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"God damn it, Shepard!" Joker was yelling, "You were supposed to be here! What the hell were you thinking?" Thane had to resist the urge to grab the pilot by the neck and shake some respect into him. He knew that it wouldn't do any good, but watching the look of guilt on the commander's face was almost too much for him.
"Jeff, the commander could not have known that the Collectors would ambush the Normandy while she was on a mission," EDI's calm voice came through from the terminal where the AI's graphical interface was projected.
"Yeah, I know," Joker said, "I guess I just needed to get it off of my chest… again. Sorry commander." Shepard had been very quiet since they had returned to the Normandy after receiving the distress call. It had all started off like a perfectly normal mission, everyone crowding into the shuttle to get to their destination in order to allow EDI time to integrate the Reaper's Identify Friend Foe system into the Normandy. Unbeknownst to anyone, the IFF had been infected with a dual-layer virus, and while EDI had caught the first layer, the second layer had been so subtle and benign in appearance that it hadn't been noticed until it was too late. The Normandy's location had been broadcast straight to the Collectors, and the ship's defenses were shut down for just long enough for the majority of the crew to be abducted. It was only because of Joker and EDI that the Normandy was still running at all. Thane could see how guilty Shepard felt, that she was taking it to heart that it was her fault for not being there when her crew had needed her. He wanted to comfort her, to wrap his arms around her and tell her that it would be okay, but he knew that what she needed now were not meaningless platitudes, but action. He was proven right when she turned from where she had been standing, arms crossed and facing out towards the CIC, and snapped an order at Joker.
"Set a course for the Omega 4 relay. We're going after that damned ship and getting our people back, Joker." That was the first time Thane had ever seen Joker salute, as the pilot called out,
"Aye-aye, ma'am!" and limped off towards the cockpit. Various members of the team that Shepard had painstakingly put together voiced their support for her.
"You are making the right choice, Shepard," Samara said, the Asari's voiced carrying the weight of centuries of living. Garrus and Tali both just nodded, but Jack couldn't resist adding her piece.
"Let's go kick so creepy bug-alien asses!" She yelled, and Grunt joined her in shouting, "Yeah!" Even Legion, the Geth crewmember and newest addition to the team, spoke up,
"We concur that the Normandy is as prepared as possible for what may lie ahead."
"Alright, people!" Shepard said, her voice no longer unsure, now that she was determined in her conviction, "Everyone do what you've gotta do! We'll give those Collectors the fight of their lives!" The crew members split off in their own separate direction, each heading off to prepare in their own ways. Thane went silently back down to the familiarity of Life Support. He had prepared for hundreds of missions and assignments, some more dangerous than others, and he didn't see any reason to treat this one differently.
Seating himself on the floor in a traditional meditation pose, he began the prayer that he had recited countless times before.
"Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, as this one prepares for battle, grant that my hand will not falter and my heart will not fail," the first words flowed easily from his tongue, but he found himself tripping over the next part, "Grant me fearlessness in the face of death, for I know…" he couldn't continue. He had come to accept death as simply the next step for himself. He had been diagnosed with Kepral's Syndrome years ago. After Irikah had been taken from him, he had simply been waiting to follow her, but now… For the first time in years, he truly felt alive. Being with Shepard, interacting with the crew, forming bonds of friendship after being alone for such a long time, it had changed him.
He didn't know what was going on. He had never felt like this. He had never been unsure of himself before a battle, or questioned his readiness for death. Now he suddenly felt paralysed. He had only just begun to live again, and he wasn't ready for it to end. He wasn't ready to die.
The realisation hit him like a fist in the chest. After so long waiting for death, welcoming it, he wasn't ready anymore. How dare he? He had taken so much life, ruined whatever family that he'd had in Irikah and Kolyat through his own negligence, and now he wasn't willing to die? His mind filled with self-loathing. What right did he have to ask for longer? But there he was, on the proverbial eve of battle, afraid that his life may end and that his time with Shepard – his time spent truly alive – would be cut short. He was disgusted with himself, and he didn't know what to do. Thane, the cool and confident assassin, didn't know how to deal with what he was feeling. He needed help. He needed to talk to someone, to work through this and get a hold on his feelings before it affected his performance on the mission. He needed Shepard.
He was on his feet and out the door to Life Support before he even realised what he was doing. He stopped just before his hand hit the panel to call the elevator. What was he doing? Shepard had her own problems to deal with, and she didn't need him to come running to her with his issues, like the rest of the galaxy always seemed to do. It was unfair to her to expect her to be there whenever someone needed saving, and that included him. He almost turned back to go deal with his own problems alone in Life Support, when another thought stopped him. What if it wasn't him who ended up dying on this mission?
What if it was Shepard?
That thought pushed any hesitancy out of his mind. He may be ashamed of himself for fearing his own death, but fearing for Shepard's life just made him stronger. If they were going to die in a few short hours – one or both of them – then he was going to spend as much time with her as possible before then. He hit the panel for the elevator and stepped inside before he could convince himself otherwise. He didn't know what he was going to say, or if there was even anything that he could say, but he had to see her. At least once more.