4.12 My Bloody Valentine
You haven't thought of Sara for one single moment today- She kept coming to you, kept calling, kept talking, but even when she was there with you, it was like she was in a completely different place.
Or maybe, you just didn't realize you were the one in another place.
You were with Grace- Van Pelt, you try desperately to remember, because she is not any longer your Grace, hasn't been in a long time- you were with Grace, maybe not in body, but in soul. You were with her, wherever she was finding herself into, all alone with a suspect (a suspect who ended up being a murderer, the murderer) and with someone else high on her tail.
Little Grace, innocent, naïve, lost, scared, alone, in body, and, you know, because you know her, in soul as well. You know her- you know her because you remember her. she may have been just a little part of your life (a short one, to be more accurate, there was, is, nothing small or insignificant about what she meant, and still means, to you) but you knew her, you still do, and the Grace who's been heartbroken, she is not the one you fell in love with.
Nevertheless, you are still attracted to and by her, even if it's unfair, it's wrong, oh, so wrong, on so many levels.
You tried to hate her when she preferred her work to you, to the both of you, you tried to hate her every time she threw her blossoming romance (and engagement later) in your face, even after you tried to tell her- you told her, actually – that you were still in love with her. You even tried to hate her when you understood that she had been the one bringing a serpent under the guise of a good man between you all.
You tried. And yet, you failed.
You still love her, and, actually, are scared that you may love her more now that you used before, but, still, you know you can't, shouldn't, it's wrong... she preferred the job to you (she could do the same again), she is too broken now to recognize what real love may feel like (and with your life, you deserve someone better), she hasn't tried to put herself into your shoes once, keeping breaking her heart (she could do the same again).
nd besides… besides, there's Sara now, and it's not only about her, not any longer. It's about the baby, Sara's baby, your baby, your child, a son or a daughter.
There's a baby on the way, born out of love, you don't know yet , can't say yet - you did tell Annie that you didn't know if you loved Sara or not, that it was too soon to say and were living by the moment. But, still, there's a baby on the way, and… and you are you, the boy didn't have a proper family growing up. You'll not be your father's son, you'll be better than him. You'll be a father to this baby, and someone Sara will be able to rely on – as a husband, a boyfriend, a partner of the father of her son, you don't know yet.
All you know is that, deep down in your heart, there's a truth you know for sure: to be that man, you'll have to say goodbye to Grace, your Grace, once and for all.