And with that he kissed me deeply and pulled me into our regular sleeping position. I was frustrated with his antiquated ideas. What next step was he even talking about? Marriage? I'm not even 20 yet! I went to sleep confused and frustrated.
My nightmare that night was very different than the ones I have had before. I was in a bed with Gale and we were exploring every single base Peeta hadn't covered yet. It felt amazing all over my body and I begged him to continue. As it progressed, Gale grew more aggressive and then abusive until he was forcing himself inside of me as I screamed for Peeta's help. When Gale was done he left the room laughing. I woke up in the middle of the night with Peeta staring at me with his eyes wide open. Even though it was a warm night I was freezing cold and sweating at the same time. I felt guilty lying in Peeta's arms even though it had only been a dream.
The week before my birthday flew by. Gale was still in town and while I felt uncomfortable around him following my dream, we were on speaking terms, so I invited him and his entire family to the house for my birthday dinner. I turned the market over to Vick that week as I spent my time cleaning up the house in preparation for my mother's arrival. When we were at home, Peeta kept hinting at an amazing birthday gift that he got me and how it was going to change my life. I blew this off to typical Peeta teasing and continued mentally preparing myself for whatever it might be. I was still thinking about what Peeta had said earlier in the week and was afraid of getting married when I was 20. The day before my birthday I went in to town to get a few little things to decorate the house and decided to stop in to see Zenobia. Maybe a bit of retail therapy would help with my strange feelings.
"Zenobia, I've come for you to work your magic," I said somewhat sarcastically. "My demise is imminent and I want to go out in style," I said as melodramatically as I could. "What on earth are you talking about, Katniss?" she said with some concern. "Zenobia, I am about to take to my grave. For tomorrow, I turn 20." She laughed at me and threw a shoe in my direction. "I wish turning 20 was my only concern," she said, laughing to herself.
"Well, it's that plus… Well… I think Peeta…" Her entire body perked up as I started this. "I think Peeta might be proposing," I said, not believing the words as they came out of my mouth. Zenobia gasped in giddy excitement as I shrunk from the attention. "This is so exciting!" she squealed. I hated it when girls squeled. I hated it when they giggled too. "You're a human being, not a pig or a mouse. Make human noises!" I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes. "Katniss, we need to find you the perfect dress. This is a special occasion! Ahhhh... Young love," she sighed as she began wandering around the store, looking through the different racks of clothes. As I stood there with my bags of other purchases I sat down near the register and began trying on random sunglasses and hats on display. They all looked ridiculous.
"Here we go," she said as she held up a dress that looked like it could have been created by Cinna. It was knee length and made of several layers of a thin, white fabric that came in around my chest with a series of gold cords crossing around my breasts. The short sleeves hung open and it reminded me of pictures I had seen in school of ancient Greeks. I tried it on and had to nod to myself that it looked good. I didn't want to admit it, but I came out to show it to Zenobia who squealed, again, and clapped her hands. "And we'll put these on your feet," she said as she put a pair of brown leather sandals with metal clasps on my feet. I felt a bit ridiculous and suggested one of the large floppy hats I had tried on but Zenobia brushed it aside, "no, it would compete with the dress," she said, missing the sarcastic tone in my voice. As I stood there while she analyzed my look she slowly came back to reality. "Do you want it?" she asked as I turned back to face the mirror in the room I changed in. I was surprised that while I felt like an idiot I did not look one. "Sure," I said before I could stop myself.
"But you don't think it will be aggressive if I wear white?" I asked. "Honey, he's going to be so busy checking you out, the white will be a good reminder of what he wants to ask you," she said matter-of-factly. As I turned to leave she gave me a hug. "Katniss, honey, I really am happy for you both. All girliness aside, you both make one incredible match."
I walked home to find Peeta at home instead of the bakery as usual for the time of the day. "What are you doing home?" I asked. "Your mom gets in soon and I wanted to look presentable when we went to get her." He answered, running up the stairs. "What's in the bag?" he called out as I heard him changing with the door open. "Nothing. Just something to wear tomorrow." "Yeah? What does it look like?" He asked, trying to take a peek in the opaque bag. My coy side got the best of me, "If you have surprises for tomorrow then I get to have some too," I answered as I pushed him aside and brought the bag upstairs.
The rest of the day I couldn't help but feel a bit anxious. My mother was coming in and I hadn't seen here in more than two years and tomorrow Peeta was going to propose. My nerves abated a bit when I saw my mom. We gave each other a quick, awkward hug, but things gradually thawed when Peeta began an active conversation with my mom on the way home from the train station. He really has an ease of making people feel comfortable. When we got home he carried my mom's things upstairs and I helped her put things away in her old bedroom. "So how are thing?" She asked with a bit of trepidation. "Fine. Things are fine," I said a little nervously not know what she was getting at. "How's Peeta? You know, with the whole… flashback thing." "Oh! Gosh, no, he's fine. He gets them every once in a while but he hasn't hurt me since that time in 13. Don't worry, mom," I shook my head vehemently. She nodded in acceptance and we finished putting away her things.
"So he stays here with you?" She asked carefully. "Yeah, he's lived here for more than a year." "Are you on the pill still?" She asked. "oh gosh, mom!" my face turned red at what my mom was hinting at. Despite my desire to go there with Peeta, he was an annoying gentleman waiting to have sex. "Yes, I am but… No, that isn't a worry." I said firmly. We walked downstairs and saw a note from Peeta on the table along with some tea and muffins. I needed to go into town to get a few things for tomorrow. I'll be back in a few hours. –Peeta
We sat down awkwardly and began eating and drinking in silence. After a few awkward minutes my mom decided to break the silence. "I'm sorry I haven't been here. It's just too hard for me," she said, looking down. Immediately my heart went out to her and I put a hand on hers. "Mom, it's okay, don't worry." She began sobbing and I sat there in silence looking at her. "I'm so sorry Katniss. I've never been a good mother to you. Not when your father died and not even now. It shouldn't have taken me two years to come see you." I sat there silent for a while until I could think of a good response.
"It's okay Mom. If you hadn't drifted away then," I tried to put the words delicately, "I wouldn't have needed to learn how to survive. Could you imagine how quickly I wouldn't have been killed in the arena if I hadn't had those skills in the first place?" I had thought of this multiple times before but never vocalized them to anyone because I thought it would sound ludicrous. "And I understand that you haven't come here yet. Plus it's not exactly like I can leave any time soon." Which was true. I was exiled to 12 and only had the potential of a reprieve 10 years after my trial- we were only in the middle of year two. "Besides, I haven't been alone," I said, hinting at the people in the area who looked out for me like Haymitch, Sae, Hazelle, Vick, and Peeta. She nodded and patted my hand as she wiped her eyes.
As we sat there I realized I didn't hold anything against her anymore. There was no point to. What had happened, happened. We sat there in silence holding hands for a while before the tea stopped steaming and turned cold. Eventually we finished our tea and sat there in silence. "Mom, I'd like to show you something Peeta and I have made," I said as I went to the bookshelf to grab the book of our memories. As I placed it in front of her she began to weep at a picture of Prim Peeta had painted. "This is beautiful," she said as she ran her hand across the cover. As she flipped through the book she held her hand over her mouth as she looked at Peeta's amazing drawings and read our stories. I sat there looking at her reactions for each of the people.
For some of them she filled in details that we may not have known. "You know, his mother was a bitter woman. She couldn't help it. Her father ran a store in town and lost all of his money when he began drinking. She had to go to work when she was quite young to help take care of her family and once she was past the age of reaping she left. She married Mr. Mellark for his money when she was quite young and I think she resented it. Everyone knew there wasn't much love in their marriage. They married in a rush because she ended up pregnant and gossipy people continued to say that Mr. Mellark still loved me for whatever reason. I think she let it get to her. She just had a hard life and she let it turn her bitter against everyone." For once I felt pity for Peeta's mother as well. While I would never forget how she treated me when I begged outside of her door, I felt pity for this woman who had so little love in her life.
As we finished going through the book Peeta came back with his arms full of bags and a few boxes. He smiled as he kicked the door closed behind him with his prosthetic leg and hobbled forward carefully, trying not to drop anything. When he saw what my mom was looking at he tried to be as quiet as possible putting the items away. He dropped a bag and a small box fell out which he quickly bent down to grab and shoved in his pocket. I quickly looked away so he couldn't tell I had seen it happen.
That evening the three of us made a dinner together. My cooking had improved some since my horrible experimentations on Haymitch. Between Sae and Peeta's efforts I learned a few things so that I could cook a few simple things. My mom seemed pleasantly surprised and helped show Peeta and I a few of the dishes I enjoyed when I was a young girl; a seasoned rabbit dish and another of carrots in a delicious, sweet sauce. Peeta finished it off with some of his new cheese buns and I felt like a very spoiled person by the time we sat down to eat. By the time dinner was finished and we had cleaned up the mess we had made, it was late. My mother excused herself to go to bed and for the first time in a while it felt very natural to give her a hug. Peeta and I followed her upstairs not too long after headed to bed.
As we lay there after a brief make out session, Peeta began talking about tomorrow as he ran his fingers through my hair. I had grown tired and wasn't paying much attention which he eventually picked up on. So with that he pulled the blankets up closer on me and kissed me on the forehead lightly. "You need to get some sleep. You've got a big day ahead of you," he smiled as I gradually fell asleep.