AUTHORS NOTE: I do apologise for forgetting a question mark in the last chapter...and for all the other grammatical errors. I'm so sorry if they annoy you, I'm working on it.

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Chapter 8

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A month and a bit passed and winter hit hard. Yuuki and Kyoya got close over the weeks, spending allot of time together – even if it was time just spent not talking and just being. Yuuki got her cast off and a walking brace applied, which meant she could actually move without crutches but was still painfully slow. She got on well with the Ootori family who seemed to barely notice her presence in their house, their lives were so preoccupied that not much attention was given to the strange girl who had moved in with them. Yuuki discovered allot about Kyoya.

His resentment about being the third son, his striving to become the first son in intellect, his non-relationship with his family and finally his cold demeanour actually having a warm core. And his unusual friendship with Tamaki that seemed to explode every they saw each other, in a good way. Like fireworks going off, no one knew how they worked but everyone appreciated the reaction all the same. They were like magnets, opposites that couldn't help but be friends with each other.

As much as they knew about the other, Yuuki and Kyoya were still half strangers. There was a barrier. A loss almost. And both felt it but didn't know how to get rid of it. They didn't know how to tear down their own walls and wouldn't allow the other to do it for them. Yuuki had also unofficially joined the host club. Since she had nothing else to do now, she spent much of her time trying to sew and getting stabbed in the fingers making outrageous cosplay costumes and pouring over the studies she never understood before.

One bitterly cold afternoon Kyoya rolled onto his stomach. The pair was on the floor looking at the ceiling because Yuuki had spotted a spider web and become besotted with it.

"We have a million things to do before our exams and a thousand things to do for the host club and yet you prefer to spend the afternoon lying on the floor, studying spider's webs"

"You were doing it to, but it seems you're more taken with the carpet now"

"Your distractions are like the pox. Way to contagious"

Yuuki sat up "I bow to my friend in all superior matters regarding the pox. But you have a point."

Kyoya always had a point. Conniving know it all. The girl resumed her studies on cellular anatomy and Kyoya opened his laptop and began tapping away.

Yuuki was learning, and fast. She was coming third in her social sciences class and second in English.

Secretly, it was all in the hope of getting Zero back, proving to her father that she wasn't as worthless as he thought. She could never take over a business, she didn't have that mind, but politics on the other hand, she could hold her ground in. And that must be worth something. She missed her horse but never complained. Yuuki didn't want someone else's pity. No one besides her knew of the auction.

"What are you doing?" cellular anatomy wasn't interesting enough

Kyoya pushed his glasses up "Someone has to manage the host club"

"As often as you do?"

"It's good practice" he didn't say any more. But Yuuki understood. She had a strong suspicion that Kyoya's father would hand over the company to the third son, he had displayed remarkable management abilities and their business had drawn management and medicine together after all.

Yuuki frowned "You said it would be good practice for me, socially, but I'm petrified that all the girls will kill me from being around you"

"They know there's nothing there"

The girl paused, not knowing how to respond to that "All the same. You don't like ninety-nine percent of them and the ten percent left over are hardly tolerable by your standards"

"How would you know that?"

"You change. Your real happy face is much more sincere than your hosting happy face"

Short silence "Hosting isn't why I'm in the club" and everyone knew it.

"You enjoy doing the arrangement stuff?" Yuuki picked at a piece of fluff on the carpet

Kyoya kept typing, smiling slightly "We're saving for the biggest event of the season"

"Hmm?"

"Yule ball" he didn't elaborate like he had to with the other host members, Yuuki understood Kyoya's mannerisms. He would do things his way in the end and no amount of explaining things would alter that.

She clicked her pen "Couldn't you call it a Christmas ball instead?"

Kyoya stopped typing "It's about appealing to clients"

"Do I have to buy a dress?"

"Do you want to go?" he asked, sceptically

"Will there be chandeliers?"

"Yes"

Yuuki grinned, yes she wanted to go.

She was a girl after all.

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The weeks leading up to Christmas break were busy for the host club. Girls seeking entertainment and an escape from the cold flocked to the third music room. Yuuki sat at a table near the window and did her homework while the boys and disguised girl did their duties. The riding school had approached her a few times about taking more classes but she replied that the weather was getting to bad and they really needed an indoor area. The latter was built and Yuuki had no choice but to take one lesson a week, every moment of it reminding her of what she couldn't do and probably wouldn't again. On these days, Kyoya would finish his duties and wait outside the stable for Yuuki.

"Do you like still being at the stable?" he would ask, every day

"I do"

"Why?"

"It fits"

"Fits what?"

"Me"

Kyoya could never work this out. The stable was a place that obviously caused her pain, even though she was good at hiding it. Yet, the organisation and bustle of the place seemed to put her at ease, the energy and confusion didn't faze her.

Yuuki sat in the car on the way home and stared out the window. It was snowing.

"Why do you get so easily distracted by such little things?" Kyoya asked from his seat

"Because they make some things worthwhile" she opened her window a bit and stuck her hand out, catching a flake as they drove past.

She held her palm out to Kyoya "Look at the detailing"

The snowflake was made up of a million tiny threads of ice, all woven together to form a masterpiece. "Not even Salvador Dali could made something as abstract and beautiful as that"

Kyoya stared at the ice as it melted in the girl's palm "Salvador Dali's artwork will last many lifetimes"

"So will this moment" she said softly, and he knew it was true.

They had both learnt something big from a few seconds in time. Life is a thread, it breaks or it doesn't and in the end, it melts away. They were both threads under allot of pressure, watching life change around them and striving for the impossible.

"You don't realise how unfeasible most of your dreams are" Yuuki said to Kyoya "which is why you will do them anyway, before you grow up and allow them to melt away. They are beautiful and timeless just as they are, when you them they always will be, just to you and those they impact; even if they fade through history"

"If only you would say that to yourself"

"I'm different, my dreams melted away a long time ago" Yuuki ran her forefinger through the puddle in her palm

Kyoya looked out the window "What does that mean?"

It was rare that they discussed things so deeply, they both wanted to defend themselves and did so by never venturing forth

"Nothing" Yuuki looked at the man and then back out the window "Winter break in two days, how do you think your exams went?"

And that was that.

Two days later a huge tree was delivered to the Ootori estate. Christmas was in three weeks.

The whole host club turned up and told the workers that they would carry it into the house and decorate it themselves. Tamaki insisted that they do commoners work, he found it enthralling.

Yuuki stood in the spacious living room while Tamaki tried to direct the tree through the doorway.

"You could just use the sliding door around the side? It's wide enough and you won't get pine needles on the floor..." she suggested, staring at the mess of green that had already formed.

Everyone looked at her, annoyed that she hadn't mentioned it before. Kyoya laughed. Half an hour later the tree was actually up. It stood a good three times taller than Yuuki was and still came short of the ceiling.

"How do you get a star up there?" Haruhi asked, obviously not impressed by the enormous foliage now in the Ootori lounge room.

"Ladder" Kyoya said; his calculating voice back, clipboard in hand – preparing for the ball.

Hunny had already shrouded himself and the top half of Mori in tinsel and Christmas trinkets. Yuuki pulled a crystal ornament from a box full of decorations "Swarovski"

It was the shape of a snowflake, one that wouldn't melt. Tamaki was gushing about the Yule ball that was just three days away and was dancing enthusiastically around the room with Haruhi and broke the girl's admiration of the object. She slid it onto a branch around head height. Her head height. Which was everyone except Haruhi's and Hunny's shoulder height. She caught Kyoya's eye as she did so and even after she had moved he continued to stare at the snowflake. There were thirty more like it, all of which ended up on the tree besides sparrows made of frosted glass, beads from Thailand, silver and gold thread from Egypt, red silk from India, frosted apples from Greece, trinkets from France and bells from Notre Dame. There were also horses, leaping alongside deer up the tree. They were pulling carriages made of mahogany and were wearing bridles of red leather, decorated with little silver bells.

Halfway through decorating, the host club collapsed in front of the fire and roasted chestnuts, Yuuki and Hunny kept getting a fright each time one exploded.

"I'll stick to marshmallows" Hunny said after eating the chestnut that near gave him a heart attack.

Everyone laughed.

Tamaki stared at the tree from where he sat "This is fun. I've never decorated a tree before"

"Never?" Haruhi stared at him from where she sat.

"Never"

Everyone else in the room also claimed to have never done it. They had all had people do it for them.

"What about you, Yuuki?" Tamaki turned to her "Have you ever decorated a Christmas tree?"

She nodded "Yes, I can't remember much of it though; we stopped doing it when I was six"

"Why?"

"My mom went away" no one except Kyoya knew about her mother.

"You didn't do it the next year?"

"She's always away at Christmas" Yuuki said with no emotion. Her mother had been away for birthdays, New Years, Easter, mother's day, and every other day in-between "But we always had a really good tree anyway"

The star was the crowning glory of the tree. It had been made in Japan by a high class designer especially for the Ootori family. It was perfectly symmetrical with five even points made with gold. The fabric pulled over it was made of cream silk with a web of gold and red tattooed across it.

Haruhi held it in her hands "It's beautiful"

Yuuki looked over her shoulder "Mmmm"

"Girls" Hikaru and Kouru said with a huff

"Who's going to put it up?" Hunny said with a huge grin. He and Mori had been decorating the top of the tree; they were both as covered in ornaments as the tree was.

Tamaki stepped forward and took the star and gave it to Kyoya loyally "It's your tree"

The man pushed his glasses up and took the star before scaling the ladder on the wall behind the tree. No one in his family was home to put up the tree, they never had been. Servants had done it every year. He wished that his father could see him, putting the crowning glory onto allot of hard work. Yuuki watched from below as he set the object in place and slid down the ladder, closing it when he reached the bottom. The group stood and stared at the tree. There was nothing like spending hours with friends, doing nothing but play with trinkets, wrap people in tinsel and drink allot of tea. Yuuki had been attacked by the twins, bearing gold glitter and had, like most of the others, become covered in the only art supply that took months to get off. She had got her revenge with fake apples. Haruhi was sitting on a cardboard box. It had the word 'Lights' on it.

"Aren't you supposed to put these on first?" she called out, getting everyone's attention.

Everyone turned; their faces aghast. Tamaki went insane. In the end, they put the lights on over the top of all the other decorations. Unconventional, but it worked.

Later that evening, after the whole house was asleep, Yuuki crept into the lounge room and sat in front of the tree. Its lights flashed from white to gold and illuminated the room. There was light and beauty and everything seemed right. She had good friends that made her laugh. An almost best friend who's favourite game was working her out. A nice house to live in where people accepted her and grades that were rising constantly. Everything was right. It was as it should be. Everything except the constant struggle to walk, the reminder of how it happened and the reality of its outcome. She pushed the thoughts aside and dwelled on the Yule Ball. She had a dress, many thanks to Hikaru and Kouru's mother's designs and a single ballet flat that went with them. No heels would ever work with a walking brace. She reminded herself of what she had just tried to forget again. Yuuki sighed and slid her arms into the holes of the other, emperor style and crossed her right leg under her. The girl could see the stars outside.

Her silver tear glistened in the light. Her first Christmas without that which she loved most was painfully like her first Christmas without her mother. No. It wasn't just like that Christmas. It was exactly the same. Yuuki's rough edges became raw again, opening silently in the secret places within her. Ripping apart the scar tissue and letting her bleed. The girl tried to patch herself up, but knew no amount of needlework would fix her yet. No siege was large enough to tear down the walls she had built up since the day the truck didn't stop.

"I wish you were here." She whispered into the dark "I wish I wasn't forgetting what shade of brown your hair was or what you smelled like. But most of all, I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I...I'm sorry I just watched"

Yuuki blinked. A flash of yellow took over the dark in the back of her eyes and focused as a set of headlights. The night was torn apart by the screaming of rubber on tar. The screaming. Her screaming. A blue jacket in the road, a body within it. Her mother looked at her and mouthed goodbye above the volume and smiled in decibels higher than any ear can hear.

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"Maybe tonight I'll ask the angels to give me wings so I can fly

So that I could finally say goodbye

Maybe tonight I'll give up everything

So that, even if just for a second, I could hold you one more time

You could sing for me one last time"

(Bethany Louise Music)

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