4.6 Where in the world is Carmine O'Brien?
The tackle is hot.
He looks at her from the semi-opened door, taking a good look at Lisbon – Teresa – putting down the murderous kid, forcing him on the soil. Her face is red, she is disheveled, her breathing comes out in little puffs as she straddles the criminal, sitting on his back, handcuffing him.
Man, the tackle is really, really, hot…
A flash of her takes him full force- flashes, actually. Fragments of porcelain-like skin revealing themselves between pieces of pink lace and chiffon (and who knows what else the dress for Van Pelt's wedding was supposed to be made of) are mixed with images of her and this guy and… and with things that aren't. and maybe will never be. Questions, so many questions…
Does she like to use her on duty handcuffs in bed? (She does, he reflects, and she'd love to use them on him even more. Because she has control issues, and she hates when he strips her of her power). Does he keeps her eyes closed or open while in throes of passion?(Open, to check on the effect she has on the guy) Does she like to be on top on beneath her men? (Top, straddling him- again, control issues) How does she breath? How does her face look like?
No
He plays with his ring without even really noticing it, gulping down a mouthful of saliva, trying to push away the thoughts. He shouldn't think about it, shouldn't consider her more than what she is, shouldn't want more than he can have, not when being greedy destroyed his life in the first place.
His eyes fall on Annie and her father, Tommy Lisbon (so similar to his sister in the colors, but not in the eyes, they aren't as green as Teresa's), and he smiles at her - happy, honest, a little proud, and it's even scarier. Physical attraction, he knows it's, it's biological, he has experienced it after his wife, even if he never did anything about it. He can w ill his body and mind to shout down, to forget the sinful images, the lust-filled fantasies, but affection, it's not so easy. And he ash never been that good when it come to dealing with his own emotions.
Butterflies takes control of his stomach in the same instant fear does. He wonders when exactly he started to get this close to them, to her, to see them as family when he has always refused to, fighting oh so many times over it with Lisbon.
Caring isn't good. Loving, at any level, isn't good., not for him, at least. He lost the right to feel anything remotely close to that over 8 years ago, and Red John has been adamant, in intentions if not with words: he isn't going to allow him to have such an happiness back, can't have Jane lose his focus from his, their, main objective, that sordid game of live and death that's going on between the two of them since words that wasn't supposed to be said left the charlatan's mouth. People getting close to him get hurts, and when they do, he is the one paying the ultimate sacrifice- the last one standing, the one left behind, alive.
But he is into deep right now. And he doesn't know if he'll have the strength to say no to them, to this newfound family of his.
That is scary.