Elwing
By the time we arrived at the havens of Sirion, I had long since lost track of the number of days I had dwelt in Middle-Earth. I guessed it to be some nine or ten months all told. The sky above us as we walked through the gates at Arvernien was a gloomy grey, reflecting the mood of my company. Litha clung to my hand looking around the havens with wide eyes. She had lived in the woods for the short span of years she had been alive. She had never before entered a city of the Noldor and she looked around her new surroundings with curiosity and wariness. Of the members of the company whom had originally fled from Gondolin just over half remained. We entered the havens and were greeted by the refugees of Doriath who had dwelt there for some years.
I had found in the past year that my memories of my own time had held strong, I could still speak English, French and Gaelic as fluently as the day I had arrived, even though I had not spoken to anyone in any of the three languages. Although all my knowledge and memories of my time stayed firm I found that my knowledge of what I had read in the Silmarillion and in Lord of the Rings had most certainly faded.
It was once I arrived at Sirion that I knew for sure that there was no other way to explain not being able to remember things that I knew I had known only months before. In some ways it was a relief for it is difficult to live with so much knowledge of the future when so many around you are dieing. You do not know what you can change without endangering what must happen. However, the loss of memories without explanation was also very disconcerting.
I do not know what I enjoyed most those first few days in the havens, whether it was a real bath in a bath tub, or clean clothes that actually fit, or a soft bed with a mattress filled with goose down or a warm meal at a real table. However, one thing was known for sure, after a year of travelling and living in the virginal wilderness of Beleriand, I was enjoying the comforts of civilization.
It seemed to be to have been centuries since I had last seen my self in a mirror but there was one in the bathhouse where the women bathed. I stared at myself for a time. My hair was longer then I remembered it being, and its colour was lighter from being bleached in the sunlight. My hair had always lightened when I spent a good deal of time outside in the summer, however this was lighter then I had ever seen it before. I was also a good deal thinner then I had been. Walking for days on end and living on only what could be found in the wilderness, will have that effect on your physique. I had always been curvy and ever worried about my weight, yet now that I saw my body as it had become, I realised my physique was not meant to be stick thin. I looked bony and almost sickly.
Shaking my head, I put on the dress I had been given. It was comfortable although I would trade it for a pair of leggings and a tunic any day. I had always preferred pants and shirts to dresses. Of the clothes that I had been wearing that day in Gondolin only my hiking boots were still fit to be worn. Lailitha had just finished her bath in the tub next to where I stood. I helped her out of the bath and got her dressed in the little dress that had been provided for her.
"Lailitha," I said, catching the little elleth's attention. "Come let's go to the gardens and brush our hair there where it isn't so humid." I took her hand and picked up my pack and left the bathhouse. For a while we wandered until we found a bench placed under an oak tree. I sat down and pulled the comb that Mirwen had given me way back in Nan-Tathan out of my pack. I gently combed out Lailitha's hair until it was straight and untangled. Then I braided the sides back in two small braids to keep it out of her face, then tying them with a bit of twine I gave the child one last inspection. "There," I said satisfied. "You look like a little princess." Lailitha laughed with me. I let her run off and play, telling her not to go to far.
I watched my foster child chasing a butterfly as I ran the ivory comb through my own brown hair. Slowly I worked the knots and tangles out of it, feeling incredibly jealous of Lailitha's straight manageable tresses as I tried to manage my own unruly ones. I was about half way through the frustrating job when I felt someone sit down behind me take the comb out of my hands.
I had become used to not hearing people when they approached me; you have to when you are travelling with so many elves, however I still found it disconcerting. I twisted around and looked up to see who it was and my eyes met Laiqualassё's.
"Let me, Eruanna, it is easier if someone else does this when it has gone so long tangled," he said gently taking the comb from my hand. I just nodded and let him comb the knots out of my long hair. He was so gentle, for all it was a rat's nest he never pulled once. At first I sat stiff backed fighting how comforting it felt to simply be near him again. However, I soon found that it was a tough battle and that I was on the loosing side. Eventually I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of being pampered. Even after Laiqualassё finished brushing out my hair he continued running the comb and his figures through my curls. He later told me that he loved the fact that if you stretched the curls out they would bounce back.
"Little one, why were you so distant with me before we left Nan-Tathen? I understand that during the march once you had healed neither of us had much time but you have hardly spoken to me since the feast. Does my company displease you so?" he asked speaking in Quenya. His voice held much confusion as well as some pain.
"It is not that I don't enjoy your company but someone said something to me and I felt it better that I not form such close connection to people here. To save those around me the pain that will ensue if I leave this time for my own again or if not then when I have lived out the short years of my mortal life." I replied in the same language. I had noticed that when Laiqualassё wished to speak of something that affected him emotionally he tended to switch to Quenya. I turned my eyes back to Lailitha; she had caught one of the butterflies and was holding it gently in her hand watching it. It almost seemed as though she were speaking to it. I felt Laiqualassё's fingers on my shoulders kneading out the stress knots that had developed in them.
"Is that not a risk you should let others decide whether they wish to take or not? Is it not unfair for you to make that choice for others?" he asked.
"I know. I realised that when I decided to foster Lailitha. I realised that I can help, and that to do so I had to take emotional risks." I looked over once again at the little elleth, her butterfly had flown away but she had discovered a frog in the grass near the edge of a small pool and was now stalking it. "How could I let such a joy be alone in this world?" I whispered not really speaking to Laiqualassё any more.
He laughed looking over at Lailitha. He pulled me against his chest in a hug. "What you did for her is more then any could have ever asked you to do little one." I did not reply to busy relishing the feeling of being protected. I felt at that moment as if everything was perfect. There were no orcs or dragons, no balrogs or wolves, nor war, no Melko and no nightmares. Nothing could hurt me in that moment, and the world was good. Everything smelt of a mixture of spices and good clean earth.
He let me go and pulled back standing up. "There is a sparing practice planned the main courtyard right after the supper hour. Will you and Lailitha join in with the others?" he asked. "I know that Earendil has missed his daily chance to beat you at sword play." He added with a light laugh.
"Of course I will!" I exclaimed not for a moment wishing to miss the opportunity to learn. "As will Lailitha if that is her choice." I said. I had stayed with her almost every moment since I had told her that I would take care of her. Perhaps I was being overprotective but I still felt slightly guilty for what happened to Curoneth and felt that in protecting her child I was making up for it to her.
Laiqualassё shook his head slightly smiling, bemused at me. "I have already spoken to Mirwen; she will stay with Lailitha if she does not wish to join in. I noticed during our march that she is a gentle soul, much like many of the Laiquendi. She does not like the idea of causing another being pain even if it is simply the pain of knowing that you have lost," he replied. "I have to go and speak to Tuor before supper," he said. "I will see you in the great hall."
After Laiqualassё walked away I sat in silence for a while. While I had been distracted speaking to Laiqualassё another young elleth had joined Lailitha and now they were playing quietly together by the small pond in the garden. Lailitha took the other elleth's hand in hers and hurried over to me.
"Eruanna," she said some excitement clearly evident in her voice. "This is Elwing, she's lived here a while and she said she'll show me some of the other gardens."
"Well met, Elwing," I said smiling in greeting, speaking once again in Sindarin.
"Elwing, this is my foster mother, Eruanna," said Lailitha. I was shocked it was the first time Lailitha had ever called me her foster mother. I was gratified; it showed me that she had accepted me. "Elwing is from Doriath," said Lailitha knowledgably.
I opened my mouth to say that I knew but snapped it shut again. It was obvious that Elwing was older then Lailitha probably of an age with Earendil. Many pieces of knowledge that I had believed lost fell into place when I was introduced to the Princess of Doriath. I remembered what I believed I had forgotten about the fall of Doriath to the Son's of Feanor. It would become a pattern, the knowledge once lost would return to me after something triggered its return. In this case it was seeing Elwing the White, the sole surviving child of Dior Eluchil and Nimloth.
"Elwing asked if I could have supper with her," said Lailitha. If she had been a child in my own time I would have staked my life on the fact that she would have had her fingers crossed behind her back.
"I don't have a problem with that," I replied too glad to see Lailitha laughing again to deny her just about anything. A bright smile lit Lailitha's face and after promising to see me at supper, she and Elwing ran off towards one of the exits from the garden in which we had sat.
I stood slowly picking up my pack and setting off to find Mirwen. My mind skimmed over what had just occurred. Although I had spent almost a year living among the Lothlim I was not very knowledgeable about the rules and customs governing courts, rulers and ranks. I figured Mirwen would know.
I found Mirwen speaking with Lady Idril near the entrance to the great hall. "Eruanna, you and Lailitha will be sharing a set of rooms with Mirwen and Laiqualassё," said Idril when she saw me walk up to them. "Mirwen knows where they are and I must take my leave, much is still to be done," she said. I noticed that Idril had yet to change out of her travel worn clothes and to have had a bath. If only leaders in my own world were as caring and selfless as this beautiful elleth.
"Take care my Lady, we are safe now. If I can help with anything, please let me know," I said placing my hand over heart in the customery salute of respect.
"Actually Eruanna, could Earendil stay with you this evening? There is to be a council and both Tuor and I must be there. Our own rooms have yet to be decided," she said the stress just beginning to show. I remembered feeling once that elves were untouched by such things, that they were not bothered by stress and such emotions. I had long since learnt that although they have more stamina and were better at hiding worry they still felt it.
"I would be pleased to do so, my Lady," I replied. Idril nodded and gave me a wane smile before walking off into the great hall.
"Come Eruanna, let's go put these packs in our rooms," said Mirwen moving off down the hall. "Where is Lailitha?" Mirwen asked looking about as though she expected the elleth to pop out from behind a corner.
"She made a friend in the gardens and they went off to play until supper. I couldn't deny her such a happiness as a new found friend," I said.
"And understandably so," replied Mirwen nodding her head.
I looked up at her. It looked like memories were flickering quickly in front of her eyes. "Mirwen, she made friends with Elwing of Doriath. I was wondering if people will have problems with their friendship," I said expressing the concern I had felt in the garden.
Mirwen was silent for a moment and then after seeming to shake of some ghost of sadness she replied. "It will not be a problem. It wasn't with me and Finduilas." The second sentence was spoken in a voice so low it was near a whisper.
"Finduilas?" I asked. Mirwen had never spoken to me before this moment about why she had gone to Nargothrond and not to Gondolin with her brother.
"We met in one of the gardens of Tirion when we were both still elflings. We were inseparable friends from that day forth. My loyalty to her, like my brother's friendship with Glorfindel, led us to join the revolt, although our parents both refused and remained in Finarfin's court," Mirwen said as she looked away.
"I went with her everywhere. I was at her side through the crossing of the Helcaraxë. We spent some time here in Arvernien ever before Nargothrond was built. We swore we would fight at each others backs if need be, we swore to die to protect one another. Three weeks before Nargothrond fell I had gone to collect healing plants far from the city. It was an expedition that I had made every year. Every other year Finduilas came with me but that year she had her sights set on Turin son of Hurin and decided to remain. It was a month long expedition that I always loved because it allowed time away from the court to commune with nature. As we returned towards Nargothrond it was obvious that something was wrong.
"I won't speak of what we saw from a distance, for we did not dare venture nearer. We knew that it was too late and there was nothing we could do. We were the only survivors of this I knew. We made our way south towards Doriath without any hope that the Sindar would help us. Doriath had fallen to the Feanorians before we ever reached it. We met a group of wandering Sindarin refugees and together we made our way to Nan-Tathen where you found us," she finished her story.
I was near tears at that point but I did not know what to say. We came to a door and Mirwen pushed it open. "No one had a problem with my friendship with Finduilas, nor will anyone have a problem with Lailitha's friendship with Elwing."
"Thank you, Mirwen," I said giving her a hug. We stood in the communal room of the set of rooms that would be my home for longer then I ever believed in that moment.
Author's Note: Well here we are at the end of the twelfth chapter of Stillness. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope to have chapter thirteen for you before I leave for my parents place at the end of April. As I said in the now deleted Author's Note I have surgery at the end of April and won't be writing much after that until I'm recovered and my doctor has told me it will take a month, and at the beginning of June I will be in the field for my summer job. I could be anywhere from the high artic in Northern Canada to somewhere in south or central America, thus I can not really guarantee updates in those time periods do to the obvious reasons of being in a bush camp. I hope to do some writing though during the summer so that I can bombard you with new material come September. I appreciate your understanding.
The Following was posted in my deleted Author's note. If you read it there that's great if not it may interest you.
Lembas: The making of the elven bread was a gift given to them by Yavanna. The Noldor brought to Middle-Earth the special grain from which it was made. It was tradition that it was made by the highest lady in an elven settlement. Thus, in the case for the Lothlim it was made by Idril, who would have been the Lady of that city after the passing of Aredhel. This information can be found in the section in the 12th Volume of the HoME books, The Peoples of Middle-Earth.
The Confusion of the Legolas's: In the second book of lost tales there is an elven warrior of the house of the Tree of Gondolin named Legolas. He was said to be keen of sight and was one of the leaders of the Lothlim when they escaped from the city. Also remember Gondolin was the only Noldorin city in Beleriand where pure Valinorin Quenya was spoken. All records of that city were put down in Sindarin thus all the names were Sindarinised. The Quenya form of Legolas is Laiqualassё. Legolas of Mirkwood will play a minor role much later on in this tale, and there is a connection between Legolas of Mirkwood and Laiqualassё of Gondolin, but you will have to guess what it is until I tell you. The little information there is one Legolas of the House of the Tree of Gondolin can be found in the second Volume of the HoME books, The Second book of Lost Tales.
Eruanna's Mortality: Eruanna is human she will continue to be both mortal and human through out this story. There is a chapter that has already been written where the circumstances surrounding Eruanna's arrival and existence in Middle-Earth but unfortunately its not planned for release for another five chapters or so. I'm not going to tell you anymore, just to keep you in suspense.
The Crowning of Thranduil: If I remember what I have read properly Thranduil's father was Oropher and Oropher died in the battle of Dagorlad. If anyone knows for sure if this is incorrect please tell me. Again the process of Thranduil's coming to Mirkwood will be dealt with later in the story but I will say that he will not be crowned King until his father dies.