Troy had gone home first. He didn't know where else Lily would go. He knew she liked to be alone when she got upset, but she'd never really been upset since they got back together, and she'd never really run off like this since then. Not even right after he found out about Tori. She had been too defeated at that time to do anything. He had never seen her so deflated. She always had a fire to her... Well, years ago, she had that fire. But it seemed like since they got back together, the only time he ever saw that fire was when she was Superstar Ella Leigh. Now, she bottled herself up and never let that fire out as Lily. He was sure that she had compartmentalized enough not to ever let that part of her show unless she was in superstar mode.
When he didn't find her at home, he headed next door to Dominick's. Stepping out the door, he almost ran right into him.. Stopping only briefly to catch his bearings, he moved to walk around Dominick.
"If you're going to look for Bri, she's not here," Troy told him.
"I know, man," Dominick said, letting Troy step outside. Troy stopped, looking back at Dominick and shaking his head as Dominick continued. "I was just going to call you, but I saw your car and didn't have to."
Troy shook his head, wishing Dominick would just get to it. "What are you trying to say, Dominick?"
Dominick stepped down the stairs, leading Troy, to head toward his house. "Ella is at my apartment. I think she's going to kill herself." Troy's eyes widened as big as saucers. Dominick laid his hand on Troy's shoulder, shaking his head. "Not literally, man!" Dominick felt Troy relax just a bit. "She's using my home gym, and the sounds coming from that room since she kicked me out," Dominick shook his head, "I knew I had to get a hold of you, and I didn't want to call her from my apartment. I never like being on the other end of her wrath, if you know what I mean."
Troy nodded his head. He knew Gabriella, her temper was a scary thing. "I'm glad you came to look for me." They walked up the walkway toward Dominick's house and he took the keys out of his pocket. Troy turned to look at Dominick as he unlocked the door. "Do you think you could give us some time alone, man?"
Dominick took a step back after opening the door. "I'll be down at the bakery if you need me."
Troy patted Dominick's back and Dominick turned to leave him alone with Gabriella. Troy shut the front door and walked down the hall toward the noises he heard coming from one of the bedrooms. Lily really sounded like she was getting the shit beat out of her or she was trying to beat the shit out of somebody else, but from what Chad had said, she was most likely beating the shit out of herself. Troy slowly opened the door and just as he did, Lily yelled at him.
"Dije que quiero estar sola, maldita sea!"
If she had anything to throw at him, she probably would have. She froze on the treadmill when she saw it was Troy she had just yelled at and it zipped, throwing her right on her ass behind the machine. Troy quickly ran over to her, slamming his hand on the top of the machine to turn it off. Dropping down beside her, he pulled her into his arms.
"Baby, what are you doing? You're drenched and out of breath."
She looked up at him, confused and exhausted, something that was proving to be a terrible combination. Troy couldn't believe how much Lily was trembling in his arms. He wasn't sure if it was because of how intensely she was just working out or what had brought her here to be working out so furiously. Gabriella sat in his arms, trying to process what had just happened. She had expected Nicky to walk in yet again and tell her she should take it easy yet again, but she didn't need him or anyone telling her she should take it easy.
She was fat and nothing was going to change that unless she started exercising rigorously. She couldn't believe that a dress that was exactly her size didn't fit at all. She had cried so much, and she couldn't' remember having anything to drink since breakfast, she felt so dehydrated by now. She could barely catch her breath.
"What are you doing here?" She was barely able to choke out.
Troy inhaled deeply, grateful she was alright, but still wanting to know what had brought her here, beating herself up in Dominick's gym. "Taylor called Chad."
Gabriella's gaze dropped to his hands around her waist. She was still breathing heavily. She really needed some water or something.
"I'm fine," she lied to him, trying to push her self up and out of his embrace. But she was too worn out, exhausted and dehydrated from crying and from the rigorous work out, something she wasn't used to at that intensity.
Troy shook his head. "You're not fine, Lily. And you weren't fine before Taylor called, so what's wrong? Tell me, babe."
She dropped her gaze again, closing her eyes. She was trying to push him away, and he had no idea why. Gabriella knew if she told him what she was feeling, he wouldn't agree with her. He'd say she was ridiculous. But if she kept how she was feeling from him, things between them wouldn't be good, and she hated living with a wall between them. Looking up at him, she swallowed hard.
"You're not going to believe me. Tay didn't even." She sighed, laying her head against his chest.
She needed his strength and love right now more than ever. She always did need his strength, and living all those years without it was miserable for her. Then when he found out about Tori and he pushed her away, she was just as miserable if not more then, having him there but not. Right now she just needed to pull all the strength from him she could.
"I'm fat."
Troy's eyes widened drastically. He was almost sure he didn't hear her correctly, but then she'd said it plainly. He knew she wouldn't say it unless she actually felt it, but he knew better than anyone she wasn't fat. She could stand to put on a few pounds, he thought to himself. But he knew his Lily. He knew if she felt this way, it wasn't going to go away just because he said she wasn't. Then again, he also knew that if he didn't say anything, she'd think that he thought she was fat. He had to say something, and he hoped it made her feel better.
"I don't know why you're feeling you're fat, baby, but there's not one ounce of fat on your body. You're perfect. You always have been."
She looked up at him. He didn't understand. He wasn't the one in that dressing room trying on that wedding dress. She started to smile a little bit, letting a small laugh escape her lips. He smiled, running his fingers through her sweat-soaked hair, not minding one bit.
"What?"
She shook her head, trying to curb the smile and stifle the laughter, but the idea of him trying on a wedding dress was hilarious to her.
"It didn't fit," she finally said, resting back against his chest, letting him hold her there.
Troy inhaled slowly, trying to figure out what didn't fit, but then he remembered that she was going with Taylor to meet Bianca Castellano to try on wedding dresses.
"It was the right size, and it didn't fit. I'm fat."
Troy pulled back to look at her. "You're not fat, ok? You're far from it. I don't know why the dress didn't fit, but maybe it's just how the designer made it. You know how designers are, they always make their designs for the most anorexic girl. And you're not fat, but you're most definitely not anorexic either. Believe me, baby, if you were, I'd make you eat a cheeseburger."
Lily let a soft giggle escape through her lips again and she lifted her arms to wrap around Troy's neck. "Thank you, mi rey! You always know how to make me feel better."
He leaned closer to her, letting his lips brush across hers. "That's what I'm here for, Lily."
She smiled, pulling him closer to hug him, but then she pulled back, wincing slightly. "I think I need a shower. I'm all sweaty and stinky."
Troy snickered slightly, shaking his head. "You're alright, but a shower sounds good."
She bit her lip, trying not to let her mood fall, but she couldn't stop it.
"What, baby? What is it now?"
She sighed, laying her head against his shoulder. "I am fat. Just because you don't think so and you tried to make me believe I'm not fat, the fact of the matter is I am."
Troy lifted her chin so she would look at him again. "Lily, listen to me. I would want to make love to you if you weighed two tons. Don't even begin to think that I wouldn't want you no matter how you looked."
Gabriella wasn't so sure that was all too true. If she was four thousand pounds, she'd crush him and he'd be dead. Alright, so neither one of them were thinking rationally at the moment, but all he was trying to do was make her feel better and she decided to let him.
"Alright, babe," she gave him a smile, the brightest she could.
He knew he hadn't made her feel completely better, but he was taking what she was able to give right now. He was just going to have to show her how much he loved her. The way she looked didn't matter to him. He fell in love with her long before she became a woman and had all these womanly curves. He was in love with her from the moment she moved into Albuquerque and at that time, they were both ankle biters. She was beautiful then, and he knew she would always be beautiful. Troy lifted her up into his arms, pulling her against his body.
"Troy, I'm going to hurt you. Put me down."
He turned his head to look down at her as he started to walk out of the room. "I've picked you up several times before now, baby. Trust me, I could carry you forever. You are not heavy, please stop thinking that."
She wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her still slightly shaking body. She knew he loved her, and she believed him that even if she looked like an elephant, he'd still love her. She knew there was nothing that could ever pull them apart again. They were going to get married, and even if they never had any more children, they would be happy. They had Tori and they were a happy family, and they always would be.
Gabriella laid in bed with Troy, the rain falling down outside their open window in the bedroom. They had had the house to themselves all night. Lucille was spending the weekend with Jack in Phoenix. Troy and Lily had made love on the couch in the living room when they got home, on the kitchen table when they tried to make dinner, and then on the stairs when they had decided to go to bed. They also made love in the shower and then once they laid down in bed. Lily hadn't had morning sickness that day and her hormones were getting the better of her. Troy didn't mind though. He was liking this, and he wasn't about to stop for anything.
He laid with his hands over her stomach, smiling brightly. They were both naked in bed, and neither one of them felt like getting dressed, because no one was going to interrupt them this weekend. It had been a month since they found out they were pregnant, and Gabriella was feeling conflicted, even more so now than when she found out. She was feeling fat, feeling it when she got dressed in the mornings. Her clothes weren't fitting like they were supposed to. She knew it was going to get worse, but even though she knew that, she was still coming around to the fact that she was having this baby... and she was finally starting to accept that.
"It's a good thing your parents were gone tonight," Gabriella told him, burying her face in his chest.
She couldn't believe all they'd done since they got home from school, but she was so horny, she couldn't and didn't want to tell him no, even with how she was feeling, emotionally, physically. She felt fat, like no other, but they still ended up making love all over his parents house. If Jack and Lucille knew, Gabriella knew she'd never be able to sit on her couch, eat at the table, or walk up the back steps ever again. She buried her face in Troy's chest, blushing up a storm, bigger than the storm outside.
"Yes, very good thing. Wouldn't want mom to see our asses, huh?" Troy smirked, running his hand over Lily's bare side.
"O, dios mio!" She loved the way he touched her.
She always had, but lately, it'd been so much more intense, so much more... more. She turned her face up to him, the redness still in her cheeks.
"I know I attacked you... most of the times, but what can I do? I'm hornier than I think I've EVER been. I don't know what I'm going to do if it gets worse than this."
Troy chuckled, loving the sound of that. "I hope it does get worse. You can get me while I'm sleeping." He winked at her, and she practically choked on a laugh.
"Oh, I probably will..." She blushed, turning her head down.
How could she tell him how she felt? About feeling fat. He wouldn't understand how she was feeling. He would never have an ounce of fat on his perfect body, and she was going to blow up like a balloon.
Troy kissed the top of her head, leaning back and enjoying the sound of the rain. "Good. I like the sound of that. Will you wake me up that way in the morning?"
Gabriella bit her lip. "Maybe in the middle of the night..."
He cocked his brow up, looking down at her. "Oh? In the middle of the night?"
Gabriella unconsciously let a finger draw a lazy circle on his chest. "Well, if these hormones keep me awake... or I can't get back to sleep if I do wake up." She lifted her head up, smirking at him.
"Sounds like a plan." He winked at her, laying back against his pillow more, yawning softly.
"You know, I like the idea of living alone..." She laid her head back on his chest. "Well... We're going to have to get our own place after graduation. Can't live in your parents' house all our lives."
He liked that they were talking about their future together. He always did. "Why wait that long? I'm sure my parents would help..."
Gabriella smiled, nodding her head softly. "I know they will, but I still want to move to Santa Monica..." She hoped he wasn't going to get upset, bringing up her dreams, when they were talking about the baby.
"And we will. I guess we would be forced to wait till after graduation for that reason alone... huh?"
That was a good thing. She didn't want to fight with him right now. Things had been so amazing with them tonight. No fighting, and that's how she wanted to keep it.
"It's only a few months away, mi rey. I can wait." And after she said that, a sigh escaped her lips against his chest before she could even keep it in.
"I know you can wait. I just don't want too..." He started to trail off and she knew she wasn't going to be able to avoid this. "Are you alright?"
Gabriella nodded against his chest, barely. "I'm... I'm fine." She wasn't. She was far from it, and she knew he'd know she wasn't, but she really didn't want to tell him. She knew he wouldn't think she was fat.
He sat up, looking down at her like she was crazy. "What? What? No you're not!"
She looked up at him, holding the sheet against her naked body. She'd never felt uncomfortable with him, ever, but the way she felt right now...
"I am! And I'm going to get even fatter!"
But he didn't want to hear it. He wasn't going to sit and let her talk about herself like this. "Stop that! You are not fat! Your pregnant! You should be happy with the changes to your body." He placed his hands on her stomach, over the sheet, and she still felt like cringing. "There's a baby in there. Our baby. And the bigger you get the healthier she gets. Trust me! You are not fat! You are beautiful!"
She swallowed, shaking her head. She knew he was just going to think that this was another way for me to say she didn't want the baby. Even if she told him she was feeling like maybe she did now, he wouldn't believe her. He knew how she felt, but how did she tell him that she kinda was wanting the baby now. There was no way to get out of it now. They were in this. There was no way out anyway.
"I'm not... Not anymore, and I'm not going to be once I'm as big as a house."
He sighed heavily, upset that she felt this way. "Fine, believe what you want I guess. I don't think your fat at all. But I guess it's because I want the baby and I think all of this is beautiful." He turned away from her, causing her to close her eyes hard, choking back on a sob.
"Maybe I should go over to Abuela's..."
He sat up, looking over at her. "Why would you do that? Because I don't agree with you?"
She swallowed, looking up at him. "You just turned away from me... I can tell you're upset with me... Maybe you'd feel better if I wasn't here."
He'd never heard anything more ridiculous. "I turned away because I don't wanna fight about the baby again, Lily. Not because I don't want you here."
Somewhere inside her, she knew that, but it didn't make her feel better. "But don't you understand when you turn away it just makes things worse? Just like when you don't want me keeping things from you, how do you think it makes me feel when you physically turn away from me? It's not just the physical act, but it affects me emotionally."
And that's when things really started to escalate. This fight was happening, whether either of them wanted it to or not. "And how do you think you not wanting a child we made together makes me feel, Gabriella? You think it doesn't hurt me? Because it does." He rarely called her Gabriella... She was always his Lily. He was saying that because he was hurt. She knew it...
"This is a big deal for me! It's MY body that's changing! It's MY hormones that are going through the tumble cycle! You just get to reap the benefits!"
He had no idea what she could possibly mean by that. "What benefits? Getting a job when we move to California? Having bills to pay? Watching the baby while you go to fulfill your dream? What benefits exactly? Having the mother of my child reject my baby daily?"
She hated when he talked like this. She knew that he thought that them having a baby together meant that he had to give up his career too, and she didn't want that for him. Not at all.
"Calling herself fat? Being so disgusted with herself she can't see what a miracle this is? What benefits am I getting?"
She opened her eyes, looking back at him. "What happened today. All the fucking like rabbits! Being happy about this! Don't you understand how difficult this is on me?"
He couldn't believe she had actually said that. That sex was what he got out of this. He couldn't believe she had said that at all.
"Sex is my benefit? As if you didn't get anything out of it? Do you know how hard this is on me? But I suppose we're both being selfish."
He wasn't selfish. He was the only one who wasn't selfish about this at any point. Gabriella knew that she was being selfish in every way, but even with how she was starting to feel, she knew she couldn't tell him and that he'd believe her, not after how selfish she'd been. He stood off the bed, tugging out some boxers from the dresser and pulling them on.
"I can't believe you just called making love a benefit. As if your gifting me while your being sooooo tortured with having to carry our child!"
Gabriella threw the sheet off her body, searching for something to wear, anything to cover up her body, screaming at him, "I'm just saying it's difficult!"
He didn't understand. "How is it difficult? Because you have to love and protect our child in your stomach? How is that difficult? You should love our baby! It shouldn't be hard at all!" He didn't understand.
"I didn't ask to get knocked up!" She walked over to the dresser, pulling out some panties and pulling them on.
He stopped, staring at her, his mouth dropping open wide. "What's that suppose to mean? Are you trying to say I wanted this?"
Gabriella pulled a nightgown out of the drawer, slamming the drawer shut, shaking her head. "No!" Dropping her head, she grabbed onto the dresser. "No, that's not what I meant."
Her tone had softened, feeling horrible that she had said what she did. She hadn't meant it that way, but that's how he had took it, and she felt horrible for it.
"It sure is hell what you implied!"
Damn these fucking emotions! She knew she was going to cry, and she really didn't want to. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry." She pulled on her nightgown over her head, keeping her back to him.
Sighing, he rubbed his face, feeling bad for raising his voice. "We're fighting again. All we do is fight. Sometimes I wonder if we're making the right choice."
She turned to look at him, shocked at his words. "What? Being parents... or being together?" The end barely came out in a whisper.
He walked over to her, grabbing her face, making her look at him. "I'd never think twice about you and me. I mean... the baby... maybe this is the wrong choice for us and him or her."
She shook her head. "It's too late. We got ourselves into this... There's no out."
"Well I don't wanna raise a child with you when you don't even want that child. And I especially don't want it when it's causing problems with us."
She had wanted children with him. She always did, but not this early. She wanted both of them to have their careers before she got pregnant. She didn't want this to happen now. At least five to ten, maybe fifteen years from now, but not now. Reaching up, she took his hands in hers, holding them as he held her face.
"I'm just emotional. Hormones. Things will get better." She whispered, "I promise."
But he didn't, couldn't believe it. "I hate when you promise me things you don't mean." He pulled away from her, walking over to the bed.
But she had meant it. She meant every word. She really felt dejected, her hands dropping to her sides. "Troy! Things HAVE to get better! We can't go on like this! I love you, you know I do! There isn't anything I'd do for you!"
Sitting down on the bed, he kept his gaze away from her. "You can't love our child! Not even for me!"
She knew that. She had to love this child on her own, and she was trying. She was even starting to, but she knew he wouldn't believe her if she said she was. She walked over in front of him, standing between his knees, placing her hands on his shoulders.
"I'm trying! It's not like I really don't want it... I mean, yes, it's thrown me for a mental loop, but I'm trying to accept this! I'm trying to love this child, but even if I told you I did, or that I am starting too, I don't thing you'd even believe me!"
He looked up at her, shaking his head. "I don't want you telling me that now because all your doing is trying to please me. Can we stop arguing? For once? Can we just lay down in bed and now talk?"
Dropping her head, she let a soft sigh escape her lips. "That's what I thought."
Turning away from him, she walked over to her side of the bed. He sighed in return, having enough of the fighting. Laying back, he closed his eyes. Gabriella crawled up on the bed, her back toward him as she laid down, pulling the covers over herself.
"Buenos noches, Troy."
He rolled over, wrapping his arm around her, kissing her shoulder beside the strap. "Good night, Lily. I love you."
Lily closed her eyes tightly, feeling the tears stinging them, barely able to even whisper, "I love you... so much."
"We'll figure this out. Even if it takes us arguing forever about it. We will." He closed his eyes, hugging her tighter to him.
She wrapped her arms around his arm, holding it against her breasts tightly. "I don't want to argue anymore, mi rey!"
Smiling, he kissed the back of her head. "Then let's not."
She inhaled slowly, opening her eyes, turning her head back slightly to him. "I just want to be happy again. I want us to be happy again."
That's exactly what he wanted. That's all they both wanted. "Me too. That's all I want."
Whispering, Gabriella relaxed against Troy's chest. "We'll get there. I swear it to you. Because we BOTH want it."
He smiled, hugging her against him more. "Yes, we will."
She closed her eyes again, smiling softly. "Buenos noches, T. I love you." She was telling him again, even if she'd just said it.
"I love you so much, beautiful." He nuzzled his face on the side of her neck, kissing it softly before closing his eyes and laying his head back on the pillow. "Goodnight, Lily."
She yawned, completely exhausted from the day and from their argument, but she was grateful that they had at least been able to calm down from this fight... even if nothing had been settled, at least they weren't going to bed angry.