Author's Corner.

Slybill: Question. What happens when Pokemon meets internet memes.

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN POKEMON. ELSE, ASH WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A HAXORUS BY NOW.

Baggage Carriage, Nimbasa's Outer Deserts, Unova Region.

Among the baggage, a Pompadour bobbed slowly as the train continued its journey to Driftveil City. Unbeknownst to the train attendants back in Nimbasa, a pokemon hunter had snuck aboard in hopes of overtaking his self-proclaimed rival and finding some clues on the legendary pokemon he needed to capture. Thanks to the soft rocking of that particular carriage however, Cool LP had found himself in dreamland and was just about collecting his 49.5 million when a tremor shattered his moment of triumph and sent him tumbling to the very end of the carriage and train in general.

"Dammit, can't a guy get some sleep 'round here…" he grumbled, nursing the bump at the base of his pompadour. Pulling himself up, he wondered if the train had hit a bumpy rail somewhere. Before long though, a long, white claw pierced through the side of the train just beside the hunter and LP watched as it unhooked itself from the side. Walking up to the hole, he took a small peek and arched an eyebrow in surprise as a big, black eye with yellow irises stared back at him. Narrowing dangerously, the eye pulled out and was replaced with an open mouth rimmed with finger-length fangs. Either LP was still dreaming or he had hit his head too hard because he swore that that throat looked very familiar.

"Hmmm…what's a Garchomp doing on a train…?" he muttered, clearly still half-asleep. His eyes went wide though as he felt heat building up from behind the hole. Stepping back sharply, he narrowly avoided a hot Dragon Breath that blew a huge hole in the carriage and singed the tip of his hair. Realizing that this was too realistic for a dream, he dove for his bag and pulled out his guns just as the Mach Pokemon jumped through the opening.

Just as it turned to face its prey, it heard a loud shot and gave a sharp cry as pain seared through its entire frame from getting the wind knocked out of its chest by a big, spiked, chunk of steel. Staggering from the bullet's impact, it looked up to see LP spinning his guns dramatically before blowing on their smoking tips.

"Cannonball 47s, not enough to penetrate your hide, but it does one hell of a job putting bitches like you in a world of hurt," he stated coolly and pointed his weapons back at the pokemon. Giving a savage roar, the Garchomp shook off its pain and opened wide to let loose another Dragon Breath. It tasted steel however as LP launched another ball into its jaws, blocking them tightly and thus stopping its attack. Without wasting time, another ball rammed against its shoulder and six more got it in the gut, pushing the pokemon towards the hole it had created.

LP smirked as the Garchomp struggled in vain to spit out the ball wedged between its jaws and fired two more shots hitting its neck and its snout and pushing it off the train and into the sand below. "Too easy," he declared and twirled his weapons again. His triumph was short-lived though as four claws pierced through the ceiling. And through the floorboards. And through the windows too.

"Damn…guess I spoke too soon," he hissed, grabbing his bag and hurrying out the adjoining door. Almost as soon as he left, the baggage carriage went up in flames as the angry pack of Garchomp pumped white hot streams of fire into it.

"Jolteon, Iron Tail!" Scarlet ordered as he dodged a swipe of one Garchomp's claw. With a bark, his pokemon jumped into the air and smashed his stubby tail into his opponent's jaw. Dazed, the other Garchomp stumbled and took an Ice Punch to the back as Beartic slammed his paw into the Mach Pokemon's back. Scarlet, on the other hand, side-stepped his own opponent and got behind it. Crashing his fists into the pokemon's neck, he injected cold mist into its scales and grinned as ice began to form around the Garchomp, freezing it completely. Both dragons landed at Terra's feet, unconscious and White breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's all you got?" Scarlet huffed as he stood beside Beartic and Jolteon. "Personally, I think those pokemon were under-levelled or something cos Alphinia's Salamence gave me more trouble."

Terra smiled and shook his head as he looked at his defeated pokemon. "Sorry but there's far more where these pokemon came from. These two were just for observatory purposes," he scoffed and snapped his fingers. Three bigger Garchomp slithered into the carriage and stood beside the knight.

"You're disadvantaged you know," Scarlet sneered and took on another fighting stance. "We've got a high level ice pokemon on our side and you've got dragon/ground types. You should give up." I can't help but feel that he's toying with us, he pondered as Terra ordered his pokemon to attack.

The hunter and his Jolteon split away from Beartic as two dragons lashed out at them. Charging two Ice Punches, the Artic pokemon slammed its thick arms into the Garchomps' necks and sent them flying out of a window. At that moment, the last Garchomp made a jump at the bear-looking pokemon but was bashed on both cheeks by Scarlet's fist and Jolteon's hind legs. Taking its tail, Beartic flung it out of the window and Scarlet landed beside the ice pokemon again.

"Alright, what gives? Are you trying to tire us out?" he snapped as another trio of Garchomp stomped into the carriage.

"Close range fighting won't work, so I'll try long distance…" the knight murmured quietly before facing the hunter. "Sorry, did you say something?" And Scarlet scowled.

"If you keep observing, you're gonna end up like your friends, Injun," he retorted and a tick mark formed on Terra's tattooed head.

"Maybe you're right," he snapped and snapped his fingers three more times. Loud roars were heard and three more Garchomp joined the party. These ones had blood red eyes instead of yellow and drooled at their opponents. "Get the Beartic."

Instantly, three of the Mach pokemon charged at the trio with only the big, white bear pokemon in their line of vision and Scarlet's widened in realization.

If they faint Beartic then we're as good as dead, Scarlet hissed and stuck out a foot, tripping one of them. "Jolteon, do whatever you can to keep Beartic from fainting!" he ordered and froze the dragon pokemon. His electric-type nodded and let fly some double kicks at one incoming Garchomp while Beartic wrestled another one to the ground and flung it out the window. Just as it turned, however, two hot streams of fire slammed into it and Scarlet glared at the two Garchomp beside Terra letting loose their Flamethrowers.

Wait, two?

"Brine!" White yelled and the flames were pushed back as the Artic Pokemon shot a hot jet of water at the dragon pokemon. Stopping their attacks, the Garchomp dodged the attack and began stamping their feet into the ground, throwing up smoke and dust.

"White, they're going for a flame charge!" Scarlet called as the opponents flared up and dashed towards Beartic.

"He's not my brother's pokemon for nothing," the trainer shot back and pointed to the Garchomp. "Surf!"

Upon hearing the move, Scarlet grabbed Jolteon and jumped to the ceiling, grabbing a sturdy beam in the process. At that moment, Beartic formed a pulsating, blue ball of water and dropped it on the floor causing it to burst in a big wave and flood the entire carriage, washing away the Garchomp in its path and dowsing their flames. A minute later, the struggling Garchomp were washed out of the train and the water level dropped until only small puddles remained.

"Good job Beartic," White grinned from an overhead baggage carrier. The Artic pokemon nodded and was just about to bring her down when it spotted a shape flit across the window. Scarlet sensed Beartic's sudden alertness and looked around for the missing knight.

"I think Injun's washed off for now…" he concluded and let go of the beam, landing on the floor with a loud SPLAT before stooping to drop Jolteon. "We've gotta get outta he-"

Pain. That was the first thing the hunter registered as he felt something sharp slice across his side. Looking down, he saw Terra's arm emerging through the floorboards and grabbing his flank. A growing patch of blood pooled from the corners of the knight's fingers.

"Terra," he said as he wrenched his fingers out of Scarlet's wound and the floorboards lifted to reveal the knight and his Gabite. "Not Injun."

"Scarlet!" White cried and began running to help her injured partner. Halfway through, Scarlet saw a growing shape through the window and realized Terra's plan.

"Stop!" he yelled sharply and grabbed his side. "There's a-"

A crash cut him off as the last Garchomp's head burst through the only unbroken window right beside the unsuspecting White. Screaming as the dragon pokemon opened its jaws ready to snap her head off, she closed her eyes, preparing for the worst when something pushed her out of the way. Opening one eye, she stifled a shriek as her Beartic stood with its entire right arm painfully clamped in the Mach Pokemon's fangs. Charging an Ice Punch in its left, it crashed its curled fist into the top of the Garchomp's flat head and pulled out its heavily punctured arm.

"Beartic, your arm!" White gasped and stumbled over to the injured pokemon. "You need to go back into your pokeball." Taking out a pokeball, she was just about to zap it back in in the ice-type shook its head stubbornly. "But…" she objected as the pokemon stood back up with its right arm dangling uselessly beside it. Facing the door, it growled lowly and White guessed that another wave of Garchomp was coming.

Seriously, how many Garchomp does that Indian have? Scarlet wondered as he staggered over to White and dropped on one knee. Jolteon stared at him in concern and he gave a reassuring grin. "It's just a flesh wound, buddy. I'm not gonna die." Looking to Beartic, he whistled at the wounds on Beartic's arm in slight surprise. "No wonder your Beartic was so strong. I'm surprised that it hasn't fainted from the pain yet. Do we have any Hyper Potions?"

"As if I'd let you use those now," a voice scoffed and everyone turned to see Terra leaning casually on a battered seat. "It's not very good to lie, Mr Scarlet. I am a very thorough man just so you know."

Gritting his teeth, Scarlet was just about making a dirty comment when the train 'jumped' suddenly. Everyone in the carriage except Terra swayed and fell as the train fell back on the rails and continued its moving.

"Looks like my partner has finished his meal," the knight observed calmly and stood straight. "This is most likely the end for you two."

White froze as a sickening smell washed over her. Swaying, she held her stomach and took a gasp to calm herself down. "Blood…" she muttered between gasps. "Why is there so much blood in the air…?"

Scarlet had sensed it too and recalled the crazed Garchomp from the first-class carriage. It had certainly looked different from the other ones they had been fighting, very different. Facing White, he placed a hand on her shoulder to steady her. "I think another one's coming. Let me charge up on ice assists one more time, then get your Beartic to the other carriages were the other people are. Maybe you'll have the chance to heal it."

"But…what about you…?" she asked as Scarlet staggered towards Beartic. Touching its fur, his gloves slowly began to glow bright blue again and Jolteon stepped up beside his master.

"It's just an ordinary Garchomp…" Scarlet replied and tore off a sleeve to wrap around his waist. "Nothing Jolteon and I can't handle."

"He is not ordinary, human," Terra growled and folded his arms. "Besides, I'm blocking the path to the other carriages. What makes you think I will let her escape alive?"

Another loud tremor emphasised his threat and White faced Scarlet with an expression of concern. Ordinary Garchomp don't make that kind of tremor.

"He's close. I suggest you say your prayers humans," Terra stated grimly. Scarlet grabbed White's arm and pulled her close.

"Do you trust me?" he asked blankly and White blinked.

"…..Huh?"

"If you're smart then you'll know where I'm going with this," he replied and pointed to a hole in the roof. White stared and her eyes widened in fright.

"W-Wait! I m-might not look it, but I'm terribly afraid of walking on roofs-"she spluttered as he wrapped his hands firmly around her narrow waist.

"Think fast!" he cried and flung her into the ceiling, through the hole and into the sandy air. Shrieking all the way, the girl landed on the train's metal cover and gripped it tightly to avoid falling over from the heavy wind. In no time, Beartic's sturdy frame appeared through the hole and grabbed White by the collar before dragging her kicking and screaming to Economy class coach.

"I'm mildly impressed by your show of…chivalry…and strength despite that injury," Terra sweatdropped as Scarlet dusted his palms like he had just taken out the trash. "She won't get very far though. I still have plenty Gabite and Garchomp waiting to be deployed."

"You know, you sound more like a gentleman than an Injun," Scarlet observed and smiled when he saw a tick mark appear on his enemy's head again.

"I am the last of my native tribe of the Vale, if you must know!" the knight snapped before smirking as the sandstorm got heavier. "I am more in tune with ground pokemon especially Land Dragons. That's why I hold the title of Subterran Knight." A brain-busting screech grated the atmosphere and Terra huffed in mild annoyance. "It certainly took him long enough to feed, I'll give him that."

Scarlet and Jolteon turned to the window and froze as they saw a horrific-looking nightmare staring back at them through the broken glass. Perched like an oversized bird on the wide window sat a Garchomp…or what looked like a Garchomp anyway. This one was at least twice the size of the other Garchomp, had torn fins on its bony arms, possessed abnormally large horns on his head and had longer spikes on its thighs. Blood stained its scarred jaws as it crunched noiselessly on a familiar looking limb that had the Team Plasma emblem on the sleeve, making Scarlet question if the monster had branched off for a quick snack in the food stall. What was worse was that this Garchomp had the bluntest teeth and dopiest eyes he had ever seen (a herp derp Garchomp xD).

"And I thought Boss' Arcanine was creepy enough…" Scarlet murmured as he absent-mindedly took a picture of the beast on his phone and began posting it on Facebook. Sweatdropping in the midst of danger, Jolteon gave his master a sharp kick in the shin and barked.

"I see you're admiring his beauty," Terra remarked proudly as Scarlet gazed at Garchomp. "I found him in an abandoned laboratory where your human scientists where pumping drugs into pokemon for selfish researching purposes. The result of all my hard work and training is what brought about the strongest and most graceful Garchomp in Unova!"

Okay, even Gentleman Injun has his flaws, the hunter remarked as the dragon pokemon finished his snack and burped loudly before giving a donkey-like smile of satisfaction. Giving it a once-over, even Jolteon cracked and sniggered lowly.

"I want to know what's so funny in the face of death," Terra scowled as Scarlet giggled hysterically.

"So *HUFF* Much *HUFF* Derp!" the ravenette managed to spit out between huffs. "I'm sorry. Is this what I saw in the first-class carriage? Cos I can't take him very seriously with that….oh Arceus, I'm sorry!" he burst out laughing as the Garchomp cocked his big head in wonder at the laughing human.

In a minute, Scarlet's laughter was cut short with a hiss as his injury began to throb painfully from the laughing. After taking deep breaths, he and Jolteon took on fighting poses and the dragon pokemon solemnly.

"I don't know what they did to your pokemon," he started and gave his trademark grin, "…but I'm gonna have to do the world a favour by rearranging Herpty-Derpty's face to look like a proper Garchomp. Be thankful, Cowboy."

"COWBOY?" Terra roared. That was it. This boy was going down big time.

"Pignite, arm thrust!" the white-haired trainer cried and her fire pig pokemon knocked off the last Gabite out of the coach with her stubby palms. Breathing a sigh of relief, White called back her pokemon and turned to face the frightened passengers huddled together in the large carriage.

"Um…are you a desert spirit?" one of them asked nervously. One would have claimed him to have been rightly justified for asking that question. Not too long ago, they had all been at the mercy of the seemingly rabid Gabite and were just about saying their prayers when a girl with snow-white hair had descended from sandy heavens (okay more of crashed through the roof) and chased away the murderous dragons with her powerful pokemon.

"Hm? Did you say dessert? Cos I could use a Casteliacone right now!" she replied and all the passengers sweatdropped. Remembering her mission, White sat Beartic down and searched her bag for a Hyper Potion only to recall that she had forgotten to re-stock on medicine.

"Excuse me people, but does anyone happen to have a Hyper Potion?" she asked. After some seconds of silence, a woman spoke up.

"I heard medicines were sold in the food stall at the front of the train."

White bit her lip. She couldn't possibly go out at that time as she had spotted several silhouetted Garchomp catching up to the train in the midst of the immense sandstorm. But at the same time she had to hurry and heal Beartic as he was their only chance of survival.

The door at the end of the coach suddenly slid open and everyone turned sharply to see who the intruder was. Instead of a pokemon, a bluenette dressed in ranger attire strolled into the room, to their relief. Taking a look around, he spotted White and walked up to her.

"Hi, I'm Rain and I don't have much time to talk right now so tell me where Scarlet-" White grabbed him by his collar and pulled him down to her level.

"You're his friend right? You've gotta help him!" she cried frantically. "He's in the business-class coach and he's injured and he's fighting this Team Plasma person who's got like a truck…no, shipload of Garchomp and I need a Full Restore so I can heal Beartic cos Ice beats Dragon/Ground pokemon but I'm sure you know this already so there's no point in me telling you but that's not the point right now. The point is there's more Garchomp heading our way and they kill people. Can you believe that? I can't leave Scarlet but I can't leave these people either unless I split in two and get another Beartic which by the way is very possible if I had a Ditto or something but you can't catch that in Unova which is very unfair and am I talking to fast because if I am then it's because I'm really nervous on the inside. By the way why is your hair blue?"

Oh no, it's an airhead, the ranger deduced and jammed a finger to her lips instantly shutting her up.

"Tell you what, we'll give you a Full Restore and you'll help us guard the civilians," he stated slowly and pulled out a bottle of medicine.

"What about Scarlet?" she asked as she gratefully took the bottle.

Definitely not a hostage, Rain remarked inwardly and smoothed his collar. "I'll help him. He's needed alive anyway," he replied and took out a capture styler. Only one coach separated Economy from Business-class so he figured it wouldn't be long till he reached his target. He stood corrected however as he found ten Garchomp lying in wait for anyone foolish enough to pass through the coach.

"It's almost like they're guarding that coach…" he muttered as he shut the door behind him. Rearing up, the Garchomp roared loudly and fired off Flamethrowers at the intruder. Inches away from his face, the flames suddenly got re-directed out the broken windows and Rain raised a hand. A ray of light bent as the dragon pokemon saw his outstretched arm drop slightly like something had perched on it.

"Psychic," he said and the Garchomp felt themselves being lifted into the air before slamming hard on the floor. This continued for a few seconds before they were flung out the windows and back into the sandstorm. Almost immediately after, more Garchomp and Gabite flowed in through the windows, enraged by what had happened to their members. "They just keep coming, don't they?" and a small chirp of approval resounded from his arm.

While Rain was gone, White took the time to spray the medicine on Beartic's arm and took off her shirt to wrap around the particularly nasty wound on its elbow. "It'll take some time for the medicine to finish healing you so rest easy, okay?" she whispered as she patted the Arctic pokemon. Tugging on her sweat soaked camisole, she walked up to the window and looked out to see if how close the Garchomp were to the train.

That's strange, she thought as she found the area free of the dreadful pokemon. I could've sworn there were a lot of Garchomp following us. They didn't get on the train, did they...?

The door at the end of the coach suddenly crashed open with thick clouds of black smoke washing out from behind it and one dazed Garchomp crawled out before falling down heavily with swirl marks in its eyes. Swearing,coughing and panting, a gun-totting pompadour made its way out of the smoke and stepped on the fainted pokemon. Turning his head to the white-haired girl staring stupidly at him, LP pushed through the nervous passengers and stopped right in front of her.

"Where *HUFF* Is *HUFF* That *HUFF* Brat?" he dragged hoarsely as his shoulders heaved in fatigue. White tilted her head in confusion. Scarlet knows a lot of strange people, she remarked.

"He's near the front of the train fighting some Indian-looking guy."

"Is he injured?" LP asked and White nodded. He must be a very good frien- "ARCEUS-FUCKING-DAMMIT! YOU AIN'T DYING ON ME NOW YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!" And with new-found energy, he kicked open the adjoining door on the other side and stormed out loudly.

And all the badly startled White could say was, "Eh...?"

Author's Corner.

Scarlet: Herpty-Derpty? Where did I come up with that?

White *giggling maniacally*: Then again, that Garchomp does look funny.

Scarlet: Okay, okay, let's get serious. This is a deranged, blood-thirsty *begins sniggering* dragon pokemon with a...a...I'm so sorry! I just can't stop laughing. That Garchomp looks like a freaking DERP!