CHAPTER 5

"He left," Spencer announced as she re-emerged from the hallway, a gallon of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and two spoons in hand. She surreptitiously closed the door behind her, despite the fact that beyond it the house was now empty.

Hanna peered at her through puffy eyes. "Where did he go?"

Spencer sighed. "I found a note on the bar. Said he was going to run some errands."

"Errands, huh?" Hanna chuckled mirthlessly, rolling her eyes. "Running off, is more like it."

Spencer winced apologetically as she resumed her seat beside Hanna on the bed, burying her legs beneath the covers.

"Ben & Jerry's," Spencer declared. "I found it in the freezer, leftover from the C.B. Hibernation." The highly punctuated 'C.B.' stood for 'the Caleb Breakup,' and was Spencer's new method of avoiding Caleb's name when talking with Hanna. It seemed easier for Hanna to discuss it when she turned it into an ambiguous abbreviation.

"Thanks," Hanna murmured, sniffling, as she took hold of the ice cream and one spoon. She greedily pulled the lid off and set it aside on her nightstand.

Spencer twirled the other spoon in her hand pensively. "So, he just – kissed you? Out of the blue?"

"Yeah," Hanna agreed through a mouthful of dessert. She swallowed so that she could continue. "One minute things were normal, then the next…"

Spencer considered this for a moment before replying. "Well…I mean…how was it?"

Hanna practically choked on a mouthful of ice cream as she squeaked indignantly. "Spencer!"

"Well, come on!" Spencer insisted sheepishly. "You have to have some kind of opinion about it…I mean, seriously – either you enjoy a kiss or you don't. Simple as that."

Hanna furrowed her brow stubbornly, licking the green treat from her spoon. "I don't know, it's complicated!" she whined. "I liked it, but at the same time, it shouldn't have happened. It was perfect, but stupid. I can't explain it. It's like forbidden fruit, ya know? It tastes good, but you can't help feeling guilty."

"What do you have to feel guilty about?" Spencer asked incredulously, studying Hanna's face. Mascara stains had dried on her delicate cheekbones, tarnishing the perfect makeup she always tried to uphold.

She took a moment to respond, stirring her spoon absent-mindedly in the carton. "We just…shouldn't."

"Give me one good reason."

Hanna glared at her. "Can't you just take no for an answer? Ever?"

Spencer smirked. "I wasn't the captain of the debate team for nothing."

Hanna chewed her bottom lip intently. "Okay. Reason number one: we're friends."

"Toby and I started as friends. Even you and Caleb started as friends. Moot point. Next."

"We live in the same house."

"That's not a problem, that's a bonus," Spencer scoffed. "Next."

"We…uh…well…I just got out of a long-term relationship."

"One that had been suffering for months. You've been emotionally ready to move on longer than you think you have. And Holmes has been the only person who has even come close to making you believe that." Spencer buffed her fingernails on her hoodie. "I can't help but feel that much of your argument is contrived. But nevertheless, please, proceed."

Hanna rolled her eyes and growled, annoyed. "Fine! I don't have any good reasons. None that you can't immediately crush, anyway." She dejectedly jammed her spoon into the ice cream and pushed it away, folding her arms. "I guess I'm just…scared."

"That's how most relationships start, Han," Spencer pressed. "The unknown is always frightening. We show our vulnerability to someone and we feel immediately naked and scrutinized."

Hanna chuckled. "Heh…naked…"

"Hanna, focus."

"Sorry. Part of me is still stuck in middle school, back when dirty words were awkward and funny." Hanna shrugged.

"I know," Spencer said, scoffing impatiently. "Like that paper I helped you write last semester…you laughed at the phrase 'civil duty' for an hour."

Hanna pressed her hand to her lips, stifling laughter. "Duty."

"Stop it!"

"Okay! Sorry!" Hanna pulled a face much like one a teenager would display to her buzz kill mother.

A moment of silence settled between them before Spencer took the leap to break it.

"So…what are you going to do?"

The car ride seemed to be lasting an eternity. Holmes could tell that his passenger was anxious for it to be over, fidgeting and making unnecessary adjustments in the mirror.

"You're sure she doesn't know?"

"Positive," Holmes groaned. They had had the conversation multiple times already, and he was admittedly growing sick of it.

"She'll be so pissed if she knows I'm with you."

"She'll get over it," Holmes grumbled irritably. He fiddled with the radio to distract himself. His passenger studied him intently.

"What the hell crawled up your ass and died?"

"Nothing," Holmes muttered. He quickly checked his blind spot before merging onto the off ramp. There was silence for a second.

"What's going on?"

Holmes sighed resignedly, knowing he would have to talk about it eventually. However, the conversation didn't seem fitting in present company…

"Things are getting complicated with Hanna."

There was a pause of surprise, and perhaps tacit disapproval. "What do you mean?"

"I don't think you're the person I should be talking about this with," Holmes insisted, attempting to save face. The skyline of downtown Ann Arbor was visible on the horizon. He was only a couple short minutes away from home.

"It's okay. Really. You have to talk about it with someone…"

Holmes studied his passenger once more, chewing his bottom lip in thought. "Are you sure it doesn't upset you?"

"It's fine. I swear."

"Well…I kissed her today."

There was another pregnant pause. "Why would you do that?"

"I don't know," Holmes murmured. "It just…happened."

"How could you do that?"

"Look, I'm sorry," Holmes insisted as he turned onto his street. "I told you that you didn't wanna hear this."

"Well…what does it mean?"

Holmes studied the road before him, unable to meet his company's eyes. "I don't want this to ruin anything."

"Doesn't seem like you've really thought that part through."

"I'm sorry, okay?" Holmes bellowed, unable to contain his frustration any longer. "It's been a long time coming! I've been attracted to her for a while. I just haven't been able to admit it to myself."

His passenger was now slouching in the seat, arms crossed bitterly. "I swear to God, if you let this get in the way…"

"I know."

There was another round of silence.

"You have got to stop thinking with your dick."

"It's not like that," Holmes growled. "I care about her."

"When did this start?"

"I told you. A while ago. It's just been hard to digest."

Holmes turned his car into the driveway, unable to think of any more salient arguments that he could provide. He felt unbearably guilty about the entire situation, and felt foolish attempting to justify it.

His passenger was staring angrily out the window. "Well, I guess this is it. Time to let the cat out of the bag."

"I'll get your stuff," Holmes decided cordially, getting out of the car and approaching the trunk. He extracted a suitcase and a duffel bag, feeling that this gesture was one of the only ways to make his apology known.

His passenger leaned against the door, thoughtfully looking up at the stars.

"It's a nice night."

"Yep," Holmes agreed half-heartedly as he began to walk up the porch. He looked back at his companion apologetically.

"Look…I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make this any more complicated or stressful for anyone…"

"Tell that to Spencer."

Holmes winced. "She actually sorta seems on board with it…"

"Are you kidding?"

"She seems to think it's good for us. It would be nice if you could feel the same."

An awkward silence followed for a moment. "Fine." They both began to walk towards the door, but his passenger held it shut to make one last comment. Blue eyes shot acidic daggers into bronze. "But we're not done talking about this. We'll finish the conversation later."

Holmes nodded shortly before offering a hesitant smile. "I'm glad you're home, Cavanaugh."

Toby allowed for his lip to turn up only slightly, clapping his hand on his best friend's shoulder. "I am too. And you're sure Spencer has no idea?"

"None. I told you a million times."

"She may be fine with this Hanna thing now…but if you let it ruin the wedding, she's going to kill someone. You don't know her like I do."

Holmes chuckled darkly. "I'm starting to learn."

Toby sighed heavily, smirking at Holmes. "Can't wait to see the look on her face."

Holmes returned the gesture. "It was a good idea to keep it a surprise, man."

With that, they pulled the door open and breached the threshold.