I had such a great reaction from the last chapter. I just couldn't help myself. I had to update again. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I even got one person who spotted one of the quotes. Congrats vampchic281205. Nice to know there is at least 1 One Tree Hill fan among my readers. Just for the record the following quotes were directly copied and are not of my own creation: "but if you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night" One Tree Hill 3x13 Lucas. The other one is more obscure, but a lot more recent. "I want reality or nothing" Once Upon a Time 1x13 Prince Charming. After reading through it again, I found another one "be a better person, a lot of things" Grey's Anatomy 3x04 Addison. Anyways here is my next chapter, and I hope that you all enjoy.
Sunlight streams through Jeremy's window and wakes me from the first peaceful night sleep I've had in months. I strain my ears to listen for any signs of life in my otherwise quiet house. When I don't hear any, I assume Damon and other Elena are still sleeping. I don't have the heart to wake them. Instead I head downstairs and start the coffee maker. We all could use a little caffeine pick me up after the past couple days.
Before I have time to enjoy my freshly brewed cup of coffee, my phone is buzzing with another text from Katherine Meeting with Elijah at your house 8 p.m. tonight. I text back letting her know that I got the message, and hear someone knocking at the door. As I walk to the other end of the house, I run through who could possibly be coming over this early in the morning. Since my luck as of late has royally sucked, the person at my door is of course the last man on Earth I want to see. I would have preferred Klaus. "And my morning was starting out so well," I sarcastically inform a guilty looking Stefan. He's staring at me obviously struggling for what to say after being the world's biggest jackass yesterday.
Feeling in no mood to help him out of his apparent awkwardness, I simply stand there glaring daggers at Stefan until he finds the words to speak. "Can I talk to you," Stefan questions uncertainly?
"I suppose that depends. Am I talking to Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde," I ask attempting to mimic cool detachment? I don't want Stefan to think for a moment that he has power over me.
Stefan lets out a humorless laugh at my not so subtle dig. "I suppose I deserve that," Stefan concedes. "For the record, Dr. Jekyll would like to make an apology if you'll let him." My first impulse is to slam the door in his face, but seeing as how I am going to have to work with Stefan to take down Klaus, I opt to allow him in to hear what he has to say. Worst case scenario, now that he's in front of me, I could just stab him again. The thought brings me more joy than it should, I think devilishly.
Meanwhile, Stefan takes a seat on my couch, and I choose to stand in front of him with my arms crossed. Stefan appears uneasy, continually shifting in his seat, which is the exact effect I was hoping for. I may have let him in, but I never said I would make this easy. My voice is razor sharp when I tell him, "You've got five minutes, and that time gets cut in half the second I detect jealousy, anger, or judgment in your voice. Am I making myself clear?"
Stefan nods his consent, and starts speaking quickly as if I was staring at my watch to call time on his apology. "Crystal, and since I only have five minutes, I should probably lead with I'm sorry for being a hypercritical prick yesterday," Stefan apologizes swiftly. He slows down a lot after that, either because he can't keep up the pace or he is worried his message is getting lost. Stefan oozes sincerity, and I realize I am definitely talking to Dr. Jekyll. "You were right. It wasn't my place to judge you."
I relax the tiniest bit as I agree with him. "No, it wasn't," I concur softly.
"I wish I had a better excuse for my callousness, but my only reason is human weakness."
It's ironic because that pretty much sums up our entire relationship in a nutshell or at least the end of it, Stefan's weakness, Stefan's failings, Stefan's flaws. It's hard not to resent him even after all this time. I realize that Stefan is still in the middle of his little speech, so I decide to tune back in. "Shame and guilt can't begin to cover how I felt when you told me what I'd done. For the first time in a long while, I was tempted to turn it off, flip the switch, and never look back. Instead, I settled on taking my pain out on you, and that wasn't fair. I'm sorry." He meant it, anyone with eyes or ears could tell that he meant it, but I just had to decide if it was enough.
Stefan just sits still as a statue while I digest everything he said, and a part of me still wants to be so mad at him, but the bigger part realizes that would make me a hypocrite. One of the reasons that Stefan and I started a relationship was because we were so similar, and I am ashamed to admit we share many of the same failings. Stefan was apologizing for taking his guilt and pain out someone who was trying to help him, but how many times had I done that to Damon. During the whole Klaus ordeal, I used him as a punching bag, sometimes literally. Memories come flooding in of me trying to hit him at Slater's house and me fighting against Damon to run into the tomb with Stefan and Katherine, to say nothing of our countless arguments where I simply yelled at him to make myself feel better. I couldn't stay mad at Stefan, because I was no different once.
"You're forgiven," I state despondently, turning away so he doesn't see my tears. "Your punishment is to just live with it. It's not easy, trust me," I tell Stefan guiltily.
When I turn back around, Stefan looks genuinely surprised. I imagine when he played all the scenarios out in his head, he thought probability was heavily weighted towards me throwing him out or punching him. Stefan doesn't appear satisfied with being let off the hook so easily. With Stefan, things can never be simple. He jumps up and pleads with me. "Please, there has to be something I can do to make things right. I don't deserve your forgiveness after one apology. How about I help you with your plan? Killing Klaus can't be just a one woman operation. Put me to work. Just tell me what I can do for you."
His insistence to fix things should make me happier, but Stefan still doesn't get it. If my story yesterday should have taught him anything, it is that I am not the one he needs to make things right with. I'm not the only one he let down. With that in mind, I finally think of something Stefan can do. "You can be a better brother," I state simply. "That's what you can do for me," I say looking him dead in the eyes.
Stefan stares back confused at my sudden change in topic. "What do you mean," he asks dumbly?
"Do you know what happened to Damon last night? Did you ever wonder where he was when he didn't come home," I question?
Stefan looks back and explains in a condescending tone, "Elena, I know this might be difficult to understand, but Damon and I don't keep track of each other like that. We're vampires not children. We both come and go as we please. It's just habit." I would believe that a lot more if I didn't have evidence to the contrary. What Stefan means is that he doesn't keep track of Damon like that.
Whenever I feel protective of Damon, I start fuming with anger and tend to yell. This was no exception. "Really, because when you were kidnapped by Frederick, it didn't even take him two hours to grow worried and come looking for you. Damon was gone over twelve, yet when you saw me, you never once asked if I had seen him. He came over here drunk and heartbroken after Katherine told him that she never loved him and that it was always you. You're his brother and he needed you. Once again you weren't there for him. I shouldn't be surprised, since it seems to be the story of your relationship. Damon cares about you, but you treat him like he is a nuisance in your life. God, I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. You were always telling me what a terrible person Damon was, but do you realize he never said that about you. Hell, most of the time, he was even defending you. In the future, he walked away from being with me for you. He died for you. Damon sat up in my room last night feeling like he was never good enough. That feeling doesn't just come from Katherine or your Father's disapproval. It comes from your own. If you want to feel guilty about something feel guilty about that," I challenge spitefully.
There are few times that I have ever seen Stefan cry. I guess after 145 years as a vampire, you learn to reel in your emotions, but after my little outburst, Stefan clearly had lost all control of his own. The footsteps on the stairs signal that my plan to let Damon and Elena sleep might have been derailed by my early morning screaming. They both walk into the living room unsure of what to say. They both probably heard everything. I know with Damon's vampire hearing he certainly did. Stefan and Damon lock eyes for a moment, and Stefan tries to pour all his regret into that one glance. When he can't take the intensity of his guilt any long, he uses his vampire speed to leave without a word. The three of us are left speechless unsure about what to say. Simple words can't fix this.
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