Chapter 4

An anguished cry tore through the castle waking Gwaine. He sat up straight, Arthur. He was dressed and sprinting towards the physician's chambers before he was fully conscious of what he was doing.

Arthur woke slowly, when his mind suddenly shoved the last few days at him. He gasped and looked over to the deathly still body lying on the bed. His hand shook as he held Merlin's cold limp one.

"Merlin?" he asked softly, a lump already forming in his throat.

"Merlin!" Again there was no response. Merlin was still.

Suddenly the ice-cold voice echoed in Arthur's head, 'the price has been paid, Arthur Pendragon'.

A cry tore through his throat. Merlin lay still, eyes closed almost as though he was still asleep. However Arthur knew Merlin wasn't waking up, there was no best friend to turn to, there was no one left who knew him as well as Merlin did. Tears slid down his face even as the door burst open, but he didn't try to hide his grief.

Gwaine stood staring at he scene. His stomach dropped with dread as he saw the still figure next to Arthur.

"Arthur we need to get Gaius!" but the King just shook his head, as he trembled with silent sobs.

"He's gone, there's nothing left to do, the payment's been made." Arthur crocked barely whispering past the lump in his thought, that wouldn't allow the tears to stop flowing. Gwaine suddenly grabbed Merlin's body roughly by the shoulders and shook him violently.

"You can't do this to me Merlin! I didn't get to say goodbye! Why would you do this! For God sake."

"Let go of him!" Arthur growled but Gwaine kept shaking their friend. "Gwaine I said let go of him, there nothing we can do." Gwaine did not even look up at the King.

Arthur stood and growled, "I said Let go!"

He gapped Gwaine and threw him on the other side of the room.

"Why were you with him and I wasn't? Why did you get to say goodbye and I didn't? He was as much your friend as he was mine!" Gwaine yelled. The pair looked at each other calculating, and then Gwaine swung his fist towards Arthur's face.

Arthur dodged the punch by centimeters but threw his own. The rage and grief was too much. However just as his fist was about to connect with flesh, he caught sight of the still figure lying on the bed and stopped. The fight left him and he just stared at his friend as tears poured down Gwaine's cheeks.

"Hit me!" he whispered quietly, "Please."

But the fight had left both of them, instead Arthur wrapped his arms around the Knight and friend as he sobbed.

Arthur and Gwaine set off for Eldor the next day. Arthur had thought it best to go and see Merlin's mother rather than sending a letter. He had been to Eldor a few times after the attack on the village and had become quite close to Hunith. Arthur was dreading the talk but he had to get out of the castle. Every corner he turned held memories. In his peripheral vision Arthur saw Merlin everywhere. The carefree grin that Merlin wore which, drove Arthur crazy, or so he pretended, was always there and it made his heart ache.

The sky was brilliant blue, and the birds sung in the trees, but the two men were morbidly quite, until Gwaine broke the silence.

"Thanks for letting me come with you. I kind of understand if you wanted to do this alone. Merlin was such a…"

"I know," Arthur said cutting him off. He gulped audibly but the suffocating sensation wouldn't leave. "Do you remember the time when Merlin went in front of the Drocha for me?"

Gwaine nodded saying, "He was such an idiot, always putting himself in front of danger and you, like that."

"Well I know why now, it was his role as Emrys."

"Arthur you know that's not why he did it. Merlin cared for you as much as you cared for him, don't belittle the sacrifice he made by saying it was for some prophecy, because we both know that it's not true."

Arthur gulped again as he rubbed his eyes. "You know the year after he became my manservant he told me he would be happy to be my servant until the day he died. At the time I was the arrogant selfish Prince of Camelot, if you can believe that?" he said grinning tearily at Gwaine as he chuckled.

"Really princess? I would have never have guessed."

"Anyway..." Arthur said still smiling, "I didn't think anything of it then, but now looking back, he gave me hints all the time, even when I yelled at him for not serving me. He told me countless times that he was in the tavern, when I know as well as you do, that Merlin relay went there and when he did it was always with you or me. I don't understand why I didn't realise beforehand. There was this one time where Merlin vanished for a long time and when he came back he told me, told me that the reason he wasn't there was because he was dying! And I thought he was joking."

"Arthur you couldn't have…"

"Gwaine I was with him all the time, I should have known. I should have realised that my best friend was risking his life on a daily basis. And then again that time a few months ago when Gwen was under Morgana's spell. I knew something was wrong when Merlin vanished that time. I know this sounds thick, but it was when Gwen said 'you have far more important things to worry about.' I knew then, somehow, that this was not the woman I had married. Gwen would have shoved me out of the door and followed me to look for him. Merlin finally told me what happened and, oh God Gwaine, we should have been there, I don't know what would have happened if that boy hadn't helped him. That's twice Merlin was poisoned because of me, if I had known I wouldn't have let him out the castle, though he'd probably have found some other way to hurt himself!"

"Arthur you have got to forgive yourself there was nothing you could have done. You were both born to look after one another and that's what you did."

Arthur was silent for a long time as the horses strode closer to Eldor at a leisurely pace.

Finally he spoke, "Gwaine, he did so much for me, and I never wanted to show him how much he meant to me. It was my father's fault he always accused me of caring for my manservant too much, but he meant everything to me, he was my only friend until the round table came to be, and the ironic thing is that they wouldn't have come together if not for Merlin."

"You two were close, Arthur he was the best friend you ever had, and he was the best friend I ever had as well. You two truly were the two sides of the same coin."

Arthur whipped around starling Gwaine, "That was the last thing he said to me before he closed his eyes. He used to write all of my ceremonial speeches, did you know that? Those words were mine, but written by Merlin, he was always my adviser I just could never see it."

The men were silent for a while and as the sunset. Soon they could make out the small village of Eldor, as the horses trotted down the hill towards Hunith's house Arthur Whispered

"Do you think the pain ever goes away?" He hated admitting weakness but this pain was so intense sometimes he could burly breath.

"I don't think it will ever go, but it will get better."

As the candles were lit, the two horses walked though the dark village and Arthur whispered, "I miss him so much."

Gwaine watched Arthur hold Merlin's mother close as she sobbed into his chest. He sat by the window as the wings of dawn spread across the lightening sky. Seeing this scene made his heart ache, after his family's death Merlin was the closet thing to a brother he had ever found. Merlin had always been there, a force that he could always relay on. A steady stream of fresh tears decorated his cheeks as he watched another day dawn. What Gwaine really wanted to know was if Merlin was happy to give his life for his? He understood Arthur's life, but he was King and Merlin's best friend, no Merlin's brother, but Gwaine? Gwaine was the one that was always saved by his friend. Merlin had brought him to Camelot and made him a knight. However to repay him he had betrayed his King and friend, then had been saved through Merlin's magic, but the price to pay was too much. The great Emrys was gone and Gwaine would have to live with that for the rest of his life.