Sheldon walked the streets. He was in shock. He knew he couldn't call Em. He needed to get his life and routine back. He ignored the voice in his head telling him he is wrong, telling him to go back. He carried on walking and tried to focus on his work.
He was on auto pilot and without realising is back in his office, frantically writing on his white boards. The equations that he has spent weeks pondering seem to be solving themselves. In his head Sheldon keeps repeating "I need to work, I need to focus."
This 'need' means he misses halo night, date night and paint balling. Raj is worried. The others don't seem so concerned. Even Amy is not too worried as Sheldon calls every night and Skype's when he can. He has locked himself into a fierce routine.
The only time Sheldon admits his feeling is in his log. He has taken to carrying his recorder around with him and filling it in at work when alone in his office or when no-one is in the apartment. As he speaks aloud into his tape recorder he composes the thoughts he has been suppressing. He talks quietly of his feelings for Em, how her lack of judgement and her acceptance of him as a man is totally unlike any relationship he has had before. He talks of the release alcohol has given him. Freeing his mind for a few hours from the constant problems and numbers always in his head. And he talks of sex and how the physical release has eased his tension but also of the comfort he never ever thought he would find, holding and touching another person or being held or touched. After each entry into his log Sheldon returns to his work at the same frantic pace unaware that anyone has noticed the change in him.
It is during one of these office recordings that Raj overhears Sheldon talking about the comfort he finds being held. Raj, hand on door backs away quietly, it doesn't make sense.
~73~73~73~
Em sat for a long time after Sheldon left just staring at the wall. She had done the right thing by telling him so why did she feel so bad! Deciding to call Carmen and tell her that Sheldon knew the truth Em picked up the phone taking a big breathe and bracing herself. Carmen answered on the second ring.
"Hey Em! hows things? did you and your man have fun!"
"No! I told Sheldon last night I was pregnant!"
silence...
"Carmen, did you hear me? Please talk to me, I cant take the silent treatment from you too!"
"Em, I don't know what to say, you know I am here for you but have you realise what this means! Your job, your whole life. A baby! Oh my God Em! A baby! Hang on, what do you mean 'from me too'? What did Sheldon say?
" He didn't really say anything, he asked if the baby was his, gave me his number then left!"
"listen Em I am at work now, how about I come round after and we have a catch up, I think I am in shock and I think there a few details you may have missed out in what you and the good teacher have been up too!"
Em smiled and agreed, thankful that Carmen did not appear to be judging her. Realising she will need her friend more than ever and she knew a full confession was in order!
Sat nursing a hot chocolate dressed in jogging bottoms and a vest top Em realised her and Carmen hadn't had a night in just chatting for a long while. She couldn't look her friend in the face as she started to tell her story.
Carmen's mouth remained tightly closed as she watched Em fight with her emotions
"I hadn't realised I had fallen in love with him, it was meant to just be fun. I hardly know him. We are always so drunk. So drunk we didn't use contraception, so drunk it didn't even occur to me the next day! And when I was sober and he was the only one drunk I was just so grateful he wanted to see me, so happy that I became one of those stupid girls who looses her brain over a guy who probably doesn't think about her from one drunken weekend to the next!"
"Oh Em!" Carmen moved to give her friend a hug. "It'll work out, I am sure once he has time to process it Sheldon will call. He looks so into you how could he not!"
Em half grinned half grimaced. "Yeah with half a bottle of JD in him he sure is into me! But Carmen if you could see him when sober its like a different guy. Quiet, twitchy, so not the guy who has me screaming in pleasure!"
Carmen sniggered. "Listen give him a few days and if you haven't heard by Friday what say we go seek out Steve and the guys at the club and see what they know?"
"I cant go back there, I don't mind you asking the guys but I cant go back, cant face them knowing how stupid I have been! If you do see Sheldon though or the others, tell him I need to see him, talk to him,"
"Ok will do, but if he is there don't expect me to play nice! You didn't do this on your own and there is something about him that I don't get, something doesn't add up"
~73~73~73~
Sheldon finds his work is progressing at an amazing rate. He has almost cut off all communication with his friends. The guilt he feels when he looks at them, especially Amy is getting to him, so by staying locked in his office he can avoid the guilt, pretend Em doesn't exist and make huge steps in his research.
He doesn't count on Raj however, who has grown more concerned for his friend, and decides he needs to find out what is going on.
"Hey dude! Hows things, we missed you last night and for Halo, what's going on?" Raj asks quietly closing the door to Sheldon's office behind him.
Sheldon keeps his back to Raj, saying he has been under stress and handling it wrong. He is know feeling better and things should return to normal.
"Listen Sheldon I know something is wrong. I know you are avoiding us. Even Amy is beginning to notice!"
Sheldon's shoulder slump and he turns to face his friend. "Really? She has said something?"
Raj is shocked when he looks at Sheldon, he looks like he hasn't slept or eaten in weeks and his face is lined with concern.
"Of course she has noticed, she is your girlfriend who you speak to every day and suddenly she is lucky if she gets a text from you! How do you think she feels, she is round at Penny's most nights hoping to bump into you and I'm not kidding dude, they are talking about going clubbing to have fun and you don't want that!"
Sheldon sits at his desk buries his fingers into his hair and sighs.
"I cant see her, I just cant, I need time"
Have you had an argument? Asks Raj surprised. Sheldon shakes his head.
"Ok Sheldon listen, it is anything can happen Thursday, Leonard and Howard are going with Penny and Bernadette to dinner and to catch a movie, Amy is working and you and I are going to the nearest bar and you are not leaving until you tell me what is going on.!"
What surprises Raj more than how Sheldon looks and has been acting is the act he caps his board marker stands up and meekly puts on his coat .
Something is definitely wrong!
The men enter a quiet bar near the university campus and sit in a booth . Raj orders a beer for himself and a diet cola for Sheldon. Sheldon says nothing. Raj watches him and tries to think how he can get Sheldon talking.
"Sheldon, tell me why you have been avoiding us, what is wrong"
"I have been going out" says Sheldon quietly, playing with the straw in his drink and not looking at Raj, "I have been going to a club, drinking, dancing and I have been in a relationship with another girl"
Raj laughs, "Ok don't tell me if you don't want to but I only want to help!"
Sheldon looks up "Raj I am serious. Her name is Em, we met at the club, she doesn't really question me, doesn't know what I do so doesn't talk about science, we just drink dance and have sex"
Raj, mouth hanging open says " Wow!"
"its not 'Wow' Raj, it is a mess. My whole life is falling apart except for my work. I was right all along, I need to forget relationships and just work!"
"Sheldon I don't know what to say I just didn't expect this, I know you would never hurt Amy on purpose, but have you thought how she will react if she find s out that not only will you not kiss her but that you have been, to quote Howard, 'doing the dance with no pants' with someone else"
Yes Raj I am aware of this. That's why I have been shutting myself in my office. I can't face her. Or Leonard , or Penny can you imagine how they will react!"
"ok Sheldon, I need to think about this. I agree the others will be shocked, I am shocked dude, lets give it a few days and I will think of something. It will be ok Sheldon."
Sheldon smiles sadly. He hasn't even told Raj about the baby and he knows his friend is in shock. Maybe he should just go home to Texas.