I'm sad. Hotpocket has been doing a play for the past week and I have no one to entertain me! Oh well, at least I have fanfiction. I sit in philosophy, wise expression on my face, nodding sagely and ignoring the looks my table mates give me while I frantically scribble down story ideas. Darn you plot bunnies! There are just too many of them. I miss my Hotpocket. She can defend me from them. Although, most of them are her fault.
I would like to thank everyone for their reviews and ideas. Especially AutumnMobile12, for rules 38, 41, and 48, CrazyAnimeOtaku198 for rules 39 and 40, and my little brother for rule 36.
On with the Rules!
Komui looked at the reports on his desk and sighed. There were so many of them, and they all said the same thing. Some just had different words. But the majority asked him to pretty please take care of the ghost problem. Komui groaned, then let his head thunk down onto the desk. Being Chief was exhausting.
Lavi put down his pencil. He had no ideas for The Rulebook, and Road wasn't there to entertain him. She had been called away by the Earl, and Tyki was probably busy stalking Allen. Lavi decided to go annoy- er- visit Kanda to try and come up with some ideas. He turned around and froze. Someone was sitting on his bed. And, she was HOT! "STRIKE!" Lavi shouted, running towards the figure on his bed. His bed. Lavi stopped. "Uh, hi. What are you doing on my bed? Not that I want you to leave, but, um, who are you?" The girl just looked at him. Her eyes... her pretty blue eyes. "You're so beautiful." Lavi whispered. A knock at the door startled him and he twisted around, eye widening in shock.
Allen called out to him, voice muffled slightly by the door. "Uh, Lavi? Could you help me? Weird girls keep hugging me at random. Lenalee's here too, some guys keep stalking her."
Lavi looked frantically between the girl on his bed and his door. On one hand, beautiful girl. On the other, two of his best friends. Why do I always get stuck with the hard choices? He asked himself. Luckily, no one answered his mental question. Sighing, Lavi got up and walked over to the door. He opened it to find a terrified Allen and and irritated Lenalee, both of whom glared at him. "Hey guys, what's with the 'you are so dead, rabbit' looks? And, uh, come in." Allen and Lenalee stepped into the room, stopping when they noticed the girl sitting on Lavi's bed.
"Lavi," Lenalee spoke in a cold voice, eyes flashing to the redhead who was smiling sheepishly, "who's the girl?"
Lavi grimaced and then smiled again. "I don't know. But-" Suddenly the girl jumped off his bed and ran out the still open door. Allen, Lenalee, and Lavi stared in shock for a second and then ran out into the hallway in pursuit. They saw the girl turn down the hallway that led to the labs and ran that way too. But when they reached the turn, no one was there. The hallway was completely empty. Where did she go? Lavi wondered.
Kanda was meditating. It was supposed to be a calming experience, but when he kept getting glomped by random people of both sexes, it ceased to be relaxing in the slightest. Every time he slashed at one of them, they would run out the door and disappear. It was very irritating.
Komui stabbed the pencil repeatedly into his desk. Strange people appearing and disappearing at random, his precious Lenalee being stalked by manly men, Kanda getting annoyed, it was too much. Much too much. "Why me?!" he asked of the empty office, getting a weird glance from his coffee cup.
Lavi picked up his pencil again. Allen had gone off to get food, and now Lenalee was here. And, he had an idea. Too bad the girl didn't stick around. And then, I really need to stop talking to myself. It's getting kinda creepy.
35. Stop sending reports to Komui about our strange visitors
a) We don't know anything about them either
b) Yes, they are real. No, they are not ghosts
c) Komui doesn't do his paperwork anyways, you are just adding to that mess he calls an office
People were concerned about the random strangers who kept popping up everywhere around HQ. They would vanish down corridors and not be seen again. And Komui just used the reports as pillows.
36. "Another One Bites the Dust" is not to be sung anytime, anywhere
a) Unless you're destroying Akuma
b) And there are no civilians around
Lavi and Road went on a mission together. The citizens of the town were grateful to be saved, but terribly disturbed by the song. However, many complemented Road on her singing voice, which only stoked her ego that much more. No one needed that.
37. Lavi and Road do not go on missions together unsupervised
a) They should always have someone to supervise them, really
b) Bad things happen
There was a pool going around on how much damage the Unholy Alliance would cause on their next mission. Honestly, their antics cost the Black Order almost as much as Allen's eating necessities did. To date, the two of them were responsible for the River Slide, Poker Night, Hyper Allen Day, Hyper Kanda Day, Drunk Komui Day, Date a Pervert Day... etc etc etc
38. New dress-code initiated by Central
a) Stop sending photos of Pajama Day to the Vatican
b) They don't find it nearly as amusing as we do
c) Lenalee, stop wearing your swim suit at HQ, it freaks Komui out
Central decided to skip its monthly inspection and instead sent a letter informing all personnel of the initiation of a new dress-code. 'Wear regular uniforms in public, or outfits approved by Komui and Central.' In protest of this rule, Lenalee and Road wandered around in their swimsuits for a day. Komui found out and nearly wiped out HQ trying to protect his darling little sister from 'the gazes of all those dirty men'. Tyki declared that he washed daily.
39. Do not say the word Yullen around Kanda or Allen .
a) It will become one of the rare moments where Allen and Kanda team up to kill the person who said it.
b) Come on people, we have a small budget and are short on medical supplies ever since Kanda became invisible!
This rule became a necessity after Lavi showed Kanda and Allen a Yullen fanfic ... afterward, the two of them formed a pact to kill anyone who so much as said the word Yullen . They would have killed anyone suspected of thinking the word, but Lenalee told informed them that lives are worth money. They wouldn't want to be in debt, would they? Komui was very grateful. They were running low on medical supplies and the next shipment wasn't due till next week.
40. Fanfiction is not allowed in the Black Order anymore and no one is allowed to say words such as Yullen, Lavalee, etc...
a) If you say a word that is supposed to represent a pairing usually the people in the pairing get angry and threaten to kill you
b) In the case of Yullen, see above rule
c) Komui still does not approve of Lenalee pairing fics and will send Sir Komurin after anyone who supports these fics
d) Right now we have an invisible Kanda. Do you really want to push your luck ?
Fanfiction soon spread like wildfire around the Black Order and more and more people had been hospitalized due to Sir Komurin, Allen, and Kanda. Sadly, Lavi was very persistent and everyone had since lost count of how many times he had to be dragged to the infirmary to be fixed up.
41. Lavi (and company) are not allowed to read aloud/perform/sing any part of Dracula
a) It puts Krory in a bloodthirsty mood
b) You know, the one in which he will kill you just to shut you up?
Lavi had been bored and tried to think of ways to annoy people. Kanda was invisible, and finding him was to much of a hassle, so Lavi decided to annoy Krory instead. He was talking to Tyki, trying to come up with a plan when they both thought of Dracula. Road wanted to get involved. They even rounded up a few finders. In the end, everyone made use of the two Noah's powers in order to escape an enraged Krory
42. A bored Lavi is a Bad Lavi
a) Find a way to end the boredom immediately
b) But don't involve Road
c) Remember Krory?
d) Noah-chan?
e) Hyper Allen Day?
Lavi was still bored, even after being chased by Krory for eleven hours. Komui decided to end the boredom before anymore damage could be done. He turned Lavi into a girl. Tyki got very interested. Lavi got very scared and ran for his life.
43. If Road is heard humming "Love Game", find and hide Allen
a) Then destroy the CD.
b) And kill Lavi
Lavi bought Road a CD. The sadistic child immediately memorized every song. And began paying special attention to Allen. Luckily, Tyki was still obsessed with Allen, and took the boy into his care until Road could be stopped. And Kanda decided the whole 'never hit a girl' rule didn't extend to boys who had been turned into girls. Yes, Lavi was still a girl, but only because Allen wouldn't let anyone give him/her the antidote. Lavi called it cruel and unusual punishment. Allen called it revenge.
44. Do not talk about Mary-sues
a) Yes, not is in bold. For good reasons.
b) We are all still traumatized
c) Allen starts crying
d) Remember, Road doesn't like it when Allen cries
It had happened on a recent mission. Allen had been saved by a tall, beautiful girl with straight black-hair and big-uh- assets, named Crystal-Jade-Taylor-Belladonna-Felicia Ashley-Jasper-Daisy-Rose-Sapphire Silver-Johanna-Gaea-Hanna-Lural-Anderson. Lenalee had her own tall dark and handsome stalker; who was not Tyki. Lavi fell in love with his own blonde-haired beauty, who also had a ridiculously long name. Tyki hid in a wall. Road quickly grew bored of these shallow people and killed them. She was loved by all, excluding the now male Lavi. Allen hadn't quite forgiven him, but decided disturbing girl-Lavi was more disturbing than "normal" Lavi .
45. Do not piss off the women you work with
a) Stealing their chocolate is a sure-fire way of accomplishing this.
b) You have to deal with them; usually on a daily basis.
c) Some of these women have older brothers.
d) Or potential boyfriends
Allen craved chocolate. He convinced Tyki to steal Lenalee's for him. Lenalee was quite possessive of her chocolate. Tyki got away unharmed because of his special abilities. Allen...wasn't so lucky. Komui got involved. Then Tyki wasn't lucky either.
46. Whilst one is on a mission, one should not run through town wearing only one's underwear
a) It doesn't matter if Lavi stole your clothes.
b) Use a blanket
c) Spare the children!
Lavi, Allen, and Tyki went on a mission. Lavi stole Allen's clothes. Tyki ran through town with them, dragging Lavi with him as Allen chased them wearing nothing but his underwear and a very angry snarl worthy of Lulubell. They weren't welcome back to that town again.
47. Prank wars are not permitted whilst on Black Order grounds
a) Preferably not on missions either, but there is only so much we can control.
b) Tyki rocks at prank wars, due to his special "talent".
Allen was still mad at Lavi and Tyki for the Underwear Incident, Lenalee was mad at Tyki and Allen for the Chocolate Issue, Lavi was still sore for the whole girl/boy incident. Prank wars began, Tyki winning round one. The race was on.
48. Commence Plan Catch Kitchen Alpha Noose Dark Alpha
a) Yes, it is what you think it is
b) We really hope it works
The Invisible Samurai had become too dangerous. What with Yullen, Yuu-chan, and Lavi in general, the Black Order was taking too many loses. Thus began the Catch KANDA Plan. And as usual, it was Lavi's idea.
"Sh!"
"I'm being quieter than you, stupid rabbit."
"Sh!"
"Shut up, Tyki!"
Road giggled, resulting in everyone glaring at her. "Sorry. It's just...funny." Allen rolled his eyes and continued creeping forwards, Lavi right behind him, with Road and Tyki bringing up the rear. Each was armed with a length of rope , six tranquilizers, four locks, and a bowl of Soba. Road had a video-camera. Their plan was simple.
Step one: Find Kanda
Step two: Antagonize him into chasing them
Step three: Lead him to the labs, where Komui and the rest of the science department were waiting with a visibility potion. Komui had yet to give it an "awesome" name so it was just the visibility potion.
Step four: Don't die
Allen had his doubts about the possible success of this plan, but couldn't come up with a better one. Which was why the four of them were sneaking around the 4th floor. Allen stopped suddenly, causing Lavi to run into him, and Tyki to run into Lavi.
"What was that for? Why did you stop? And you, get off of me!" Lavi whispered angrily, first to Allen, then to Tyki.
Allen held a finger to his lips. "I thought I heard something. Nearby." he breathed. A dark chuckle from their left made Lavi gasp and Allen turn even whiter. Tyki prepared to phase through the nearby wall, and Road readied her camera.
"What might you four be doing down here? Looking for someone?"
Lavi gulped and then pushed Allen out ahead of him. "Go get 'em, Tiger!"
Allen looked at him, shocked. "I thought we were gonna stick together, you know, back each other up! You can't just leave me to take care of him by myself!"
Lavi grinned at him. "Don't worry, I'll back you up. Just, you know, from a little farther back. If he gets past you, I'll-"
Tyki cut him off. "You'll what? Run and scream like a little girl?"
Lavi glared at him. "You're one to talk. You're already halfway into the wall already!" It was true. Tyki had phased halfway into the wall, for safety's sake.
Kanda chuckled again. "I'm growing tired of this. What are you gonna do, moyashi? How are you planning to take care of me?" he paused and then continued, "You know, I rather like being invisible. It allows me to do things like... this."
Lavi suddenly found himself held up against a wall, legs no longer touching the ground. "Uh, Allen, little help!" he shouted, knowing that struggling was useless but doing it anyway.
Allen smirked at him. "Don't worry, Lavi! I've got his back! I'd have yours, but it's up against the wall right now."
Lavi glared at him. "You, my good chap, are a bastard."
Tyki sighed. "Guess I'll have to get involved."
Heh. I like having an invisible Kanda. But he's been stuck this way for a while now, so have no fear, your favorite samurai will be visible soon enough. As long as he doesn't kill Lavi first.
As always, rule suggestions are welcome. More than welcome, I love them! I'll do my best to get the next chapter out by Wednesday. If I haven't by then, you should probably let Hotpocket know that I'm procrastinating again...