Lost in love

Chapter 9: troubled by you

"Sigh"

"Hhhmmm..."

Inside a man's room was a single white bed. On it was a man with spikey orange hair who has been sighing for the past two hours. the man or should say boy, was sitting on the bed and was leaning his back on the headboard. while his right leg was stretched out on the soft mattress, his other leg was bended. On his right hand was his phone. The name and number of a certain girl was flashing on the screen with a picture of her on the far end corner. The name written on it was "Kuchiki Rukia".
It has been a whole week without a word from the raven haired girl. A complete week since she told Ichigo that she likes him. Seven days of nothing from her. She didn't utter a single word to him and was doing a great job of completely ignoring him. Occasionally she will nod to acknowledge his presence and even bow to greet him but aside from those, nothing else. When they went back to school last Monday Rukia only smiled at him before the first period. Gradually, the smile lessened until it vanished and a nod replaced it. Ichigo thought that when she flashed him a smile that day everything was back to normal but apparently he was mistaken. During Monday, for that whole day she didn't talk to him. She was always in a hurry. Rushing everything she's doing and when it was lunch, she zoomed her way out of the classroom. Avoiding everyone as much as she could.

It also didn't help that Rukia gave Inoue much more attention than him. It was nice to know that even though Rukia was avoiding him, Inoue didn't suffer the same fate. She talked to Inoue if needed. Although she didn't hang out with her she didn't try to get away from the auburn haired girl.
He could still remember that day. The day when Rukia took a step away from him. Saying goodbye.

Ichigo was shocked. His feelings were mixed with emotions. He tried to think clearly that day, but what Rukia revealed to him was very confusing.

Rukia likes him...

It wasn't a confession but stating a fact. She only told him how he meant to her. She told him that she likes him. She looked at his eyes with sincerity and spoke to him. Told him how her feelings developed into something new.

Ichigo looked at his phone and saw the picture on it. For the enth time he sighed. 'I'm so stupid. Why didn't I say something? Why did I stare at her like she was insane? I didn't even asked her why and how it happened. I stood there in front of her and was speechless. I must be the most stupid person right now."
When Rukia took a step away from him his mind was in a daze. He tried to think of anything to stop her from moving. His mind racked of any reason to say but none was found. He couldn't do anything but wish that what she was doing was a mere joke and anytime then she will jump and tell him "Got you!" but alas, he was once again mistaken.

Why did it have to happen? Why did she has to say that and ruin everything? But, did she really do something bad? He knew that she did what she has to, just to avoid further consequences. He couldn't blame her.

They had fun. Too much fun. He likes it when he's with her. Sympathizes with him and they understand each other. He couldn't help but smile whenever she's around. She's very fun to be with. Everyday she was one of the reasons that he's eager to go to school. And when the weekends were near he spent all Friday nights thinking of what they'll do on Saturday.

And most of all, he likes it when her lips formed into a smile. It was priceless.

Ichigo was confused. He tried reasoning in every possible way he could. First he thought maybe he could ignore the whole thing and pretend like nothing happened and greet Rukia like what he always do. He had hoped that Rukia will go with his flow but when Monday came and he saw that she was serious of avoiding him, he lost his nerve. Next, he tried cornering Rukia in the classroom after class but the short girl was too quick for him. She was gone before he could even finish packing up his bag.
Why was he so concerned of her? Why couldn't he just let it go and move on with his life? Inoue was asking him on a date but he declined her invite. She was forcing him with her cute eyes but it had no effect on him. He told the busty girl that he didn't want to go anywhere for now because he needed to finish some work and that he has to help with his father's clinic. He might not admit it directly but Rukia affected him too much and he knew that in this situation there's no way of solving it other than talking to the said girl.

This was the first that he held his phone for a long time. He was debating with himself whether to call Rukia or not. He was staring at his phone thinking of what to say if she'll answer. So far he has thought of none. What do you say to someone who likes you? Especially since this person was a very close friend? What will He tell Rukia that could ease the tension between the two of them? Perhaps he wasn't ready to face her yet. Maybe he still needs time to process everything before he takes a step. but until when could he delay this? Will it be until the two of them completely forget each other and live their own lives without being friends again?

"No!"
"I can't allow that to happen! It was great being with her. I had felt surprisingly happy with a girl. Maybe even much better than with Inoue. I have to do this I can't be a coward and run from this." Ichigo couldn't help but voice out loud his own thoughts.

What was his real feelings for Rukia? Did he like her the way she has felt for him? All he knew was she's one of the most amazing person he has met. He trusted her more than anyone else. They were definitely close but how close are they? 'I don't know what I feel for her but I know that I can't lose her. She's very special that's for sure and if I do feel something for her it doesn't mean that we should be together right? Inoue loves me and she has trusted me with her life ever since her brother died. I can't let her down because of Rukia.'

'But... I.. I... I also... I also need... Rukia... by my side... I need her.'

'I can't lose our friendship just like that. Yes. It's our friendship that I'm worried of. Nothing else.' His thoughts were trying to convince himself but deep down he knew that it was only half the truth and he's uncertain of it.

Ichigo pressed the call button and listened to it. With bated breath he waited for the other end to ring and be picked up. every sound that the phone was making was like getting closer to an end.

'I will never regret it...'
'No matter how hard it is for me, I will never ever say that I regretted what I've done.'
'It's necessary and it was for the best, right?'

No matter how much Rukia convinced herself it seems like doubts were planted within her. All her thoughts were Useless as they seem like they couldn't help her. Thoughts ran through her head but what ever she hoped and wanted to believe, she still couldn't fool herself.
She was so confused with her own feelings.

Rukia was staring at nothing in particular. She's lying straight on the bed and has been in that position for a couple of hours. It has been hours since she pondered her thoughts at a guy who has been her friend. A guy with orange hair and a scowl planted firmly on his face.

"Ichigo..."

A name that sounded so distant was spoken from her lips. A name that hasn't been said for about a week came out from her own mouth 'I have decided to get away and ignore you. But, how come you have never left my mind? I wanted to forget about you but it's difficult. Did I make a mistake? Did I do the right thing? It was for the best right? I couldn't trust myself to not fall for you.' rukia was still debating on herself about her actions. She needed to justify what she has done to Ichigo.
It really was for the best. Over and over She kept on convincing herself that Ichigo and she weren't meant to be friends. She needed to say goodbye to not hurt anybody. Yes she could inflict pain on someone if she wasn't careful. She could hurt Inoue. Inoue was a nice girl and hasn't done anything wrong. She wouldn't like it if she'll find out that her friend likes her boyfriend.

If Rukia didn't tell Ichigo that she likes him she would be haunted by her feelings. She could fall for Ichigo. Ichigo was handsome, trusting and a gentleman. it wasn't hard for her to fall for him. Only a fool wouldn't like him. He was one of the famous students in Karakura high. A lot of girls were jealous of Inoue and wanted to steal him from her. She had even heard one of the other students talking about his body and how handsome he was. Of course Rukia knew that he was indeed good looking. It was hard to ignore it when he was always showing his smile at her. He's more handsome when he was smiling but unfortunately she hasn't seen that smile for a while now.
'Get a grip of yourself Rukia! It's over. You can't be friends with him. He's not even talking to you. Stupid! How could he talk to me if I'm avoiding him as best I could. I was the one trying to move away when I feel like I'm too close from his presence.'

'But... I was hoping that at least he would try and talk to me. He would ask me if we could just forget everything. Maybe he knows that it was indeed for the sake of both of us. Maybe he doesn't wanna talk to me anymore.' Rukia sighed and clutched her chest. Her heart was heavy from all emotions. All she wanted to do was forget Ichigo but day after day it was proving to be more difficult than she expected. There wasn't a time that she was not thinking of him. She closed her eyes and wished that sleep will invade all her thoughts and conscious...

"Riiiiiing..."

"Rrrrriiiiiiing..."

"Rrrrriiiiiing..."

"What the-?"

Rukia slowly opened her eyes irritated by the sound that woke her up and looked around her room. She saw her phone on the table with a clock beside it. She swept a glance on the clock and saw that it was midnight already. Wondering who would call at this hour she took the source of the noise from the side table and looked at it.
When she saw the caller she bolted upright bringing herself into a sitting position. She couldn't believe who it was calling in the middle of the night.

It was Ichigo...

With shaking hand and holding her breath, slowly she pressed the receive button.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Ru-Rukia?"

"Ichigo? Yo-you ca-called."

Ichigo deeply breathed in. He took all the courage he could to speak to Rukia and now is his chance. It's now or never. "I'm here. Outside your house at the gate. Please, come out. We need to talk. I have something to tell you."

Rukia was surprised and let go of her breath that she unconsciously was holding. She was so shocked that she has forgotten for a minute she was on the phone.

"Hello? Rukia are you still there?"

"..."

No response could be heard from the other line.

"Rukia? Hello?"

Ichigo was starting to think that maybe Rukia had hung up.

"Ru-"

"I'll be right there." Rukia huffed. She clicked the end button and looked at the mirror. Checking herself in it. She fixed her hair which is slightly everywhere on her face. After that, she dashed to the closet and took out her red jacket. On her way out of her room she tripped over her bag that she carelessly tossed on the floor earlier. While cursing the bag she has put on the jacket and also its hood so she could cover her face when she sees Ichigo. She didn't know why she agreed to meet him when she knew that it wasn't right, but it made her heart jump to know that he even bothered going to her house in the middle of the night just to see her. aside from that, she has been thinking of Ichigo.

When the line ended, Ichigo became nervous. This would be the first time that the two will talk after a week full of dullness. He has been calling Rukia for about an hour but she didn't answer and thinking that she didn't want to talk to him he figured out of coming over to her house to force her to settle their issues once and for all.
His father saw him creeping out of the house but he didn't say anything probably because his dad knew that something was up with him. He might have been a good actor in school and pretended that nothing's wrong but at home he knew that he couldn't lie to his family so he didn't bother showing a fake smile and sulked in his room for about a week. Ichigo could remember what his dad told him when he asked permission to go out.

"Just do what your heart tells you."

It was just a sentence but meant a lot to him. Because of that one line he had thought of a way to his problems and if everything would go according to his plan he could have Rukia back.

There was sound coming behind him and he looked from the source. The gate was opening and a very small figure was emering from the other side of it. Judging by the height and the color of the hair that shined from the lamp post he knew it was Rukia. But he couldn't see her face totally because she was wearing a jacket with a hood on it that looked a little bit bigger for her size so it covered half of her face. He couldn't see her big violet eyes that has haunted his mind in the past week. He realized how much he missed those eyes and was controlling himself from ripping the hood away from the petite girl. 'Why can't she look at me in the eyes like she used to do. I want to see those eyes.'

"What are you doing here?" Without taking off the hood from her head Rukia spoke to him and broke the silence. She couldn't look at Ichigo in fear that her expression would betray her feelings and Ichigo would see what she's hiding. "Like what I've said, We have to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. I made myself clear last week and apparently you understood what I meant otherwise we wouldn't have been ignoring each other." Still looking down Rukia wished that she could contol her voice and her body to not shake. She didn't know what to say and she was just making everything as she goes.

"I was not ignoring you! You were the one who decided to completely ignore me! Like I don't exist! How could you do that Rukia? I thought there was something special between us? I thought we were friends!" Ichigo couldn't contain his actions anymore. He snapped at Rukia after she initiated that he ignored her.

Rukia turned to her right and looked at the moon her face was still hidden from Ichigo's view she has let go of a tear that was on her eye the moment she saw his back when she was approaching him. 'He was right. I was the one who has done it but why didn't he stop me? Why did he let it go? Wait a minute, am I really waiting for him to stop me? Am I that easy to break when it comes to him?'

She continued talking while staring at the white moon. "Even if I was the one who started it, I know that you knew what I meant. You know what my situation would be with Inoue and with... With you if this continues." and by "this" the two knew that it meant liking Ichigo or worse, falling in love with each other. She was starting to relax more as she saw the moon.

"Huh! You're so stubborn! You haven't changed a bit!" suddenly Rukia heard Ichigo snickering a little until it turned into laughter. "Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha!"
Embarrassed more cause of Ichigo's reaction Rukia hid herself more in the hood and waited for Ichigo to stop laughing. She had no idea of the reason why he was laughing and it was starting to irritate her.

When Ichigo's laughter subsided he huffed a last breath and looked at Rukia.

"You haven't changed a bit. I miss that..." and in truth Ichigo started laughing because he suddenly realized that even though they didn't talk or communicated at all Rukia was Rukia. Nothing changed much and she was still the same one he knew.

Shocked with Ichigo's choice of words, Rukia looked at him and narrowed her eyes. They were seeking for some answers. She looked up at him and it made her hood fall down a little bit. Breathing deeply, Ichigo looked straight at Rukia. They were now facing each other and he could see that a tear stain was on her right cheek. Looking at her eyes on that moment made him realized how much Rukia meant to him. He knew how much it hurt him when she's not around. He could see the violet orbs shining with emotions. They were filled with pain and confusion. He didn't like being away from them and not seeing them for a long time and the red hood was blocking him of the sight.

Slowly he lifted up his right arm and pulled down the clothe covering Rukia's face. He touched the stain on her cheeks and wipe it away with his thumb. He lingered his fingers on her face longer than he should and rubbed them gently on her, caressing the surface with delicate touch and like smoothing the softness of her skin. She didn't move from his touch or even flinch from it and she was sinking on his flesh. They both felt like it was the first time they've held each other. Felt like it was the only time they could hold one another and both had the guilt that was slowly creeping in. One girl was in their both minds and that was Inoue.

But tonight was so perfect. The touch, the person in front of them and the moon shining above them. How could someone be not selfish and only think of the happiness that the night brought to them?

Ichigo continued caressing Rukia and sighed. He let his hand drop and stared at the ground. Whatever he thought didn't matter. Even if he thought their not doing anything he could still inflict pain on Inoue. Inoue was still his girlfriend and his actions could hurt her. 'I'm just touching her face, but why do I feel like I'm betraying Inoue's trust?'

Taking another breath, Ichigo remembered his reason why he went over to see Rukia. "When you said that you like me I admit it, I was shocked. I didn't know how to react I mean, it wasn't everyday that someone will confess their feelings towards me. Inoue was the only person who had the courage to do that but even her she was extremely shy about it. It almost took her 30 minutes to confess and she couldn't directly look at me."
"Rukia, There are so many things that I wanted to tell you. I... I just... Don't know... Ho-how."

Rukia took a step forward and slowly, she lifted her arm and touched his face. It was her turn to give him what he has done to her. She caressed his left cheek gently and felt the muscular face of a man. She took a breath and released it with words. "You don't need to tell me anything. I know you're troubled by what I said. And I don't like it when i'm the cause of your distress. That's the reason why I left and ignored you. I don't want to hurt you or Inoue."

"I think you should just leave, coming here won't solve anything. Eventually you'll forget me even my name. I'm so sorry Ichigo." She let her arm fall and was about to turn to go back to her room when Ichigo stopped her.

"You're right. You're hurting me. But not in the way you're thinking. Rukia, when you stopped talking to me I felt like some part of me was missing. I didn't know what to do. I was so lost. I couldnt stop thinking about you. I wanted so much to touch you and stare at your eyes. I miss them. The times we were together. The times when we had fun and the times that I could look into your eyes. Rukia, I think... I think... I li-"

Her back was still facing Ichigo and because of what he said she suddenly turned around to face him. "No Ichigo! Please don't say that word! You're only doing this to make me feel better. But it's not gonna work. Please just leave me alone. It's better this way... Think of Inoue. She'll cry for days. She'll be in pain for so long she wouldn't be able to take it. You know her, sadness and pain doesn't suit her. Please for her sake stop doing this." Rukia couldn't take it anymore. A person with auburn hair kept on popping in her head. She tried to block it but it was useless. She couldn't and wouldn't hurt her because Inoue trusted her so much. But it was so hard when the guy that you like is confessing his feelings for you unfortunately this guy is already committed and she had no right to take him away from the other girl.

Ichigo thought of what Rukia said. She was right as always. He couldn't hurt Inoue she depended on him too much to be left alone. She has been with him all the time. She had loved him with all her heart and it would truly break her if she knew what he was about to tell Rukia. But, what about him? Could he really just forget Rukia after accepting that he likes her? 'Am I ready to let her go just like that?'

Ichigo looked straight at Rukia and held her right hand. He didn't let it go until he was done talking. "I... I understand. But I still can't let you go. Rukia, let me be by your side. Let's stay as friends. Like i've told you, I can't take it when we're not talking. So please stay by me. I promise you, I won't make it hard for you. Just... don't... Go... Please?"

"Ichigo, do you think that it's okay to stay that way after all of this? Will it really be just fine to stay close? I'm not sure about that." Still confused with their own feelings, rukia knew that to be friends with him was dangerous for the both of them but somehow she wanted to agree with him. For she too was in a dilemma when he wasn't around. "You don't need to answer me now, think about it until tomorrow. Meet me at twelve noon by the river bank. That was where I saved you and that place is really important to me. If you won't show up then I won't bother you anymore. But please promise me you'll think about it." still holding Rukia's hand he slowly caressed it with his own. Feeling the smoothness of it.

With this simple gesture he felt so much weight was on it. He knew that this kind of action could upset Inoue but right now he wasn't thinking of anything nor anyone else. for him it was just Rukia and him. Just the two of them. Just for once he would be selfish and inconsiderate.

Her own hand felt like it fit in his. He had held her with both of his and took her small one. She couldn't help the feeling slowly creeping into her. It made her heart flutter with excitement and she knew that if Ichigo would ask her again, right now, if she would take him she would say yes. She would run over to him and tell him how much she likes him. Good thing that Ichigo gave her time to think. She didn't know what to say and unable to speak, so she stared at his amber eyes. She could see the moon reflecting in them. Shining brightly with each orbs. Slowly and with bated breath, she moved her head and nodded at him.

"Thank you, Rukia. I will wait for you tomorrow," Ichigo wasn't moving his eyes from hers. He lifted up her hand and his lips met it halfway. Slowly, while he kissed her hand and smiled with pain in his heart for her girlfriend and happiness for the person in front of him, he added,

"For as long as I could."

A/N: I'm very sorry if you think that this chapter is so confusing, short and most of all irritating. I wanted to update this story as early as possible so I have decided to write a shorter one than the first chapters. and aside from that I also apologize for the OOC. I wanted to put them back to the original but I have no idea how I will do it so please bear with me... Thank you for reading!