4.11 Always bet on red

At the end of the burial, you walk towards Agent Darcy, trying to appear as normal and as calm as usual, trying to put on a mask, a fake smile, sad, but a smile nevertheless. You barely contain the bile rising up in your throat, and you are... you are...switched, divided. You'd like to look at Jane, but you are not sure you want to, are able to.

In the last few days, for this man, the one you called (still call) a friend, family, you betrayed everything you stay for, everything you swore to fight and protect. You lied for him, are still lying, are keeping information from your team, and... and you saved him, again. You framed him for the murder of Red John, even if it wasn't Red John the man Jane killed, and now, to protect him, to avoid another process, you lied to and manipulated a Federal Agent, framing an innocent (and now dead) man in the process.

At least, Darcy is (should be) safe for now, even if you are a bit concerned. Both for Jane's safety (despite the fact that he keeps saying that Red John doesn't want him dead yet otherwise he already would be), and, you have to admit- you are a bit worried about yourself as well. You hope your consultant doesn't know, doesn't see it, so blind he is when the name of the hatred killer comes into the picture, because he would stop trusting you with information... and that's the problem.

You know.

You know everything that has happened between Jane and Red John since he joined the team at this point, and there's no way in hell that the monster didn't picked up on the fact that Jane... that he trusts you, he confides in you. And if his theory is correct – that whoever who gets close to him, gets burned – then... maybe you just should stop thinking about it.
It's not like you don't have so much – too much - to think about anyway.

Darcy may or may not be safe (and, at least, Jane, instead of using her as bait, actually did his best to protect the woman), Jane killed a man in cold blood, lied to and manipulated a jury to avoid prison and then... then he killed another man, not with actions but his words, and it's quite stunning how he seems unaffected by the whole thing, because he has always told you that his show on TV, his words, got his family killed, and now he did it all over again. But this time, on purpose. This time, he talked to kill. And now... now, he has (you both have, actually. You may not have done it with your own hands, but you've always knew what he was going at and still you didn't stop him, nor you gave him out) framed a dead, innocent and suicidal man for panzer's murder so that Red John could be ruled out as a suspect, and still considered dead.

Well, at least there's a silver lining in all of this- the widower doesn't think of her husband as of a weak, poor, small and deluded soul any longer (even if you are not completely sure that it's a good thing that she is idolizing a murderer, showing him off in front of the world).

And maybe, that's what troubles you the most, Maier's words- Jane wrote, and red - them, and you wonder how much of them are true, how much he actually believes in them. And yes- if he actually wrote a suicide note in his life, maybe while he was under Sophie Miller's care, while he was suffering from a nervous breakdown.

"Killing the man who murdered our daughter is the best thing I will ever do, I'm at peace, I'm just sorry that I'm leaving you alone, and I hope you'll forgive me, and that this letter will bring you some kind of comfort..."

He has looked at you while he read them at loud, and you wonder why. Is it his way of telling you that what you uncovered three years ago still stays, that he'll kill and avenge his family, and will rather kill himself then being pulled down by you and the team? Is he telling you that this is the only peace he will ever know?

You walk away, towards your car, Jane at your side. Seconds ago, you told him that hunting a monster changed him... couple of weeks ago, you told the same thing to the team about the same Jane, only, last time, you had to admit that losing his family brought outside the best part of him.

Now, you are not so sure any longer.