Thanks to everyone who has left a review, I really appreciate each and every one. I've tried to respond to everyone who has an account with FF and had their PM s turned on, and I am sorry if I missed anyone. I appreciate all the Guest reviews as well and I wish I respond to them too!
I also want to take a second to thank my awesome Betas, ReeseisLAVAhot and Maddsgirl75. You guys are the best!
While John was out tracking Chu Vang, his phone buzzed with the distinctive ring he had assigned to Joss's phone.
"What's wrong?" he asked as a greeting.
Joss laughed, and John's heart soared. "Nothing, I was just wondering if I could coax you into coming home for dinner."
John smiled, Joss was probably climbing the walls and needed some company. He was more than happy to spend some time with her.
"Sure, what did you want me to pick up on my way home?"
"Nothing, actually. I thought I would fix you dinner if you were coming home. I might as well fix you a good meal for saving my life, for what is this, the third time?"
Joss cooking him dinner? Oh, YEAH.
"That sounds…nice. I'm trying to track down Chu Vang now, I'll be home around 8."
"See you then."
John couldn't help it, when he saw the street vendor selling flowers he stopped and bought Joss a bouquet. He wanted to make her smile at him. He wanted to pretend that she was in his loft because she wanted to be there, wanted to be with him, not because she needed a place to hide. He wanted to pretend, just for few moments, that she was his. God knows he was hers, even if she didn't know it, and even if she didn't want him.
Holding the bouquet behind his back he walked into the loft and cheerfully called out, "Hi honey, I'm home!" He had always wanted to do to that.
Joss was busy in the kitchen and gave him that sideways look with a small smile as she usually did when he made some smart ass comment that amused her.
"Dinner's almost ready", she informed him. "Can you set the table?"
"First you'll need to take these off my hands", he said, holding out the bouquet to her. Her face lit up with the hoped for smile. "Oh, you shouldn't have!" she exclaimed.
John answered her smile with one of his own. "I figured you've had a rough couple of days and could use a little pick-me-up."
"That was very thoughtful of you", and buried her nose in the flowers while her eyes shined at him above the blooms. John had to fight hard not bend down and kiss her right then, she looked so gorgeous, so happy.
Joss was looking up at him, wondering how a CIA assassin could be so thoughtful. And handsome. She wished she had the guts to stand on her toes and give him a kiss.
John finally broke eye contact. '"There's a vase in the cupboard over there", he indicated with a wave of his hand, and he busied himself setting the table. Joss put the flowers in the vase and finished up with dinner.
John finished setting the table and paused to watch Joss complete the cooking. It just felt too good to be true have her here and doing something so domestic like cooking him dinner. He wanted this to be more than it really was so badly it almost made him physically sick. But he knew as soon the danger was over, she would be gone and the loft would go back to being the lonely environment it was when it was just him. Funny, he never thought of the big loft as lonely before, but having Joss there had made it so warm, so much like a real home, that he knew he was going to miss her when she was gone.
Carter looked up and paused in plating the roast, "What's wrong, John? You look so pensive."
"Just thinking about the case," he lied.
"Judging from the expression on your face, it's not going well," she sounded worried.
"We still don't know who is after you, and it worries me. Carter, you are the only person in NYC whose list of enemies is nearly the size of mine."
Joss put the platter on the table, "I'm a cop John, it happens."
"It makes keeping you alive somewhat problematic, though."
Joss paused for a minute then looked at him, her eyes wide and gentle, "Thank you, for trying to keep me alive."
John was bit flustered by Joss's sudden vulnerability, and he instantly wished he could take back his reply, "It's my job." Joss pressed her lips together in a thin line and looked away, while John's inner voice screamed at him, "YOU IDIOT!"
Joss was hurt by that comment, but not surprised. Her inner voice was sneering at her, "Of course it's his job. Did you think you were special?"
Joss recovered quickly with a sad smile, "Well, dinner's ready."
They sat down to dinner and Reese was pleasantly surprised to find that it was delicious. He had not had a home cooked meal in a very long time and it made him love Carter just a little bit more.
Joss watched John carefully out of the corner of her eye while he ate. She was pleased that he was enjoying the dinner she had fixed for him. She meant it when she said she wanted to pay him back for saving her yet again. Besides she had never seen him eat before and it made him seem more human somehow, not that she thought of him as not being human; on the contrary she knew that he was all man, in a superhero sort of way.
She found herself fascinated by his hands; they were huge, with long elegant fingers. She had seen those fingers handle numerous deadly weapons with skill and confidence, and put a world of hurt on too many bad guys to count, yet she wondered what it would feel like to have them wander over her body. She briefly imagined those fingers lightly running down her bare back to grip her ass and hold her body against his so he could drive himself deep into her. The thought caused a rush of heat between her legs and she hoped John didn't notice the blush that spread across her cheeks.
But he did notice. "Carter, are you alright? The wound isn't getting infected is it? You look a bit feverish", he said with concern in his voice. He reached over to her and put one of those large hands on her forehead, feeling for a temperature.
Joss waved him off and gave him a weak smile, "I'm fine, I'm just hot from cooking." Mentally she slapped herself silly for letting her imagination get the better of her in front of him.
She hopped up and began clearing the table. "I rearranged and cleaned your Closet of Mass Destruction over there."
"You touched my GUNS?" John scurried over to his gun closet and looked in. He was forced to admit that it was much better organized now. He had just added guns to the stash as he obtained them; he hadn't really had time to organize them properly. Now everything was neatly arranged with the correct ammunition right next to each weapon.
"And did you forget to clean the grenade launcher after I used it on that big Aryan dude?"
"Um, yeah, I might have. I was focused on finding Finch at the time."
"It's clean now."
John picked the gun up and examined it. It was immaculate. "Thanks."
John shut the door to the gun closet; between the cooking and the gun cleaning, he was seriously considering locking her in his loft and never letting her go.
Later that night Joss woke up confused. It was late and dark and for a minute she had no idea where she was. Then her arm throbbed and she remembered where she was and why. She felt afraid and alone. Quietly she got out bed and went looking for John, seeing him would make her feel better.
Joss peeked over the back of the couch at a sleeping Reese. He was laying on his back, one arm was up on the pillow by his head and the other was resting on his stomach. He was shirtless and her eyes hungrily devoured his muscular chest and lean swimmer's build. His hair was disheveled and his face was relaxed; he looked almost boyish. Joss could not help but stare at him. She'd thought he looked handsome before, now she couldn't find the words to describe him.
Embarrassed by the way she was staring, Joss slunk back to the bed. But she kept looking across the room at the back of the couch, she could just barely see the his fingers hanging off the arm. The bed felt very cold and very lonely.
She laid there and stared the ceiling. Being so close, yet so far, to a sleeping, shirtless Reese was killing her.
She lay there for what seemed like hours when she heard Reese muttering in his sleep, if she had been asleep she would not have heard it. She sat up in bed listening. He was obviously upset and he kept saying what sounded like "Jess" and "No" over and over again.
Joss got out of bed and went to him. The pained look on his face wounded her heart and she knelt on the floor next to the couch. "I guess it's my turn now" she mumbled and gently shook him awake.
But John was not saying "Jess", he was saying "Joss" and he was having a nightmare about her. They had been making love, a dream he frequently had these days. She was on top, riding him like a stallion and he was telling her how much he loved her. She had just opened her mouth to tell him that she loved him too, when he heard the sound of a gunshot and she toppled over onto the bed, dead with a bullet hole in her temple. Her large brown eyes stared back at him lifelessly and a red stain spread slowly across the bed as he desperately tried to revive her, frantically calling her name over and over again.
When Reese woke up to see a live and healthy Joss there in front of him, he grabbed her into a tight embrace. Joss was surprised, but she put her arms around him, trying to comfort him as best she could. He buried his face in her hair, grateful she was alive. The dream had been so vivid and he was badly shaken. Joss held him while gently rubbing his back to reassure him.
Finally John broke the embrace and cradled Joss's head in his hands, staring at her like he didn't quite believe she was there. Joss, unsure as to why John was so upset, finally just asked, "Are you alright? You were calling for Jess."
John wasn't quite sure why he did what he did next. Maybe it was because he thought he was still dreaming, maybe because he just needed her to know how he felt, or maybe it was because he needed to reassure himself that she was really there and really OK.
He pulled her back into another tight embrace and looked down at her while she looked up at him in confusion. "I wasn't calling for Jess, I was calling for JOSS." And he kissed her, a searing kiss that burned her down to her core.
Joss returned his kiss with all the passion she felt at that moment. Like John, she was never really sure why she decided to let herself go at that moment. She knew it was a bad idea, that getting emotionally involved with someone of John's shady background and current disregard for the law was taking a huge risk for a sworn officer of the law. Besides, his present occupation practically guaranteed that they would not grow old together.
But the moment that John started kissing her, none of that mattered. She wanted him, she wanted him with her whole heart. She had a million reasons to not love him, but her heart didn't care about a single one of them. She had seen this man save too many innocent lives, including hers and her son's, to care. She wanted him and she would give herself to him if he would have her.
They kept kissing and John felt his erection grow rock hard. Reluctantly, he gently pulled away from her.
"What's wrong, John?" Joss looked hurt.
"Joss, if we keep this up, I'm not going to be able to stop at kissing."
Joss knew they should stop, but dammit she didn't want to, she wanted this, she wanted HIM. To her amazement he seemed to want her as well. Now was not the time to stop, now was the time to do what she wanted to do.
Joss reached down and touched him, causing him to close his eyes and moan. "What makes you think I want to stop at kissing?" she whispered in his ear.
"I'm damaged goods", he managed gasp out.
"Oh John, I don't believe you are as damaged as you think you are. No one who cares for others like you care could be."
John reached down and grabbed her hand. His intense blue eyes bored into her soft brown ones and Joss gasped at the need she saw there. "Once I touch you, I won't stop, ever. This is not casual, this is not a one night stand for me, so you had better be sure", he said tightly.
For her answer, Joss shook off his hand, and whispered "What makes you think I would ever want you to stop?" She began stroking him, while looking him straight in the eye, challenging him. John watched her for a minute and then decided to act. He unbuttoned the dress shirt he had loaned her and began kissing her neck and shoulder, down to her breasts. He took a minute to stare at her breasts, to marvel at how beautiful and perfect they were, and her nipples responded by becoming hard and tight under his gaze. He took a breast in each hand, playing with them until she moaned.
He pulled her onto his lap so that she was straddling him and he hungrily took one of her breasts in his mouth worrying and teasing her nipple with his teeth and tongue. She arched her back to give him better access while running her fingers through his hair. He began sucking on her nipple, making her moan his name.
She rolled her hips, causing him to groan. He lightly ran his hands down her back to grab her ass and she giggled. It felt every bit as good as she had imagined it earlier over dinner. She looked down into his eyes and they were so full of love that she was momentarily stunned. The thought that John Reese loved her was so unexpected, so shocking to her, that she had trouble comprehending it.
"Joss", John asked, gently laying one large hand on her cheek, "what's wrong? Do you want to stop?"
"No, NO, it's just that, I never thought, never dreamed, that you, of all people, would want me."
John kissed her deeply, "Why wouldn't I want you?" He said softly, "you're so beautiful, so strong." His hands dug into her hips and firmly held her in place while he ground himself against her. She felt every millimeter of him, even through his pants. "Oh God, John", she groaned and her head dropped to his shoulder.
John gently moved her off his lap and laid her so her head was on the pillow. He stood up and removed his pants. Joss reached for his erection but he grabbed her hand and moved it away, "No, I'm going to come inside you".
He settled between her legs, gently teasing her clit with his tip of his cock until Joss was incoherent with pleasure. Then he poised himself at her entrance and with one swift thrust buried himself in her. She was everything he had imaged her to be, tight and hot and he knew he could never touch another woman again; she was the only one for him. It felt so right he could have cried.
Joss could not remember ever having felt so full, so complete. She had the man she craved inside her, the man she dreamed about night after night. Now he was buried inside of her and he had surpassed even her dreams. He was staring down at her like she was his whole world.
She was just a puddle of water right then, she had no control over her body, all she could do was react to John and everything that he was making her feel. She had nothing left for anything else. Her whole world narrowed to this man and what he was doing to her. Not even her husband had made her feel this way.
Just when Joss thought she could not take any more pleasure, John's mouth found her breast and bit down on her nipple. She arched her back and screamed his name.
He thrust into her again and again. He tried to control himself, to make this last as long as he could, but he found he was utterly unable to control himself; he wanted her too badly. He felt her walls clench around him as her orgasm ripped through her body. A couple of thrusts latter, he climaxed and emptied himself into her.
He collapsed on top of her, trembling as he came down off the intensity of the orgasm. He buried his face in her neck as he regained his senses. Joss's arms were around his torso, holding him tight against her. He realized he was probably crushing her. Gently he slid out of her and she whimpered at the loss. He slipped off her and stood on the floor, then he picked her up in his arms, while she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
John carried Joss to the bed, placed her on it and climbed in behind her, spooning with her. He gently nuzzled her neck and shoulder while she sighed happily and snuggled back into his warmth. They fell asleep a few minutes later, happy and content. For John, it the first time in years he'd felt that kind of happiness.