A/N: Well, here it is! Hopefully it is to everybody's liking. Sorry it took so long for me to update. I've been quite sick this week (yet again...sigh) and have been spending most of my time laying around and watching Gossip Girl on Netflix. Chuck and Blair are no Spoby, but I'm a little bit in love with their relationship :-)

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 19

Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

Toby Cavanaugh could feel his heart beating wildly in his eardrums, his palms beginning to perspire with anticipation. This was the worst part. It had to be. Standing and waiting, alone at the front of the room with none of his companions to calm his nerves. He was vaguely aware of the crowd of a hundred or so guests before him, but was desperately attempting to ignore them. He was making his best effort to keep his eyes locked on the double doors at the back of the church, counting backwards in his head to sooth his own trepidations.

This was it. There was no turning back now. Not that he necessarily wanted to – he had been dreaming of marrying Spencer for months now and was still every bit as excited as before. The simple notion of being able to call her 'Mrs. Cavanaugh' was far more exhilarating than he was keen to admit.

He loved her, without a doubt – but standing up at the altar with the pastor, donned in full wedding attire, all eyes glued to him…it presented the somewhat terrifying feeling of being trapped like a zoo animal in an exhibit. Without an escape route. He was distantly reminded of the class play in second grade where he had frozen from stage fright and, without an easy exit strategy, had opted to curl into the fetal position under an auditorium chair. He hated having so many eyes on him – so many expectations. If something were to go terribly wrong and he had to bail – hypothetically – he would have no way out. Perhaps he could revisit his second grade strategy and simply seek refuge under the church organ…but as a full-grown man, it seemed absurdly out of the question. The 'what ifs' and anxiety-inducing rhetoric were beginning to make him feel a bit dizzy.

So he didn't know if it was relief or panic that fell upon him as the pianist began to play the wedding processional of Canon in D Major. All of the guests were turning away from him, at least – this offered some semblance of privacy to digest the moment.

He was about to get married. Married. Something he had been anticipating since the moment he had first told Spencer he loved her. The horrible sensation of mixed feelings began to rapidly dissipate as the double doors opened to reveal Taylor, Melissa's daughter, in a delightful child-sized replica of a bridal gown. The room echoed the subsequent 'ooo' and 'aww' sounds that the audience provided at the sight of her. Her blue eyes locked to Toby's as she began to travel nervously down the aisle, tossing rose petals at her feet. Her apparent ambivalence about the attention drawn to her was somewhat comforting to Toby, who, despite the fact that he was connecting emotionally with a three-year old, felt suddenly less alone.

Melissa and Jason were the first pair to begin walking in his direction. Melissa smiled kindly at the onlookers, a distantly sad gaze adorning her features. He knew that she was silently mourning Ian's untimely passing whilst tussling with the conflicting feeling of being supportive of her sister.

Emily and Lancaster were next. Lancaster seemed to be clutching more tightly to Emily's arm than she was comfortable with, and it showed on her face. Toby fought to suppress a chuckle. Perhaps nobody had told him yet that she had no interest in men, much less him. Her eyes met his at the end of the aisle and she offered a genuine smile, one that Toby could never decline. An immediate rush of relief coursed through his veins as he gleaned support from her gesture. He smiled back in gratitude.

Aria and Ezra weren't far behind, exchanging affectionate glances and meaningful conversations with their eyes alone. He hoped that, in light of Ezra's drunken confession about proposing to Aria, that their turn would be next. A short distance away, out of his peripherals, he could see Jason staring perhaps a bit too longingly in her direction. He felt a pang of despair for his future brother-in-law, for he could never himself bear the thought of watching Spencer create a life with someone that wasn't him.

Hanna and Holmes entered through the doorway next, each of them beaming directly at him. They had been around for a majority of the planning – had assisted with much of it, in fact – and were clearly relishing in the success of the event so far. As they parted ways in front of Toby, Holmes clapped him on the shoulder and took his place beside him. He leaned in to whisper privately.

"Nervous?"

"I have no idea," Toby mumbled back honestly. Holmes chuckled and squeezed Toby's arm.

The pianist trailed off from Canon in D Major. The brief silence that followed may as well have lasted for hours, and was enough to give Toby a heart attack. Before he knew it, the musician had transitioned to the bridal march. The guests in the church stood dutifully.

"Oh, Jesus," Toby murmured to himself, gulping down the lump in his throat. Nobody appeared to have heard him. The anticipation of this moment – this precise, exact moment in time – was unlike anything he had ever experienced. It was both debilitating and adrenaline-inducing, frightening and delightful. Never before had he thought he'd be capable of feeling so many different emotions all at once. Was this normal? Was he okay? Maybe he would need to call an ambulance. Maybe his delicate psyche was unraveling at precisely the most inconvenient moment, ready to pull him into the undertow of a full-blown psychotic episode. Maybe –

Silence. Complete and utter silence settled in his brain. It was as though a million shouting voices had been placed on mute. There she was, on her father's arm, looking more beautiful than he had ever seen her. Toby would be ashamed to admit later that his knees nearly gave out at the sight of her and that his breath literally stopped midway into his lungs. The white dress reached the floor of the church, leaving a short train to trail behind her. The amount of skirting looked far too complicated for anybody with a Y-chromosome to possibly comprehend, and made it seem damn near impossible for anybody to have any mobility in. The dress hugged her perfect figure from the waist up, curling into a halter backing behind her neck. Her cleavage – which Toby couldn't help but notice, of course – was both tasteful and classy, as if she had been drawn up from an eighteenth century painting. And her smile – her dazzling, radiant smile – left Toby's mouth completely dry.

"She looks beautiful, man," Holmes murmured happily to the back of Toby's left shoulder. If he could have responded, he would have.

They reached the end of the aisle and Peter Hastings placed a gentle kiss atop Spencer's head, holding her hand to guide her up the two short steps to the altar. She paused in front of Toby, looking nervously from the floor to his eyes. She was blinking rapidly, as if to ameliorate any anxiety she may be harboring, herself. He reached out and grasped her hands tightly, bringing them to his lips. She smiled shakily.

"I missed you," she whispered.

"I missed you, too."

Toby was distantly aware that the audience had taken their seats as the pastor began to talk. Though his monologue was likely very thoughtful and insightful, Toby couldn't help but tune in and out distractedly. The depths of Spencer's coffee-brown eyes were mercilessly pulling him in, as if entrapping him on a distant sandy beach, where the only sounds were brought in with the wind and carried out with the waves. He squeezed her hands affectionately.

She was gorgeous. Exquisite. Breath-taking. A filmstrip of images was cycling rapidly through his head…the moment she had stepped onto his porch to offer her tutoring services. The first time he had ever touched her hands as he helped her catch Jenna's snow globe. Their first kiss – first exchange of 'I love yous' – first time making love. The inexplicable electricity that had been coursing between them both for years had finally culminated in this. He was vowing to dedicate his life to her, and her alone. He became abruptly aware that, despite what others had said, this was quite possibly the easiest decision he had ever made. And suddenly, any fear that he may have previously felt was a distant memory that had been washed away at sea.

He glanced briefly at Hanna over Spencer's shoulder, who was already hurriedly wiping at her eyes. Go figure. Leave it to the girls to start crying only moments into the service. What was it about weddings that made women so emotional?

It was only when Spencer reached out to gently rub her thumb across his cheek that he realized his eyes had been watering, too. He hadn't even noticed…he had been too busy picturing all of the things to come in their future. A big house with a spacious lawn, where their three children could play freely with their dog…a hand-crafted dining room table that would serve as both a family dinner area but also a location for romantic candle-lit dinners…Midnight feedings for the babies and the soothing of nightmares…secret husband-and-wife-style rendezvouses in the master bedroom after the children had fallen asleep, whispering sweet nothings to one another as they made love on the satin sheets. Growing old and feeling as though every moment was lived to its fullest, sitting on the porch drinking lemonade with grandchildren and watching the sun go down…

She must have been reading his mind, because silent tears were seeping from the corners of her eyes now, as well. He reached out to brush them from her face, as she had done for him. She smiled softly and turned her head to kiss the palm of his hand, holding it tightly to her cheekbone.

It was only the mention of his name by the pastor that knocked him from his reverie.

"Toby James Cavanaugh. Do you take Spencer Jane Hastings to be your wife, your companion, and your best friend, in good times and in bad – in times of joy and in times of sorrow – as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," he replied, hardly recognizing his own voice past the raspy emotion stuck in his throat.

Spencer smiled, bringing a hand to her mouth to stifle a small sob. Toby wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold her, kiss her face, tell her not to cry. He knew, however, that he wasn't supposed to do so yet. The pastor needed to hurry up, that was for damn sure.

"And Spencer Jane Hastings, do you take Toby James Cavanaugh to be your husband, your companion, and your best friend, in good times and in bad – in times of joy and in times of sorrow – as long as you both shall live?"

Spencer nodded fervently, trying unsuccessfully to speak through her tears. Hanna was laughing tearfully behind her. "She does!"

The audience laughed softly. Toby was made aware of their presence for the first time in several minutes, now hearing the vague echo of quiet sniffles among them.

"I do," Spencer declared at last, with some effort. She exhaled shakily, trying to calm her soft sobs. Toby squeezed her fingers supportively.

"Rings, please," the pastor declared. Reluctantly Toby turned away from Spencer and toward Holmes, who was fishing in his breast pocket for the wedding band. Spencer, too, was turning to Hanna to untie the ring from her bouquet.

"Toby, please place your ring on Spencer's left ring finger. This ring symbolizes the circle of eternity, tying you to one another for the remainder of your lives."

Toby acquiesced, fighting against his trembling hands to follow instruction. Spencer was giggling quietly at his slight difficulty. He could not help but grin in reply.

"And Spencer, please place your ring on Toby's left ring finger. This ring symbolizes the circle of eternity, tying you to one another for the remainder of your lives."

Spencer's grip was no better as she attempted several times to hold her hands steady to complete the task. Toby gazed down at the gold band that now adorned his left hand, and had the sudden notion that it had somehow always been there.

"By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife. Mr. Cavanaugh, you may kiss your bride."

Barrages of gunfire couldn't have stopped Toby from doing as he was told. He had been practically leaping out of his own skin to have more intimate contact with her throughout the entire ceremony, and was all-too-eager to embrace her. He pressed his lips gingerly to hers, not quite noticing the applause that accompanied this gesture. He cradled her cheeks in his hands, forcefully willing himself to pull away before the kiss got too PG-13 for the surrounding family. Spencer was rubbing away her tears now, smiling brightly back at him. It was an image that would be forever stored in the deep recesses of his mind, delicately filed in his memory banks for eternity. He would not be able to forget the look of pure joy on her face – his wife's face – any time soon. His newly-appointed life-long goal was to make her happy. Nothing else quite mattered anymore. And any image of her smiling so fondly at him was therefore heartwarmingly unforgettable.

The musical recessional began and he and Spencer were quickly on their way down the aisle and out the double doors at the back of the church. No sooner had they entered the temporarily abandoned hallway that he pressed her up against the wall and kissed her as passionately as he had wanted to before. She moaned quietly into his mouth and gripped him precariously on his lower back. He knew they would only have a moment of privacy, and he wanted to savor it.

"I love you so much," he murmured into her mouth. He could feel her lips curl upward in a smile against his.

"Not as much as I love you."

It was probably only about thirty seconds in total that they were alone, and it could have never been enough. But nevertheless, it was thirty seconds of raw passion shared between a new husband and wife. Their first thirty seconds of privacy as a married couple.

The first of many firsts that would be yet to come.