Chapter 2:
To be a Husband and Father

It's funny when you think of it. There are so many people that can have children, yet decide not to and don't even think twice about it. There are so many people that do have children and never stop to realize how fortunate they are. But there are also so many couples that can't have children, and this fact is ever-present in their lives. Yes, adopting was an option, and it was one that this particular couple was trying to pursue; however, never could a child enter the world with half of the genes of each of them. This was non-negotiable, and while most of the time they pretended not to care, at certain weak moments, Ron and Harry allowed themselves to express their devastation at this sad fact.

They'd decided to call her Lily. They'd been discussing her middle name, (torn because it didn't sound right for her middle name to be Molly, yet they couldn't think of one that fit her better), when Britney had entered the room, crying, and asked if she could talk to them. It had only been two days, but for Ron and Harry it had felt like years. This baby had made her way into their hearts fully and they were okay with it, ready to love her for the rest of their lives.

The birth mother had 72 hours to change her mind. It had only taken 48. It took her 48 hours to break their hearts.

When they'd gotten back to their house, they could only sit in an unsatisfying silence for of silence and not being able to meet each others' eyes. Hours of silence in which they were too stunned to cry or yell. Hours of silence that allowed the pain to set in fully.

Then he felt it. Harry's heart started to break. The pain was atrocious. He grabbed at his chest, face screwed up and breathless from the pain, and he finally started to cry. Without a full second passing Ron had crossed the room to him and wrapped Harry up in his arms. He was sitting with his chest against Harry's back, his arms pulling Harry in as tightly as he could. Harry's hands were still clutching his chest and Ron could feel him shake when he began to weep. Ron tried to hold it together while he held Harry, fearing that he let himself fall apart there would be no one to get them through this. And that's when Ron realized that at this moment, it wasn't about getting through it. It was about falling apart and letting it hurt. So he did. He held Harry and they bawled together. At the back of their minds, they both wondered if they would ever have the strength to try this again.

They'd been in their room for a day and a half. They hadn't eaten or slept, just cried. For an hour Ron had been lying on his back, staring at the ceiling while Harry lay on his arm in a ball next to him. Ron couldn't stop thinking about how much baby stuff they had in their home. If they did ever make it through this time, they would have to leave their room and they'd be faced with objects meant for their Lily. He stood quietly and moved to the door. Harry shot upright and stared at Ron with a look of defeat.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked, his voice raspy from crying.

"I need to get rid of it all. Put it all away somewhere," Ron answered. He new that his voice sounded angry, but there was nothing he could do about it. He was angry. He was devastated.

"Don't do that!" Harry demanded, screwing up his face.

"Harry, we can't just have it around. I can't just have it around," Ron told him defiantly, his eyebrows raised.

"You want to forget her, then? Yeah? That's what you want?" Harry was hurt and he was perfectly aware that he was taking it out on Ron. Ron rubbed his hand over his face and then across the back of his neck. He gave Harry one last look before walking into their hallway. Harry, fists clenched around the blankets and sheets on the bed, stood and walked toward the door after Ron.

"Bastard! You bloody prick!" Harry yelled at the top of his lungs. He continued to yell, but his sobs swallowed the words and he sunk to the floor at the foot of the bed, sheets and blankets surrounding him while he completely lost it.

Hermione found him not half an hour later. Harry allowed her to offer comfort, but wasn't strong enough to do much more. When Ron re-entered the room, seeing Harry truly broken, he was instantly angry with himself for making it worse. He wasn't surprised when Hermione sat next to him. He knew that she wanted to help, he just didn't know how she could. So after she left the room, Ron picked Harry up and took him back to the bed, thankful Hermione had remade it. He held Harry and allowed himself to hurt.

They finally fell asleep after an hour or so. It had been days since they'd slept, and they were exhausted. Crying can really take the energy out of a person.

When they woke the next morning after his shower, Ron found Hermione cooking breakfast in their kitchen downstairs. Ron assumed she must have slept in their guest room and silently appreciated her for continuing to be there for himself and Harry. He walked up to her, standing at the stove, placed a kiss on the top of her head, and went to grab a glass of water.

"Where's Harry?" Hermione asked Ron as she turned away from cooking omelets. Ron sat down at the table and looked up at her.

"Having a shower," Ron answered before glancing at the kitchen entrance mindlessly. He knew they should go visit the Burrow today, but he wasn't sure if they actually could. He looked back down at the table and stared at his hands. She'd been in those hands not even three days before. Her tiny little hand had grasped his thumb. He'd kissed her head and fed her a bottle and changed her tiny little diaper. All his life he had been convinced that he'd never be able to be a good father, and yet in two short days, hell within five short minutes, he had been proved completely wrong. She may not have been biologically his or Harry's, but she was theirs in every other way. At least she had been. The second he saw her tiny face and jet-black hair, he'd realized that the only two reasons he was put on this earth was to be Harry's husband and to be a father. Why is it that the moment you realize you can't live without something is the moment it's taken from you? Except Harry. Thank Merlin. The phrase 'other half' was quite literal when it came to his Harry. Without him, Ron simply didn't exist. Without being a father, he'd have to learn to- and hopefully he would with Harry by his side.

Harry walked into the kitchen, Ron's shirt hanging off of his small frame, and the sight made a smile pull at Ron's lips. Harry looked miserable. His eyes were swollen, his face was red, his glasses askew. He searched the room in a dazed state and when his eyes landed on Ron's, his breath caught in his breath and his face screwed up. His body seemed defeated. Ron stood and grabbed him by the shoulders, moving him to the table to sit down.

"It's alright. Come on, sit down. I'll make you some tea," Ron was whispering into Harry's hair as he set him down on the bench at the kitchen table. He made tea quietly and then brought it over to the table.

"Budge over, love," Ron told Harry. Harry complied so that Ron could sit down, but then moved back over so that he could rest his head on Ron's shoulder. Ron smiled as Harry's wet hair sent shivers down his skin. He pointed his wand at Harry's head and dried it instantly, wrapping his arm around Harry's shoulders to hold him close.

"We should go to the Burrow today. Everyone will want to be seeing us by now. If you're up for it," Ron told Harry softly. Hermione brought the omelets to the table and told the boys to tuck in. Harry reluctantly pulled away from Ron and started to eat. Ron watched Harry carefully, ignoring his food. When Harry matched Ron's gaze, his face looked a little stronger than it had when he'd entered the kitchen.

"Are you up for it?" Harry asked shyly.

"I dunno, do I. I mean, yeah, it would make a bit of sense, but I dunno if I can talk about it," Ron answered, never taking his eyes away from Harry's.

"Ronald, I'm sure your mother wouldn't mind if you took a few more days," Hermione chimed in. Harry sighed heavily and went back to eating. Ron started eating as well, but made a point to keep his eyes on Harry.

"No, we'll go. We can go, Ron," Harry told them. Ron knew he was only agreeing because he thought Ron would need his family. He didn't fight him on it though, instead he fully tucked into his plate and let a comfortable silence settle around the room. He knew it would feel good to see his family today. But it wouldn't make him stop missing his daughter.