A/n- my new work? a collection of post-ep flash fics based on things characters (jane and Lisbon) may or not may think about happenings... with that, keep in mind: spoilers for the whole season 4.
4.2-Little Red Book
He remembers his time in the asylum. It hasn't been nice, and there was one thing in particular he got to hated back there: routine. Every day were the same things, the same people, the same drugs, again and again and again. They thought it could keep him grounded, giving him a sense of familiarity, but… he just hated it. Because routine wasn't something he was.
Routine has been a constant of his early years, when he traveled the carnie with his father. Every day, the same tricks, the same stage, the same numbers. Only the people, the marks changed, but still, they were the same at the same time. So different, and yet, so equal among themselves. And he hated them. He hated them because they allowed him to con them, and he hated conning people, but it's not like he had such a choice. Not back then.
But then… with money and fame, he could do everything he wanted. He was the only master of his existence, nobody to answer to. Not even his own family- which he kind of regrets. And when everything went south… routine yet again. Waking up. Drugs. Breakfast. Talking. Lunch. Air hour. Drugs. Dinner. Drugs. Bed. All to keep him grounded- and keep him grounded they did. Only… it got worse. Because he couldn't stop to think, to remember, to see them, their butchered bodies. All because of him, his only fault.
He bought his way out with words and looks, and swore to God: he wasn't going to get caged once again, wasn't going to be again a prisoner of his personal internal world, wasn't going to get caught on that hideous routine he so much hated- only the ritual of tea was allowed, sacred exception. But, then…
He almost lost Lisbon, in every possible sense of the word. He almost lost her to death- at the hand of Craig O'Laughlin- and he almost lost her because his boss' boss' boss wanted to prove him a point. And only now, looking at her putting her things back together in her office, he sees it. He missed her, her very presence, in that very place. Because staying with her at her place has been good, but this… it's different. This is where she belongs. This is where he wants her to belong, where he needs her to be, where he craves her- as scary as the thought is.
Because he wasn't kidding. She keeps him grounded, she tries her best to be his moral compass, she…maybe she doesn't control him, but at least she damage-controls his actions, and it' enough. For now. A positive influence, he said. And it's true.
He missed her. Brining her coffee, or a bear claw from Marie's. randomly complimenting her. Driving with her. Working with her. Listen to her complaining about his sleeping habits. The only routine he craves.