John gently press one finger into Sherlock, judging his reaction. He was being gentle as Sherlock needed, blushing softly.
Sherlock frowned slightly. It didn't quite hurt, it was just… uncomfortable. But he had seen John's earlier reaction, he knew it will feel good, so he let John continue. "I'm not going to break"
John couldn't help, but chuckle. "I know that, Sherlock. I just don't want to hurt you. Or make you nervous." He moved his finger around a little, being gentle. When Sherlock became loose enough, he slowly slipped another finger inside of Sherlock.
Sherlock moaned louder this time, griping the sheets. "You won't hurt me", he breathed. He brought John's head toward himself, trying to get John closer. "Kiss me?"
John smiled at Sherlock, kissing his lips sweetly. He moved his fingers a bit more, trying to be a bit more gentle. "I know," he breathed, "But this is your first time."
Sherlock kissed John back, smiling up at him. He bit his lip to keep from moaning. "Yes. With you", he said, breathless. He closed his eyes for a moment, just feeling John. "It feels so good."
John felt the blush rise on his cheeks. Why did he feel so nervous? This was just Sherlock. He kissed Sherlock deeply as he continued the movements. He wanted to go more, do more, but he didn't want to hurt Sherlock.
Sherlock smiled, caressing John's hot cheek. He groaned and kissed him back, placing his hand on the doctor's neck, bringing him in. He moved his hips in time with John's fingers, trying to get more friction. "I'm fine now. Take me", he murmured against John's lip, sounding like an order.
John felt the blush rise on his cheeks. He slowly pulled his fingers out and took the bottle of lube again. He applied a generous amount to his cock and Sherlock's hole. He aligned himself and met Sherlock's eyes. He slowly pressed his way in, gasping at how hot and tight he felt.
Sherlock felt his heart beating fast as he watched John touching himself. He opened his legs to make more space for John. When he met John's eyes, he relaxed a bit and then John began to push in. Fuck, it hurt. Sherlock closed his eyes and griped the sheets, moaning in pain slightly.
John watched Sherlock carefully as he thrusted a little. He was trying to be gentle, trying to make sure Sherlock wasn't in that much pain.
Sherlock took John's head, griping his hair. He tried to relax, knowing that it would be more painful if he didn't. His other hand went for John's hip, bringing him in. "John.."
John resisted a groan as he felt the tug from his hair. He needed Sherlock to relax. John thrusted a little more, moaning Sherlock's name carefully.
Sherlock moaned, biting his lower lip. His nails dug into John's flesh. There would be bruises tomorrow, but he couldn't care less. "Come in", he whispered, forcing John forward with his legs, gasping when John bottomed out.
John couldn't resist the moan anymore as he thrust again and again. He was trying to be gentle for Sherlock's sake, but it was getting harder and harder to hold back.
Sherlock's eyes went wide. Everything he could feel was John, surrounding him. "God", he moaned, using his hand in John's head to bring him down, kissing him deeply. Experimentally, he began to move his hips in time with John's, groaning.
John kissed Sherlock back with as much desire and hunger he felt. He started to thrust a little harder, making sure he didn't push Sherlock too much. "Sherlock," he moaned between kisses. It felt too good, too perfect. He knew he wasn't going to hold on for so long. He reached between them, gripping Sherlock's cock in his hand and started to stroke him.
"J-John", Sherlock stuttered. It was such a… incredible thing, feeling John inside him and touching him at the same time. Almost too much. He could tell John wasn't going to last much, judging by his movements, but he wasn't, either. But he knew John was being gentle… too gentle to take him over the edge. "Harder, John", he breathed.
John obeyed Sherlock's command. He thrusted hard as he dared, trying to still be gentle to the man beneath him. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer, but he was trying to hold out for Sherlock's sake. He started to stroke Sherlock's cock faster with each thrust, a moan tearing from his lips.
"Yes John", Sherlock moaned, his sight blurring. He kept repeating John's name as he gripped his hips, pulling him harder into him each time. He was almost there, but he wanted this to last forever. However, as John sped up, Sherlock couldn't hold back any longer. He came on John's hand, shouting the doctor's name.
"Fuck, Sherlock!" he screamed as he came. He collapsed against Sherlock's chest, not caring it was sticky. He panted hard, listening to Sherlock's breath and heartbeat. It was almost too much.
Sherlock's arms went around John immediately, keeping him there. He tried to slow down his breathing, the images of the last hour or so repeating in his head. "That was…", he trailed off, breathless. He couldn't even find the correct word. God, he wanted this every night. Maybe they could switch places…
John felt himself smile, starting to laugh. "Amazing? Memorable?" he offered, struggling to slow his breath down. He couldn't. He didn't care. He felt warm, happy in Sherlock's arms.
"Brilliant. Dazzling. Astonishing", he murmured against John sandy hair, breathing him in. "I love you so much, John."
John smiled, tears close to coming. "I love you too, Sherlock. Very much."
Sherlock looked down at him, kissing his temple. "John, don't cry", he whispered, frowning. Had he said something wrong?
John smiled softly. "I'm just...happy, Sherlock. I'm that happy. I'm not upset." He tried explaining. He tried sitting up, but he was too weak, too tired.
"No, don't go", Sherlock said immediately, tightening his grasp on John, keeping him where he was. "I.. I am happy too. Not just for this, I am happy with you"
John smiled, kissing Sherlock's chest. "I wasn't trying to leave," he said, "I was trying to sit up so I could see your face. Never would I want to leave your side."
Sherlock rolled them so John lay at his side, looking down at him. They could see each other faces, but there was no way Sherlock's arm were out of John anytime soon. "Good. Because you are stuck with me", he smiled.
John smiled, kissing Sherlock's lips. "I think I wouldn't mind that," he admitted, "I feel rather safe in your arms."
Sherlock returned the smile, feeling the blush rising to his cheeks. "I don't want to let go of you. Ever", he said, caressing his back. "Is that weird?"
John shook his head. Of course, Sherlock was a stranger to love, to this affection. "No, Sherlock it isn't. Its' normal."
Oh, normal. "I'm not used to normal", he smiled. "I have never felt this way… it's not as I imagined it would be. Love", he said, the word almost foreign.
John smiled at his words, kissing on what skin he could reach of Sherlock's. "Love comes different to everyone. And...I didn't think you could...love."
Sherlock looked down at him sweetly. "I didn't. You changed that. I thought it would slow me down but... I was wrong"
John smiled at Sherlock's words. He felt his heart beat faster, blush rising on his cheeks. "I would never slow you down. If anything, I'm struggling to keep up."
Sherlock smirked, rolling them so he was on top of John. He kissed his jaw line, growling softly. 'Mine', he thought. "You do. You are the only one that does. You are my drug, remember? You… stimulate me", he admitted, flushing.
John smiled up at Sherlock. "I think this is the only drug that I would allow," he said, kissing Sherlock's lips, "Me. You are mine and I won't let anyone take you away."
Sherlock shivered slightly at John's words. "I never thought you'd be so possessive, doctor", he smirked.
John grinned as he looked into his lover's eyes. "I think...certain events changed me." He smiled. "Besides I can't live without my detective. No matter how annoying he can be."
Sherlock smiled shyly, hugging John to his chest. "And I can't live without you… my everything", he murmured, kissing John deeply. When he draw back, he added "You can be as possessive as you wish. I'm yours, even if you don't want me"
John studied him, shaking his head slightly. "Why would you say that, Sherlock? Of course I would want you. I will always want you! Christ, it took me /this/ long to realize I was in love with you." He kissed Sherlock deeply. "And...maybe, just maybe if I would've known sooner...then none of this would've happened."
Sherlock looked down, deciding not to answer to John question. He knew John would get tired of him and his experiments some day. He would leave. Marry. Get another family. "It would have been worse if you had", he said instead, staring into John's eyes. "Moriarty would have hurt you even more if he knew I loved you and you loved me. Maybe I would really be dead"
John saw the pain in his eyes and swallowed hard. He couldn't ruin this moment. Not now. "Sherlock," he said slowly, raising a hand up to stroke the curls, "You are too precious to me to ever lose." It was the honest truth. He held Sherlock to him tightly. "And he wouldn't kill you. You stimulate him. He enjoys these games.."
Sherlock buried his head into John's neck, closing his eyes. For once, he felt save in his arms. Loved. In that moment he didn't care if it lasted forever… he just enjoyed it. "He would kill you, and I would kill myself. Or he would force me to suicide, making me see… that he is more clever than me. That he can beat me"
John gripped Sherlock's face gently in his hands-on. "I won't allow you to speak in such a way. He won't beat you. He's not more clever then you. Evil, heartless, yes but he is not more clever. There are ways to beat him."
Sherlock placed one hand over John, interlacing their fingers together. "Being heartless is what makes him capable of beat me", he reasoned. "He doesn't care about anyone, so he has nothing to lose. I thought I was the same, but… I'm obviously not".
"And that's the glory of it, " he purred, "You're human. He is not. He tries not to be. But he does seem to have a weakness. Moran. Unless he's dead..." He frilled Sherlock's hand gently.
Sherlock lip twitched. "Moran is dead" he simply said avoiding the part of him being the murderer. He had the first one of Sherlock's victims. "Being human makes me weak", he breathed. "But it's worth it if I have you"
John shook his head. How would he get through to this stubborn man? "Sherlock, you are not weak. You are the most human person I know." The Words he spoke at the graveyard stuck out in his mind.
Sherlock smiled widely at that, his eyes watering slightly as he remembered that moment at the graveyard. "I know. I heard you", he murmured. "But you are wrong", he said, smirking.
John swallowed hard again. Sherlock had heard him. Of course he did, it didn't matter. "I'm wrong?" he questioned, "About what?"
"Me", he replied, looking down at their entwined hands. "I am not the most human person. You are, John", he stated, lifting his gaze to stare right into John's warm eyes.
John shook his head. "You are human Sherlock, more than I am. You might just refuse to see it..." he kissed his lipase gently.
Sherlock bit his lip slightly, kissing him back. "You are perfect", he said matter of factly. "Just drop it, John. You know I more stubborn that you"
He chuckled. "Mmm, that you are." He rolled them to their side. "I must ask...about Moriarty. Is he dead? "
Sherlock sighed, shaking his head. "I… returned before I could kill him. I wasn't planning of coming back till next month, but…", he trailed off, lifting one eyebrow at John. "But I am going to kill him. I swear. He won't hurt you"
John felt his heart beat rise. "You're going to leave me again..."
Sherlock sat up suddenly, looking down at him startled. "What?! No, I'm not!", he said in a high pitched voice. "Of course I am not, John. I am going to kill him so we don't have to be afraid anymore."
John slowly sat up, gripping Sherlock's hand gently. "I offended you, " he said softly, "I'm sorry. But you will leave me...in order to kill him. You have to leave my side wont you? "
"You didn't offend me", he whispered, caressing his cheek. "I'll… well, yes, I will have to go a few days to kill him. But it won't be long. I promise"
John immediately shook his head, feeling shock run through his body. "I won't allow it, " he said at once.
Sherlock frowned slightly at that. "I don't want to do it. I don't want to leave you. But I have to, John", he said slowly, as if he was talking with a child. "I won't leave in the same world as James Moriarty."
John looked down at his hands. He felt broken. "Then let me come with. Please. I can help. I won't live without you."
"No", Sherlock said immediately, a little more forcefully than he had intended. "I won't risk losing you. You won't have to live without me, it will be only a few days…", he added in a more gentle tone.
He closed his eyes. He was loosing this argument. "This is Moriarty, Sherlock! If he doesn't know you love me or I love You by now then he will soon! "
Sherlock cringed a little at John's words. "That is another argument for my opinion", he said, keeping his voice down. He had to make John understand.
He closed his eyes tightly, he was trying to calm down. "And if I went with you anyway ...?" He knew he was being stupid, stubborn.
"I would take you home again", Sherlock finished, leaning down so his forehead touched John's. "John, I will even call Mycroft if you try to come with me"
He felt the pressure from Sherlock 's head on his. He swallowed hard. "Fine, " he said after some silence, "Fine. Okay? "
Sherlock smiled, relieved. He kissed John's lips chastely. "I don't want you to be upset. I love you, John. And if I lose you… I'll go insane"
He kissed him back with a sigh. He understood where Sherlock stood. "When?" He masked softly.
"I am not sure. Mycroft is tracking him down, and we will arrange a date when we know where he stays normally", he replied, pushing John down onto the bed again. "Not tomorrow", he smiled.
John smiled slightly. Sherlock would be gone soon. He wouldn't be beside him. He could die. The thought hurt him worse than anything. To have him and lose him once again, he thought. "Yes, " he breathed.
"You won't lose me, John", Sherlock reassured him, reading his face expression perfectly. "I won't let myself die knowing that you are here… waiting for me"
"I always waited for you, " he stated, closing his eyes. He felt mentally drained. He knew if he slept that there would be nightmares. He wasn't able to deal with them.
"I tried to convince myself that you did every day", Sherlock whispered, running his hand over John's stomach. "You are tired", he said, looking down at him. "You can sleep if you want".
John shivered at Sherlock's touch but he shook his head. "No, " he said softly, "I'm fine. Besides you won't sleep. You have that look in your eyes again.."
Sherlock smirked, looking down at him. "I like to watch you sleep… what look?"
He sighed softly. "The look of you not sleeping for days on end." He couldn't resist a yawn.
Sherlock laughed softly. "I slept yesterday, so there is no need to sleep in the next… three days", he said, kissing John's belly. "But you do need it. I will be here if you have nightmares".
He sighed softly. He did feel tired. He couldn't ignore it anymore. He nodded and closed his eyes. "I love you, " he mumbled
"I love you, John", Sherlock whispered back, not sure if John heard him. He lay down next to him, staring at his rising chest, and smiled happily.
John slept on, wrapping an arm around Sherlock 's chest.