"As an organizer I start from where the world is, as it is, not as I would like it to be." Saul Alinsky
Rachel Berry had always been a woman of dreams. Her head had always been up in the clouds. She functioned in a world of her own. She had been building her life around hopes and wishes. She would constantly be thinking of tomorrow because truth was that most of the time she couldn't stand the present moment.
Life was no dream; it was an outrageously continuous nightmare. Being hit by a car was the closest metaphoric equivalent of having to face its reality. Surviving the impact was life changing.
At times, it came in the form of a death. Others faced it through witnessing a horrible event or by hearing terrible news but, sometimes, it was something that seemed, to the observant, much less significant. For example, it could be the lost of a special object given by someone dear, a tear dropped by someone you always thought to be strong, the first appearance of a gray hair or, maybe even, the selling of a house. For Rachel, it had been simple words harshly whispered into her ear pushing her off the edge of the cliff she had been shakily dancing over for the past few months.
They had killed a part of her and like a phoenix a new one was being born out of its ashes. It was going to be, in appearance, a pretty one as that Rachel thought as she shyly blushed under the lustful stare of a group of teenage boys. On the last day before school started again, she had decided to go to the nearest shopping center to buy herself some new clothes that were more appropriate for the role she was about to take.
She had previously studied her school's cheerleaders' wardrobes through the meaning of her Facebook account. Most of them let their profiles opened. Rachel was pretty sure that the reason behind that was that they were too brainless to know how the privacy setting worked and, maybe, in some cases like in Santana's, it was out of pure narcissism.
She had decided to settle for a style that could be described as a crossover between the ones she had seen in her research. It was a bit plainer, in her opinion, than her usual attire. It was simple yet sexy and feminine. It was a little between Quinn's and Santana's way of dressing.
Rachel was, at the moment, wearing a low cut navy blue dress which beautifully embraced her body and exposed her graceful legs. She was shuffling through pieces of clothing when she heard two girls talking to one another in a conspiring tone.
"Have you seen her lately?" One of them said to the other in a high-pitched voice.
"Yeah, she was at Jack's party. She was drinking alone in a corner like some kind of loser. She threw up all over the bathroom's floor. I saw it after. It was so disgusting. Then, she started sobbing pathetically. Jack had to hold her up because she kept on falling to the floor. Can you imagine? At his own party!"
The other one squealed with delight. Rachel squinted and bit her lip. She was suddenly filled with the need of fulfilling an insane form of curiosity. She bent forward and tried to take a peek at the conversers. It was two fellow classmates: Meredith and Kelly. Both of them were Cheerios. They weren't the most popular of them all but they were cheerleaders nonetheless. She couldn't help but to step into their view and ask them.
"I'm sorry to interrupt but of whom exactly are you talking about?"
The two of them blinked a few times in a confused way before glaring at her.
"And who are you?" The one named Kelly asked her.
"I'm Rachel Berry. We attend to the same school."
Meredith scrunched her nose. Then, she turned towards her friend and spoke in a low whispery voice.
"It's that girl from Glee club."
"Oh! Right..."
"She doesn't look as bad as usual."
"Yeah, I like her dress."
Rachel sighed with annoyance. This was getting shockingly ridiculous. Were they always like that? It was unbearable. She was still going to have to become friends with them eventually.
"I don't know if you two realize but I'm right in front of you."
The two girls glanced at each other. Meredith smacked her lips together with a loud pop. Kelly brought her hands on her waist before shrugging her shoulders indifferently. Rachel chose that brief moment where she weren't ignored to remind them of her previous question.
"Who were you two chattering about?"
Meredith smirked which made Rachel realize that her peach coloured lip-gloss was disturbingly shiny. Kelly gave a devilish smile to her friend before beckoning Rachel to come closer. She brought one of her hands next to her mouth which was as equally glossy as her friend's in a phony attempt to muffle her words to the ears of unwanted listeners. She, then, said in a hushed tone.
"Santana Lopez."
Meredith giggled. Her excitation over the gossip seemed to erase any resemblance of her possessing brain cell. Kelly was not really better. She was fidgeting childishly next to her friend. What could possibly make them so happy about the pathetic state of Santana Lopez at a jock's party? It was sad more than anything else. Even Rachel had to admit it.
"It must be depressing, as friends, to see her like that."
The two girls stared at her incredulously and Meredith waved a mocking hand in the air as a way to dismiss Rachel's comment. Kelly rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to speak again.
"Why would we care about her? She's a total bitch. Even that dumb whore doesn't hang out with her anymore."
Meredith nodded before adding.
"I heard it's 'cause Santana slept with that crippled boyfriend of hers. It's like the worst couple ever. I really don't get it. He probable does her school work for her or something. You must now. You're in Glee with them. Is it true?"
Rachel suddenly felt her heart beating wildly in her chest. She bit her bottom lip as she thought of an answer to provide. Maybe she could say it was true. It was sure that most of the evidence pointed into another direction but Santana was cruel enough to do something like that. She wasn't really one who cared for others and she always seemed to find new ways to prove that the rumours regarding to her extreme promiscuity were true. On the other hand, it would probably be something quite malicious of her to say something like that. Although, when Rachel thought of it Santana would probably never have hesitated to confirm any nasty gossip about her. Actually, there were a high percentage of changes that she would have been the one starting it. It was like that with Santana. She had no pity for anybody. Why would Rachel have some for her?
"Well, I wouldn't be surprised if she had."
The two girls smiled approvingly in unison. Meredith took out a lip-gloss from her pocket and applied to her already way to coloured lips. Her friend imitated her. Then they both looked at Rachel. Kelly rolled her eyes and extended her reddish pink lip-gloss to her. The small girl took it with a shaky hand. Being used to doing her own makeup for the diverse shows in which she participated, she applied it quickly on her mouth before giving it back to the cheerleader. Rachel wondered if this was a Cheerio was of bonding. The two girls were still standing in front of her. Even though she had already given them what they wanted, they didn't seem eager to go away. Maybe they felt like pursuing the conversation? She opened her mouth to talk but Meredith was quick to interrupt her.
"So what are you doing shopping alone like that?"
Rachel's eyelashes fluttered. She hadn't rehearsed for this eventually. She didn't think she would have to speak to a cheerleader before going back to school. Even if she didn't like to throw herself in such situations without practicing before, she had no choice but to use her natural acting talent for this sudden improvisation.
"I'm waiting for my boyfriend. He is going to pick me up in an hour or two. He told me he would call when he gets here." She said shaking her cell in a brief motion in front of the cheerleader's nose."His name is Stephen. You probably don't know him since he is currently studying in college. He is quite a charmer. I have a picture in my wallet. Do you want to see him?" She took out a picture of her cousin and her to show it to them.
Meredith took it nonchalantly and passed it on to her friend.
"He's kind of hot."
Kelly shrugged.
"Yeah, totally."
Rachel beamed. Her cheeks were a deep shade of red and adrenaline was rushing through her vein from the lie. It was much easier than she would have thought play the game, to pretend like them. Not only was it easier but it was exiting in a way. It trilled her to be regarded with respect by those popular girls. She was suddenly given power. Those two girls were listening to what she had to say for a change and the feeling was amazing.
"Wanna shop with us while you wait?" Meredith suddenly asked her.
"I would be pleased to." Rachel replied.
"Cool, you can totally tell us more about Santana and, also, about Brittany and her loser."
Rachel nodded. This was going to be a nerve-breaking experience. She was going to have to lie and manipulate them during at least an hour. Then, she will have to find a false-pretext to leave them before her fake boyfriend "arrived". It was making her anxious but that was exactly what she was trying to accomplish.
A brief flash of the scene she had witnessed at Puck's house came to her mind. She saw Santana's half-teary, half-angry, eyes looking desperately into Brittany's and a knot formed in her stomach. She suddenly had a vision of the Latina weeping in Jack's arms, barely able to stand up, and she felt guilty for an instant.
Then, she heard them again, those harsh words whispered in her ear and the feeling of culpability was washed away. She closed her eyes firmly, curled her fists and clenched her teeth.
Santana Lopez deserved no pity because she was, herself, pitiless.
The world was cruel, people were too. Why would Rachel be the one suffering from it? If she had to be cruel not to be the one who was constantly being tortured by others, she would be.