Chapter 7
At midnight, I, along with Eric and other Dauntless, burst into the initiates' dormitory, wielding flashlights and shining them into their faces waking them from their sleep.
"Everybody up!" Eric roars.
All around me, anxious initiates in pajamas jump from their beds, startled by our unexpected presence.
I see Tris' eyes lock on me. Our eyes meet, and for a moment, she seems to get lost in thought as her fellow initiates get out of bed. I want to prompt her to move, but that would draw attention to her.
It doesn't matter, Eric also has his eyes on her but for a very different reason.
"Did you go deaf, Stiff?" barks Eric.
She snaps out of her daze and slides out of bed.
"You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks." Eric says. "We're going on another field trip."
I turn my back to the room, push open the door, and head for the train tracks that lay just outside of the Dauntless compound.
I stand facing the tracks as I always do, behind me I hear rushed footsteps hurrying towards us. The transfers make it to the tracks just after the Dauntless-borns.
"Everyone grab a gun!" shouts Eric.
All of the initiates rush toward the pile of guns cluttered on the ground and stumble over each other to be sure to secure a gun before everyone else.
"Time estimate?" Eric asks me.
I check my watch. "Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"
"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" Eric says, giving my shoulder a shove.
The train approaches and I am the first to get on. I turn to see Tris falling in stride with the car ready to jump on. I reach my hand out to her and she grabs my arm and I easily pull her in. Her hand lingers on my forearm for a moment, then she lets go and sits down on the other side of the car. I already miss the feel of her hand me.
I wonder what her lingering touch meant. And I wonder why she moved so far away from where I am. Does she realize that I am struggling with finding the line between instructor and something more? Does she know that I am constantly battling with myself about what my feelings are? I'm beginning to wonder if this is going to cause me to go mad. All of the confusion is driving me crazy. I focus myself back on the task at hand and begin to address the group.
"We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates, and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." The car sways and I have to hold onto the side of the doorway to steady myself. "This is a Dauntless tradition," I continue. "So I suggest you take it seriously."
"What do we get if we win?" someone shouts.
Did someone really just ask that?
"Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," I say, raising an eyebrow. "You get to win, of course."
"Four and I will be your team captains," Eric says, glancing at me. "Let's divide up transfers first, shall we?"
"You go first," I offer.
Eric shrugs. "Edward."
I knew Eric would take this strategy; it will always be brawn over brain with him. Capture the flag takes strategy more than brute strength. I learned that during my own initiation.
I scan the group of transfers but I made my choice long before we even boarded the train. I can take this opportunity to really see what she is made of also she is fast, which is exactly what I want for my team. "I want the Stiff."
A few people chuckle at what they must consider to be an absurd decision on my part. They will see what she is capable of here. I know she can do this.
"Got something to prove?" Eric asks, sneering. "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"
I shrug and roll my eyes, "Something like that," I say, "Your turn!" Think what you want, when we are on the train home and my team is victorious, he'll learn.
I look toward Tris and she looks angry. She must believe that what I meant was that I was choosing her to prove a point. I hope she understands when she sees the team that I choose.
"Peter."
"Christina."
"Molly."
"Will,"
"Al."
"Drew."
"Last one left is Myra. So she's with me," says Eric. "Dauntless born initiates next."
We divide the Dauntless-born initiates. Eric continues with is brawn over brain strategy and I continue with choosing the initiates that I know to be intelligent and fast.
I look over at Tris and it appears that she has realized what my strategy is for this game. She covers a smile and looks at me bright-eyed.
"Your team can get off second," Eric tells me.
"Don't do me any favors," I reply, smirking, I know Eric's tactics and they aren't going to work. "You know I don't need them to win."
"No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off," says Eric while chewing on one of his lip rings. I have always hated them. "Take your scrawny team and get off first, then."
Now I get exactly what I want. I love that I can play him and get him to make mistakes without him even realizing what is going on. I walk over toward the door and my team stands and follows. I jump from the train and notice that Drew is standing behind Tris and almost pushes her off of the train. She doesn't even look back; she just composes herself and jumps from the train with ease. I love that she refuses to let those three get to her.
We start walking away from the tracks and I feel a hand on my shoulder but I don't turn to see who it is. Without looking I know that it isn't Tris because the touch causes no effect in me.
"When your team won, where did you put the flag?"
"Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene," I say coolly.
"Come on, Four," she whines and smiles at me flirtatiously batting her eyes. I can't help but to roll my eyes. She must be used to getting what she wants when she does this. I brush her hand off my arm and walk away.
I can feel Tris' undivided attention is focused on this exchange. I can only hope she noticed that I brushed Marlene away.
"Navy Pier," Zeke's brother Uriah calls out. "My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel."
I send a look at Uriah, I think he is trying to get in Marlene's good graces. It makes me smile a little.
"Let's go there, then," suggests Will.
No one opposes, so we set off, toward the marsh that was once a lake.
We come to a bridge that spans a dried up river and begin to cross.
Once we cross the bridge, the city changes. Ahead of us is a sea of crumbling buildings and broken glass. The ruins of a once great city that was full of life. There is an eerie silence that is present in this part of the city. As though the deteriorating buildings have a story they are desperate to tell. This place feels like a living nightmare. The streets are completely dark because it's after midnight, and all of the city lights are off.
Behind me, someone flips on a flashlight and shines it at the street in front of us.
"Scared of the dark, Mar?" Uriah teases.
"If you want to step on broken glass, Uriah, be my guest." Marlene snaps. But she turns off the flashlight anyway.
Gotta love the Dauntless, they will do anything to make our lives more difficult in the name of bravery.
We make our way past the Ferris wheel and walk toward the merry-go-round just beyond it. We gather around the carrousel and I listen as the group of initiates begins to argue about what the best plan would be. I find myself being drawn to Tris yet again. I watched her on the train ride, watched for her expression and attitude when I chose her first and how she felt when she figured out what my plan was.
The carrousel still has a distinct beauty about it. The horses are worn and weathered, some of their tails broken off or their saddles chipped. They are a sad monument to this place that was once full of fun and laughter. I take the flag out of my pocket.
"In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location," I tell them. "I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect."
Will walks up to me and takes the flag from my hands. "Some people should stay here and guard and some people should go out and scout the other team's location." He says.
"Yeah? You think?" Marlene interjects, snatching the flag from Will. "Who put you in charge, transfer?"
"No one," says Will. "But someone's got to do it."
"Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, and then take them out." Christina suggests.
"That's the sissy way out," Uriah objects. "I vote we go all out. Hide the flag well enough that they can't find it."
The group erupts into arguments about who should make the decisions and what should be done. The Dauntless-borns arguing for offence, the transfers arguing for Will's plan. Out of the corner of my eye I see Tris just standing there deep in thought, considering the situation and coming up with her own strategy. She has a brilliant mind. I can't wait to see what she comes up with. I sit down on the edge of the carousel and lean against one of the horses. I'm trying to push the noise of the initiates arguing to the back of my mind and focus on the quiet all around. I notice that Tris is watching me, so I avert my eyes to the starless sky. I sit with my gun leaning against my shoulder and my arm resting on my knee, trying not to glance at her to see if she is still watching me. Out of the corner of my eye I can see that she has looked away and is gazing at the Farris wheel.
Out of the corner of my eye I can see that she has looked away and is gazing at the Farris wheel. There is little light out here tonight, but the light of the almost full moon is reflected off of her golden blond hair. The way the light shows on her face, it gives an eerie look to her beautiful face.
I sit on the edge of the carrousel and look away to the starless night sky. Their bickering and sniping drown into the background as I focus on sky and the fact that I can feel her presence near me, like I always do. I always know when she's there. I can always feel her, like there is a magnetic pull between the two of us. Maybe there is.
Suddenly I know that she is gone because the pull is no longer there. I look to where she was standing and Tris is no longer a there. I look around frantically to try to figure out where she's gone. When I finally spot her, she has made her way quickly and quietly over to the Ferris wheel. She stands on the bottom rung and looks up. She tests her weight on the bottom rung and seems to have decided to climb.
I close the distance between us. She has apparently come up with a plan that she hasn't shared with anyone else, it's just I'm not sure I'm going to like this plan.
"Tris," I say to her in a low calming voice so that I don't startle her.
"Yes?" she says.
"I came to find out what you think you're doing."
"I'm seeking higher ground, I don't think I'm doing anything," she says.
I smile at her in the dark, I knew she was brilliant and I knew she would come up with a good plan.
"All right," I say, "I'm coming."
"I'll be fine," she tells me. She sounds like she thinks the reason that I want to go with her is because I don't think she can handle it. She couldn't be more wrong!
"Undoubtedly," I reply. I hope she can hear the respect and confidence that I have in her.
She begins climbing and I wait until she gets a way up before I follow. I am faster than she is and I quickly catch up with her. My hands reaching the rungs as her feet leave them.
I look up at her as we climb. She doesn't appear to be intimidated by the height at all. I can't see her face, but her body looks relaxed but determined. Unlike me, right now I'm petrified and growing more nervous with every foot we climb.
I have no idea what I was thinking following her up here. My mind definitely wasn't on climbing; I just wanted to be with her. But now here I am climbing up this Ferris wheel. Okay, I need to ignore my fear and just keep going. I need to relax. The only thing I can think to do to relax is to talk to her. Her voice and calming demeanor will be what helps me through my fears. So I talk to her. Her sweet voice, kind of deep for a girl, but not husky or raspy will be what I can use to focus and continue.
"So tell me…," I say quietly. "What do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game, I mean, not the climbing."
I make the mistake of looking down toward the pavement that is slowly falling farther and farther away. Panic wells up inside me, but I will not let it control me. Heights is one of my biggest fears, one of the few fears that I have. And I have yet to overcome it.
I have to focus on her, not the climbing. I have to keep my mind on her and let her help to calm me so I can get through this. When she finally speaks, I let the sound of her voice wash over me and do everything that I can to focus on her voice and keep her talking to me.
"Learning about strategy," says Tris. "Teamwork, maybe."
"Teamwork," I say with a snicker. The current leadership would disagree. Maybe originally this would have been about teamwork, but not anymore. Not with Eric in charge. Now it is purely the competition and winning that is important.
"Maybe not," she contemplates. "Teamwork doesn't seem to be a Dauntless priority."
"It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be," I say.
The wind blows with more force up here and I have to fight harder to breathe and ignore my fear. More conversation, focus on her…
"Now tell me…" I struggle out. "What do you think learning strategy has to do with…bravery?"
Tris pauses for a moment. She seems like she is thinking about the question and her response.
A cloud passes over the moon and I watch the light as it shifts across the figure above me, she is beautiful and strong. The moon light illuminates every strand of her wavy blonde hair. I would love to reach up and run my fingers through her hair.
"It…it prepares you to act," she answers. "You learn strategy so you can use it."
At this point, I am barely keeping my fear in check. My breaths are coming in heavy, ragged gasps.
"Are you alright, Four?"
"Are you human, Tris? Being up this high…" I gulp. "It doesn't scare you at all?"
At the question, I see as she looks down and ponders the question. There is no doubt that a fall from this height will kill us. But that doesn't seem to bother her. Before she has a chance to respond, a gust of wind throws her body off balance and into the side of the ladder. She clings to the rungs to keep from falling. Without hesitation, thought, or fear, I wrap my hand around one of her hips to steady her. One of my fingers catches a strip of bare skin just under the hem of her t-shirt and the feel of her smooth soft skin causes my heart to hammer even harder than it was before. I gently guide her body back to the center of the ladder with ease. I remove my hand but my skin longs for the touch of hers again. I can feel my heartbeat continue to race, and I know that height isn't the only thing causing me to feel this way.
"You okay?" I murmur.
"Yes," she reassures.
We climb silently until we reach the platform midway up the Ferris wheel. Tris moves onto the platform, sits down and scoots to the end to make room for me. She dangles her legs over the edge with no fear. As much as I would like to, I don't move toward her. I crouch down and press my back against the metal support. I am trying to put as much distance between me and the edge of the platform. I lean here breathing heavily trying desperately to ignore my fear.
"You're afraid of heights," she says to me. "How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?"
"I ignore my fear," I explain. "When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist."
I look out at the vast expanse of the city below, but I can feel her eyes lingering on my face.
"What?" I whisper.
"Nothing."
She pauses for several moments looking out toward the building that is in front of us. I know what she's thinking. I can only hope that she isn't going to decided to climb higher.
"We're not high enough," Tris says.
Yeah, I disagree with that!
She looks up to examine the tangle of bars above us, the scaffolding of the wheel. I follow her gaze and realize what she is planning. Damn I hate having this fear and having such a difficult time getting through it. I need to focus and calm down. I don't want her to climb alone. I need to focus on her, which is what will get me through.
"I'm going to climb." She stands up and reaches for one of the bars overhead.
"For God's sake, Stiff." I groan.
"You don't have to follow me."
Tris pauses and looks to the scaffolding. She begins by wedging her foot onto the place where two bars cross and she pulls herself up, grabbing another bar in the process. She sways for a second and my heart drops.
"Yes I do," I tell her.
I quickly begin to follow her up. My body is tense but I continue to climb behind her. We slowly continue to climb and she suddenly stops above me. I can see that she has found a point that she can see beyond the building that was blocking our view. I climb up right behind her, straddling her legs with mine as I stand directly behind her looking over her shoulder. I'm not sure what possessed me to climb up right behind her like this, but I am closer to her than I have ever been. I can feel the rise and fall of her back on my chest and my mouth is right next to her ear. She smells wonderful, like clean fresh air and something sweet and pure. Her hair blows in the wind, sliding across my face and down my neck. My body vibrates from the closeness of her and the feel of her body against mine. I hope she can't feel the thunderous heartbeat that is threatening to escape my chest.
"See that?" she says, pointing at a tiny pulsing light way out in the distance.
"Yeah," I say quietly next to her ear. I think feel her body shiver when I speak, but I can't be sure it is a result of our closeness or the chilled wind at this height. I hope it is the former. I glide my eyes down her extended arm and look to where she is pointing at the pulsing light in the distance. A smile spreads across my face. We found the other team's hiding spot!
"It's coming from the park at the end of the pier," I say. "Figures. It's surrounded by open space, but the trees provide some camouflage. Obviously not enough."
She looks over her shoulder at me. We are so close that I could easily kiss her. Another inch and our lips could brush against one another. What I wouldn't give to kiss her, to let her know what I'm feeling. She gazes at me, my eyes, mouth, chin. I stare into her beautiful eyes and almost forget where I am. The more I'm with her the more beautiful she gets.
"Um," Tris clears her throat. "Start climbing down. I'll follow you."
I nod silently and begin my decent, trying desperately to control my trembling body. At least I'm sure now that the trembling has less to do with the height and more to do with Tris.
Suddenly I hear a creak and a clang from above and see the crossbar that Tris was standing on crash toward the ground. I gasp and realize that there is no way that I can get to her and get her down safely. She dangles from the bar that she had been grasping with her hands and the next closest rung is feet away from her.
"Four!" she screams
."Hold on!" I call to her. "Just hold on. I have an idea."
I move quickly toward the platform, and then as fast as I can, I fly down the ladder, faster than I ever knew I could move. The fear of heights overrun by the fear of losing her. I can't lose her. I can't… I run for the controls.
"Four!" Tris screams again from high above..
"Hold on! I'll save you! I will never let you fall!" I think to myself.
My eyes scan the control panel as I try to figure out how to release the lock and bring her safely to the ground. I find the release and press the start button and release the break. Slowly the wheel begins to creek and moan while it begins to turn. I just hope it doesn't start to fall apart even more from the stress of movement that it probably hasn't had in years. It moves slowly at first then more quickly as she gets closer to the ground.
I watch it carry Tris until she's close enough to the ground that she releases the bar that kept her from falling. She drops onto the ground, rolling several times to get away from the car bearing down on her.
When she is safe, she lies still on the ground and presses her hands to her face. I hurry over to where she is, wrap my hands gently around her wrists and pry her hands away from her face to make sure she is okay. I enclose one of her hands in both of mine and try to sooth her.
"You all right?" I ask.
"Yeah."
I can't help myself, I begin to laugh. My body once tense is now so thankful that she is okay that I can't hide my hysteria. She looks at me and starts to laugh too. She pushes herself up with her free hand and suddenly we are within inches of each other. I have another overpowering urge to kiss her, but I suppress it. I don't want to scare her away. I stare into her eyes and I swear I can see wanting and desire reflected back. I can't act on it… yet.
I stand and pull Tris up with me. The Ferris wheel is still moving creating a wind that sends her hair tumbling around her face. I can't help but look at her, she is beautiful, and I wonder if she has any idea. I can feel the attraction between us as I continue to hold her hand for another moment. She looks at me, does she feel this too? I wish I could see her more clearly through the moonlight.
"You could have told me that the Ferris wheel still worked," she says casually, "We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place.
"I would have, if I had known," I say. "Couldn't just let you hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag."
I hesitate, but decide to continue with my small amount of boldness, I take her arm in my hand and we hurry back to the carousel.
We quickly return to the carousel and I can see that only half of the team is there. Christina is sitting on one of the horses, guarding the flag which is behind her. The rest of the initiates are scattered out around the carousel on guard.
"Where'd the others go?" I ask.
Gabby, turns to me and snaps.
"Did you guys turn on the wheel?" she barks. "What the hell are you thinking? You might as well have just shouted 'Here we are! Come and get us!'" she shakes her head at me, fuming at the thought that this may be her third consecutive year of losing capture the flag. "If I lose again this year, the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row?"
"The wheel doesn't matter," I say with a smirk. "We know where they are."
"We?" Christina says, her eyes flitting back and forth between Tris and me.
"Yes, while the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team," I tell them.
"What do we do now, then?" Uriah asks through a yawn.
I turn my attention to Tris. She needs to become the leader that I know she is. She needs to show the rest of them how brilliant she is.
Everyone fixes their gaze on her. She clearly is put off by all of the attention and suddenly doesn't look as confident as she had been just moments ago. She hesitates for a moment, and then a knowing look crosses her face. Suddenly she knows exactly what to do and begins to explain it to the rest.
"Split in half," she says. "Four of us go to the right side of the pier, three to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks up behind the other team to get the flag."
"Sounds good," Gabby claps her hands together in approval. "Let's get this night over with, shall we?"
The team splits into two groups, as instructed, and we set off towards the Pier. I head off with the group of four to the right to distract the other team while Tris, Christina, and Uriah begin heading to the left side. We come into view of the flag and take our positions awaiting Tris and her group.
I send a shot into the flank of the other team and the rest of my group follows. The other team yells and charges us from their hiding spot. Paintballs fly through the air making spattering noises whenever they find their targets. Tris and other half of my team charges from behind and catches Eric's team by surprise. I take out the initiate closest to the flag by hitting her square in the stomach. She drops her gun and doubles over from the impact. The flag is almost unguarded. I see Uriah as he lifts his gun, aims and shoots the last guard in the thigh. The initiate, a Dauntless-born with bright purple hair, throws her gun down to the ground and throws a tantrum at the fact that her team has been defeated.
Christina and Tris reach the tree at the same time and are beneath the branch that has houses the flag. Tris reaches for the flag, but she is not tall enough to reach it. Christina easily reaches up and snatches the flag from the branch and lets out a cry of victory. Behind me, the rest of my team lets out a cry of victory and they run up to where Christina and Tris are standing. Christina is quickly engulfed by the group of elated initiates who are all grabbing her arm to lift the flag higher in the air to show the world their symbol of success.
Tris backs off and gazes at her team with pride, she stands close enough for the glow from the flag to illuminate her face. She smiles, happiness exudes from her and I can't help but to stare at her in awe. Warmth travels through me and I am slowly getting to the point that I can't control my feelings for her anymore. The heat rushes to my face and I can feel my face flush at the thought of approaching her.
I walk over and gently place a hand on her shoulder.
"Well done," I say to her quietly.
She looks up at me and I can see the pride in her smile. She knows that she accomplished something special here tonight.
XXX
We return to the train and despite the time, my team is energized from their win. Eric's team sits and sulks. Eric scowls more than normal.
Tris sits with her back against the wall. Uriah and Marlene move over toward her to talk to her about climbing the Ferris wheel. She smiles as they talk. Suddenly the train lurches and the paintball that Uriah was fiddling with breaks and sprays Tris in the face. She laughs, an intoxicating, beautiful laugh and wipes some of the paint from her face on to his. He then tries to get her back but sprays himself instead. Marlene can't control herself and she falls over with laughter. Although I feel a twinge of jealousy, I know that Uriah's heart belongs to Marlene. He has been chasing her for two years now. They are practically inseparable. I just wish I could sit there with her and be a part of her life more directly than I am. I am beginning to hate having to be an outsider.
As we travel closer to the Dauntless compound, everyone becomes more subdued. Tris sits and I notice that she steals glances in my direction. She is becoming less self-conscious when she looks at me and when I meet her gaze; she just smiles at me, holds my gaze for a moment, and then shies away. I can't help but think that what I am feeling for her is what she is feeling also. This thought stays with me through the night and I have my first night without nightmares for years.