HIDE PART II
Cheryl Brady had a moniker she wasn't especially fond of.
Strong.
"Oh you're so strong Cheryl, could you carry this for me?"
"You look like a strong lass - give us a push love."
"Chin up petal, you're strong, you'll get through this," and her personal favourite.
"You're so strong, you don't need a man."
Even though Cheryl prided herself on being a glass half-full kind of girl, she still felt that sometimes these utterances had barbed-wire wrapped around them.
It wasn't true that she didn't need a partner. She longed for a man, (any man the devil on her shoulder proposed. The right man her angel argued back).
A fortune teller had informed her that she was a Relater personality type, (as opposed to a Ruler, a Showman or the other anal personality type).
She prayed for harmony and happiness, either for herself or for others.
It seemed obvious to Cheryl, that we had been put on this planet, to find our soulmate, to settle down and be happy and she saw it as her mission to help those around her, achieve this goal.
As with her bio-rhythms, Cheryl felt she was finely attuned to the love vibes of others, and it would be cruel not to share this gift.
With this in mind Cheryl was getting ready to go out. She was off to only the second meeting of the Hollyoaks Book Club; although books and actual reading took a back seat to the clinking of glass-ware and the playing of hearts and crosses.
As she dealt with a tricky kiss-curl in the sitting room mirror, Cheryl stopped and sniffed the air.
Something was wrong.
Something was off kilter.
Brendan was singing.
-OOO-
Now to put this in perspective, this momentous occasion had to be measured against other global events that have only happened once before.
The submergence of Pompeii.
The sinking of the Titanic.
Brendan refusing seconds.
Cheryl crept nearer to Brendan's bedroom door, to verify her findings.
The only other time Cheryl had heard Brendan sing, was prior the camping trip he had gone on with Pete, before his terrible accident.
The lads had been looking forward to getting away from their folks and picking up girls. Obviously things had taken a wrong turn, but up until then Brendan had been buoyant.
Cheryl leant against her brother's doorpost and tried to peek into his room unobtrusively. Unfortunately she overbalanced and not knowing her own strength, toppled through the door which was slightly ajar, ending up in a heap on Brendan's immaculate, white baby polar bear shaped rug.
"Can I help you with something Chez?"
Brendan didn't even seem shocked to see Cheryl there. He was used to her special intensive brand of sibling affection. Others may have found strait-jackets to be looser, but Cheryl's love was as wholesome as it was binding. She had a heart of pure gold, but the gracefulness of a drunk giraffe.
"Ummph" was all Cheryl could manage as she untangled her limbs.
Brendan couldn't watch her struggle any longer and offered her a hand.
"You seem cheerful" Cheryl said as she rearranged her curls and cleavage.
"Why wouldn't I be Chez? The sun was shining today, Spring is in the air and the sap is rising."
"Your sap?"
"Now that would be telling" Brendan said with a hint of hoarseness in his voice.
"It's only that I thought I heard something earlier. Something tuneful."
"Could be Chez, could be."
"It's just that I know your vocal cords are attached to your heart strings, so is there something you're not telling me?"
Brendan squinted at his sister. She may look like an athletic Barbie, but she could be a perceptive little bunny when she wanted to be.
"Maybe."
Maybe! This was like a dam bursting. Brendan never let slip anything about his love life unless he was smitten. In the past he had been more open, but in recent years Cheryl had used everything from a tin opener to her teeth to try to get to the good stuff, but Brendan had been super secretive and stubborn.
This was a breakthrough.
Taking advantage straight away, Cheryl whipped out her phone and dashed off a text (book club could go hang), whilst settling herself on Brendan's pouff in the corner of his room.
"Spill mister and don't leave out the details." She demanded.
Brendan wasn't sure whether it was because he'd had a good week, profits were up or simply because he was ever so slightly squiffy but he refreshed his tumbler, after offering Cheryl some and started to speak.
-OOO-
"First of all, let me say I'm as surprised by this as you are Chez. I've had bits and pieces over the years as you know, but nothing like this. This simply snuck up on me, when my head was looking the other way and initially I didn't know what to do, because it felt unlike anything I'd ever had before.
I was news to them too. They'd never had anyone like me before either, so we were both feeling our way in the dark. Obviously I hid that fact better than they did, but still, it felt like we were in this brand new experience together.
I was nervous Chez, can you believe that? Grown man, married with kids and yet… They were burrowing under my skin and it scared the Bejesus out of me. I hit out (metaphorically speaking). I tried all my usual coping mechanisms, but they were past their sell-by dates. I needed new ones, but none sprung to my hands.
It was all a bit of a mad rush at first. We kept catching each other off guard. Surprising ourselves and then just going with it. We were swept away on the craziness of it all. I began to not make plans, to break my own rules and you know how I hate to be adrift. I almost, almost, began to rely on nothing more than me, my feelings, my instincts, my appetites. Like an animal.
It wasn't a case that I wanted them. I had to have them, it was practically a need.
I could feel myself vibrate when they were near. I'd pulsate when we talked. I won't tell you how quickly I would lose my dignity when we were alone, but it was quick.
It's getting to the point where they are all I can see. I passed serious a long time ago.
I crave… I can't stop touching… When we are together, I have to make sure that we are physically connected somehow. I always make it seem as though it is accidental but…
I love to watch … sleep. I can't draw my eyes away from their chest. It's like seeing my heart beat in another's body. We share the same breathe often, I can literally follow it as it travels around my body under my skin, it makes it prickle with electricity. I'm alive Chez.
There aren't enough hours in the day for us. We both try our best, but there are commitments on both sides. Time wasn't a priority for me at the beginning. I was quite content with our hit and runs but …. wanted more, demanded more, proper dates and the like. So I made the effort, but you know me I don't really date as such, so the first one was a bit of a disaster. My fault. I hold my hands up now and accept full blame. I got spooked. Stupid really.
I was made to pay the price too. I've never really taken any notice of the emotional mind games couples normally play. It's always been my way or the highway, only this time I was forced to pay attention. I wanted to pay attention, how mad is that? I was made to see that there was more than one in this deal; that I had to think outside of my own skin if I this was to move forward. I'm not going to lie, it was a tough lesson to learn, why had this never crossed my mind before? I had to promise and deliver time away together, alone. We'd go and unravel each other away from real life. We'd entwine ourselves in our own private V.I., where all my wishes were granted. Chez, I love ya, but I didn't want to come home.
I'd found peace.
I'd found joy.
I moved into protection mode. This needed protecting at all costs; so I took all the necessary steps to shield this thing that was now stitched onto my real self. I'm a Brady after all.
I will fight until there is no more breath in my body to safeguard this. I've never said that before. That's just an example of what this thing does to me. I'm making promises that I know I will keep. I'm scouting out avenues and venues where I know we'll be safe. I just want total certainty, total control, is that too much to ask?
Often, when we're alone, late at night, I want to kidnap the sun, so that it won't rise until I'm good and ready. I want to control the elements so that the rain never falls on ….
I want to be…'s only thought.
I'm starting to have trouble sleeping without … It's not too bad though, I've got my good friend Jameson here to help me along. It's only that I dream, of … I can't help it. It's as though my brain won't shut down without the reassurance that we will see one another again. I double-check everything constantly. I have to, before I can breathe out.
Wallet, keys …, phone.
It's my new habit. It's engrained now.
Before… I thought I was thirsty, now I realise I was dehydrated. I'm being brought back to life by them and I couldn't be happier."
-OOO-
Brendan cocked his head to one side and blinked several times. He'd kind of zoned out there for a while. He wasn't entirely sure that he'd not said anything that he shouldn't have. He looked intently at Cheryl's face, trying to gauge her reaction, but his good friend Jameson was interfering with this task. He blamed his friend for acting like a truth serum at times. He desperately hoped that this wasn't one of those times.
Cheryl gazed at Brendan long and hard. She had the feeling that she was seeing him for the very first time.
A fresh side of him was being revealed and yet she had the peculiar notion that it had been there all along. Hidden just beneath the surface.
A shiver ran down her spine.
His soul ran down her spine.
She smiled, she loved this new version of Brendan and always would, if he would let her.
-OOO-
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