I forgot something that is semi-important- Clothing. The characters who are normal wear their military uniform, while the shrunken ones wear a smaller version of their military uniforms. However, Germany is the exception to this rule, because he's only physically five, and I don't want a five-year-old wearing a uniform. The rest of them, even if they look only a little older, are okay, since America, Romano, Russia, and Japan's can be seen as casual clothing, an explorer's outfit if you take out the tie, an overcoat, and a boy's school uniform, respectively. Germany's uniforms are clearly military. Now, he wears civilian attire in towns, cities, and anywhere where it would be suspicious to wear a uniform (such as a Marine base), and his uniform everywhere else.

Did you know that the character for England (ying, pronounced –ing, as in running) (英) is similar to the character for tea (cha, as in cha-cha) (茶)? I don't think that that was intentional, though. 英can also mean brave, flower, hero, and even more when spoken. It only means England when it is paired with 國 (guo, not sure how to put it into writing). But you're not listening, are you?

I'm sorry; I just realized a continuity error. The policeman claimed to find the Italy brothers in a crate of tomatoes, but then Veneciano said that they were caught at the pizza stand. I'll try to make things up.

Chapter 19 (John POV)

This was not my day… why did I even bother getting up in the morning? There were never any arrests in this sleepy island. Sometimes I wondered why we had a police force. Our wages come right out of tax money; why waste it? But that's why my boss, Mr. Cid, had made all the rules that the town put down laws, and now any infraction was punishable by a week in jail. He also gave us the right to shoot if necessary, which the town council passed without a fuss. Not like anyone would be affected by that. I mean, there's no reason to use any weapons here, right?

Little did I know how wrong I was. Especially here, where this guy with an axe is… well, let's start at the beginning.

It was a bright, sunny day, and I was posted in the market with Mr. Cid. Nothing much to see, except for a large group of new travelers. I watched as one of them, a girl with short brown hair and a curl on the left side of her hair bounded happily toward the pasta stall. She was exactly my type… "Pretty, isn't she?" I asked Mr. Cid.

"I have a wife," he replied. No sense of humor, that one. Oh well, no competition from him, then.

The pretty girl got into an argument with the stall owner, apparently because his food sucked. Eventually, the owner told her to go make her own, to which she happily obliged. She ran off, and ran back just as quickly, now wearing a maid outfit.

"Ugh, John, look at her," Mr. Cid said. "She's wearing indecent clothing right in the middle of the street."

A little boy who looked a lot like the pretty girl's brother yelled something at her with an expression of pure horror, and she flounced around a bit.

"Even that boy thinks that she should change," Mr. Cid said.

The brother jumped onto a stack of crates and began to strangle her, while yelling something in a foreign language. She responded by saying something indistinct, and then got out a white flag and yelled something in more languages than I thought existed.

"Right, now we go in." Mr. Cid stepped in. "Excuse me?" he tapped the girl on the shoulder."What exactly are you doing? It is forbidden to wear such an outfit in public, and-"

She wasn't paying attention. But then again, she was being suffocated by her own brother.

"Pay attention to me young lady-"

"But I'm not a girl!" She, or rather, he, yelled.

… I think my brain just ruptured. How can that not be a girl? I barely had time to notice the little boy throw something at Mr. Cid, and that the girl-boy had grabbed his/her brother and had run off. From the blood dripping from Mr. Cid's face, it looked like the brat had thrown something hard at him.

"Stop! Men are not allowed to wear women's clothes!" Or not. It looked like he threw a tomato at him, judging by the smell and the stalk. "John! Go get them!"

"Eh? Alright," jolted back into the real world, I chased after them. He sprinted towards the forest, still in a dress. Should be easy, then… HOW THE (afterlife) DOES HE RUN THAT FAST? IN A MAID OUTFIT, NO LESS!

"John! You go with Mary to the forest; I'm going back to base to pick everyone up!"

"Yes sir…" I said unenthusiastically. Mary was not my type at all…

Later, in the forest…

"You lost to a crossdresser? Ha!" Mary mocked mercilessly.

"Come on, Mary, he ran as fast as a horse," I knew that nothing I said would convince Mary otherwise, but I had to try.

"Yeah right, you're just making excuses. Come on, now I have to fix your pathetic mistake," Easy for you to say, Miss mile-in-three-and-a-half-minutes. You were born with some super-athletic gene."You're coming with me, and that's final."

Not like I could argue, Mr. Cid paired me up with you, and I can't say no to him. "Yes ma'am,"

"And don't call me ma'am! It makes me sound old!"

"Yes, Lassie," I said dully. "Hey, is that the latest shipping? They might be there,"

"No, I tell you where to go, not you. Now go search the left side, I'll take the right."

I obeyed without a word. No one wearing a dress here, everyone was hauling the latest shipments to and from town. Anyone wearing a dress in this place would be daft.

"Shh, fratello," I heard a muffled voice say. I spun around, and saw- a crate of tomatoes.

I took a step towards it. "H-hey! Don't come near me!"

"Stai zitto! He'll hear us!"

I took another step. "I'm a tomato box fairy! Just let me stay here in my box! Ve~!"

Seriously? That's the worst lie I've ever heard. I pried open the box.

"Ve~ I'm not actually a tomato box fairy!" The boy/girl popped out of the box, still wearing the maid outfit, covered in tomato juice. "Mi arrendo! Ego deditionem! Je me rend! Me rindo! I surrender!" He yelled, waving a white flag like before.

"Vite di Te, non mi si incastri con voi! [1]" his brother- or sister, looking back at him/her- jumped out of the crate, and ran off towards the cargo lane.

"What are you waiting for? Get him!" Mary yelled. When I did not immediately run off, she grunted and said, "Do I have to do everything myself?" and sprinted towards him/her.

"CHIGI!" he/she looked backwards, and ran faster. Good luck catching him/her, a scared animal is always quicker.

"Ve~~~~~" I spun around, and saw the boy/girl running away, faster than before. I raced after him/her, cursing my laziness during running training. There's no way I can catch her, I thought as s/he was out of sight. But I'll try, and then Mr. Cid can't complain. But where is she?

"Ve, how much for this pizza?"

…This was too easy.

"CHIGI! In case you haven't noticed, we're being chased by the police!" the kid yelled, presumably jostling his sibling like mad. "And this is worse than that pasta!"

"Hey! Get them!" Mary even bossed the local shopkeepers around. "Rgh, alright, I'll do it!" she grabbed the kid, and I tackled the guy/girl from the behind.

"私は降伏!" s/he yelled. (A/N Japanese for 'I surrender')

"Er," I said, still not believing that the person right in front of me was a guy, "I'm here to-"

"Poddaję!" s/he yelled, waving his/her white flag. (A/N Polish)

"Arrest you," I finished. "Um, this may be a rude question, but…"

S/he had a look of pure terror in her/his face.

"Are you really a guy?" I asked awkwardly.

He stared at me a moment. "Sì! I can take my shirt off if you'd like,"

"… Come with me," I handcuffed him- just for the thrill, there was no point in doing it- and dragged him off toward the prison, with Mary following with the kid.

"How did this happen?" the older brother complained when I locked them in. Mary had gone ahead to tell Mr. Cid. "All I wanted was a plate of pasta~,"

"Shut up! This was all your fault anyway!" s/he yelled before strangling his/her brother again. "Fratello, you're the one who wore that thing! Why would you even think of doing that?"

"Shut up, you're giving me a headache," I said. I was disappointed that she turned out to be a guy, and I wasn't going to let them have their way.

The kid screamed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Jailer sir!" s/he groveled at my feet like a pro. "I'll do whatever you say, just don't make us eat that horrible food!"

"Please! We're begging you!" the older one was on his hands and knees.

"…I can't put up with this. I don't care what Mary says, I'm not sticking around," I said.

"Yes sir…" they said feebly.

"I'm telling Mr. Cid, can you watch them?" I asked Mary just before she left.

"Fine. You know, that kid was easy to catch once he found out that I was a woman,"

"What?" first we had a transvestite, and now we have a kid with a crush on her?

"Uh-huh. I guess that it's just my universal attraction, then,"

"Yeah right! You're not even that pretty, you wear too much makeup!" the kid yelled. Isn't he a bit young to make comments like that?

"Shut up, you little brat!" she yelled, and they shrunk back. "I swear, kids these days,"

"…Bye," I trotted off to the forest, where I knew Mr. Cid was.

When I found him and the others, he was talking to the bookkeeper's replacement [2], a guy with glasses about my age, and a kid who looked like a sailor wannabe. "Sir? We've found them; they were hiding in a crate of tomatoes. I don't know where all the tomatoes are, though,"

"But where are they now?" asked the sailor wannabe sweetly.

…This kid was suspicious. "In the town underground prison, of course!" I said, trying to play along.

"All right, let's go men!" ordered Mr. Cid. I started to follow with the rest of them, but a sudden thought struck me, and I ducked behind a tree.

"The underground prison, that's what he said, right?" asked the bookkeeper's replacement.

"Do you have a plan?" the glasses guy whispered, I had to strain my ears to hear.

"Why are you asking me?" the replacement- Arthur, I remembered- said.

"Because you're the one that used to boss the both of us around!" the sailor kid said. "You organized everything, even the battles that you put us through! You're the reason Alfred attacked Mathew, and you stuck me where I could watch your back, without your protection!"

That seemed to have an effect on him. He fell to the ground, clutching his head. The other two knelt down beside him, worried. At last, he stood up, more clear-headed than before. "Sealand. Canada."

"You finally remember! I thought you were tripping again!" Sailor kid exclaimed.

"JOHN! Get your (posterior) over here right now!" Mr. Cid noticed my absence, and went running back to get me. "You're in trouble now, John!"

Later…

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

"Yes?" I opened the door to my apartment. It was Mr. Cid, here to set my disciplinary action.

"Your task tonight is to watch the prisoners that we caught tonight. Mary told me that you couldn't handle it, so," he said with a smirk, "Your job is to watch them all night. All. Night. Long."

"Yessir," I said dismally. Oh well, I told myself. It's not that bad. It could be worse.

I went on the old forest path that went to the prison, humming as I walked. I thought I heard a clanking sound in the distance, but I didn't think much of it. That is, until I opened the door to the prison.

Which brings me back to the present. Three guys and two kids had broken in before I got in. I recognized Arthur and the glasses guy, but the other three were complete strangers. The last adult was a guy with brown hair and a rather large axe, which I couldn't help but notice that it.

Was.

Heading.

Straight.

For.

Me.

I jumped to one side, narrowly avoiding the heavy blade. Arthur had fainted again, but I was more worried about my life. Now my back was to the cell that held the prisoners. There was nowhere to run.

"Antoniyo-san, you did not have to go sat far," one of the kids, a boy with black hair and a katana said quietly and formally.

"Ja, he vas only doing hiz job," the last one- a blonde kid in what looked like an old-fashioned military uniform said, way to serious for his age.

"Doesn't matter," the brown haired guy said as he lifted his axe from the site of impact. His field-green eyes glinted sadistically when I realized that when I dodged, he overshot and demolished the iron bars of the cell behind me. "Él sufrirá- [2]"

BLAM! In the confusion, I remembered the standard-issue pistol that Mr. Cid gave all of us, and fired. It missed.

"Agh!" someone from outside was hit! I peeked out from behind the axe guy, and saw the sailor kid from before, bleeding from the leg. A sniper rifle was placed next to him, presumably loaded. Oh man, just how well-funded are these people!

I felt something grab hold of my underarms, and someone yell, "We've got him!" I couldn't move!

"Good job, Ita-chan!" It was those two again!

"I'm not letting you go!" that little kid was the one pulling me! These people were definitely not normal!

"Ve~ you can still move your arms and legs like this!" Like that was any help!

Brown Hair raised his axe like an executioner and-

"Odio a las recesiones, siempre en mi camino [3]!" he whispered angrily. The man had collapsed, panting and sweating like he was in a desert.

I took that chance, and ran.

TO BE CONTINUED!

[1] Romano just before running off on his own- screw this, I'm not getting caught with you!

[2] Spain right before John shoots; when he's acting sadistic- He'll suffer-

[3] Spain before collapsing- I hate recessions; they always get in my way!

I didn't want to stop there, but I realized that I already fulfilled my quota, and that it would be too long otherwise.

The reason that John called Iggy 'the bookkeeper's replacement' is because I wanted to bridge an earlier plot point, when Nami and Robin met Iggy when he was selling books.

Tomatoes vs. Pizza- Look, John said that they found Veneciano and Romano in a crate of tomatoes, which is a true statement. They just didn't get caught in it. They said that they were caught by the pizza stand, which they were. That's how I fixed it!

How did Veneciano and Lovino get out? Why were the others in prison? What about Sealand? And when will Mary be put in her place? Find out in the next chapter of Arthur Kirkland, United Kingdom, Pirate!