Awww thank you reviewers! I bounce around to the stories that give me the largest number of reviews. I admit my not-so awesomeness that way. XD Once more this is AU and poetic licence has been taken with some things.

I own nothing, rated M, and not Beta-ed for the record, once more. This was thought up with help from Lov2catnap so partial credit to that amazing lady!

OoOoOo

He had not said a word to her since the ship. They had been transported into the one of the main cities' public stations. It was a common practice, even when docked for executive officers to beam to specified locations and then seek a connection to their destination via public transit. Jim had attempted to ask Spock where they were going, but he had only replied with a terse one word answer. It had been a location Jim couldn't even pronounce, let alone spell, and she was bereft of any assistance from her linguistics friend.

In other words, she was completely on her own in a strange world.

Jim was so not worried. She was cool. So cool, that cucumbers had nothing on her. In fact, she was so cool that she made absolute zero look hot. She was… incredibly nervous. Wasn't anyone else concerned that she had just rescued herself from a Romulan Warbird? Didn't it cross anyone's mind that she was a little run ragged by all this?

She missed her warp core.

And why in the name of all things holy was the planet so damn hot? Really? If hell had a physical location it was the planet Vulcan. The atmosphere was dry, and Jim could practically feel the ultraviolet rays beating down on her skin. She burned easily, and there was definitely going to be a sunburn after this.

Jim tugged at the rim of her collar in irritation. The Vulcan clothing was impossibly heavy and felt as if it were lined with a thermal blanket to trap the heat in. They had been walking for what felt like ages. They had traveled in complete silence, because Jim had absolutely nothing to say.

Except if asked, she could have bitched until the cows came home.

Finally, after sweating more than was decent, Spock pointed to a large stone structure in the distance. Jim peered down the length of his arm, and toward the object. Her sapphire eyes were slightly glazed from thirst, and naughty thoughts about the Vulcan at her side.

Had she mentioned he looked absolutely sexy?

It was almost unfair how clean and refreshed he looked, when she was certain she looked like a wilted plant. Her hair was limp and still dirty. And, she was really, really, really, hungry. She snuck a lustful gaze at the pointed ears that Spock had. Her fingers still itched to touch them. And, she would never admit to spending an inordinately long amount of time wondering what they felt like.

Her attention was drawn to two lone figure that stood out farther from the stone structure. As they approached, Jim noted that one of them was human. 'What is another human doing on Vulcan?' Jim pondered the most likely reasons, but came up short. Then her thoughts were flooded with relief. 'Oh thank God! Another human means HUMAN food!"

Her taste buds nearly wept in happiness.

Right, get it together Kirk!

"Greetings," a somber older Vulcan male said neutrally.

"We welcome thee home," the human said calmly.

"I greet thee," Spock replied tonelessly, but Jim could have sworn his eyes were smiling.

A salt and pepper brow rose in contemplation. "And this is Chief Engineer James Kirk, I presume?"

"Yes Sir," Jim responded politely.

"She-who-is-my-wife, and I welcome thee, James."

Well, alright… that was weird. Jim tried not to scrunch her face up in confusion. She wasn't going to mess this up. Uhura would have a field day if Jim made so much as one more mistake. Especially after that whole 'Klingon' thing.

"James, I present my Father S'chn T'gai Sarek and my mother… S'chn T'gai Amanda."

Jim's eyes widened before she could stop them. Mother? That meant that Spock was half-human? How could he not understand humans if he was partly one? Then again, upon further inspection, Jim noticed that ''Amanda' was wearing Vulcan clothing. And, even her hair was ornately done; She assumed that must be a Vulcan custom.

She earnestly hoped that this meant they were participating in that 'ritual' soon so that she could find some place with shade. Or, if she was exceedingly lucky, air conditioning.

"It is a pleasure to meet you James," Amanda said warmly.

"The pleasure is mine," she grinned back with relief.

"Come, we must not linger. Wife, attend."

Huh… so that was a Vulcan thing then.

Jim mentally shrugged and followed, with Spock, his parents. She had to be honest; she had a lot of misgivings about this. Something just seemed… off… somehow. Every instinct in her screamed to turn and run when the dozens of Vulcan faces, which had been standing in a circular pattern, came into her sight.

Through the ring of indiscernible Vulcan faces, one female stepped forward. Her hair was done up in an intricate braid, and her eyelids were painted in makeup. He face was thin, and rather beautiful

Jim had the sinking feeling they were going to be the 'best' of friends.

"You brought this kitork-human? You bring all here shame by presenting… this," she stated, staring a Jim meaningfully.

Bitch, please.

Jim narrowed her eyes. Whenever someone said human, and then a word she didn't understand, it was normally an insult. She had been correct 100% of the time. Whoever this prissy Vulcan cow was… she was going down in the most painful way Jim could imagine. No one insulted her, or her spices.

"Ri Viltah t'nash-veh ashayam, T-Pring," Spock stated forcefully.

Jim spared him a glance before glaring back at the witch that had most likely insulted , scratch that, she knew she had been insulted… after a fashion. Her blonde hair fell down in a curtain of heat on her already sweating back, even with the cover of the scratchy material.

"Thank you Spock, but I can speak for myself," she uttered softly and noted with satisfaction that T'Pring turned toward her. Her blue eyes locked with the heated brown ones in mutual fury, albeit for two entirely different reasons.

"I don't know where the misunderstanding is," James started.

"Misunderstanding? You insolent human pestilence," T'Pring snarled, "It would be best for all if you left. I can persuade to forgive this trespass. Adun, command her to leave this instant."

"I shall not," he stated while folding his hands behind his back, "and in 14.513 minutes I shall no longer be your Adun."

T'Pring ignored his words and turned to Jim with ill-concealed fury. "Leave!"

"Princess, I'm not going anywhere," Jim hissed with sarcasm dripping from her words.

"T'Pring is not a princess, James," Spock corrected instantly, "she is however, from a prominent clan."

"I don't care if she invented the Warp Core! She has no right to talk to you like that. And she certainly doesn't have the right to speak to me in that manner."

"Indeed, she appears to be… emotionally compromised," Spock stated neutrally.

T'Pring schooled her features back into a bland, but lovely mask. Jim didn't like her, though she thought that fairly obvious.

"You have no place in this conversation, human. Logically, you should remain quiet until spoken too."

"Kroykah!"

All eyes turned toward the ornately carved throne which held the dainty figure of two Vulcan females. The first was one that Jim recognized as belonging to Spock's side, and the other was a stranger to her. They both possessed a commanding air that gave Jim pause from the caustic reply that had been on the tip of her tongue.

"Ye are aware why we have been called?"

Jim watched in suspicion as all the Vulcan heads bowed and the so did the only other human in attendance.

"I must state my objection to this," T'Pring stated fiercely. Her dark eyes bored holes into Jim, who narrowed her eyes in return.

"She is named James," Spock interceded stoically.

"It has not the right to be here. It defiles this sacred ground. It is a being without honor," the female retorted quickly.

Jim felt her hands tighten into fists. Enough was enough.

"I will not have you besmirch my honor," Jim countered equally as fierce.

Aged eyes stared at Jim with a look of pure concentration.

"Ye have no clan to defend," the elder stated matter-of-factly, "Ye have no honor to salvage under our laws."

"I have a clan to defend," Jim stated boldly and lifted her chin, "Spock's."

Jim watched T'Pring stiffen and their gazes clashed once more. Terran blue met Vulcan brown. Neither female would back down from the silent display of wills. However, due to her focused attention on T'Pring, Jim failed to notice the look of wonderment that was bestowed upon her by Spock.

The elder held up a hand to quell the murmur of amazement that ensued from Spock's clan. Jim felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as the spectators quieted instantly. Her sapphire eyes refused to stop promising a painful rebuke for the bitch that insulted her heritage. On some level, she couldn't help but feel that Amanda Grayson would agree with her indignation.

"Ye would declare Kal'i'fee?"

T'Pring snapped her gaze to the elder, her eyes burned as brightly as Jim's.

"The Terran has no right to declare Kal'I'fee," the Vulcan spat," but I do."

The matriarch stared harshly at T'Pring, who wilted slightly from what… Jim couldn't tell. 'But it serves her right,' she thought vindictively.

"Ye will not speak out of turn again," The matriarch warned.

Jim and T'Pring stood silent on the scorching desert sands. Jim was really starting to hate sand. She would have been happy to parade around naked in a forest or a rock bed after this. Well… maybe not naked, but the point still stood.

"I will ask once more. Now that Kal'I'fee has been declared, will ye defend for the right of Koon'ul?"

Well, honestly, she had no idea what the hell that was, but if she got to wipe the floor with the prissy Vulcan… she was in. An exaggerated grin lit her features, and she allowed a few teeth to gleam behind her lips. The sight could have been termed feral.

"I will," she stated confidently and unhesitatingly.

The Matriarch gave the Vulcan equivalent of a smirk and lifted her wizened hands.

"So be it. KAL'I'FEE, Begin!"

Jim blinked as T'Pring darted forward. She held her hands like claws and swiped for Jim's midsection. The engineer dipped and ducked to avoid the blows. Her brain began to panic, that she just might…not have thought this through. The heat made her vision swim slightly and Jim was not used to the increased gravity. Her feet felt as if they were made of pure lead. Her body protested the harsh conditions.

She lowered her head slightly, and brought her hands up to protect her from the worst of the onslaught should T'Pring prove to be as much of a pain in the ass as Jim was thinking she was. She backed up slowly, trying to avoid the occasional gash and then feinted to the side. T'Pring followed the movement, and Jim struck a single punch to the Vulcan's face. Jim was not a trained fighter so this was distinctly to her disadvantage. She had been able to draw the fight out a bit by forcing the other female to chase her about the arena.

She nearly howled to the high heavens as she made contact. The bitch had a jaw of titanium!

The shock was all T'Pring needed. A sharp blow connected with Jim's cheek and she went tumbling into the sand. The force of the blow caused stars to dance behind her eyes. Her back radiated pain as her impromptu cartwheel sent her careening into a large stone pillar.

"That the best you've got?" Jim taunted lightly. She could taste the coppery tang of blood as if pooled in her mouth.

"Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitlar. Kitork-human," the sneer was evident even past the supposed Vulcan mask of calm.

Unsteadily, Jim made her way to her feet. Her back was bruised and sore. Her cheek felt as if it were on fire, and she was somewhat certain that T'Pring might have chipped one of her teeth, because she could practically feel it floating somewhere inside her elbow.

With a smile that hurt her lips even to attempt, Jim stared at T'Pring.

"Why do you smile human? Logically, your strength is nothing compared to a Vulcan. You are to me in every conceivable way!"

Jim spit a pool of crimson onto the sand.

"Inferior or not," Jim stated while wiping the blood from the corner of her lip, "I'm Spock's ashayam."

The Vulcan's face contorted in slow motion. Jim watched the lines of unrestrained fury erupt around her eyes. A scowl that made Bones look like a cuddly teddy bear painted the other female's lips. The Vulcan tilted back her head and screeched in rage.

This had been exactly the reaction Jim was hoping for.

As the female charged, Jim stayed put. Her fingers tingled and her heart raced. The world around her grew quiet as she watched, with tunnel vision, the enraged Vulcan. As T'Pring was only inches away, Jim quickly pivoted her body, which caused the Vulcan to slam with full kinetic force, into the stone pillar. Seizing the opportunity, Jim grabbed her ornate black hair tightly with both hands.

Jim planted one knee in T'Pring's back, and began to slam her face into the stone… repeatedly.

The first time was for the insult. The second was for Spock. The other half a dozen or so times were to prove a point.

Jim could not fathom how people missed the vital role of survival. Never piss off the Engineer!

"Kroykah!"

The shout caused Jim to still even though she had no idea what the word meant. Her hands shook from the adrenaline. Her mouth still tasted like copper and salt. And, she was not even hotter. She hadn't even been on this planet for four damn hours and she had been pitted against a she-hulk of a Vulcan. Who, oh by the way, was Spock's wife? Ex-wife? Thingy?

Anyway, with her astounding intellect, she had summarized one infallible truth.

Vulcan sucked.

"James has proven her worth and honor to the clan," the Matriarch stated imperiously, "And in doing so hath won the right of Koon'ul."

The other aged Vulcan woman bowed her head in ascension and Jim was even more confused. Did no one remember that the Human was here? And, that this all seemed really, really, fucked up. And where in the name of lithium crystals did they keep the water?

"Come," The matriarch commanded, "receive what is your due, Thanah Ko-Fu of clan S'chn T'gai"

Jim tired not to limp toward the aged Vulcan, but it was a close thing. Her very bones ached in no small part to the not so soft tango with the sand.

'Thanna kung-fu must mean champion… or something,' she supposed tiredly and she flashed a reassuring smile to Spock. He stared at her in return, but surely it was 'thank you' stare. It had damn well better be after the ass-kicking she just took. 'And gave,' she mentally corrected.

"It is our honor," T'Pring's matriarch said hollowly.

Jim had the feeling that Spock's Matriarch was somehow enjoying this. She could have been wrong, but that looked an awful lot like smugness on the old lady's face. And, come to think of it, on Spock's face too.

Jim tuned out and went off to a la-la land filled with discomfort, heat rash, and boredom. She could not make heads from tails on what was being said, and at this point she didn't care. She wanted to go find Bones and get him to make her better. She would even consent to sitting through a hypo… that is how badly this hurt!
Then it hit her. A tidal wave of some force pushed into her thoughts and caused her head to throb painfully. Jim held back a hiss of disapproval. She blinked twice to clear the tears that had gathered in her eyes. As quickly as it had come, it vanished and Jim was left confused. And, if it were possible, even more thirsty.

Sand, sand everywhere, now give her some freaking water!

Jim came to awareness at the retreating backs of T'Pring's clan. She lifted her sapphire eyes to see the Matriarch of Spock's clan gazing down at her with small traces of approval.

"I welcome thee, bride of S'chn T'gai Spock," she said tonelessly, "live long and prosper."

Wait.

What?

No…?

No.

Oh my.

Jim stared at the old Vulcan in horror. Her mind raced. Belatedly, she put together the conversation in Spock's personal quarters. Her thoughts traced back to the memories of the moments they had shared. The indiscernible glances, the possessiveness that had come from nowhere, and even the words she did not understand… suddenly made sense.

With all that knowledge pounding at her thoughts, and the dawning horror of what had just occurred; Jim did the only proper thing to do in a situation like that.

She fainted.

And the soft, but worried question of "Wife?" only served to carry her further into the abyss.

OoOoOo

Adun: Husband.

Kal'i'fee: In this context is to declare a challenge. Many remember this from the Iconic OS episode Amok Time. However, I have taken it simply to mean a challenge of any sort during a betrothal/mating ritual.

Ri Viltah t'nash-veh ashayam : Do not insult my beloved.

Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitlar: I will not listen to the words of my enemy.

Kitork(-): dirty

Ashayam: beloved

Kroykah: Stop immediately

Thanah Ko-Fu: adopted daughter.