This update is a little later than I intended, but I'm just happy that I broke through my Nyquil induced haze to finish this chapter at all. If any of it doesn't make sense, I blame it entirely on the cold medicine. I did do something different with this chapter. I am changing point of view halfway through, because I needed to show both to include everything I wanted in this chapter. I hope it isn't too confusing.
I wanted to give a special thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. That was the most amount of reviews that I have ever received for one chapter of this story, so thank you. I hope that you all enjoy.
Current Elena's POV
I'm seventeen years old. My biggest problems should be who will ask me to the school dance or what Aunt Jenna will do if I'm late for curfew. Sadly when you're a supernatural doppelganger caught up in a twisted vampire love triangle, the rules of what should be pretty much go out the window. I thought it would get easier once I let Stefan go, but my future self made that impossible by creating a new triangle, between the two of us and Damon. I'm actually competing with myself for Damon's heart. How ridiculous is that?
To top it all off, my best friend just did a spell that was supposed to 'help' Future Elena, whatever that means. So without considering the consequences, we did the mysterious spell only to have my emotions linked to my future self. As if being a teenager isn't hard enough, I now have someone else who feels all that I am feeling. It's like my life isn't my own anymore. I'm sharing it with her. I might feel a little better if there was some reciprocity, but I can't feel any of her emotions. She doesn't have to share her life, but I have to share mine. What's worse is that we have no idea what this means. Basically this all really sucks.
Damon is the first one to break the silence, but his voice appears unsteady and unsure. Two words that I would never use to describe Damon Salvatore. "Maybe this is temporary, like a side effect," Damon suggests optimistically. "The connection might wear off. The witches said this was all to help Elena. Maybe this was just an unforeseen consequence."
"Or maybe this is exactly what was supposed to happen," I speculate dejectedly. "Maybe the spell saved you and linked us on purpose." My future self appears as lost as all of us and she keeps shaking her head, not able to process what's happening.
"Why? What possible reason could they have for doing this?" Future Elena questions confused.
"Maybe they just made one choice a lot easier," I explain miserably, quickly silencing the room. The moment of silence doesn't last when Damon dramatically leaps to his feet in defensive mode.
"No, Elena, I know where you're going with this, and you're wrong," Damon claims emphatically. "This doesn't change anything. It doesn't change how I feel about you, and it doesn't change what I want. I may have been confused before, but I'm not now. I want you, this version of you. I pick you." Damon's declaration of devotion places a strangle hold on my heart. It's everything that I wanted to hear since I walked in on them almost kissing, but I don't know if it's enough.
"I believe you," I confess, with my voice trembling with every word, "and I want you too, but I can't handle this." Damon's face drops in heartbreaking sadness. He pulls away both physically and emotionally. He no longer holds the same pleading gaze when he meets my eyes, only cool detachment. I turn towards my future self who is covered in shame and guilt, I almost pity her, almost.
"Elena, I know it isn't fair, and I know in your heart that you only wanted to help, but I can't stop blaming you for all of this," I confess unapologetically. "I tried to be a good sport. I tried to be supportive and understanding, but your presence here has caused me nothing but misery and pain. You placed doubts in Stefan's head that led him to breaking up with me. You pushed me to give Damon a chance, and I fell for him at your urging. The very next day after I make out with Damon, I see you almost kissing him. All of that I can accept, but the idea that my experiences aren't my own anymore. That I cannot take. I cannot bear the thought that I will never kiss or hug or have another significant moment with Damon again that you will not be a part of. There is no choice anymore. That spell decided it. I can't feel what you feel. You'll never have another moment's peace if you have to experience the feelings of loving him without really having him. It will torture you, and knowing that I can never truly have him to myself will torture me." I strive to make a graceful exit, dramatic, and with a little bit of flair, but Elena's arm catches mine in a tight grip and her voice begs softly.
"Wait, don't go," she pleads. "I never wanted any of this." I pull my arm away from her grasp and stare her dead in the eyes as I speak without a trace of sympathy.
"That's just it Elena, you did. In the deepest, darkest parts of your heart, you wanted to fail in pushing Damon and I together. You wanted to stay. You wanted a second chance to reclaim the life that you lost. Congratulations, you won." My future self has a few stray tears running down her face, and not even that is enough to earn her any comfort from me. She wants absolution, forgiveness, but I'm either too stubborn or too angry to grant it.
"I don't know how, but I will fix this," my future self promises with determination. I can't help but let out a heavy sigh.
"Haven't you learned anything from all of this?" I ask quietly. "Some things not even you can fix." I make my way up the stairs, but halfway there, I stop and turn around. "You know what the worst part of all of this is?" I rhetorically question my future self. "I was blissfully ignorant of my feelings for Damon before you came along and then you made me fall for him and I don't even get to keep him. Here I thought your life was tragic." I stomp up the stairs like a child and slam the door, then grab hold of my teddy bear and weep into my pillow.
Future Elena's POV
I failed. My mission in coming here was to make my past self's life better, and in that goal, I failed miserably. She's more unhappy than she was before I arrived. It's hard to steel myself against her verbal assault, and her words hurt more than I admit. I wonder how much of what she said was true. Did I really want to succeed if it meant losing Damon all over again? Wasn't there some small selfish part of me that wanted to not just fix her life, but maybe take it over?
No, I think to myself. I do not accept that. I do not accept that I am responsible for every stray selfish thought that invades my mind. I am not accountable for inner thoughts and feelings. It is only my actions that define me, and I chose time and time again to let Damon go. I might have had moments of weakness, but my resolve to see my past self together with Damon has never wavered. This isn't my fault. Soon enough, my past self will calm down and she'll realize that too.
Damon proposes that he go upstairs to talk to her, but my arm grabs his to stop him in his tracks. "I can feel her anger and her pain. I know you want to make this better, but trust me you can't help. She needs time." Damon's cool mask seems to shake just a bit.
"I can't just leave her alone," he replies. We're caught in a staring contest that no one seems likely to win, when Bonnie chimes in.
"I'll go," Bonnie proposes helpfully.
I watch her ascend up the stairs and Damon offers to drive me back to the boardinghouse. It's clear that I'm not wanted here, so I agree gratefully. Neither of us says a word on the drive home. The guilt is as palpable as the tension in the car. We both think our actions are to blame for hurting her, and neither of us wants to talk about it.
It isn't until Damon is about to walk upstairs that I finally find my voice again.
"Are we going to talk about this?" I question, cautiously, afraid of the consequences of opening this can of worms.
"There's nothing more to say," Damon claims with certainty. "It isn't your fault that the spell backfired. I don't blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself. I just can't deal with any of this today," Damon responds tiredly. He turns his back to me, before I shout back at him.
"Why not?" I question him further, pushing my already failing luck today. "If you don't blame me, then why can't you look me in the eyes? Why can't you talk to me?" Damon spins around and locks his eyes with mine for the first time since we left the house, and he doesn't look angry or resentful like I thought, if anything he seems to be turning that anger on himself. That makes me feel worse than all the guilt that he could lay at my feet. Damon's voice brings me back to the harsh reality, and I wish that I was miles away.
"In all the scenarios that I imagined of this turning out, I never thought that I would break her heart," Damon recounts in disbelief. "I always figured she would break mine, but it turns out you were right. She really does love me. She might not have come out and said it, but I saw it in her eyes. I just realized for the first time how right you were about everything. I was scared that she could never love me, so I clung to you, but I realized when she walked away that if I was given a choice; she's the one that I'd pick. She's the version that's right for me. The future changed you, maybe it changed both of us, and maybe that man who died was the one who was right for you, but I'm not him, he's gone. I don't say this to hurt you or because I don't love you, because I do. And as awful as it is, if given another chance, I would still do that spell. I would let her suffer to save your life, but if that wasn't the choice, if I could send you back to a better future, I would, because you were right, you don't belong here."
I stare at his retreating form, unable to speak or to move or to breathe. I can't even summon the urge to cry. The last place that I want to be is trapped in this house with Damon all night, but I realize hopelessly that I have no place else to go. My phone buzzes, signaling an incoming text. It's from Elijah. His sources tell him that Klaus is on the move and he plans to be in Mystic Falls by tomorrow. The moon will be full tomorrow night and Klaus must want to rush to complete the ritual, so he doesn't have to wait another month. I feel a little relieved at the thought that this will all be over soon. Klaus will be dead and nothing will be keeping me here any longer. I text Elijah back that I will speak to him tomorrow about finalizing the details and I start thinking about my life outside of Mystic Falls, because I can't stay here another second.
Please don't hate me. I know that is an awful place to leave and you guys will likely be very angry at Current Elena, Damon or both, but have a little faith. If you do hate me for leaving it on such a cliffhanger, please leave an angry review to vent your frustration. :)