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Chapter 2

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Yuuki moaned as her alarm went off. She had always been a morning person, but still considered it night if the sun wasn't out. The girl grabbed her phone and went to hit snooze, but an alert message was flashing in her face.

TRIALS.

Yuuki sat up and stared at the word. It meant so many things and so few at the same time. Olympic trials day. She had to get Zero ready, get herself ready, do a million things before marshalling started at nine. The girl collapsed back into bed and stared at the ceiling. Her phone started yelling again, the snooze only set to a few minutes.

"Shut up..." She groaned and swung her legs over the bed.

Yuuki stumbled into the shower and then into a pair of jeans and an Elmo shirt before falling out the door into the crisp haze of morning. Once in the stable, she was greeted by the warm smell of horses. They were always awake it seemed, always perkily so as well. Zero's alertness annoyed her.

"You're awake. And you're not even nervous. Bet you slept like a log last night, you didn't even stare at the ceiling for hours going through that dressage routine over and over again..."

As she continued to complain, Zero continued to set her at ease. His steadfast nature calmed her. Trial day had always put Yuuki on edge. Always. Her legs felt like jelly and her head was light. Her hands shook as they plaited her horse's main and her stomach pretended it was a ship on the high seas.

"An Elmo t-shirt?" A friendly voice called.

Yuuki turned. The girl at the stable door was smiling in a friendly manner, leading a big chestnut.

"Suki?" Yuuki asked, tying the last elastic around Zero's mane.

"Of course. Who else would be here to challenge your domain?" Suki grinned and leaned on the door. "I haven't seen you since Beijing."

"I know." The girl tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry."

Suki had been Yuuki's eyes and ears of the Olympics, a veteran of the scene; she had led the newcomer through the stages of godlike competition. The woman was at least ten years the Cunxin's senior, short and stock with hair that curled tightly into a pony-tail.

"So, how you been?" Suki asked.

"Tired." Came the bleary reply. "In London no one woke up until seven and I never really adjusted back."

"Yeah, I heard you went to London. Some tiff with your family?"

"Something like that."

"Is it resolved now?"

Yuuki chewed her bottom lip momentarily. "It's on hiatus."

Suki's eyes went wide. "It's that Ootori fellow, isn't it?"

"How on earth do you know that?" The younger girl slid a halter over Zero's head.

"I know everything. My husband owns the news networks."

"Oh. Yeah, I remember you mentioning that..." Pause. "A couple THOUSAND times."

They both laughed, Suki knew when to drop a topic. "So, you good to go today?"

"Niggles with a pirouette in the dressage, but other than that. How about you?"

"Niggles with the cross country."

The girls put their fingers together and wiggled them. Niggle had been their word throughout the Olympics and old trends never die. They giggled.

"You never grew up did you?" Yuuki slid the door open and joined her friend.

"Nope. Compensating for you."

"What does that mean?"

"You were never a child." Suki wrapped her free arm around Yuuki's shoulders. "We complete each other."

"Ew." The girl unwrapped the arm. Intimacy was a no-go zone. It frightened her. It meant that she was vulnerable and open to another attack on her being. "You're married."

The woman leaned in, close to her friend's ear. "Soon to be a crowd."

Yuuki paused, thinking that through. "As in...Three's a crowd?"

Suki nodded, grinning proudly. She was two months pregnant.

For some reason, Yuuki felt her stomach grow heavy. When her world was completely upside down, when she was lost, everything continued to revolve. No one was stopping for her and she didn't know how to catch up. How to love. How to feel anymore.

"Should you be riding?" The younger asked, pausing, her face covered in shock.

"Nothing will stop me riding."

"You'll be due..." Pause. "Four months after London. You'll be five months along!"

"Oh, I'm not planning to go to the Olympics this time round."

"Then...why are you here?"

"The same reason you used to be."

Suki knew that Yuuki had used the Olympics as an escape, somewhere to go to know she was worth more than her father considered her. A place in the clouds alongside the Pantheon of Olympus. It was an alternate universe, one where humans could fly and controlled a beast that should in all rights, control them. Somewhere they could be themselves and the best that being so entailed.

The last time Yuuki had felt that was the last night she had done homework with Kyoya. Just sitting, being. Knowing. There was nothing simpler than the contented emotion, the knowledge of being required, loved, and needed. Yuuki didn't know if she wanted to feel that again, didn't know if she was ready to stir up the memories that came with the emotions just yet.

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Two hours later, Zero was ready. Yuuki left him with the stable hand and showered. She spent a long time staring at herself in the mirror. Challenging herself, daring herself to think of anything other than the day. It was important she got onto the team. It meant she was worth something. It meant she had worth. That she had real, attainable dreams. That she wasn't something to be used.

Yuuki pulled on her show jacket, her white jodhpurs, her shined boots and the red tie. She grabbed her dressage hat and jumping helmet, her gloves and her bag. Her hair was tied in a tight bun at the base of her neck, dark against her skin. The girl looked at the clock beside her bed. 8:30.

The first marshal call was made outside, the camera vans and their crew pulled up. A crowd lined up at the gates to the Jockey Club, staring through the bars at the event they had come to witness. They could see the dorms from their vantage point and when Yuuki exited her room, they called out to her. Identifying her young frame, she was still the only one competing under the age of twenty.

Yuuki waved shyly and then pretended to have received a text message. Zero was standing, waiting for her. A man and a list of names was there.

"Yuuki Cunxin?"

"Yes." She breathed, her nerves playing up again.

"You're up at dressage in half an hour, puissance at one and cross country at five."

The day was the roughest equestrian day anyone could follow. Usually the events were spaced over three days, but the trails searched for the toughest and most talented.

Yuuki nodded and thanked the man. Her stable hand leant against the trough Zero was tied to.

"Busy, busy."

"Yeah, yeah. So are you." She smiled at him. The boy was probably fourteen, an aspiring Olympian. Just like she had been.

Yuuki mounted and began her warm-up.

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The team placed second in dressage, their pirouette throwing them down. In showjumping they aced, as was tradition. Yuuki stared at the cross country course as it raced past below her. She remembered the first day Kyoya had helped her. The first day he showed himself as a human.

Up ahead was a long stretch of grass. Zero broke into a gallop. De'ja'vous hit as Yuuki realised what the next jump was. She slowed the animal and he realised what was happening.

Zero refused.

There was a sharp gasp from the crowd as the girl buckled over his shoulder. They had all seen the footage of her falling on the last drop-jump she had been on. Yuuki sucked her breath in and pulled herself right before spinning Zero in a tight circle and practically throwing him over the jump with willpower. The horse's ears flattened as his feet hit the slope. He skidded down and Yuuki leant almost flat against his back. It was how things should have happened last time. How life should have progressed. If she hadn't fallen off, she would have never befriended Kyoya. She would never have felt so lost and hurt and she would still be part of a family, even if they didn't love her. Yuuki would have felt whole. Her heart would be slightly cracked from her father's abuse, but still in one piece. Her stomach wouldn't burn and her head wouldn't swim at what she had run from.

It was her fault.

She should have dwelt with the pain.

Zero took off beneath her and Yuuki swung back to reality. They covered the last three jumps in record time and crossed the line with the second best time of the day.

-

In the evening, Yuuki stood on a podium and accepted her entrance into the Olympic squad. She smiled for all the cameras and spoke to various news sources. Few people outside the equestrian world would see the footage, they were t0o preoccupied with the athletics.

"So, Yuuki. Tell us about that refusal earlier?" A woman shoved a microphone under her nose.

Yuuki just wanted to go shower. "It happens; I didn't line the jump up correctly." She said politely.

"Was it anything to do with your fall two years ago?"

"It might have."

"Can you elaborate?"

The girl smiled softly, trying to encourage herself. The fact she had made it hadn't hit yet. The satisfaction and the feeling of worth hadn't set in. "On the fall?"

"Yes."

"Um...well, we were going much too fast and didn't see the jump coming up as quick as it did. Zero lost his balance and I fell off, got landed on and airlifted to hospital. I could have been avoided."

"Bad riding?"

"Spontaneous riding."

"Spontaneous?"

"We do what we can for others. The girl on the other horse would have suffered worse than I did if I had left her."

"So you're a hero then?"

Yuuki clasped her hands in front of her and looked down. "Um, no. I'm no hero, I'm just a person."

The woman moved on, disinterested with the girl's ague answers. A sponsorship company took her place.

"Yuuki Cunxin?"

Yuuki had been about to retire, she turned reluctantly. "Yes?"

"I'm a representative from the nine network, how are you?"

"Tired." The girl sighed, putting on a pleasant face as not to give the wrong opinion.

"I can imagine. Look. We're very interested in you as a promotional advocate for the Olympics. We're the host channel and we need a face for the equestrian team. No offence to your team-mates, but none are as young or pretty as you."

"Oh." Yuuki didn't do well with compliments anymore. "I don't know, I'd have to think about it."

The man handed her his card and winked. "Call me when you have an answer. The profits are amazing for this sort of endeavour."

"I'm not really interested in money." Yuuki read the card. His name was Carter.

"The publicity then?"

"I don't like attention."

"A different scene?"

The words caught the girl's interest, she needed a change. She needed to find a way to numb her pain. "Okay."

"You think quick."

"I need a change."

"Everyone likes a fresh face."

Yuuki frowned. "No, I meant I actually had to change."

Carter laughed. "And I meant you needed a fresh face." There was a long, awkward silence.

The girl didn't know whether to be offended or not. Their personality clash caused some awkwardness and they both retreated without saying anything more.

It was midnight by the time Yuuki crawled into bed. She didn't sleep.

She had made the Olympic squad again, she had been successful again, she was more than what her father deemed her again. And yet, it was not enough. The hole that was supposed to be filled with the elation of her victory still gaped wide, torn at the edges and scared throughout.

Yuuki closed her eyes and saw a face, the glare on the glasses not allowing her to see his eyes. Kyoya dropped his chin and the glare disappeared. He didn't look proud, or happy, or anything really. He was just there. The girl opened her eyes again. He should have been there. She should have been with him.

The truth hit home.

She should have never got on that plane and ripped a bond that had already sealed. It ached. The girl wrapped her fingers around the necklace and lidded her eyes once more. Just to be near him, even in vague memory. Just to know he was still somewhere out there and that once they had belonged to each other, fit together perfectly. Without the other, they were incomplete. Like a puzzle missing the final piece.

She had hurt him and didn't know if he was struggling to survive as she was.

Yuuki had imagined, weeks ago, that she had seen a black Maserati driving away from the bus stop outside the shopping centre she bought shampoo from. She hadn't realised that she missed him enough to imagine his existence near her own. That she needed the reassurance he was still a living, breathing being. Moving forward in life as she was but maybe stagnant in emotion just the same.

-

I miss you, miss you
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

I miss you, miss you
I miss you, miss you

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

I miss you

(I miss you, Blink 182)

-

Tamaki turned the television off and leaned back, disbelieving.

Yuuki had been on ESPN. On the Olympic trials. On the Japanese Olympic trials.

The blonde ran a hand over his face and dug into his pocket, pulling out a mobile.

"Kyoya?" He said as the receiver picked up.

"Yes." The calculating voice answered.

"Did you just watch the sport?"

"No. I was too busy watching the stock market rebuild itself."

Tamaki couldn't tell if that was sarcasm or not, he continued nonetheless. "Well, I was watching the equestrian..."

There was silence on the other end of the line. The blonde knew he had touched a sensitive subject.

"And, well, you were an idiot."

"Tamaki, what's the point?" Kyoya sighed into the phone.

"You let go Japans next Olympic gold medallist."

"Who's?"

"Japan's"

"What?"

"She came back, Kyoya. Yuuki's back."

Click.

Half an hour later, Kyoya burst into Tamaki's house. He found his friend still seated on the couch, on the phone to Haruhi. The Ootori went straight for the remote and hit the rewind button, praising whoever invented IQ television.

Tamaki watched the man. "Haruhi? I'm going to have to call you back. I know, I'm sorry. Love you too, bye." He stared at Kyoya who was leaning meticulously on one leg, watching the television fuzz. "Its rude to take daddy's remote without answering."

"I bought this TV." Was the gruff reply.

"You broke the last one."

It was true. The night Yuuki had flown away, Kyoya had been so upset that when Tamaki took him back to his place to vent. He had thrown the nearest thing into the furthest thing. Thus, a flower vase planted itself into the old plasma and a new one had to be born through an extensive savings card.

Kyoya sat on the couch edge and hit play. It was at the cross country. The TV started speaking to them. It announced the next rider, the familiar name causing an odd reaction in the Ootori. Tamaki noticed him close up, as if something was about to hurt him and he wanted to get out of reach, shut himself off. Yuuki's face appeared on screen. She was looking down, adjusting her reigns, balanced perfectly as the animal below her moved proudly. The camera zoomed out and focused on Zero. There was a long beep, the start gun, over half a tonne of horse-flesh took off under the girl.

Kyoya was fixated, he wanted to reach through the screen and touch her, she looked so fragile flying through the air as she was, so small riding such a beast. He wanted to protect her, to apologise. her again just drove home the fact that he wanted her back. That he had lost the most valuable thing in the world to him.

Tamaki left just before the refusal, glancing over his shoulder as his friend's head dropped watching Yuuki have to re-attempt the jump. It was a reminder of the day things started to go wrong. It was the day things began to go right. It was the day he discovered more than a task, but a person. Kyoya had found a heart in himself, watching Yuuki fall off and he had never quite closed it off. Then he lost it, gave it to her, and never got it back. The hole gaped and he numbed himself from the pain, swiftly thinking of a way to find merit in his father's eyes.

The only thing he could think of was 'get married,' and that just made things worse. Kyoya didn't close the door on his life yet. He wanted to let the scaring heal, give it a chance to disappear, before moving on. In his future, he did not want to carry the hurts of a high school love affair with him. That's what he told himself Yuuki was, even though he knew deep down she wasn't, he was just looking for a reason to hold onto her memory for just a little bit longer. Like a loved one who had died and those who got left behind pretended still existed.

-

I know one day, all our scars will disappear, like the stars at dawn
And all of our pain, will fade away when morning comes
And on that day when we look backwards we will see, that everything is changed
And all of our trials, will be as milestones on the way

And as long as we live, every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart
And there's no greater love, than that one shed his blood for his friends

On that day all of the scales will swing to set all the wrongs to right
All of our tears, and all of our fears will take to flight
But until then all of our scars will still remain, but we've learned that if we'll
Open the wounds and share them then soon they start to heal

As long as we live, every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart
And there's no greater love, than that one shed his blood for his friends

We must see that every scar is a bridge, and as long as we live
We must open up these wounds
When some one stands in your shoes and will shed his own blood
There's no greater love. we must open up our wounds

(For miles, Thrice)

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You know the drill, rate and review.

Blessings, hope you enjoyed.

-pp