Thank you so much for everyone who reviewed the last chapter. It really helped motivate me to write the next one. I hope you all enjoy.
Current Elena's POV
After my future self's quick exit, Damon and I are left alone to navigate the awkwardness by ourselves.
"It wasn't as bad as it looked," Damon claims quickly. The guilt written all over his face, just proves that he himself thinks that it was wrong to nearly kiss her.
I'm still struggling to define the right and wrong in this situation. What are the rules with something like this? It's not like he found some hot floozy in a bar. He was kissing a future version of me. I may not know if I have a right to be upset, but I can easily recognize the piping hot jealousy that flowed through my veins at seeing him touching someone else. The strength of it all confuses me, because three days ago, Damon was nothing more than my boyfriend's older brother. Okay, he might have meant more to me than that, but I certainly didn't get openly jealous over who he was almost kissing. One really hot make out session, and suddenly I'm the jealous girlfriend. How did that happen? The anger and hurt fill my voice when I finally find the words to confront Damon.
"Really, cause it looked like you were about to kiss her a day after kissing me." I try to appear unaffected, but all I feel is betrayed, and my voice can't conceal my inner vulnerability. Last night he made it seem like I was the only girl in the world for him, but today we were both too quickly reminded that there is still one person who will always come between us, future me.
Damon is completely oblivious to the thoughts swirling around in my head. He appears caught in a struggle between feeling guilty for causing me pain and wanting to fix it, with the right words, the right argument.
"She was upset and sad," Damon reasons, "and I don't think you can really be mad at me for cheating on you with you." His voice raises as he outlines the sheer absurdity of our circumstances.
"I know it's ridiculous," I concede, "and at times I feel like an idiot for being jealous, but I can't help but feel like you want her more than you want me." Damon's face softens as I expose my innermost thoughts for him to see.
"You're the same person." He contends, frustrated by this whole fucked up mess.
"In most ways, you're right," I admit, "but there are still aspects of her that are different. She's more confident than me, more certain than me, and more jaded than I am. She's more like you than I am."
That seems to be the core of our problem. Future Elena's experiences, while horrible, made her the perfect match for Damon. She was just as damaged and broken as he was. It seemed fate was playing a cruel joke on them both. They're right for each other, but only in a time where she doesn't belong.
"You don't need to worry about her and me," Damon attempts to reassure me. "What you saw was a moment of weakness, one I assure you she is currently feeling hopelessly guilty about. She already made her intentions very clear. She doesn't want to come between us."
"But you still love her?" I ask without needing an answer. Seeing them interact with each other these past few days is all the evidence I need.
"I do," Damon confesses softly. He bows his head down, afraid to look me in the eyes, like he did something wrong, when his only mistake was wanting every version of me. Isn't that the definition of destined to be together? Despite all circumstances that change or how we evolve differently; we're still drawn to each other, like moths to a flame. I'm just worried about which one of us gets burned in the end. I don't know if its curiosity or masochism to ask the one question that has bothered me for days, but I feel I need to know the truth.
"Do you love me?" I barely whisper and Damon's head shoots up to gaze at me in shock. We never really talked about it after Isobel all but told me that he did. It seemed like a landmine that would blow up in our faces if we took one wrong step, but I always was one to run headlong into a problem without considering the consequences.
"We're treading into dangerous territory now Elena," Damon warns with a hardened look on his face. "You and Stefan just broke up. Your future self is complicating your life and we are just starting whatever it is that we are to each other. So ask yourself if you're ready to know the answer just yet." A part of me wants to scream yes. A part of me needs to hear it, just once to make it real, but those aren't the only parts of me.
"I'm not," I admit ashamed. "I wish that I was, and I'm sorry for putting you in this position, but it's still too soon." Damon's face falls once the words come out. He expected them, but I can see a tiny bit of hope bloomed that maybe I was ready after all. "I do need you to know that I'm getting there," I claim, hoping that it will serve as some consolation. "One day I'll ask again, and maybe I can give you the answer that you want." Damon nods in a sort of sad acceptance. It isn't what he wanted, but for today, it's enough.
"That day can't come soon enough," Damon states, clearly heartbroken at the rejection. "Grant me one request and don't ask me again until you are ready, because I can't stand lying to you."
I nod in agreement. The subject is closed, for now, and it gives us time to worry about other matters.
"You want to tell me what's so earth shatteringly awful that future me couldn't help falling into your arms." My best attempts to not sound jealous fail, but Damon skips past it to answer my question.
"Which bit of awful news would you like to hear first?" Damon asks casually. "Would you like to hear how Klaus is coming soon and Elena felt it necessary for me to compel her loved ones to flee, or how about how her very life is hanging in the balance if she changes too much in our time?"
No words, I have no words to describe the feeling of knowing the woman that I was jealous of thirty seconds ago might die. Damon tries to hide how much this is destroying him inside, but he already admitted to loving her, the prospect of losing her so soon seems too cruel. I jump into proactive mode rather than wallow in sadness.
"What are we going to do? We have to save her?" Damon seems a bit surprised by my shift in attitude.
"I thought you were mad at her a second ago." Damon questions, confused at my behavior.
"I was angry and hurt," I confess, "but that doesn't mean I want her to die. She risked everything, including her own life to come back and save the people that I love. It's not right to let her suffer just for doing the right thing."
"You still haven't brought up your thoughts on me compelling your nearest and dearest," Damon points out, nervous about my response. I was so focused on Future Elena's possible death that I didn't even think about the compulsion. Honestly, it sounds a lot like something that I would do.
"I'm not mad at you for compelling them," I admit to Damon's relief. "If it means that they're safe, I can live with that. What I don't like is the fact that Elena seems to be pushing everyone away. It's not healthy." Damon scoffs a little at the idea.
"I think we have to grade on a curve when it comes to things like this."
He has a point. Who am I to decide what's healthy for my time traveling future self who's lost nearly every single person that she loved.
"She's just scared of losing them all over again," Damon explains reflectively. "I think we all need to cut her some slack." He states pointedly.
"You mean I do."
"I think she cares a Hell of a lot about your happiness, and appreciating her sacrifices wouldn't be uncalled for." He just had to resort to the guilt trip, my kryptonite.
"It's just hard sometimes," I explain sadly, "because as much as she apologizes for intruding in on my life, at times I feels like I'm intruding on hers. I can't even start something with you, without feeling like I'm stealing you from her, because you two have this thing between you and it is intense and undeniable. It feels like you two are the ones who are supposed to be together, and I'm the third wheel in this epic love story." Damon is instantly concerned and defensive about what I said.
"She's still you," Damon claims, "no matter what you say. The connection between us was instantaneous, because of the feelings I already had for you. I love her for the same reasons that I lo . . . care for you," Damon corrects himself quickly. "We could have that connection, that intensity. It's already there. You felt it the night of the carnival. I know you did."
"I did and I still do," I confess honestly, "but I don't know how to be with you with her here." Damon just stares at me in disbelief, like this couldn't really be happening.
"You're not breaking up with me too are you," Damon asks pleadingly, "because that face of yours has rejected me a lot in the past couple days?" It kills me to cause him a moment's pain, but I don't' want to be the one that gets hurt in this either.
"Until this is settled, until we know whether future Elena is staying for good, I don't think that we should be together like that." Anger rises in Damon's voice, and his words cut into me more than I let on.
"You two are killing me here," Damon states, clearly pained. "You're both too damn selfless to hurt the other, so you just keep hurting me instead."
"I'm sorry," I mumble. My speech becomes harder to hear as I fight against the tears and the emotion of the moment. "I do want you. I want what you and she have, but I don't want to always be wondering if I'm your second choice."
"Am I interrupting something?" Both of our heads swing in the direction of the door to see Bonnie standing there awkwardly. The moment is broken and I'm a little grateful for her arrival. If I had to keep convincing Damon that we shouldn't be together, I might cave, and I was far too afraid that it would end in my own heartbreak. Damon tears his eyes away from mine to stare back at Bonnie in annoyance.
"Yes," Damon admits with a heavy sigh, "but since I've been waiting on you to arrive, you're forgiven. What did you find out?" I stand still in my spot confused at what's going on, and why Damon and Bonnie are working together. Neither one attempts to fill me in, so I just listen intently for clues as to what is going on.
"I think I found a spell that can help future Elena," Bonnie claims. Damon and I just look at each other, not needing words. We both are thinking the same thing. There is joy at the prospect of saving her, but also a sense of dread as for what this means for the two of us. If Future Elena stays, how can we ever be together?
As Always Please Read and Review