This chapter took so, so long to write, and it is the longest one that I have ever written. So if it's not too much trouble, please leave a quick review to tell me what you think. This is the second to last chapter. The last chapter will be sort of an epilogue told from Future Elena's POV, so you will finally figure out what happened to her after she died. I hope you all enjoy.
Current Elena's POV
The sight of Damon and Stefan wrapped tightly in a brotherly embrace brings an entirely different type of tear to my eyes. It is a small blessing to know at least something good can come from this tragedy. They both awkwardly pull away from what is likely their first hug in at least a century. Neither one knows what to say, and both appear weighed down by their grief and guilt over my future self's passing. While I hate to interrupt the moment, a pressing question is still troubling me.
"Where is everyone else?" I ask concerned that Stefan is here all alone. "Last I heard you were the official chaperone on a forced family vacation."
Stefan glances back at me and wipes the tears from his eyes. "They're fine," he assures me. "I made sure they all were safely secured at the boardinghouse before I left. Only problem is that the compulsion is still in effect, so they won't stop bugging us about leaving town. Caroline and Katherine are watching them now, but they need Damon's command for the compulsion to break." I breathe a sigh of relief that no one else is still in jeopardy, though I don't know how I feel about Katherine being in charge of my loved ones. It's sort of like leaving a pyromaniac alone with matches. I try to reassure myself that Stefan wouldn't have left if he felt there was any danger, but I want to hurry back all the same.
Without my noticing, Damon digs his phone out of his pocket and dials Ric's number. "Put me on speakerphone," Damon commands, without so much as a hello. After a second, Damon speaks calmly into the receiver, carefully uttering every word to make sure he is heard. "Listen closely Gilbert loved ones. You are no longer required to leave town. Matt and Tyler, you will not remember any of this and you will go back to your regularly scheduled lives." He clicks end on his phone before Ric can say much, but I hear the beginnings of angry grumblings over the phone. "Problem solved," Damon claims before returning his phone to his pocket.
"Why did you only make Matt and Tyler forget," I question, confused that he wouldn't just take away everyone's memory to make things simpler. He stumbles over his words and his usual confident exterior is nowhere in sight.
"Elena, the other Elena," Damon begins with great difficulty. Talking about her so soon is obviously hard for him, but he soldiers on, and his voice gains strength as he speaks. "She wanted to keep them safe, but I know she hated to lie to them. She would want us to be honest about what happened. I only made Matt and Tyler forget, because I didn't think you wanted to drag them into this just yet."
His explanation breaks my heart. Even in the middle of one of the worst days of his life, he's still thinking about others, and trying to honor her memory and my wishes. "Thank you," I reply softly, just loud enough to be picked up by vampire hearing. He nods in recognition, but his eyes drift back to the spot, the spot where she died. I want so badly to leave this place, leave the memories of death and pain behind and never look back. Stefan must have the same idea, because without a word, he starts moving towards my car. I follow behind him, but only for a second, until I realize Damon is still standing there, unable or unwilling to move from that spot.
For all of Damon's experiences, this is one thing I understand better than he does, because I remember all too well what it feels like to lose a loved one in such a sudden way. After my parents died, I visited Wickery Bridge almost every day. No one understood why I would ever want to go back. Caroline thought I was being morbid, and Bonnie didn't know what to think, but one day Jenna joined me on that bridge, and she told me it was okay to let them go. It didn't mean that I didn't love them or that I would ever forget them. Leaving them behind just meant that I wanted to honor their memory by doing what they couldn't, living.
Some heartfelt speech about letting go isn't the type of thing likely to reach someone as jaded as Damon, so I act on instinct and hold out my hand and make a quiet plea. "Please come home," I beg, "for me." Damon takes a moment to consider my request, and he hesitates for a fraction of a second before taking my hand and walking silently back to the car. Stefan doesn't say a word or even shoot us a jealous glare. Whatever anger he felt at us both seems to have died when she did. In the course of one week, my future self taught all of us about what mattered in the end and what didn't
Once we arrive at the boardinghouse, we are bombarded with questions from everyone. The only people not in attendance are Matt and Tyler, who presumably left once they were no longer compelled to leave town. The voices in the room just get louder and angrier as each person vents about how unfair it was to be compelled and have their free will taken away. None of them know what happened yet, and instead of firing back in defense of Damon and my future self, I freeze up, unsure of how to tell everyone that my future self died today.
"Stop," Damon shouts at the top of his lungs, immediately silencing the room. If he were human, I'm sure he would be positively red-faced and seething. His anger emanates from deep inside of him, and I can hear it in every syllable. "I know that you're pissed off," Damon acknowledges, with more than a hint of irritation. "Maybe you're even looking for someone to blame. But right now, I officially don't care," Damon states without emotion or hesitation, as he stares coldly into everyone's eyes.
Half a dozen eyes are staring back at Damon in a state of shock. Some are angry at his dismissive attitude, and some are just surprised, but no one speaks a word as Damon continues talking without interruption. "Elena asked me to compel you all to protect you," Damon reminds them, as a few people hang their heads in shame. "She helped kill the man who cost you all your lives, and in doing so she lost her own."
It only took a microsecond for it to become so deathly quiet in that room that you could almost hear everyone's breathing. Pity, sadness, and shame coat everyone's faces as they process this news in their own way. Damon allows for a brief moment of reflection before speaking again.
"She died a hero," Damon proclaims solemnly. "She died protecting all of you, and I will not stand for anyone questioning her methods in how she did it. You want to demonize me, fine, I can handle it, but anyone here who speaks ill of the dead, answers to me," Damon states with a mild threat in his tone. He races upstairs before any of us remembers how to speak again. After a moment, I follow after him.
I push open his door only to see him with a liquor bottle already in hand, practically chugging it down, gulp after gulp. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I've had a rather impressive string of bad luck," Damon remarks sarcastically. "So for the sake of your own safety, why don't you keep a good ten feet minimum away from me, or better yet just leave me alone."
"No," I reply simply.
"No," Damon mimics back incredulously. "What makes you think I won't forcibly remove you from this room?" He asks, practically daring me to call his bluff.
"Because you don't really want me to leave," I answer honestly, while taking a seat on his bed. "It might be a cliché, but I do actually know what you're going through. I can help you, if you would just stop being so damn stubborn and let me."
Damon takes another swig of his bourbon and keeps his eyes glued in a forward direction, as if he is afraid of what happens once he looks back at me. "It's not safe for you to stay, so if you're smart you'll leave," he orders, as if he actually believes I'll listen.
"I've been accused of being a lot of things in my time, but smart was never one of them," I respond half-jokingly. "Whether you like it or not, I care about you, and I'm not leaving," I argue defiantly.
"Now might be a really good time to develop some self-preservational instincts, because it doesn't end well for the people who care about me. All you need to do is look at my stellar track record. I've failed everyone who ever made the mistake of loving me or trusting me," Damon remarks bitterly, with hopelessness in his eyes.
"That isn't true," I dispute vehemently.
He scoffs at my defense of him. "Yes it is," he replies. "Even my own father saw the mistake in trusting me. I was such a disappointment that he actually killed me, with his own gun," Damon adds in with fake amusement at the awful irony. "It's not like the rest of my family fared much better," Damon claims regretfully. "Just look at my baby bro. He idolized me, followed me around like a damn puppy dog when we were little, but he makes one mistake, and I cast him aside. My little brother, who I was responsible for, became a ripper, and I was too caught up in my own pain and hatred to stop him, to save him," Damon recounts, lost in years of regret and pain, struggling with issues I never even knew that he had.
"And then there's you," he says, while gesturing in my direction, "or at least future you. I promised her that I wouldn't let anything happen to her, and she died today, so don't lie to me and say that I didn't fail her, that I didn't fail them," He replies as his voice raises several levels, even though I know he isn't really mad at me, just himself.
"It's not a lie," I rebut calmly. "You didn't fail your father. He failed you. Anyone who couldn't love you and accept you just as you are, isn't worthy of you," I claim, as I take his hand in mine to prove the point. "The love between a parent and a child should be unconditional, but your father never understood what it meant to truly love anyone. If he did, he never would have shot you that night."
I'm not sure whether he actually believes me, but I can tell that he wants to. "As for Stefan, you are not your brother's keeper," I promise him, all the while understanding the sense of obligation to protect a younger sibling. "If he can't feel guilt for your sins, then you can't feel guilt for his."
I take my finger and place it under Damon's cheek to lift up his gaze until our eyes are locked. "This part is important, so you pay attention. If there is one thing that you cannot blame yourself for, it is what happened to her today. She would have died whether either of us was there or not," I reason logically.
Damon just stares back at me puzzled by my assertion, since he hadn't put two and two together yet. "I know you're trying to cheer me up, but I think it's safe to say, if I'd been there to feed Future Elena my blood, she would still be alive."
"No she wouldn't," I contradict him assuredly. "Her body only faded away after Klaus was dead. That was the moment when her timeline was shifted irrevocably. She had changed too much, and that is when she faded away. We misunderstood the witches' intent; they never meant to save her. No matter what we did, Future Elena was always going to die. That was the deal that she made, and the witches held her to it. None of this was your fault," I promise him.
He's never looked more human or more lost than he does right now. "Then why?" He asks in a helpless voice that sounds nothing like the man that I thought I knew. "If she was doomed from the beginning, why give us hope? What did that spell even achieve?" Damon asks question after question that no one can really answer.
"I don't know," I admit uncertainly. "All I know is that I have faith that she's alright. It's just a feeling, and maybe it's irrational, but I truly believe wherever she is, whatever has happened to her, she is exactly where she is supposed to be," I theorize, probably sounding crazier by the second.
"I want to believe that," Damon confesses uneasily.
"Then do, have a little faith. All that faith is, is what we choose to believe, what we hope is true, so you can choose to believe that she's in a better place. I don't know about you, but I need that comfort," I state with a weak smile.
Damon nods and doesn't say anything for a moment, but something is still clearly troubling him. "Did she say anything before she died," Damon asks, curiously.
It's my turn to grow uncharacteristically silent. Her last moments were tragically beautiful and heartfelt, but I worried that they would only make Damon feel worse. Still uncertain of whether it was the right thing to do, I decide to tell him the truth, because I had promised her. Who was I to deny someone their last request?
"She spoke of how much she loved you," I answer honestly. "She said that you were the love of her life." I pause briefly before adding, "And you are the love of mine."
Damon is shocked for a brief second by my admission, and I grow very nervous when he doesn't say anything. I start rambling like an idiot and talking very quickly. "I know this is the worst possible time to bring this up, but she made me promise that I wouldn't be afraid anymore, and that I would tell you how much I loved you every day for the rest of our lives. So consider this day one." My nervousness vanishes when I see the goofy confused look on Damon's face. It makes it impossible not to smile. I reach up to caress his face with my hand and I speak from my heart.
"Of all the things that I am grateful for in this life, for all that my future self gave me, the thing I am most grateful for is you," I admit genuinely. "She helped me find you, even when I didn't know that I needed you. I can't promise that it will be easy. I'm stubborn and emotional and occasionally really selfish, but I think that I could love you better than anyone else in this world. That much I can promise you. The future's been rewritten, so there's no telling what it holds for you and me, but when I think about who I want at my side when the unknown comes, all I see is you."
Damon gazes in disbelief at what I've just said. While he can't find an answer with his words, his hands obviously have already made a decision. He is gripping me tighter, not enough to hurt, but just enough to be sure I'm not going anywhere. Once he finally finds some words to express himself, I can't help but notice the hope renewed in his voice. "Just to double check, am I allowed to kiss you now?" I nod happily at a rapid pace.
"Thank God," he jokes before connecting his lips with mine. This kiss is different from our one at the carnival and our one at my house. It isn't just about wanting him. This kiss is about how much I need him. I need his lips on me to remind me that I lived today, that my family lived, that in the face of overwhelming sadness, we can still be okay. We can still survive this.
Just as Damon is about to rid me of my shirt, we both hear someone loudly clearing their throat at the door. Before I even look up, I want to kill whoever it is. Caroline is standing there with an embarrassed smile on her face, and he waves awkwardly at us as we disentangle ourselves from the compromising position that she found us in.
Damon collapses back on the bed and remarks, "Seriously, can I never catch a break?" He seems to call out this question to the universe, but he never gets his answer.
"Sorry to interrupt," Caroline states, far too amused by all this. "You're going to want to come downstairs."
We both readjust ourselves before descending down the stairs only to see the entire living room has been covered in candles and everyone is gathered around, even Katherine, with Stefan standing at her side.
"Great, blondie has invited us to a virginal sacrifice," Damon jokes. "I assume you invited some special guests, because I am certain none of you girls qualify, especially you," Damon quips while pointing towards Katherine. I playfully step on his foot to shut him up.
"What is all this?" I ask, confused by the sudden need for candles.
"It's a wake," Caroline replies excitedly. "It was Stefan's idea."
Today just seems full of surprises. His mood swings are giving me whiplash. This one at least I like. Stefan steps forward and addresses me sadly. "A version of you died today, and I figured we all needed to say goodbye." I smile appreciatively back at him, and he offers me a glass of champagne. "Everyone raise your glasses for a toast in remembrance of the life of Future Elena Gilbert."
We all raise our glasses and take a sip as I whisper to Damon. "I feel a lot like Tom Sawyer crashing my own funeral."
He laughs a little at the reference. "This might shock you, but I think baby bro is right on this one. We all need some closure, so just enjoy it while we all talk about how awesome you are," Damon teases me with a smile.
Everyone is gathered in a misshapen oval, and Stefan is situated towards the front. He taps his glass to get our attention. "Since this is a wake, I figured we should try and say a few words. So with your permission, I was hoping I could go first."
I was surprised that he wanted to speak at all. It's not like they were ever on the best of terms, but guilt can do amazing things to a person's perspective. With Stefan, you never can tell if the effect will be positive or negative. But for now at least, I can see the old Stefan shining through, the one capable of noble actions and sincere sentiments. While I know the two of us will never be together again, I now have hopes that we might be able to be friends one day, which will make it much easier if Damon and Stefan ever hope to be brothers again. His words go a long way towards healing whatever hurt feelings I might be harboring towards him, and I can't help but smile throughout his toast.
"In her short time here with us," Stefan begins, "we didn't always see eye to eye. She wanted me to accept things that I wasn't ready to face. It led to a lot of fights and a lot of harsh words I wish I could take back, but in the midst of all of it, she taught me that everything happens for a reason, even the things that hurt. She was strong, and brave, and true. She never let her experiences break her and she cared more about the people in this room than she ever did for herself. She truly was the best of us all."
We all drink another sip of champagne to the beautiful sentiment that Stefan shared. And almost immediately, the next toast begins when Caroline taps her glass lightly. "I'm not good at speeches," Caroline starts with her typical mix of insecure confidence. "But here is what I do know. Elena Gilbert is one of my best friends, past, present, and future, that will never change. I can only hope that I was as good a friend to her in her last days, as she has always been to me."
I clink my own glass to get everyone's attention. "Before I start wildly hugging all of you for being so amazing," I begin with a smile, "I just wanted to say how thankful I am that my future self got to spend more time with all of you, because each one of you is so precious to me, and I can't imagine ever living without you. And since I consider myself uniquely qualified to speak for her, I need you to know that she loved you all very much. Even though my future self might have met a tragic end, she lived a life of purpose. She saved the people that I love most and that is a gift that I can never repay. I only hope I can live up to the example that she set for me. I love you all, and so to our fallen friend, may she rest in peace," I toast while raising a glass, hoping somewhere out there, she knows how appreciative I am for her sacrifice.
We spend the rest of night reminiscing with old stories, some are about Future Elena's antics when she first got here, and some are just stories to pass the time. Once the alcohol is gone, and the last person has grown weary for sleep, Damon and I call it a night as we walk hand in hand up the stairs. I grab one of Damon's shirts from his dresser and I crawl in next to him. My head rests gently on his chest, and Damon stubbornly refuses to sleep until I do, because after today, he just needs to hear me keep breathing. We both eventually fall asleep in each other's arms, content that the rest will come. We will have nights filled with passionate sex and fiery kisses, but for now, we are just happy to have found our way to each other at last.
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