Well to my credit, I did not break down, cry or try madly hugging Jenna. I figured I owed her the truth before freaking her out with untimely displays of affection. Nothing could stop the dread from creeping into my veins. Once she knew, her life would never be the same. I was sadly reminded of a conversation Stefan and I had once. The memory feels so far away as if it belonged in another life to another person. He asked me if I was ready for every belief that I had to change. At the time, I thought I was. If I knew then what the truth would cost me, I probably would have run away and never looked back. It was too late for that now, and so I summoned what little courage I had left, and I finally spoke to the one person that I had failed the most, "Jenna, you and I need to have a little talk."
"You think," Jenna responded with sarcasm dripping on her every word? She had every right to be angry. All my lies were finally catching up to me. Bonnie and my past self stayed frozen either unable or unwilling to say a word. Damon looked on with an expression that I couldn't read. Whether it was pity, sadness, or regret, I couldn't tell, but I grabbed a hold of his arm, and gave it the tiniest reassuring squeeze. "I'll be okay. Just take care of Caroline, and tell everyone to meet me at the boardinghouse in an hour. I promise all of you that I'll try to explain this tonight." As Jenna and I were walking away, I turned back to make just one more request. "Damon, could you please bring Jeremy too? It would be so nice to have us all together again," I stated solemnly. He looked puzzled, but he nodded all the same. Jenna and I started the long walk to her car with my feet dragging all the way.
Jenna couldn't have known what I was about to tell her, but she sensed that it was a conversation not meant for the car ride home. She waited until I walked into the house and sat down at our kitchen table to utter her first words since the hospital. "What aren't you telling me Elena," she asked? She seemed more concerned than I would have expected and not nearly as angry as I deserved. "For weeks, you have been secretive, unwilling to let me in, and tonight I find you standing in the hospital with someone who looks identical to you in every way. Do you have a twin that I don't know about? Were you separated at birth, because I am looking for any rational explanation, and I can't think of one?"
"That's because there isn't a rational explanation," I explained. "The truth defies all reason and logic, but that doesn't mean it isn't real. Before I tell you what I know, you need to believe that I kept this from you to protect you. All I ever want to do was protect the people that I loved, but I failed you. I failed everyone. I'm so sorry," I whimpered the last part in between sobs. Jenna reached up to stroke my back, like she did when I was upset as a little girl. She had no idea what caused my sudden mood swing, but she kept rubbing my back all the same. Her aim was to comfort me, but it only made me feel guiltier.
"Elena, whatever you did and whatever secrets you kept, it doesn't make you a bad person. I'm still here for you no matter what, but you need to tell me now. My job as your aunt and you guardian is to protect you. Protecting me was never your burden," she finished and looked at me expectantly.
I reluctantly started the most terrifying tale Jenna would ever hear, "all the scary stories that you heard growing up from my mother about vampires, werewolves, and witches, they're all true. Bonnie is a witch, Stefan and Damon are vampires, and I'm a supernatural doppelganger that is the key to breaking an ancient curse." I was relieved when Jenna didn't laughing or ask if I was teasing her. Whether she believed me or not, she could tell that this was real for me. "I'm afraid that is only part of the story. The reason that you were seeing double at the hospital is because I'm from the future. Some witches sent me back in time to this day. I came back to stop terrible things from happening in the next year. The person that you saw me with at the hospital is the same Elena that you have been living with for the past several months. There is also one other person you should know about who I share an uncanny resemblance to."
"There are three of you," Jenna questioned? This was clearly reaching her tolerance level for abnormal.
"Yes and no," I replied. "The third person is my 500 year old vampire doppelganger named Katherine. She also happens to be my ancestor. I am trying to keep her out of town as often as possible, but to be safe, be on guard if I am ever acting strange."
Apparently shock and denial only lasted so long as a coping mechanism, because before I knew what hit me, Jenna was near screaming. "You're kidding right. You tell me that you're dating a vampire and that you have a vampire doppelganger, and you want me to discern when you're acting strangely? And which you, the Elena I've been living with for all these months, or the Elena who is apparently from the future? Because strange doesn't even begin to cover this."
"I know, but you wanted the truth," I reminded her. This seems to quell some of her righteous anger. She starts to calm down and within moments I see her silent acceptance of the truth. I am amazed at how strong she truly is. It took me much longer to come to grips with the reality of vampires. The tragic fact is that only now, do I realize what a mistake it was keeping the truth from her. She never needed my protection. Jenna was stronger than anyone gave her credit for.
"I understand why you were afraid to tell me the truth, but why are you so ashamed of it," she asked?
For someone who stayed in the dark so long, Jenna was strangely perceptive. "You're not the first person to ask me why I feel guilty about all of this. Martyr complex, post-traumatic stress, take your pick, everyone has their own theory, even my shrink," I admitted.
Jenna stared in disbelief. "You actually went to a psychiatrist. What made you change your mind? I practically begged you after the accident."
"It wasn't exactly a voluntary sort of thing." Her silence said more than words ever could. I could feel her shock, her empathy, and worst of all her pity. It radiated off her and felt as if it was suffocating me, because I didn't think that I deserved it. "I told you Jenna, bad things happen in the future. I lost more than I could bear, and it took me to a dark place. A life without hope for the future is an empty thing. To continue living when everything else has been taken away is to be truly dead. I was broken, and then the witches gave me a chance to come back and undo my mistakes, and it gave me hope. That hope is all that is sustaining me now."
I hadn't meant to tell her. I hadn't meant to tell anyone. I didn't want my emotional damage to burden the people that I loved. They weren't to blame for my failures, but I had forgotten what it meant to have people to rely on. I couldn't keep anything else from my family. Secrets had cost us all too much.
"Maybe hope is all that you had before, but you have me now. You have Jeremy and your friends. Whatever comes, we will fight it together. The future isn't written in stone. You proved that just by coming here. A person's fate can be altered. No matter what happens, I don't want you to ever feel like you're alone again. I'm here for you always and forever," Jenna assured me.
I had thought with all the crying that I had done in the past few hours that I would run out of tears but they kept flowing down my cheeks with reckless abandon. I clung to Jenna and whispered a half a dozen times, "I love you. I won't let you down. I promise." When my sobs died down, and I found my own strength again, I let go of Jenna. "There is still so much to tell you. I am supposed to meet everyone at the boardinghouse soon. You should come. I don't want you to feel excluded anymore. You are officially part of the inner circle, and we should get going before they start to worry."