Chapter 13

New Years Resolution

The next day I was still shaken beyond belief. I had barely slept at all that night. Seamus and Lavender were together...that was the fact I could not get over. I barely grasped the concept alone itself, let alone know how to deal with it. There was no way that I could face him. Not without bursting into tears on first site. Cheyenne nearly wasn't able to coax me downstairs for breakfast. I made her make sure that Seamus had already eaten before I agreed to come down.

"You can't avoid him forever," Cheyenne told me.

"And why not?"

"You guys are friends. He will attempt to talk to you. You don't want it to be weird and awkward and you don't want him asking you why you've been avoiding him. You can't constantly be living in fear of him,"

"I don't want to talk to him ever again," I said firmly, "If I talk to him, he'll just make me like him more and I'll just hurt even more, if that's even possible,"

Allegra had much happier news then I. Her night with Michael went exceptionally well.

"We danced so much, and talked and then he walked me back up to my dormitory," she swooned.

"Did you kiss?" Cheyenne asked. Allegra looked shocked.

"God no! I wouldn't let someone kiss me on the first date! I only met him last night!"

"You're such a good kid," Cheyenne said. Allegra grimaced.

"But he had no idea I was a first year until I told him. I don't think he was expecting that. I wasn't going to tell him. But he asked of course and I figured it was best to be honest."

"How'd he take it?" I asked.

"He was surprised but didn't seem to have a problem with it. We had a great time,"

"That's good," I smiled. I was happy for her.

"So what are you guys now?" Cheyenne asked, "are you going to date or what?"

"I don't know," Allegra glanced down the table to where he was sitting with Terry and Anthony, "we didn't talk about that,"

"Are you going to ask him though?" I asked. She shrugged.

"We'll see. Hopefully he'll say something. I'm not getting my hopes up too high. He's busy,"

"With?"

"School. And not school stuff. I dunno. I've heard he gets around. He has a reputation of being kind of a player,"

"Who told you that?"

"I overheard Mandy Brockelhurst and Padma Patil. They were gossiping in the common room this morning about the ball. Apparently Harry and Ron were terrible dates, according to Padma. She and her sisters left them for Beauxbatons boys. Bout anyways, they went on to wonder about who's the new girl that Michael was with basically for the whole night and then they went on about how he sees so many people. I don't know what I think of it, but I'm not one to make judgments off of what other people say. He and I get along great. We'll see how it goes,"

I just hoped that in the end it would all work out for her and she wouldn't be left hurt like I was.

Winter holidays drew to a close. I avoided Seamus at all costs. Cheyenne would send an owl from the Great Hall up to Ravenclaw tower when the coast was clear. Only then would I come down. I only saw him once. He walked by with Dean. I hid behind a suit of armor and he didn't see me. Just that once glance at him was difficult for me and hearing his voice for those 2 seconds- it reminded me of what I wanted. My stupid childish fantasies that would never become reality. I had to find a way out.

"You know, I haven't seen him and Lavender together since the ball," Cheyenne and I were in our dormitory, sitting on my bed catching up on homework.

"You're not in his house. How would you know?"

"I asked Iris. She knows you're mad,"

"I'm not mad," I shut my transfiguration book.

"Fine. You're disappointed. But she says they're never in the common room together. And I see him during meals with his friends on the opposite end of the table from Lavender,"

"They could just be keeping it private,"

"If they were so private, then why were they snogging in the middle of the entrance hall?" Cheyenne asked.

It was times like these when Cheyenne annoyed me and I suddenly wished she wasn't a Ravenclaw.

"I don't know. And stop over thinking it. I'm done,"

"No you're not. You hardly eat. You're petrified out of your mind if you see him. You've been avoiding him and almost all the Gryffindors like the plague. You never go see Iris at her table. You only go to the library for two minutes before closing. You spend most of your time holed up here or in the common room, the two places where you know he can't find you. Your sleeping pattern is horrible; don't think I haven't noticed those dark circles under your eyes and when you do sleep, sometime I hear you muttering his name under your breath,"

"I do not!"

"You do!"

"Ugh!"

"But my point is, it's not healthy! Stop worrying about him! He's not the only boy in the world!"

He is for me, I thought. But I didn't tell Cheyenne that.

"I know. But you can't exactly call Patrick, Stuart and Alan the most dateable,"

"No, I wouldn't," Cheyenne agreed, "but remember; we're only first years. One day, the boys we thought were so gross and immature won't be,"

I looked at her skeptically.

"Trust me," she said, "boys are stupid anyways. Why waste our time? Let's just concentrate on having the best rest of the year we can!"

I nodded. Every word Cheyenne said was right. It was time to quit moping around over my broken heart. This was my first year at Hogwarts. I wanted it to be filled with memories and positive things to enjoy. We've already had so many good moments. Just looking at Allegra's photo collection said it all. We had several shots from our courtyard lunches from the beginning of the year. The Halloween feast in the great hall. The embarrassing girls nights we'd sometimes have on Friday evenings. Then just over this winter break, our snow men and forts and snow angels. The choir and orchestra. The Yule Ball. We first year Ravenclaws had some pretty good times and I smiled in reminiscence, knowing that plenty more goodness was to come. These girls, Cheyenne, Allegra, Cheryl, Zetta, Orla and Jasleen were my sisters. Plus our other good friends, Mina and Magnolia- we were inseparable. We had a bond that would never die. I knew that in the end, we'd be there for each other through the thick and the thin. In the end we'd always be trusting and willing to listen and care. In the end, we'd all be friends no matter what.

"I trust you. There's so much more to life then just crushes. There's so little time and every moment slips away, never coming back. I have my new year's resolution- live life to the fullest!"

I kept my resolution. Through all the good and bad that came throughout the year, overall, first year was a year to remember.

So: I've finally gotten time to update :D Bad news is I won't be able to often I have dance and chemistry and my math diploma this semester so I have to spend most of my free time studying instead of updating. However, this is not the end of this story! You didn't really think I'd leave it at that, did you? Nope. I have a ton more planned for this one, and I will try to pick up the pace and get to the real good stuff soon XD Thank you to everyone who's reading this, it means a lot! Please review! :D