Hello, everyone. Happy holidays! In honor of the holiday spirit, there's going to be some Finland!
I learned about the filibuster in American politics. In the Senate, a Senator can hold the podium and talk for as long as they want, delaying laws. Now there has to be a 60% vote to get them off, but it used to be that they'd have to have a unanimous agreement to stop him- even the guy talking had to agree to stop! But imagine this scenario- a Senator is holding a filibuster, and he wants to stop, but there's another Senator who doesn't want him to stop! He'd have to hold his filibuster until he passes out, and he's get arrested for stopping. Crazy politicians.
Chapter 37 (Tashigi POV)
Prussia and Spain exchanged looks of terror. "D-do you really think that Belarus is going to come?" asked Spain nervously.
"Vhy not?" said Prussia. "Russland's here, und…"
"Who's this 'Belarus'?" I asked. "Why are you afraid of him?"
"Her," corrected Spain. "Belarus is a girl. And she…"
"Tongue-tied around her?" teased John. "Got a crush?"
"No, you don't understand…" said Spain. "Belarus is… Imagine the most insane maniac you know. Then image that he or she has an evil little sister."
Oh. "So she's not a crush, then," said John.
"Even if ve did haf a crush, she'd still…" Prussia shuddered. "I almost feel sorry for Litauen." (A/N Lithuania).
Spain nodded silently. "He still likes her… and she hates him," he said nervously. "But it's probably better that she hates him… you saw what she does with Russia…"
"Who's Russia?" asked Mark.
"Her older brother," Spain sweated. Prussia cursed in some strange language, but Spain continued with, "Belarus wants to get married to him."
The words 'married' weighed heavily throughout the corridor. "But…" Smith began. "They're siblings, aren't they…?"
"That's why she's crazy," said Spain. "Right, Prussia?"
Prussia was silent, but he was shaking. Rage? Fear? Excitement? I couldn't tell at all…
"All right," said Smoker. "Break's over, let's move out!"
"Vhy do ve haf to follow you?" grumbled Prussia.
Spain sighed, and said something that sounded vaguely like, "We don't have anywhere to go, we might as well stay with them," judging by his tone.
"Fine," Prussia complained.
The air took on a chill wind. Bells swished around… What was going on? Was that… a sled? And reindeer…
"Hello, everyone!" shouted a voice from the sled.
"F-Finland!?" shouted Spain and Prussia in unison. "V-vot are you doing here!?"
The sled- sleigh, I corrected myself- landed in front of us. The driver, a happy young man wearing all red, vaulted out of it and handed Smith, who was nearest, a box wrapped with a ribbon. "Hi!" he said enthusiastically to those of us who didn't know him. "I'm Finland, but right now I'm Santa!"
"What?" said the bewildered Smith. Of course he was confused. He was just handed a gift from a guy he didn't even know.
"I take the job of Santa ever Christmas," explained Finland.
"But it's not even Christmas!" shouted Prussia.
Finland sighed. "You're right. But the author wanted me here, and [gender undisclosed] didn't want to wait until Christmas to update…" He was taken aback. "Wait, why did I just say gender undisclosed? He, she… the author's gender is [undisclosed]…"
"[Gender undisclosed] does zat," said Prussia. "You just haven't hung around here long enough."
"Oh," said Finland, accepting the whole thing like it was normal. He rummaged through a giant sack, picked out a whole bunch of presents, and handed them out. "Here, I have to get to the others. Näkemiin!" he waved goodbye at us, and boarded his sleigh. It rose in the air like a magic broomstick, and he flew out of sight.
"Hey, Prussia?" said Spain nervously. "Do you think… that…?"
"Sink vot?" said Prussia.
"Don't you think that we could have asked him for a ride home?" said Spain. "I mean, how else did he get here if he didn't have a way back?"
Prussia slapped himself, and shouted, "YOU STUPID AUTHOR! CURSE YOU, ZANTETSUKEN REVERSE!"
X (Nami POV)
"You're Russia's little sister?!" I said after a moment of shudders. "You look almost nothing alike."
Belarus lowered her knife, but she was still poised to strike. Canada kept on speaking in another language, something along the lines of, 'Calm down'. Belarus appeared to let up a little. At least that was a start…
WHANG! Belarus threw her knife at Canada, missing by a fraction of an inch and embedding itself into the stone behind him. She then yelled something at Canada, and stalked off. Canada's knees gave way, and he let out a sigh of relief. "I told her everything," he said quietly, so we had to strain to hear. "But I let slip that Arthur turned Russia into a kid again, so she swore to kill him."
"And you're not worried?" said Robin.
"Not really," said Canada. "Arthur can defend himself. A-as long as Russia's not there…"
Belarus turned around, and shouted, "What are you waiting for?! Get over here!"
Robin and I looked at each other. She can speak English!? Why is it that they can all speak each other's languages at the drop of a hat!? "I think we should hurry before she starts throwing knives around again," I said, and Robin nodded.
"I wonder how she and Russia grew up, if they're both like that," said Robin. "I wonder how their older sister is… just as crazy, probably."
"She's actually really nice," said Canada in a low voice. "She apologizes all the time for stuff that isn't her fault… And she's the one who raised Russia and Belarus. No, she's not the reason why they're insane. It's Russia's fault, really."
"But why was she the one to-" I began, but Canada shook his head.
"I'm not going to lie to you any more than I already have," he said with conviction. "As a matter of fact, most of what I told you two were lies. America and I are twins, but we are in no way related to France or Arthur. Arthur's mother was dead by the time he adopted America. France never knew his parents. Peter really is Arthur's biological brother, not a distant relative. And even if the timestream is different, it doesn't flow faster here… It'll all make sense when you know… [1]"
That left me with more questions than answers. How did Arthur adopt America when he's only four years older than he is? Where did Peter fit into the equation? Where was he when America ran away?
TWANG! "Hurry up!" shouted Belarus, throwing a knife that landed where my hand was a moment ago. Just how I predicted… "Where are you, big brother Russia?" she asked the world at large. "Come back~ so that we can become one~"
All three of us shuddered. "I feel sorry for Russia for having a sister like that," said Robin.
X (Ussop POV)
Russia sneezed. I didn't know he could sneeze… it just seemed, well, too human for him. He seemed like a force of nature until now…
America stopped in his tracks. "What happened, dude?"
Russia shivered. "I sink zat… my little sister is here…"
Something went between them that I didn't understand. "Your sister… Belarus? She's the one who wants to marry you, right?" I said meekly.
Russia shuddered. "I do love her, but she loves me a little too much…"
More zombies swarmed at us, but since America and Russia were here, I wasn't that afraid…
CTCH! A short blade sprouted from the wall, and was jerked back by an unseen force. A young girl's voice uttered something in a language so foreign that I couldn't even spell the letters of the words…
Russia and America blanched. "Guys, whatever you do, stay quiet!" shouted America.
CRASH! The wall crumbled at the might of- a six year old girl? Robin, Nami, and Canada emerged from the cloud of dust, thoroughly shocked. Canada was babbling in another language, while Nami was slowing backing away and Robin used her Flower power to scan for any exits.
"MATTIE!" shouted America as he-tackle-hugged Canada.
"Ugh…" Canada groaned, and America released him. "There might just be one part of my body that hasn't been ruptured, broken, or shattered…"
"BIG BROTHER!" shouted the unfamiliar girl, and she hugged Russia affectionately. Russia smiled a genuine, non-psychotic smile… for all of ten seconds. Then the girl said, "Now Big Brother will marry me, da?"
Russia's smile broke out into an expression of pure horror. "There's no way that you're called Belarus," I said.
"B-bad move," said Canada, and he moved to the side silently. Belarus glared at me, and the next thing I knew, I was pinned to the wall by my clothes by several knives… that sentence didn't make any sense, did it? But I'm too scared to care…!
Belarus said something unrecognizable, but then Russia stopped her from doing any lasting damage with a few words. She then glomped him.
I let out a sigh of relief. One crisis averted…
Thump… Something landed outside… I looked out of a conveniently placed window. A sleigh pulled by reindeer greeted my eyes, along with-
"Hi!" said an eager voice. I spun around, and this guy wearing all red was there!
"Finland?" asked Canada.
"Финляндия…" said Belarus.
"Финляндия," confirmed Russia.
"Who are you?" asked Nami.
"Oh, sorry," said the guy. "I'm Finland, but right now I'm Santa!"
"What?" the three of us who had no clue said in unison.
"Every year on Christmas, I'm the one who delivers presents to people! Here you go," he said, handing me a parasol.
"Th-thank you, but-"
"Hold on," said Finland, distracted by his bag. He tossed each of us a box wrapped with a ribbon. "Merry Christmas!" he smiled at us.
"Wait," said Canada. "You-"
Finland bowed to us in a hasty but apologetic manner. "I'm sorry, but I have to go deliver some more presents! Bye now!"
He somehow managed to get though the debris unharmed, and flew (!) away on the sleigh…
"What did 'ya want to ask him, Mattie?" asked America.
"I thought that he could get us home…" said Canada. "He must have gotten here somehow…"
"Kolkolkol… why did you not sink of zis sooner?"
X (Sealand POV)
Unable to wake him, I lifted jerk-England over my shoulder and carried him as we walked. Zoro offered, but I was fine with the burden, since I was made of metal and couldn't break under the strain. But something was wrong… random pictures and sounds flashed through my head like a mixed-up PowerPoint on steroids. Scotland's booming voice roared randomly, and I thought I saw Queen Victoria somewhere. "He's regaining his memories," I said out loud.
"How do you know?" asked Zoro.
"Jerk-Arthur and I share a subconscious," I said without thinking. [2]
Franky, who was in front, stopped, forcing the rest of us to halt. "You what!?"
"If you are in front, then move!" shouted China. Franky started walking, but he was still waiting for me to answer.
"Long story," I said quickly. "But basically, we always have the exact same dreams. But since he's unconscious, I'm seeing what he's seeing."
"Cool!" said Franky.
Ouch… my heart! London was on fire-
China jabbed me in several spots, and the pain subsided. "You are okay?" he asked.
I nodded. "Jerk-Arthur just remembered the Fire of London, so I saw it, too," I explained. "Try not to be surprised if I answer a question that no one asked, or if I start saying that my back hurts or something."
"You flobby-wanded dementor boggerer!"[3]
"Son of a ban-! Sorry," I caught myself.
"Is that what you meant?" asked Zoro dryly.
"Yes," I said. "So whatever I say, I'm not actually-"
"Ahh!" screamed a clumsy chef. "My head is on fire!"
"Hold still!" I shouted. "I'll put it out!"
China looked at me strangely. "You are okay?" he asked. "I have ancient recipe for headache and insanity. Just give me time to crush the ginger-"
"I'm not insane!" I shouted.
"That's what they all say," said Zoro.
I heaved a heavy sigh. There's no point in arguing with that logic.
"Your strange Western ways are confusing," said Japan.
"What do you mean by-?"
BOOM! I heard the sound of crumbling stone, and I spun around to the source. A boy about my age was standing there with a heavy metal object, yelling something sporadically in a mix of German and Hungarian.
Japan's eyes went wide. "H-Hangari-san?" he asked.
I took a good, long look at the kid. That was Hungary!? I knew she did look like a boy until she hit puberty, but wow… I thought they meant that she was just a tomboy! "You're H-!?"
"Igen," she replied, temporarily distracted from her rage. "Vhy vouldn't I- oh." She looked down at her own body.
"How did you get here?" asked China.
"I asked Lukas to help," said Hungary. "I was looking for Herr Auztria, but somesing vent wrong, so I ended up like zis." She indicated to her body.
"Lukas knows?" asked Japan. "Sen why did he not help us?"
"I sink he vanted to help anyvone else who asked, so he stayed on the surface. But he might be planning somesing zat vould help us… by ze vay, vhy is your broser unconscious?"
Japan explained everything to her in rapid Japanese, which she nodded to. "Oh. Zen I von't hit him vis my frying pan," she said. "Until he regains his memory, zat is."
"How long have you been looking for Austria?" asked Franky. "We saw him back in the last island."
"So did I," she replied. "I tried to look for him zere, but I got sidetracked and I did not have enough time to leave. So I joined ze Marines to- vhy are you looking at me like zat?"
Franky and Sanji were looking at Hungary with identical looks of pure horror. "Y-you joined the Marines?!" shouted Franky.
"Igen," said Hungary, oblivious.
The next thing I knew, Hungary was holding both Sanji and Franky in headlocks, with ammo dropping out of Franky's left arm and Sanji's legs disabled by Hungary's. "Do you have any honor!?" she shouted into their ears.
Sanji tried to loosen his legs free, but Hungary flipped them both judo-style and twisted their arms. "Vhy did you-"
"I tord you, sey are pilates," said Japan serenely. "It is natural for sem to be suspicious of a Maline."
Hungary let go, and they collapsed to the ground. "You-" Sanji sprang up to kick her, but she bashed him in the head with her frying pan.
"It's not worth it," said Zoro. "You'll just end up on the ground again."
Sanji glared at him with an intensity I only saw with jerk-England and France. Russia and America? Only this century, maybe last century too [4]. Jerk-England and France have been fighting for ages. "Is that why you're still standing?" he asked.
"Not just that," he said. "We don't have any reason to attack every Marine that comes our way. Smoker wasn't that bad, he was just doing his job. He's a Marine, we're pirates. Besides, I used to be a pirate hunter."
"You know Commodore Smoker!?" shouted Hungary. "He vas ze vone who let me in!"
Zoro looked at her in shock. "That means… she's here too!"
"Tashigi?" she asked. "Also, zere is John, Smith, Mark… oh, and that idiot Poroszország, too."
"So that's where he was this whole time…" I said. "How is he?"
She sighed. "Crazy as ever…"
"He wouldn't be Prussia otherwise," I said. "Is he a kid, too?"
"Igen," she said.
"What does 'Igen' mean, anyway!?" shouted Sanji in a fit of rage.
"It means yes," she said, but I could see that she saw the argument just waiting to happen.
"Then why don't you just say yes like a normal person!?" he yelled, his head in her face.
"Zat is my language!" she shouted, so close that their foreheads touched.
"I don't care, little boy!"
"Little boy!? I am-"
BRAANG! Someone hit a large gong, distracting Hungary and Sanji from their fight. Finland! Dressed as Santa! "Hi!" he shouted jovially.
"Finland?" said me, Hungary, China, and Japan in almost-unison, since we each said his name in a different language.
"Kiina? Unkari? Japanissa? Meri Maa?" he said. Since I wasn't an actual nation, there was no word for my name in Finnish, so he called me by a combination of the words 'sea' and 'land'. All the other nations called me by that formula except for the ones with English as a primary language, and China, who called me 'Xi-Lan-De'. I never quite figured out why.
"Who are you?" asked Sanji, suspicious and angry that his fight was stopped.
"I'm Finland," said Finland. "But… I'm Santa tonight, so I'm here to deliver presents!" He handed the bewildered Sanji a barrel with a bow on it.
"Oh, thanks," he said, not really sure what was going on.
Finland handed each of us something, and said, "I'm very busy tonight, so I have to go now. Bye!" He dashed down a corridor, waving at us as he went.
After a long, awkward pause, Japan finally said, "I wonder why he did not offer to take us home."
Hungary wheeled on him. "You mean zat you vould abandon Herr Auztria!?"
"I- I did not mean it like sat," said Japan.
"Wait, when did you think of that?" I asked.
"As soon as he came in," he said. "Should I have asked?"
China slapped himself. "Yes. You should have."
X (Chopper POV)
At last, Austria's fingers stopped moving across the piano. With a sigh, he leaned back. "Und zat eeiz my anger."
"Chopin?" said France. "You anger is Chopin?"
Austria shot France an irritated look. "Ja," he said pompously.
Knockknockknock… someone rapped on the door, and opened it. A skinny young man wearing all red came in… smelling like reindeer! I went closer to have a sniff. "Hi!" he said to all of us. "I'm here as Santa today!"
"Ah. Finland," said Austria, as if he was expecting him. "Vot do you haf today?"
The guy smelling of reindeer grinned, and handed Austria a box wrapped in wires. "Here you go. Merry Christmas!"
He then gave France a tightly sealed package. "Don't open it until you're off screen," he whispered. "The author won't like it…"
He turned to me. "Here. I thought you wanted it."
What the- a box full of syringes! "Th-thank you!" I said heartedly.
He smiled and nodded. "Well, I have to go. Have a nice holiday!" With a smile, he left opened the door to leave the room-
"Vait!" shouted Austria. "Vhy can't you bring us home?"
Finland turned around, and shyly shook his head. "Uh… It's against the rules for me to do that… Interdimensional work is a messy business, even if you work as Santa part-time."
With that, he hastily slammed the door shut.
Austria was fuming. "He sinks zat he can talk back to me like zat? Zis is var!" He sat back down on the chair. "The piano vill now haf my feelings expressed through eeit."
The piano… I had no idea how good it could sound…
X (Germany POV)
"Did you hear zat?" I asked. "Someting like a man declaring zat he vill marry you, Nami, und Robin…"
"Nope," said Luffy. "Why would he want to marry me?"
"I van't talking about you!" I said.
"Uh… is this a good time to interrupt?" asked a familiar boyish voice. Finland!
"Ve~ Finland!" cried Italy, and he hugged him.
"H-hey, Italy!" said Finland happily. "It's been so long!"
"VE!"
"Oh, right," said Finland. "As Santa, I'm here to give each of you a gift."
He handed Luffy a large box. "Don't eat it all at once!"
"YAY! MEAT!"
"And for you, Germany, a crate of beer!"
"Danke," I said. At least it wasn't like last time…
"And Italy, a new pot!"
"Ve~" It was amazing how Italy could convey an entire essay in his rapid body movements.
"Well, I'd best be going," said Finland. "And don't worry, Nor and Romania are trying to find you. I'll tell them your coordinates, but you might have to wait just a little bit longer!"
"Vot?"
"Bye!" Finland leapt over the zombie's corpse, and sprinted out of sight.
"Zat vas… strange."
"Ve~ do you think that we're going to be rescued?" asked Italy.
"Probably," I said.
BANG! A man with a lion's head appeared out of nowhere! "GYAHAHAHAH! I am here to take you as my w-"
"VEEE~~!"
Italy ran away. "H-hey, come back here!" said the lion-headed man.
BAM! I fired a shot at him. "Who are you?" I asked threateningly.
"H-kids shouldn't have guns!" said the lion-headed man.
"I am not a child!" I shouted, and kicked him in the chest. A moment later, he vanished.
"I'll be back…" he said. Judging by the sound of his footsteps, he was running away.
"Shouldn't we go get Italy?" asked Luffy. Before I could say anything, he stretched his arms out and launched himself forward at a rapid speed.
"Vait!" I shouted.
I caught up with Italy before long, but Luffy was still ahead of us. "Ve, he passed me a long time ago," said Italy.
CRASH! "STRAW HAT~!"
I grabbed Italy and ran to the source of the shout. "Luffy!" said a gleeful voice. Spain?
"Ve, big brother~!" shouted Italy, and he ran blindly towards Spain.
The problem was that there was already someone in between him. A giant man smoking three cigars was grabbing Italy by the scruff of his neck. "Who are you?" he asked intimidating.
Italy let out a spew of Italian, mainly 'I surrender' and 'OMG YOU ARE LIKE TOTALLY HUGE'.
"Let go of him!" Spain and I shouted in unison. He paused, and craned his neck to look at me. "Germany?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but the next thing I knew, the giant man was spurting blood. Yelping in pain, he let go of Italy, who screamed and hugged me. "GERMANY! Ve, GERMANY~!"
WHAM! Suddenly, all of the air in my lungs left my body! I would have groaned if I could breathe… "KESESESE~! Didn't see zat coming, did you, Vest?!" shouted a familiar, loud voice.
"P-Prusia, wh-" Spain retched, and he fell to the ground, groaning about his economy. "Not again…"
"H-hey, let go of him!" said the girl.
"I can't help it!" shouted my immature older brother. "It's been so long since ve last saw each ozer!"
"B-Bruder…" FWAP! I flipped him and slammed him to the ground.
WHAM! Prussia kicked me with both feet, and forced me to the ground. With a lightning-quick movement, he hurled his knee onto my chest, all but crushing my ribs. "Kesese~ still a hundred years too early to beat me, kleinen bruder!"
"Brother?!" shouted all five of the people I didn't know.
"Ja," said Prussia. "Zis eeiz my little bruder, Germany."
"You're… older?" said the woman with the sword. "I can't believe that you're an older brother… You just don't seem the type."
"Ve go out und drink beer sometimes," said Prussia unhelpfully.
"Not what I meant…"
The smoking man glared at Luffy, but thought better of it. "Normally, I would have tried to arrest you, but now doesn't seem to be the time," he said. "With the zombies and all, I don't think this is the time to be fighting."
Spain let out a sigh of relief, and then was suddenly attacked by a plummeting GDP.
"You okay?" another man asked Spain.
"Th-this is normal, mi amigo," he said. "Unfortunately…"
X (Romano POV)
I woke up to the texture of a leather belt restraining my body. "N-ngh!" I struggled, but they only seemed to become tighter… I glanced around my surroundings. Let's see… lights that you see in a dentists or surgeon's operation room, something restraining victim, pickled lizards in jars… Yep, your generic human experimentation lab. I then uttered the most generic line that was ever invented- "Where am I?"
"Glad you asked."
"CHIGI!" I screamed. It was a zombie! Or at least, someone who looked a lot like one… I calmed down. "All right, where's the hidden camera?"
The strange man looked puzzled. "What's a camera?"
"Never mind," I said. "So why am I here? Can I go home now?"
"Why aren't you scared?" he asked. "I mean, look around you! I have torture equipment everywhere! And you're five years old!"
I'm actually twenty, I wanted to say. I did actually appear to be twenty-two, but since Veneziano looked twenty and we told everyone that we were twins, I had to say I was twenty. But instead I said, "Yeah, so?"
"You should be shaking!" ranted the zombie man. "Why aren't you?"
"Why should I be?" I spat. "This isn't the first time I've been kidnapped. You're not doing a very good job." Even Veneziano and I did better when we arrested England. At least we got some sort of emotional reaction from him for more than five seconds.
The zombie man waved a hand dismissively. "Moving on, I guess you want to know why you are here."
"That's what I just asked you five minutes ago," I said with clear disdain.
"I saw how you defeated an entire horde of my zombies," he said, plowing straight through me. "So I sent them to kidnap you so I can use you in my experiments!"
"CHIGI… wait, how did they know to kidnap me before I killed them?"
"I asked them to do it afterwards," he said smugly.
Knockknockknock… Finland! "H-Is this a bad time?" he said, dressed as Santa.
"Finland!" I shouted. "What are you doing here?!"
"It's almost Christmas, and I'm Santa…" he said awkwardly… "I can't really interfere with anything while I'm Santa, so… I'll just leave your present on the bench…"
"You-" I let of a string of Italian curses, but stopped after seeing Finland so helpless.
"I don't have anything for you, since reanimating dead bodies illegally and making zombies qualifies you for the naughty list," said Finland. "Here. A lump of coal."
He dropped some black matter into the zombie man's hand. "Bye!" he waved and shut the door behind him.
"Reanimating dead bodies?" I repeated. "That would get you on the naughty list…"
"Shut your mouth!" shouted the zombie man. "I am Doctor Hogback, and I will not tolerate this kind of disobedience!"
"And now you know the reason why the Austrian Hapsburgs shoved me to their Spanish cousins," I said.
"What?"
"Never mind," I said quickly. Idiota! Why did I say that?
"Well, I guess it doesn't matter," he said. "After all, you're going to be-"
WHAM! The door smashed open with a loud noise. Th-this chill… It couldn't be…
"Hola!" said Spain with false cheer. He was smiling, but his aura said otherwise… a chilly, bloodthirsty, violent aura…
Doctor Hogback, whatever his name was… he was screwed.
TO BE CONTINUED
[1] Canada's lies- I only just realized how little he lied about, almost.
[2] Sealand and England's subconscious- In 'So why do we have a Firebender on our team again', it is revealed that they share a subconscious, and therefore share dreams. And since England is unconscious, Sealand is seeing his memories.
[3] You flobby-wanded dementor boggerer, Son of a ban- both Wizard Swears from the Potter Puppet Pals video.
[4] Russia and America fighting- Remember, it's 1994 right now, so last century means the 1800s. I have no real idea how long they're been going on for, since I once saw a video about the American Civil War where a Union man said something like, "…if we cannot reform the South, I am going somewhere where evil is done without justifying it…"
Spain, Prussia, and the Marines meet Luffy, Germany, and Italy, and later Romano.
Canada, Robin, Nami, and Belarus meet Ussop, Russia, and America.
Sealand, England, Japan, China, Franky, and Sanji meet Hungary. Sanji and Hungary immediately hate each other. Sealand sees England's memories.
WHEN WILL AUSTRIA GET OFF THE PIANO!? Oh, and France and Chopper are there, too.
What will happen to the Doctor? What will Absalom do to marry Robin, Nami, and… Italy? And when will Austria finally get his (posterior) off of the piano?!