I seriously feel proud of myself. Three updates in 36 hours and this one is actually long. I have wanted to write this scene practically since I started this story. It has just taken a lot to get there. I finally rewrote the bedroom scene from The Return. Yay, I finally kept my promise. I also wanted to mention that I get inspiration from a lot of sources, many of them other TV shows. Since I blatantly copied a couple of pieces of dialogue from other sources, I figured I should give credit where credit is due. But before I do that, I want to know if anyone can guess what part of the story I took from TV. Hint it is from two different TV shows, neither of which are the Vampire Diaries, even though I did copy dialogue from the show in this chapter. One is a new show and another is a very old TV show in its last season. I look forward to reading any guesses that you have, and I will announce what dialogue and where it came from in the next chapter.
Almost two hours later, after I calm down and find my happy place again, I receive another cryptic text from Katherine. This one however needs no clarification. History has told me all I need to know. I see the words I let him go flash across my phone, and my heart is conflicted between genuine relief and heart breaking sadness. This may go down as one of the worst days of Damon's life because of whatever Katherine said to him, but selfishly I'm glad that his heart may finally be free of her. I head up the stairs to prepare Elena for what she's about to see. Except for the night the tomb was opened and the days following it, the other me has never seen Damon truly vulnerable and heartbroken. This will be a bit of a shock, and Elena needs to react appropriately if she doesn't want to set Damon off. It won't be long before he appears drunk in my bedroom.
It feels strange knocking on my own door, but after our last conversation, it seems wrong somehow intruding in her private space, not to mention perilous to my health. After she grants me entrance, I use a white dish rag that I found in the kitchen to literally wave the white flag of surrender. Elena lets the tiniest smile break out, but I can tell she is fighting it. "Here I was afraid all of our angsty teenage melodrama had ruined our sense of humor for good. Glad to know you can still smile," I reply mirroring Elena's grin.
A joking attitude must be contagious, because Elena quickly fires back with a witty retort. "Well apparently tragedy has blessed us with a better sense of humor, because we're not known for being funny," Elena delivers the line with another smirk.
Her smile makes me hope that this moment never ends. This fun back and forth is about the most lighthearted thing I've done in too long. I want it to continue for a little while longer. Sadly, the only joke I can think of I stole from Damon. "You're not terribly unfunny Elena. You should give yourself more credit." I echo the same sentiment that Damon said to me too long ago to fathom.
Her grin has now spread throughout her face. She is no longer fighting me. Past me must remember the Georgia road trip as fondly as I do, because she says nostalgically, "You sound like Damon."
His name reminds me of why I came up here in the first place. All signs of my former happiness leave my face, and my tone becomes deadly serious. The shift in the air is unmistakable. I know Elena feels it too. "Which brings me to my point in coming up here," I tell her sadly. "Damon is coming over within the hour, and he is gonna be an absolute mess." Elena's face changes in an instant. My concern for Damon is clearly taking over, and I take it as a positive sign for our future that she is so worried.
Elena blatantly fishes for information when she asks me, "I take it Damon didn't text you about his impending breakdown?"
While I am careful to avoid any topics that involve Damon's attempted murder of my brother, I see no harm in letting her in a little. I should take the same advice I gave Katherine. A tiny nugget of honesty goes a long way. "I remember this day very well," I recount miserably. "Let's just say that I want to do things a little differently, be a better person, a lot of things."
She's kind enough not to question further. I suppose my cryptic comments have become an ordinary occurrence recently. Elena instead surprises me with an altogether different question. "What do you need me to do," she asks sincerely?
My own trust issues rise to the surface, and the irony that I do not trust myself is not lost on me. "You seem a lot more compliant than you were this afternoon," I observe suspiciously, while fishing for some information of my own.
She can see right through my act as I could her own. It is a lot easier to figuratively lie to myself than to literally lie to myself. Elena has a knowing smile, but luckily she doesn't appear offended at my lack of trust. "There doesn't seem to be any point in fighting you, and in spite of our differences, Damon is my friend. If he needs me, I want to be there for him."
I watch my past self truly impressed at the first show of maturity that I have seen from her in this time. Quickly, I give Elena the 411 on her role in mission 'Console Damon.' "When he first gets here, I want to talk to him first," I direct firmly. "I just need you to give us some space while I say my peace. After that, all he really needs is a friend. Just be sure not to push him away. He is in an emotionally delicate place right now, and he needs our compassion more than anything." I can still see skepticism in Elena's face as she wraps her brain around a fragile Damon. He has never acted anything other than invincible in front of other people. Only after we became closer friends, did he let me peer at what was behind his façade of cool arrogance. Her seeing his true face might compel her to open herself up to the possibility of someday with Damon. Before I allow myself to hope, I issue one last warning to Elena. "Damon may act strong and unbreakable, but his heart can crumble at the smallest rejection," I caution Elena.
"I believe you," Elena replies acceptingly.
"Believe her about what," a voice asks from the seat by my window? His jet black hair looks disheveled and his sluggish mannerisms reveal his obvious intoxication. His face reveals his obvious sorrow. My heart constricts in my chest at the sight. I never do answer Damon's question. Instead I instruct Elena to go downstairs and bring up some coffee. When we are alone, I sit next to him and drape my left arm around his shoulders. "Talk to me," I plead with Damon. He regards me skeptically, clearly fighting between letting his guard down and protecting himself.
His protective instincts win out, when he replies with sarcastic remark. "What's to talk about? My evil bitch of an ex apparently never loved me, and she chose Stefan, basically the recurring story of my life." Damon can blame it on his drunken state, but the emotional exhaustion of the day is catching up to him, and his mask of indifference is fading. He looks miserable, as if he's lost all hope and joy. His next words sound desperate and begging. I can't stop the tears from running down my face. "Is it so impossible for someone to love me? I can be the good guy. I can be the bad guy, but whatever I do, no one ever chooses me." He has no idea how wrong he is about that. You would think he hadn't heard a single word that I had said since I returned. I know I shouldn't blame him, when he is this upset, but I feel a little hurt that he feels that way.
What happens next is either an attempt to comfort Damon or me being defensive about his latest comment. I'm not sure which at the moment. "I did. I chose you. I was with Stefan for almost a year, and I still chose you," I remind Damon hoping that this will be the one truth that still matters.
His begging and desperation still hangs on his every word as he pleads with me to explain. "Why? Please, I need to know why?" This is the moment, the moment where I can help heal him or help destroy him. In that moment of time, I know exactly what to say. The words flow from my mouth just as air fills my lungs and my heart beats. It feels natural and right.
I grab his face in my hands and gaze lovingly into his deep blue eyes, and I say, "I chose you, because I love you, because no one else ever did, because you love your brother even though you'll never ever admit that, and because of a thousand little moments that define our life together. If I had to explain them all, my voice would give out before I was done, but if you need to know why I love you, I can go on all night." When I feel his lips on mine, I know that my words were enough. Damon might not be healed, but he wasn't broken anymore. I allow the kiss to continue for almost a minute. I pour everything I am into it, my love, my pain, my heart. All I have to give, I lay at his feet, and then I pull slightly away. Our faces are still inches from each other, but just as Damon is about to pull me in for another kiss, I place two fingers on his lips stopping him. It only takes a second for Damon's shields to go up. He has faced a mountain of rejection tonight, and he braces for another hit. "We can't do this right now," I reason cautiously.
"Why? You just said you loved me. You said you chose me. Why can't we be together," Damon questions angry and frustrated. We are treading on dangerous ground again. It feels as if his control is hanging off the edge of a cliff, so I proceed carefully in my explanation.
"Because you still haven't chosen me," I remind him gloomily. If I let you keep kissing me, and if this goes any further. You won't be thinking about me. You'll be using me as a replacement for her. Trust me when I say that I know what it feels like for you to truly love me and want me, and that kiss wasn't it. I want reality or nothing at all."
His anger evaporates into thin air. Damon knows I'm right, and with one last kiss to my forehead, he releases me, but not before whispering in my ear. "I will choose you one day, because being your friend feels more real than 145 of loving Katherine." My heart leaps in my chest at his words, and by the return of his arrogant smirk, I know he can tell. I finally look up and see a shocked mirror image of myself holding two cups of coffee and starring at the scene before her. I can't tell if this will help or hurt my cause in getting my past self together with Damon. I suppose it depends on how much she heard.
Once I regain my senses, I ask the question. "Out of curiosity, how long have you been eavesdropping?"
If she is still fazed by what she saw, she doesn't show it. Elena replies casually as if I had just asked her about the weather forecast. "Right around the time you started explaining why you chose Damon, so basically before you declared your love and you two started making out." Either this is some weird form of shock, or her tolerance for the abnormal has skyrocketed since I came back. "Care to elaborate about what just happened here," she questions still cool as a cucumber?
My supposed courage leaves me in an instant as Elena stares at me waiting patiently for an answer. I start stuttering and make a pathetic excuse to leave. "Uh, well you see, Damon explains this so much better than I do, so I'm just gonna be in Jeremy's room." I turn back to invite Damon to join me after he's done with his awkward heart to heart with Elena. I quickly grab an extra tank top and a pair of sleep shorts before exiting the room like a bat out of Hell. I rationalize that I left so Damon and the other me could have some alone time. They both need to get used to life without me. I won't be hanging around forever, and they must build their own memories instead of just living through mine. All of which was true, but it sounded more like an excuse than a real reason. I was just tired of explanations. I figure Damon can handle this one conversation.
After nearly half an hour of waiting on Damon, I peak my head in to our room, and the sight before me fills my heart with joy. Damon and Elena must have been exhausted after their little talk, because they are both lying on the bed fully clothed and fast asleep in each other's arms. Elena's head is resting on Damon's chest, and I notice her hand is intertwined with his. Neither Damon nor I have ever looked as peaceful as we do tonight, and I can see goofy grins on both their faces. They must be having happy dreams I conclude wishfully. I take one quick picture on my phone before gently closing the door and going to bed. I want to be in the other Elena's shoes for a moment just to feel Damon's protective arms around me, but I remember that I came here to fix her life, not mine, so I banish the selfish thought and drift off the sleep.
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