Crystal Bot liked working on Bass. Sure, it was annoying to share a lab with Bright Man, and all she ever really got to do was repair environmental damage done to Bass by the heavy snows (would this Russian winter ever end?), but at least things were happy. The dark robot was in Russia now, looking to find where his horrid creator had hidden his masterpiece robot: Zero. That was why Forte and his technician were staying in Dr. Cossack's lab, legal property of the Russian doctor until Zero was encountered.
"Hurry up, Sonata." Bass complained. "I don't want to leave Treble out there by himself for long. Not when he can run into Zero at any time."
"Hold your horses! I want you to work right when you find him!"
For the moment, Bass was sitting on the right half of a small lab, which consisted of little more than a wall computer and two repair tables. The entire left side (much bigger than the other) was filled with all manner of plants, covering each repair table, computer top, and window sill available. That was what Bass got to stare at as Crystal Bot worked on his open buster; little sparks shot out at her face as she welded his buster armor together. After one final burning glow, she seemed pleased.
The daughter of Crystal Man happily put down her torch, snapping off the flame with the push of a button on the blue canister. "There we go! Test that out and see if it works."
Forte repeatedly switched his hand to and from a buster, satisfied with the short change time. "Looks good. Alright, now get me some energy pellets and I'll get going."
"Right!" With that, Crystal Bot dashed over to Bright Man's side of the lab (he wasn't there, fortunately) and started digging through one of his cabinets. "Hey Forte? When we were with Dr. Wily, you got to see a lot of the world, right?"
"I guess." Bass grimaced as he hopped off of the repair table. He didn't like thinking of those times. But it was true; he spent as little time as possible at the Skull Castles as he could. He had to go back from time to time to get repaired, but after that it was right back out into the open world to avoid Wily, cause mischief, and fight Mega Man.
"And you met a lot of humans?"
"Some." Bass grinned, choosing not to add aloud, the ones I scared to death.
"Okay, so you know more about humans than I do." Crystal Bot straightened, bearing several small energy pellets in her arms. She kicked the cabinet door shut. "I've never been out of the labs at Wily's for very long, and Dr. Cossack doesn't have a lot of humans around. There's something I've always been really curious about, and I was hoping you could answer a question for me."
"Sure, I guess." Bass took the energy pellets and stashed them under his armor. "What do you want to know?"
"Where do babies come from?"
Bass froze in place, stiffening every joint and leaving his face in an expression of horror. "Um...you seriously don't know?"
"Nope." Crystal Bot didn't appear to notice how scared her boss looked. "I meant to ask Dr. Wily, but I kept forgetting. So where do they come from? I mean, I know when women are gonna have babies they look all big and fat, but that's all I know."
The technician looked at Bass with curious and perfectly innocent eyes, waiting for him to say something. Bass, however, was managing to regain control of his facial features - somewhat. He awkwardly opened his mouth, trying to choose words but quickly deciding against them. Finally he sputtered an answer.
"Crystal...look it up on the internet."
"But I -"
"LOOK IT UP. ON THE INTERNET."
Bass teleported out of there like a bolt of lightning and was gone. Confused, Crystal Bot just stared up at where the teleport beam had gone.
"That's weird. I was just asking a question. Sheesh..."
-t-
Dr. Cossack was giving himself a day off. He was in the living room, but since he was without a wife it served as his man-cave. The whole place was scattered about with books and newspapers, all helpfully gathered into respective piles on the desk, the chair, the bookshelves, the unoccupied corners, and certain spots on the floor. Cossack was notoriously clean about his laboratory. This place was his room to relax! So he stretched out there on loveseat, smoking a cigar and reading the latest tech publication that Russia printed. He took a contented draw from his tabacco and sighed dreamily, remembering that Kalinka was making roast beef sandwiches for lunch. This was the life!
Mikhail was in a good mood, so it didn't bother him at all when a soft knock sounded on the door. He hoped it was Kalinka, but as he said, "come in" the entering person was Crystal Bot.
"Hey, Dr. Cossack." she said. "I wanted to talk to you for a minute about humans. I'm not bothering you, am I?"
"No, it's fine." he said almost lazily, sitting up. "What's on your mind?"
"Well, I was talkin' to Forte-kun about something, but then he got all weird and teleported away." Crystal Bot explained, coming over and sitting at the now free spot on the sofa. "I don't get him sometimes. Anyway, you have a kid so you would know this: where do babies come from?"
That hit Dr. Cossack like a punch from a heavyweight champion boxer. The scientists sputtered a bit, clearing his throat and trying not to turn red - it didn't work. He delayed for a minute by setting aside his magazine and putting out his cigar, but once these small acts were finished Crystal Bot was still staring at him, waiting for an answer.
"Papa!" Kalinka cheerfully called out as she entered the room bearing a tray with a large sandwich and a mug of coffee. "Lunch is ready!"
"Ah, Kalinka!" Dr. Cossack spoke a little too loudly to be mannerable. "Dr. Petrovich called me this morning didn't he? I forgot I was supposed to return the call after...after his meeting. I've got to go talk to him about...things."
With that, the Russian scientists dashed out of the room with surprising speed for an older human. Puzzled, the girl and the girl-bot stared at each other.
"What was going on?" Kalinka asked, setting her tray on the one open spot on the desk. "Why was Papa acting so weird?"
"I just asked him where babies come from...that's all..." Crystal Bot felt more confused by the minute.
Kalinka had to laugh. "Ha, the birds and the bees. I remember when Papa had to tell me about it. It was so awkward! He ended up having one of his female collegues explain it to me."
Crystal Bot brightened at once. "Oh, so you know? Tell me!"
Now that the earnest question was directed at her, it was Kalinka's turn to be awkward. She sputtered and "ahem"ed several times over, thinking and making little nervous hand motions as she tried to decide how best to explain. But each wince and blush convinced Kalinka that this was a question she wasn't ready to answer.
"Um...err...oh! Papa forgot his lunch!" Kalinka suddenly exclaimed. "I've got to go find him!"
Kalinka only stayed long enough to snatch up the tray. With that, she vanished from the room so fast that it was hard to tell that she had gone out of the door rather than teleporting.
"Well, that's just weird. Why can't people tell me where babies come from?" Crystal Bot scrunched up her face in annoyance "I don't get it. There's nothing scary about babies. Hee hee, it's funny to see people act all weird when I mention it though...could it be that I've found...a secret weapon to make people go away?"
Crystal Bot clapped her hands at the thought. As scientific as she always preferred to be, Crystal Bot still loved magic; the inexplicable things that made interesting happenstances occur for seemingly no reason. And here was a great magic! A magical question that would instantly make everyone afraid and run as fast as they could. Crystal Bot giggled more and more, clapping her hands. Her giggling grew along with her devious smirk. She just got an idea...
-t-
"Wily! Come on! You've got a phone call!"
Albert Wily couldn't stand prison. Between being bossed around, being made to work sewing (they wouldn't let him near anything half resembling a machine), and stuffing down cardboard meals, even high-status criminal Wily was having a rough time of it. Though the food was indeed related to its corrugated anscestor, it was definitely annoying to be pulled from even that to answer the phone on an empty stomach. Wily focused as hard as he could on the nasty sausage to remind his stomach that going without breakfast wasn't the worst thing in the world.
"Who's calling me now?" Wily fussed just for the show of it as two guards brought him down the hall. "Not the REA again, I hope..."
"Nah, it's some robot from Russia." a guard said. "You've got five minutes."
And with that, the two brought him over to a smaller room whose walls resembled all the other dull walls in the stupid prison: white painted cinderblocks. The only thing really unique about this room were the three telephones on the left wall, separated by nothing more than 1 foot plastic panels. A security robot sat on the bench on the other side of the room, but it was replaced by the two guards - no sense in letting any robot near Wily. Albert tried to ignore the far wall. Two-way mirrors always gave him the creeps. In any case. the first phone had a little blinking red light, so that meant someone was waiting to speak to him. He picked it up, only vaguely curious.
"Hello?"
The guards watched Dr. Wily's wrinkled face shrivel, first in suspicion, then confusion. Finally the man's pasty skin turned a maddening red and he let loose with massive hollering.
"WHO'S BEEN CORRUPTING MY ROBOT?" Wily shrieked with rage. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, YOUNG LADY! WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON BASS! HOW DARE HE LET YOU BE EXPOSED TO THAT! I'LL KILL HIM! I'LL KILL HIM!"
The guards immediately intruded, snatching away the phone and desperately trying to get Wily to cut out the caps lock volume. One called in for backup. Wily might be an old man, but he was wiry and energetic, and this was going to turn out to be a really long day.
-t-
Crystal Bot laughed her head off as the line went dead. Back in her lab, she shut down the communications and just laughed and laughed, kicking her legs giddily under her chair. This magic question was turning out to be very powerful.
Well, it scared off the Cossacks and Forte, Crystal Bot noted to herself. But Wily only got mad. Hm...I guess the magic gets different reactions out of people.
"Will you stop being so loud over there?" Bright Man huffed. He too was back in the lab, puttering around with his plant life and bacteria samples. "I'm trying to concentrate over here."
"Oh really?"
Giggling all the more, Crystal Bot did the worst thing she could possible do to Bright Man; go even closer. The bulb-bot winced, making sure to get between Crystal and his plant life. If Dr. Cossack didn't get her out of his lab soon, he was going to have a fit. For the moment, Crystal Bot only leaned in closer.
"I'll leave if you answer me one question. And that question is..." here she paused for effect, holding it just a little too long before it burst out of her like an alien. "Where do babies come from?"
"Arg...ick...you...just stay out of my side of the lab!" Bright Man stomped a foot. "Go do...whatever it is that keeps you out of my hair!"
"Not until you answer my question!"
"I give up! You're insufferable!" Bright Man threw his hands in the air. "Bass has more manners than you! I'm going to have a talk with Dr. Cossack about this!"
The orange robot huffed once more and departed, leaving Crystal Bot in a fresh bout of giggles. She happily twirled about.
"Whee! Okay, so Bright Man got mad and went away...ooh, I can't believe how much power I have with just a few words!"
Then it struck her, and her grin became evil. Why not bug the blue bomber about it? She had always hated Mega Man. Ever since Bass had given up fighting Mega in favor of looking for Zero, Crystal's feelings about him turned from cute opposition into hateful little enemy. It wasn't fair that Mega Man wasn't bested yet.
"Well, at least I can test out my new magic on him! Hee hee hee!"
Crystal Bot quickly typed into her keyboard. She knew the number to call the Lights, and they could accept vidscreen calls. That would make Mega Man's reaction that much more visible and that much more sweet. Stifling another giggle, Crystal Bot waited for someone to answer the call. She was in luck. Rock himself answered, looking even cuter than usual without his helmet. His wavy black locks were enough to make anyone jealous.
"Oh, hi there, Crystal Bot!" he said in his equally cute voice. "What's up?"
"Hey there, Mega, I was just wonderin' something." Crystal Bot tried her hardest not to smile. "I just wanted to know...where do babies come from?"
"Human babies?" Mega Man questioned calmly, much to her horror. "Why do you want to know?"
"Um..." Crystal Bot was taken aback, and she scrambled for an answer. "Um...science?"
"Oh, okay. Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they get married and-"
One long explanation later -
"And that's where babies come from." Mega Man finished. "Is there anything else you want to know? Oops, I'm sorry, I've got to get going. The mayor is expecting me. Bye!"
It was a good thing he didn't wait for an answer; he wouldn't have gotten one anyway. Crystal Bot could only stare frozen into space horrified by the brand new data floating around in her head. Her only attempt at a response was the smallest twitch of the lips. Other than that, Crystal's eyes were stuck open and her mouth hung in horror. She was too frozen to even shut off the telescreen as Mega Man wandered off. In his place, Roll went into visual range, smiling until she saw Crystal's face.
"Sona-chan?" she asked. "What's wrong?"
It took Crystal Bot a moment and several facial twitches to begin to regain control of her face. Finally she managed to speak again, squinching her eyes forcefully shut.
"Humans...are so gross!"
Author's Notes:
- Lol, this is just a joke chapter that I've had floating around in my head for a while. Thought I'd put it up to let you know what's going on with this story. Okay, so I've been doing a lot of buffering on this break, and so I've got a lot of progress done and I know pretty much exactly what I'm going to do for the rest of this story. I'm going to continue buffering until the end of June, and on July 1 I'll begin posting one chapter a week some time on Fridays until the end. Thanks everyone for being so supportive throughout my massive five story fanfiction. I feel so proud of myself that I've finished this story and had the inspiration and support to keep going this long.