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OoOoO

She was going to kill him if she ever saw him again. Forget about even thinking over the fantasies she had conjured of her 'husband'. She was going to gut him like a terran fish. No, she was going to string him up by his damn pointy ears and get small children to heckle him. Then, she was going to shave him bald and do…

Something even more horrible!

Jim raged in her thoughts. She had been torn between fury, fear, and hysteria for the majority of her time on this desert-hell of a planet. And it still galled her to no end, more so than growing up in freaking Iowa, that she was married to some crazed Vulcan! Not that there was anything wrong with said species, other than the propensity to look permanently displeased, but why oh why did she always have to find the crazy ones?

Was there a sign somewhere that Jim wasn't aware of? That was the only conceivable reason why she always ended up in these sorts of jams. Jim huffed in a frustrated breath and glanced out the doors of the Embassy once more. She would have to leave Terran soil in order to not violate the law. And, the last thing she needed right now was to see another Vulcan on a power-trip.

Her blue eyes narrowed harshly, and she took a tentative step forward. 'So far, so good. No freaky Vulcans coming out of the walls. That is progress right?'

Her hand felt clammy as she gingerly touched the screen that would permit her access to the outside world once more. There were days she really should have listened to her mother. Wasn't there some sort of maternal advice about not getting into it with insane men? Or… something, she had been about eight at the time, Jim couldn't really recall what was said.

The hiss of the automatic doors caused her to wince. Her eyes adjusted slowly to the too bright sunlight, and the instant sweltering heat surrounded her with a lover's caress. Well, she was done with just about anything that wanted to caress her. Lovingly, or otherwise, she was simply done.

Jim stepped passed the portal with the determination of a damned woman.

She felt a shiver run down her spine. She felt confusion overtake her as somewhere in the periphery of her thoughts she became aware. Her slim frame turned aggressively as her eyes locked on a face in the distance she would rather have never seen again.

That fucking Vulcan bastard was here.

Jim's thoughts scattered in a thousand directions and she busily tried to piece them back together. However, as much as her mind was muddled, her body was most certainly not. In an event that she could only label an 'out of body experience', Jim felt that strange prowling thing at the back of her thoughts go taut.

Her lips twisted into a snarl as she forced her way beyond the gates with a speed she had never known she possessed.

"Aduna-," he stated still infuriatingly placid as she felt her muscles spring into further action.

"You!" Jim howled as she sprinted at him.

The force of her movement caused her hair to whip about her face. Her sapphire eyes were clouded with rage. She tucked one shoulder downward as she bull rushed the Vulcan with all of her might. Her body collided with his in a solid thump of flesh on dull flesh. She rolled with him as they hit the desert sand.

She felt the shock that only his eyes portrayed as it snapped across her thoughts. Confused but undeterred by the strange sensation, Jim was a wild woman, her fists curling to strike at him as she scrambled on top of him.

"Jim!" The sharp bark of authority slapped across her senses. She stilled as the world came back into focus.

Her gaze snapped upward to the slow southern drawl of the Chief Medical Officer. His eyes gleamed at her with a fine line of approval coupled with reproach.

"Bones?" She queried as she dropped her hands back to her sides. Quickly, Jim removed herself from the Vulcan beneath her.

She watched as Bones narrowed his eyes on Spock with obvious distaste. He then returned her gaze with a wickedly playful one of his own.

"Save some for me Darlin'," he stated with a sweet southern twang.

Jim nodded tersely, as Uhura came into view. Her sweet face was clouded by worry and anger. Not that Jim blamed her. She had come to understand that Spock's father carried some influence and therefore assaulting him was, perhaps, not her best idea.

But it came damn close.

"Are you alright Jim?" Uhura uttered calmly, as if Jim getting married were a regular occurrence.

Which… well it had become a trend lately.

Jim squared her shoulders and straightened her spine. Her Kirk-swagger returned in full force after her outburst.

"Always, Nyota," she commented cockily with her trade mark grin in place.

"I assure you," Spock started stoically, "I would not have allowed harm to come to my-"

Jim swung toward him once more. Her eyes blazed with a fire she rarely ever showed outside of her beloved warp cores.

"I'm your nothing. You hear me? First a love sick Romulan and now some territorial Vulcan that does not understand that I-"

Her rant was cut short, as the Vulcan suddenly pitched forward into the sand once more. His body failed to move, and Jim nudged him with her foot. She blinked startled eyes back at Bones, who dangled a hypo from his fingertips with a satisfied smirk.

"Whoops," he stated a bit too happily, "clumsy, clumsy me."

Jim cocked a brow at him. "You didn't kill him did you?"

"Of course not," he responded insulted.

She grinned at him in relief. "it was close thought, wasn't it?"

"Maybe."

Uhura grabbed her arm lightly. "Come on Jim, it's time to get out of here."

"Why Nyota, I couldn't agree more."

OoOoOo

It was home.

That was the only word with enough significance behind it to properly describe the U.S.S. Enterprise. Jim kirk glanced about the metal walls with a child-like glee. For a single moment, she thought he heart might burst from the excitement, barely contained under her dazzling smile. She closed her eyes to simply listen to the glorious purr of the warp core engine. The finest in the fleet and this gorgeous baby was all hers.

Well, not technically, but Jim never liked to argue over semantics.

The only distraction was that same, small and soft, pattering around the edge of her thoughts. She made a mental note to speak with Bones about that soon… when she felt like another hypo to the neck.

A small pip, more of a high whine, intruded on her intimate moment with her prized engine. Sapphire eyes blinked owlishly in surprise at the stoic face of Captain Montgomery Scott. A wry smile of affection blossomed on her lips at the sight of him. He was without a doubt, an excellent leader.

"Chief Engineer Kirk," his brogue resounded deeply and she felt a pang of concern. His stoic appearance combined with the rolling of his 'r's told her a great deal. And, to her intelligent mind, none of it was good news.

Anything that wasn't good news, never ended well for Kirk. Ever.

"Aye, Captain?" Her voice was filled with polite and cordial respect.

"I need a word with yew, Ms. Kirk," his eyebrows furrowed for an instant in concentration, "on th' bridge."

Jim pushed back a stray lock of hair, a nervous habit as she looked at her longtime Leader and friend.

"Right away, Sir," her blue eyes locked with his slightly downcast ones in true concern.

She hurried, with grace and dignity because she was Jim Kirk after all, to the turbo lift. Jim took a moment to smooth out her appearance, and tried to convince her over-worked mind, that perhaps she was simply being reinstated. Captain Scott could have been playing a grand joke on her, surely? Yes, that was much better than the alternative of-

Jim stepped out of the turbo lift and onto the Bridge. The Face of Admiral Pike loomed before her.

Oh yes, she was hosed.

"Former Chief Engineer Kirk," Admiral Pike boomed across the communication line, "perhaps you can inform me as to why you are on a federation vessel when you are no longer a Federation officer?"

She paled slightly before giving a bright smile. "Sir, I never actually resigned from my post and-"

"And, then perhaps," he continued as if she had not spoken, "you could explain to me why I have a received an extradition order for you from the Romulan Empire?"

Jim gaped at him in silence.

Uh…

Well, she couldn't actually explain that one.

Admiral Pike shifted in his chair, edging closer to the screen as if he could throttle her through it. Jim took a delicate step backward, just in case he could.

"I only ask," his voice was like pure steel and she nearly gulped, "because according to the Romulan Empire's records, which they have so generously sent the Federation a copy of, you are registered as the wife of one Maelrok, Nveid-"

"His first name is Nveid?" Jim quipped before she could help herself. No wonder that guy had such a hard time taking rejection; with a name like 'Nveid' she'd have made fun of him too. Well, that wasn't entirely true, his dark eyes dared her with danger and that was rather arousing, so flirting would not have been out of the question. But, she had already done that and it had led to this.

Hm.

Admiral Pike gave her a silencing glare and Jim returned it with an apologetic smile.

"Now, according to the Federation's records you are married to one," he glanced down at the paper and his eyes narrowed, "Mr. Spock."

Jim nodded, she recalled that humans couldn't actually pronounce Vulcan clan names, and it was probably best no one even tried.

Wait.

Go back a second.

Jim blinked as her thoughts caught up with her ears. Maelrok had registered her as his wife. Her heart dropped in the pit of her stomach only to be consumed by the white-hot intensity of rage. What was with everyone declaring her a wife without her knowledge?

Dear God above… she was polyandrous and not even by choice.

"Um.." she mumbled eloquently and her blue eyes frantically sought out her Captain.

"Sir," Captain Montgomery interjected at her 'help me here' look, "Chief Engineer… I mean Ms. Kirk dinna knew she was marryin' tha' Vulcan-"

The Admiral's face looked thunderous at his words. And Jim could already see the question of 'Again?' forming in his mind.

Yeah, yeah, he wasn't the first one to give her that look and he certainly wouldn't be the last. That's what came with the territory of being as awesome as she. It was a curse sometimes, really.

"And ye must hav' read the reports of wha' occurred to and durin' our time on Kilthious Prime?"

Pike's cold gaze shifted to Captain Scott instantly. "Indeed I have," he admitted neutrally.

"Then surely, ye must knew Sir, that Ms. Kirk dinna initiate any sort of marriage betwean her and tha' Romulan… Sir."

Pike's shoulders slumped and he drew a deep, and she assumed calming, breath. "Be that as it may Captain Montgomery, it appears that this Maelrok has a legitimate claim under both Federation and Romulan law."

Jim wet her suddenly dry lips. "What does that mean Admiral, sir?"

As quickly as he had looked resigned, he looked older far beyond his years, and he gazed at her with something akin to pity. Jim couldn't help but blink the face of his reaction.

"It means, Mrs. Kirk, that if you wish to object this extradition order you must go to court. But, unfortunately, as there is no common ground between the Federation and the Romulan Empire, it will be a court of our admiralty and theirs. And, unless we are exceedingly fortunate and somehow your other spouse," he gave her a meaningful look, "filed first… we might be forced to surrender you to their custody."

Jim heard the crew behind her gasp, and she was left slightly paralyzed. "But," her mind reeled with possibilities, "as I am no longer a Terran citizen at the moment, wouldn't they have filed with the wrong planet?" Her voice was filled with hope that they could grant an extradition order for her on Earth, but she would not have to comply if she kept her Vulcan citizenship.

Admiral Pike quirked a brow. "That's clever Kirk, but your husband… by the way are either of these males actually your husband?"

"Not by choice," she hissed out between clenched teeth.

"I see," he looked faintly amused now and Jim thought to take the advantage and try to strangle him through the communication screen, "either way, Mr. Maelrok has filed on behalf of the Federation as a whole. Therefore there is no planet within our jurisdiction on which you could hide."

"Son of a bitch," she swore softly.

"My thoughts exactly," Pike quipped.

Her thoughts jumbled and she began to sort them out as she looked for loop holes or possibilities. Her mind lurched for a moment as something niggled in the back of her head.

"Sir? You said that if Mr. Spock has filed first, then this claim might be moot?" Her azure eyes flashed under the florescent light.

"Yes," he nodded subtly, "however, we have been unable to get the forms needed from Vulcan as they are very private, and getting information from them is like proverbially pulling teeth. We have been forced to wait on clearance."

Jim felt incredibly annoyed at bureaucracy. "When will clearance be given?"

"In four days," he responded promptly.

She relaxed. "Well, that's not so-"

"Your extradition trial, according to the order takes place in two."

Jim sighed, her sapphire eyes closing for a single moment and she hung her head in near defeat.

"Hell's bells," Bones interjected explosively, "You may as well drag up that Klingon bastard that wanted Kirk and throw him in with this circus!"

Admiral Pike glowered at him menacingly. "Don't even joke Dr. McCoy. It the Klingon Empire finds out that these claims on Kirk are standing, they very well might try and get her as well. And, as we all know, Ka'ar of house Unagroth-"

Jim winced at the mention of his name. She had tried so very hard to suppress all memories with him involved.

"Would be her legitimate husband for his petition was filed well over a year before any of the others," Pike finished snidely.

Bones' face paled slightly and he turned to Jim. She shook her head at him, and tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry about it Bones," she commented gently, "what is the likelihood that the Klingon's will find out?"

A soft ping resounded at Pike's desk and he tore his gaze from them to read the missive.

"Apparently," he replied with a voice that cracked slightly, "quite high, as they have just filled a grievance with Starfleet for your proper return. The previous ruling no longer withstanding with this government, meaning that any ruling could potentially launch us into a galactic war."

Jim balked, torn between laughing and crying.

Captain Scotty looked over at her with a wry smile.

"Helen of Troy has nothin' on yew Kirk."

"Oh Jim," Uhura said in a worried tone, lined with sympathy.

Jim gave a withering glace. "I know," the engineer replied acerbically, "someone please get me the latest in Klingon opera, a Romulan dictionary, and a Vulcan book of etiquette as well. It's best to be prepared for all possible outcomes."

With that, James T. Kirk turned and left the bridge.

Bones gave a sour glance toward the screen with contempt. "Anyone have 'The Funeral March' on hand?"